Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) (12 page)

“Oh, shit,” Zeke
cackled.  “You actually believe that, don’t you?”

Honor’s eyes were
ablaze as Zeke continued to chuckle.  “What in the world to you find so blame
funny, Chuckles?  I’m only telling the truth?  I don’t know what you find
amusing about my honesty,” she finally huffed when it became clear he wasn’t
going to get control of himself any time soon. 

“Kitten, I’m not
sure who you’re trying harder to fool here.  Me?  Or yourself?” Zeke remarked,
his body finally relaxing completely as her continued grinning.  Her
frustration was clear.  Truthfully, she looked about three seconds away from
stomping her foot at him.

“Do I seem like I
find this funny, Zeke?” Honor questioned softly, her eyes serious as they
focused on his face.

Reaching out for
her, Zeke settled his hands on her hips, drawing her toward him even as she
hesitated.  Hearing her catch her breath when her smaller body bumped into his,
he offered her a tender look as he stroked his thumb over the curve of one
hip.  “No, honey, you seem serious as a heart attack,” he said in an effort to
assuage some of her ire.  “And I know I might be takin’ my life in my hands as
I stand here by saying this, but Baby,  I might be wrong about everything else
in the world, but the one thing I know right down to the deepest depths of my
soul is that you belong to me.  And Kitten, make no mistake, I belong to you
the same way.  I’m about the farthest thing from a poet as you can get, but I
know we were meant to be.”

Zeke watched
Honor’s face as she pulled her lower lip between her teeth and her hands
flitted between them, obviously having trouble processing what he’d said to
her.  Part of him was sorry.  He hated to see her so nervous and jumpy.  But
the bigger part of him was glad he’d finally decided to be transparent about
his feelings for her.   “Kitten,” he called, “You’re in your head.  What are
you thinking in that head of yours?”

“Wh-what?” she
asked, a tad breathless.

“I asked what you
were thinking about just now,” Zeke prompted again, his hand stroking her hip
gently as he waited for her to find her words.  “You drifted off and looked
like you were a million miles away.”

Closing her eyes
for a moment, Honor’s lips pursed unhappily before she slowly turned her
attention back to Zeke’s face.  Pushing his hand away from her, she took a few
shaky steps backward until her back bumped the closed back door while she shook
her head at him.  “Okay, that’s it.  You have to listen to me, Ezekiel,” she
urged him solemnly, her small voice earnest.  She held up a hand between them
when he would have advanced toward her.  “You wanted to know what I’m thinking,
right?”

Zeke sensed by the
anguish he saw shining in her eyes that whatever Honor was about to share, it
was going to either piss him off or make him want to rip somebody’s head off. 
Hell, probably both, but he owed it to her to hear what she had to say.

Even if he knew he
was gonna strenuously disagree with whatever nonsense her overactive mind
spouted at him.

Ignoring the stay
away signals her body was throwing off, Zeke took that important step toward
her and lifted a hand to cup her cheek.  “I always wanna hear what you think,
Honor, even when I know that I’m not gonna agree with it.”  Standing directly
in front of her, his eyes bore into her misty ones.  “Go ahead, darlin’.  Tell
me what you were thinking,” he requested gently as he propped his hands on
either side of the door frame.

Honor’s eyes
darted to the side as she swallowed hard.  “Truthfully, I was woolgatherin’. 
Wonderin’ how long and just what exactly I’ll need to do to convince your
stubborn hide that I just don’t want you the way you seem to want me, Zeke.  I
don’t want ANY man that way.  The very idea of bein’ physical… of allowin’ that
kind of intimacy…”  Honor shuddered.  “I just… I know you’ll want me to… and I
KNOW I won’t be able to return…”  She rambled aimlessly, her voice growing
higher and more panicked while her sentences became more and more disjointed. 
Her gaze flew everywhere except to him, and he knew she was on the verge of
emotionally imploding.

“Honor,” Zeke
spoke calmly, soothingly.  “You’re gonna have to take a deep breath for me,” he
recommended firmly, lifting a hand to cup her cool cheek and force her eyes to
his.  “C’mon, breathe for me.” Taking two painfully shaky breaths, he watched
as her eyes swam with tears.

“I-I’m sorry,
Ezekiel,” she apologized, the crack in her voice shredding him.

“Baby…”

“You’ll never,
ever be able to comprehend how very much I wish I was capable of giving you
what you want from me, but I can’t!  I don’t have it to offer you,” she
insisted vehemently, her eyes weary as they stared at him sadly, wordlessly
beseeching him to understand.

Her breath
quickened as his warm hands touched her cheeks, cupping the flesh carefully as
he tilted her head back to see him.  Seeing her bite her lip uncertainly as she
looked at his face, he dropped a tender kiss against her forehead.  “Kitten,
tell me something.  Do you love me?” he asked as his humid breath ghosted her
lips.

Honor’s eyes
widened and her head jerked as if he’d slapped her, completely unprepared for
his bold, candid question.    “I…that… that doesn’t matter, Zeke,” she
returned, avoiding the question.

“Honor, in a world
filled with ugliness, finding love that’s real and lasting is the ONLY thing
that matters.  Trust me.”

Honor squeezed her
eyes shut.  “Why can’t you just put us both out of our misery and WALK away!”
Honor pleaded in a raw whisper.

“Never,” Zeke
growled, reacting quickly, the gentle sweep of his thumb against the apple of
her cheek sharply contrasting his abrupt tone.  Taking a deep, cleansing
breath, he went on.  “Love is patient, Kitten.  It won’t be either rushed or
ignored.  I’ve always known that.  Known that this bond between us had to be
carefully nurtured… painstakingly built.  I’ve always understood that it would
take blood, sweat and tears… that it would be difficult for both of us.  But
love ENDURES.  It grows.  It deepens.  And you can’t tell me that hasn’t
happened for us.  Sure, it’s challenging, and there are going to be days were
we ask if it’s worth the pain.  But the answer is yes.  We ARE worth all the
tough days and lonely nights.  We are worth fighting for.”

Running a hand
down his face, he saw her flinch, the pain of her past warring with the beauty
her present could be if she just let it happen.  “You’ve been to hell and back,
Honor.  It’s left a mark on that gorgeous soul of yours, a scar that will
always remind you what true pain is.  You had your innocence torn away from you
when you weren’t much more than a baby yourself.  I wish like hell I could
change that for you.  I’d give my life right this second if it meant that you’d
never have to know that kind of agony, but I can’t.  What I can do is be
patient while we learn how to navigate this new road together.  I can help you
heal enough to see that you are a whole lot stronger than your fear.”

“This isn’t fear,
Zeke.  I’m not scared of you.  My brain and my body know you’d never hurt me. 
This is just the way I am now.  It’s the way THEY made me.  It’s awful and
terrible and unfair, but this IS all that is left of me.  Messy broken pieces
of the woman I was supposed to be that don’t fit together like a normal person
any longer.  And none of those jagged little shards that are left of me can
feel the way they’re supposed to in a man’s arms,” Honor informed him with
bitter sadness.

“Kitten, that’s
bullshit,” Zeke snarled, his voice as stark as a lash’s strike.

“Ex-excuse me?”
Honor yelped, turning her wounded eyes up to Zeke’s frowning face.

Zeke felt his body
harden as he looked down at her.  For years, he’d stood by, watching her suffer,
hoping she’d heal, dreaming of the day she’d want him as much as he needed
her.  And finally, he could see that she needed him just as badly.  It was
clear that Honor craved the normalcy of a loving relationship; she just thought
it was a fantasy that was out of her grasp. “You heard me.  That mess you just
tried to feed me is complete, utter bullshit.  And I’m gonna prove it to you,”
he repeated as his mouth slowly descended toward hers, giving her plenty of
time to pull away if that’s what she truly wanted, but she didn’t. 

She remained still
and frozen in the circle of his arms, watching him as his lips drew closer and
he gently nipped her full lower lip with a carefully pull of his teeth. 
Waiting for the tiny gasp of surprise that he knew she’d give him, he slid his
tongue forward, gently exploring and seizing territory only he was ever meant
to claim.  Holding her closer as her eyelids fluttered, Zeke smiled against her
lips as her stiff body began to relax.

It could have been
seconds or minutes later, but when Zeke felt Honor’s shy tongue timidly begin
to return his caresses, he couldn’t help the low groan that erupted from
between his lips and her answering shudder against him only made him hold her
closer. 

This wasn’t the
first time he’d kissed her.  She’d allowed him the liberty a few times in the
past when her guard had been lowered.   His lips had brushed against her cheek
on several occasions over the years, dropped kisses to her forehead more than
once, and even pecked her lips when he’d felt especially brave, but never
before had she allowed him to taste her at leisure and she’d certainly never
gotten involved in any of those kisses.

Today, was
different.  She responded to him. Her sweet lips were moving against his while
their tongues danced an intimate waltz, those soft sighs of passion music to
his ears.  He wanted to rejoice when her arms lifted to slide around his neck
and the fingers of one hand twined through the short hair at his nape.  She
leaned heavily on him as they continued to the embrace.  It was wonderful and
magical and all that other girly shit he should have hated.

Except, with her,
it felt like heaven.

Honor hummed
against Zeke’s lips, whimpering softly as he slowly broke the kiss and looked
down to see her dazed, unfocused eyes reluctantly open and meet his. 

“Zeke,” she
breathed, her voice barely loud enough to hear over the deep breaths Zeke was
taking to gain control of his libido.  She looked as though the world had
tilted on its axis and sent her sailing into the Milky Way.

He recognized the
look since he felt that way himself.

“Never tell me
that you can’t feel like a woman in my arms, Honor,” he warned her softly, his
eyes fiery as they moved over her face.  “You can feel just fine, Kitten.  You
just burned bright for me.”

“No,” she denied
automatically, her eyes dilating as she swallowed quickly.  “That was… a fluke.
It’s just not possible for me,” she babbled as an embarrassed blush began to
climb her neck.  Pointing above her head at the green sprig having from a
bright red ribbon, she shrugged.  “Well, there you go.  Mistletoe.  It’s the
only logical explanation for our… our…”

“Kiss,” Zeke said
tersely, crossing his arms over his chest.  “The word you’re searching so
desperately for is ‘kiss’, Kitten”

“I know what it’s
called,” Honor hissed, shooting him a frown.  “And stop calling me Kitten.”

“Stop hissing and
clawing like one,” Zeke returned calmly, though he was anything but.  Was she
really going to try and blame that long overdue kiss on a fuckin’ plant?  Like
hell he’d let that happen, but he knew he had to work the situation carefully
or risk scaring her off altogether.  And honestly, he NEEDED more of those
kisses… so he’d do whatever it took.

Exhaling a long
breath, Honor dropped her hands to her hips and forced herself to meet his
amused gaze.  “I don’t suppose you’d be willing to just forget everything that
happened in the last fifteen minutes, would you?”

“I don’t suppose I
would,” Zeke denied flatly.  “Although, I will allow the subject to drop
regarding our very pleasurable, very sensual kiss until after the holidays.”

Honor stared back
at him with bright red cheeks.  “You will?” she blurted.

“For a price,”
Zeke agreed with a grin.

Honor’s shoulders
sagged.  “Leave it to you to try and make a profit off my indiscretion.  What
do you want, Ezekiel?” she asked him warily.

“First, you agree
that until we can catch whoever nearly killed you and your sister that you will
tell someone where you are at all times.  And I don’t mean write a note,
woman.  You tell them.  Out loud and preferably, in person, Honor.  I know you
don’t want to think about it, but somebody out there wanted to take your light
out of the world.  Until I either put that fucker behind bars or in the ground,
you’ll have to put up with me being an overprotective pain in the ass.” 

“When have you
ever not been an overprotective pain in the rear?” she asked dryly.

Crossing his arms
over his chest, he raised an eyebrow.  “Is that question supposed to be verbal
confirmation that you agree to my first term?”