Man of Passion (22 page)

"I know," she murmured. "I'm going to miss it. All of it." And she turned and looked toward the campfire. The tug was to arrive at 8:00 a.m., in less than an hour. She saw the coffeepot perking on the edge of the coals. "Join me for one last cup of coffee?"

He smiled tenderly.
"Of course."
Rising, he took the report and slid it into a cardboard file nearby. Watching as Ari confidently moved down the plank to the riverbank,
Rafe
felt joy wind through him. She now walked with her shoulders
squared,
her chin up. That week with Inca had changed her from her
mouselike
self. Over the past weeks, he'd watched Ari bloom. She took risks. She was fearful sometimes, but she never let fear stop her as it had before. Once he'd taken her to a mountain to the north, and they had spent three days climbing the rugged, jungle-clad slopes in search of orchids. Ari had a fear of heights, but that didn't stop her as it once had.
Rafe
had watched her handle the fear, move through it and emerge victorious. The orchids she drew in those three days were some of her best work. As he watched Ari's confidence and self-esteem
grow
, he was proud and happy for her. At the same time,
Rafe
battled his own personal fear of seeing her leave, because she would no longer need him.

Joining her at the campfire, he took the tin cup she proffered. Sitting down on a log,
Rafe
watched her greedily, wanting to imprint her every graceful movement, every expression, like a brand into his aching heart. He loved her. It was so simple, yet heartbreaking. Ari couldn't know that, either.
Rafe
would not presume to tell her. He knew she cared for him deeply. Still, she had to continue her odyssey. To confess something like that to her now would be wrong. And more than anything,
Rafe
wanted her to have a successful completion of her journey.

Ari settled next to
Rafe
, their elbows barely brushing. With her tin cup wrapped in both hands, she gazed fondly at the river. Two squadrons of brightly colored parrots swooped overhead. Then a white egret, a cousin to the great blue heron, came winging by, slow and graceful, on the lookout for frogs along the banks of the river.

"I'm going to miss all this," she admitted softly.
"The quiet.
The beauty.
New York City
is noisy, dirty and polluted. People are crushed together, unrelenting waves of humanity on the sidewalks, in the subways…."

Rafe
gave her a sideways glance. "It is a different world,
mi
flor
.
"

She managed a painful half smile. Drowning in the warmth of his gaze, she uttered, "And more than anything, I'm going to miss you,
Rafe
." Ari felt the words jam up in her throat. Her heart felt heavy in her breast. "I—
there's
so much I want to say to you,
Rafe
, but the time—it isn't right and I know it. I have to go home. I have to try and sell the book…and face my father…."

"
Shh
,
mi
flor
,
" he whispered, his voice catching. "I understand. More than you realize."

After searching his sad features, Ari's gaze dropped to his strong, wonderful mouth. The corners were drawn inward with pain. That was how she felt, too. "I'm going to miss how you share your feelings with me. It has been so easy living here with you. And I feel like I've grown a decade by being here. I feel different, in a good way, about myself now." She tore her gaze from his, sipped her coffee and stared out at the river. "When I came, I was a shy little shadow running away from myself. I didn't believe in me. I didn't believe I could draw one orchid, much less forty of them. Leaving here today, I feel strong and good,
Rafe
.
About myself.
About the book that you've helped me with so much."
She smiled at him. "The stories you've given me as text really make the drawings of the orchids come alive. They aren't just pretty pictures. There is meaning, legend and
symbology
behind each one of them."

He nodded. "Chief
Aroka
helped us a lot, too, don't forget."

"Don't
worry,
when I sell this book, my acknowledgement page is going to have the names of everyone who helped me.
Especially Inca, who gave me the incredible gift of just being herself.
What a role model she's been to me." Ari's gaze softened. "And you'll be the first person I name." Unable to help herself, she reached over and slid her hand over his, where it rested on his knee. She saw him tense momentarily. They'd not touched one another since that fateful night when he'd wept in her arms. Oh, how she longed to have him touch her again! But Ari was mature enough to know that she didn't want to lead
Rafe
on like that. It wasn't fair to him—or to her.

Gripping her fingers in his,
Rafe
gave her a gentle smile in return. "Getting the book sold should be your only focus now."

Reluctantly, Ari withdrew her fingers. "I bought a writer's reference book that has all the publishers listed. I made an A list of ten of them that I'm going to contact as soon as I land in
New York
. I don't know what will
happen,
or even if the editors will see me or not. But I've got to try…." A heated sensation throbbed in her lower body. How many times had she wondered what it would be like to love
Rafe
? And then the fear that she would never be good enough, that she would fail, inevitably chilled her.

Slipping his hand back around the tin cup he held,
Rafe
said confidently, "All you have to do is show them your exquisite drawings, and they will be helpless to say anything but yes to publishing your book."

Ari laughed. "That's not how real-life publishing goes, from my understanding. No, I'm prepared to knock on a lot of doors and get a lot of no's flung in my face. It might take weeks…even months to get it sold, but that's what I'll do."

"And your father?
How do you think he's going to react to you being in
New York
by yourself? You said he expects you to come home to your apartment in
Georgetown
?"

"
Mmm
, that." Ari sighed and frowned. "He's my biggest obstacle,
Rafe
. Every time I think of him, of having to call him once I land in the
U.S.
, my stomach clenches. I thought about using the Iridium phone, but I just needed this time alone. I did write him several letters, though. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll kowtow to him just like before." With a shake of her head, she murmured, "Inca made me realize in her own way that my father has me—or had me—under his thumb. I was his do-bee. Do this. Do that. Do his bidding. Do what he wanted. Well—" she pushed several strands away from her eyes "—I can't go home and do that. I have to be strong enough to stand up to him."

"Yes,"
Rafe
said quietly, "there comes a time in everyone's life where they must leap out of the nest and fly on their own."

She nodded. "You did that with your father when you walked away from his plans for you, from the business he wanted you to eventually run."

"There's a price to pay,"
Rafe
said carefully. "I only hope your father will not be as pigheaded as mine was, and disown you because you want to have a life of your own after your book sells. I hope he doesn't expect you to work on Wall Street and crunch numbers." He smiled at her. She looked exquisite this morning, her lips soft and slightly parted, her eyes the color of the pale sky above them, with gold in their depths.
Rafe
knew how happy Ari was here. The rain forest had embraced her, had loved her, and she had loved it in return. And now she was leaving.

Ari was about to speak when she heard the
chut-chut-chut
of a tug coming. Standing up, cup in hand, she craned her neck. Sure enough, a brightly painted red-and-white tug was chugging up the channel toward the houseboat. For a moment, she felt a keen thrill of excitement, like that of a knife slicing through her heart. And simultaneously, she felt like crying. She didn't want to leave
Rafe
. Ari was fairly sure that she loved him. Oh, they'd never spoken about it. No, since that catalytic night in the hold, he'd backed off, given her room and kept their friendship warm but without the touches and kisses of before.

How much she missed all that! Setting the cup down on the log, she gave
Rafe
a helpless smile. "My taxi is here…."

Rising, he said, "Let me get your luggage for you. I'll transfer it to the tug."

Standing there, she watched
Rafe
move toward their home. And it was a home for Ari. Fighting back tears, she gulped unsteadily. Forcing
herself
to move, she slowly followed him.

Rafe
moved the luggage to the tug. The captain, a dark-skinned Indian by the name of Pablo, his front teeth missing, helped
Rafe
put the luggage on the deck. Ari stood on shore, her heart beating hard in her chest. Beneath her arm, encased in plastic, were the four sketchbooks filled with orchids she'd drawn for the book.

"Just a moment,"
Rafe
told her, and he trotted quickly back to the houseboat and up the ramp.

Puzzled, Ari watched as he moved to the cockpit. As he emerged, he was smiling and holding something in his large hand.
As he strode down the ramp and over to where she stood, her eyes widened enormously.
There, in his hand, was an incredible orchid she'd never seen before.

"Oh,
Rafe
!" she cried, reaching out as he handed it gently to her.

Seeing the joy in her eyes, the way her mouth lifted, he felt his heart exploding in his chest. There was everything to love about Ari, from her innocent reactions to the beauty of the orchids to her powerful response to life—and to him. As their fingers met and touched, he placed the blossom, actually a spray of four, each one white with a pink lip, into her hand.

"Here,
mi
flor
,
a parting gift from my heart to your heart," he whispered, as he held her luminous gaze. "This is
Encyclia
randii
.
I purposely did not show this one to you because I knew you would leave, and the legend about it belongs to someone who goes away. When a man gives a woman this orchid, he hopes that she will one day return to him." His fingers closed carefully over hers and over the orchid. As he held her tearful gaze, his voice broke. "The man, as the legend goes, hopes that by giving the woman he cares for the orchid, she will one day, at the right time, present it back to him upon her return. This is the orchid of farewell and new beginnings. I want you to have it…. It's very rare…."

Choking on a sob, Ari stared at the orchid. "Look at the colors,
Rafe
. It's so incredibly beautiful…."

"Hauntingly beautiful.
More ghost than real," he agreed in a quiet tone. She was so close. He wanted to kiss her goodbye. His head said no, to keep his distance. Yet as
Rafe
looked up into her eyes and saw the tears fall across her flushed cheeks, he moved forward.

Taking Ari into his arms, mindful she had the sketchpads beneath her left arm and the orchid in her right
hand,
he slid his hands along her shoulders. "May I kiss you goodbye?" he asked huskily.

Ari quivered as his strong, capable fingers slid along her linen-jacketed shoulders. "Yes…oh, yes…please?" she whispered, and leaned up on tiptoe, her breasts brushing against his chest.

Groaning softly,
Rafe
slid his hand upward along her long, slender neck and framed her face. Looking deeply into her tear-damp eyes, he leaned down…down to capture her
orchidlike
lips, which were parted, bathed in her tears and waiting for him.

His world centered only on Ari.
On her mouth opening like the ripe blossom of an orchid to the rays of sunlight as he connected with her.
Sliding his mouth tenderly along hers, like a butterfly brushing them, he whispered, "You are in my heart, Ari. You always will be…."

As his mouth took hers more strongly, she moaned and sank against his tall, strong body. She could taste the coffee on his mouth, the scent of the lime soap he'd used in his recent shower. Her heart soared. More tears fell, met and melded against their clinging mouths. Never had she loved anyone as she loved
Rafe
. And she had to leave him.