Marks on My Skin (Love & Ink #1) (34 page)

“It isn’t like that, Liam.”

“No? I bet ya would have pulled the same shit if Kieran
had
stayed.”

I gritted my teeth, glaring at him. “That isn’t true.”

“No? We’ve been friends fer a while now. I see how ya work. It’s all fine and dandy if a guy fulfills yer needs, but when they ask fer more, ya run fer the feckin’ hills.”

I wanted to tell him that wasn’t true, but every other guy I’d been with, I
had
run from. I didn’t want any more from them. But I’d wanted more with Kieran.

“Christ, Shayne it was one thing when ya weren’t with someone, but ya’ve been with Ian for four months now. Ya try and act like yer nothing like yer mother. Ya bitch that all she does is use ya, but what the feck are ya doin’ ta Ian right now?”

I cringed at the mention of my mother, but maintained my composure, even as it was crumbling around the edges. “I wasn’t trying to hurt him. You don’t understand. Something happened and I—”

“No I think I understand perfectly.” He cut me off, moving so his face was inches from mine. “Maybe yer not snorting or injecting every feckin’ substance ya can get yer hands on, but yer a user just like her.”

“I’m not like my mother.” My voice shook and tears brimmed in my eyes, but Liam’s anger didn’t wane.

“No, maybe not. Ya feck with whoever ya want until they no longer meet yer needs. At least yer mother made men pay when she was being a whore so they knew what they were signin’ up fer.”

My fist slammed into Liam’s cheek hard enough that he stumbled back. He shook his head and blinked at me, nostrils flaring in anger. I stood there, tears streaming down my cheeks. His features softened, a look of confusion and doubt overtaking the ferocity that had been there moment ago.

“Shayne?”

I shoved past a crowd of younger guys, ignoring the burning pain in my knuckles, desperate to get away from him. A bus was getting ready to pull back into traffic and I ran for it as Liam yelled behind me. Sure, he was right about a lot of it, but it hurt coming from someone I’d been close to for so long. Maybe he had been right when he first told me to stay away from Kieran. Maybe if Kieran had stayed I would have only hurt him too. The bus pulled away from the curb before Liam could reach me and my phone buzzed in my bra. I settled into a seat in the back and pulled it out to see Ian’s number.

“Hey! Where are you? I’ve been looking everywhere around the hotel.”

“I went out for a bit.” I answered.

“Look, I’m sorry about earlier. It just hurt when you brushed me off this morning, you know?”

I wiped more tears from my face. “I know.”

“Where are you? Can we talk?” His tone was sweet, genuine. It tore a hole straight through my chest.

“I’ll be back at the hotel in a bit.”

“Okay, come up to the room. I’ll see you soon.”

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

Slipping Off the Edge Again

I was a few blocks away from the pub when my phone rang. I saw Liam’s name and shoved the phone back in my pocket. I wasn’t ready to talk to him after what had just happened. My stomach twisted in knots at the thought of Shayne and the feckin’ bartender. I had no right to be jealous. Still I couldn’t help the ache in my chest as I thought of her body entangled with his. Maybe it had been a bad idea to tell Liam I was in New York. Had he told her come to the bar with him? Why would he do that? From the look on her face she had no idea I’d be there.

“Hey, arsehole. Ignorin’ my calls now?” A voice huffed behind me. I spun around to see Liam, out of breath with a red mark over his left cheek.

“How’d you find me?”

He held up his phone “It’s called GPS.”

“Right.” I turned and continued walking, letting him catch up to me.

“Slow the feck down, I just ran my arse here.” He growled and I slowed to a stop once more. “Look, I’m sorry fer what happened back there. I didn’t know Shayne would be there, but are ya goin’ ta tell me what the hell
yer
doin’ here?”

“I divorced Kendall and moved out here a few months ago.”

Liam blinked, surprised at this news. “What about the baby?”

“Kendall wasn’t even pregnant. She was just tryin’ to get more money out of me. Found out some studio wanted to buy my film rights.”

“Feckin’ bitch.”

“Yeah,” I let out a half-hearted laugh. As usual, I figured things out a little too late. “What happened ta yer face?” I nodded at the bruise forming on his cheek.

“Shayne punched me. I might have said somethin’ ta her after ya left.”

“What the feck did ya say ta her?”

Liam looked abashed and let out a long sigh. “Things I shouldn’t have said. I just got so defensive after I saw the look on yer face and the way ya ran out of there. And that wasn’t even the guy she’s been with! Just some random arsehole. She hasn’t pulled shit like that in a long time. I mean, I know ya two only had yer thing fer a month, but I’ve seen her string guys along for months only to break their heart when they want things to get more serious.”

“She looked like she was cryin’.”

Liam glanced at me, confused. “What?”

“Shayne. When she was with that guy it looked like she’d been cryin’.”

“You don’t think he did somethin’? Forced her?”

I shook my head, considering the look on her face. “No. It looked like she was tryin’ ta forget something else goin’ on with her in the only way she knew how.”

I’d seen that look before. The first time we’d had sex. The day I’d met her mother.

“Feck. I’m an idjit. She was tryin’ ta tell me somethin’ but I cut her off. I was so pissed. Maybe I should call her?”

I shrugged. “She probably won’t answer ya right away if that mark on yer face is any indication.”

“Right. I guess not much ta do about it right now. Are ya hungry?”

I wasn’t, but he probably was after running after me. “Sure. We can grab a couple slices if ya want.”

The elevator stopped on the floor to our hotel room and my stomach clenched. I didn’t want to do this, but Liam was right. I was stringing him along. I didn’t care about Ian. Not the way he cared about me. Seeing Kieran again only made that clear to me. I was trying to find something in Ian that just wasn’t there.

I hesitated outside our hotel room. I didn’t want to hurt him, but there was no way around it. The door swung open, startling me. Ian took in my disheveled presence and my tear-stained cheeks. His lips compressed into a concerned frown that only made me feel worse.

“Are you okay? What happened?” He swung the door wider, ushering me in and pulling me into his arms. I stiffened at his touch and gently disentangled myself.

“I slept with someone.” The words tumbled from my lips without pause. It was better to just get it out, there was no way to make the blow any softer.

Ian took a step back from me, his eyebrows pressing down as he took in my words. “You did what?”

“You upset me, so I went and had sex with someone else.”

His mouth fell open and he shook his head, still disbelieving. “Because of what I said? Shayne I was upset, but I wouldn’t have done anything. You have to know that!”

“I do. You’ve been nothing but sweet to me. I know you were just upset.” I nodded, chewing at my bottom lip.

“And you still went and fucked someone else?” His words came out harsh, a tinge of pain bleeding through them. I nodded and finally met his tear-brimmed eyes.

“I’m sorry, Ian.”

He paced the length of the hotel room with his shoulders hunched tight. His words were incoherent and angry as he cursed under his breath. I stood silent, not daring to stop him. He was hurt. He had a right to be. Abruptly, he stopped and swung around, his hazel eyes boring into me.

“I care about you, Shayne, and you’ve been keeping me at a distance this whole time…then you just go and do that?”

“I’m sorry.” I repeated, keeping my head down.

“I get it though. It’s hard for you to let others close. I’ve been able to see that since the first time I met you.”

I looked up at him, startled by his softened tone. It would be easier if he just yelled, if he got angry with me and told me he hated me. But he didn’t do any of those things.

“You’re not mad?”

He came back over to me and grabbed my hand. “It hurts. A lot. But I know what you’re trying to do. You’re just scared. We can work through this.”

His words hit me hard and I pulled my hand away. “No…no we can’t work through this.”

“Shayne?” He reached for me again but I backed away.

“I don’t want to be with you, Ian. I’m sorry. You’re a nice guy. You deserve better.”

Ian said nothing. I tried to look away from him, but I couldn’t. His eyes narrowed into a cruel stare and his mouth tightened into a thin angry line. “I’m a nice guy? I deserve better? That’s such a load of bull, Shayne!”

I jumped at his outburst and pressed my back against the wall. “It’s the truth, Ian. I’m sorry. I tried to feel something for you but I just don’t. I don’t care about you how you care about me.”

He laughed then swiped an arm out, knocking the desk lamp to the floor with a crash. “You felt nothing for me, yet you stayed with me for four fucking months?! You let me take you out everywhere, pay for this fucking trip? And you never felt anything for me?”

I shook my head as tears threatened my own eyes again. “I’m sorry…”

“Ha! You’re sorry? You fucking lead me on then go fuck some asshole during the trip I fucking paid for, and you’re sorry?!” Ian shook his head and flung something else off the desk, jolting me. “You know what? You’re not the one that should apologize. I’m sorry. I’m fucking sorry I didn’t listen to the other guys at my shop when they told me about you. Do you want to know what they told me? Hmm, Shayne?”

I shook my head and glanced at the door, the guilt I felt now turning to fear. No, I didn’t want to know. He let out an angry snort, continuing anyway.

“They called you a fucking whore. Said your mom was a strung-out prostitute and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. And you know what, Shayne? Now that I’ve known you for a bit and I’ve seen what you are capable of…I think they’re right. You’re a whore, just like her. A stupid fucking whore.”

His words sliced through me and I gasped, shocked that he would say something so hurtful. His lips curled into a sneer and the face I’d found so handsome, so sweet, turned into someone I barely recognized

“Fuck you! You know nothing about me!”

Ian fumed, glaring at me, and snatched a decorative vase off the side table. I flinched as it smashed against the wall a foot away from me.

“I don’t need to know any more, Shayne. Now get the fuck out of my hotel room!”

I didn’t even bother grabbing my bags. I just wanted to get out of that room. Tears streamed down my face as I waited for the elevator to reach the lobby. People got on but took no notice of my silent tears or the trembling that I couldn’t stop from running through me. I shoved past them when the elevator finally stopped and made my way outside, hailing a cab. Unsure of where I was going, I wiped away the tears that were now flowing freely down my cheeks and texted Darren.

:I think I’m slipping off the edge again.:

CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN

I’m Sorry…For Everything

“I can’t believe ya gave her anythin’ at all. But I suppose I understand. Better ta be rid of her.” Liam shook his head as we walked back to his hotel.

“Yeah. Just wish I hadn’t been such an idjit. Why couldn’t I see what she was doin’ from the beginnin’?”

“Because ya loved her. Ya didn’t want ta see it.”

“Maybe.” I shrugged. “So ya gonna go talk ta Shayne?”

“Ya, I need ta apologize. I texted her but she hasn’t answered me. Maybe she just came back here and crashed.” Liam nodded at the hotel. I hoped that was the case at least.

“When ya talk ta her, tell her not ta feel bad. I don’t think any less of her after seein’ her like that. She’s been through a lot.”

Liam tilted his head at me quizzically and his lips pursed together. “It wasn’t just sex with ya two…was it?”

I shook my head. “No, it wasn’t. I made a mistake leavin’. She’s an amazin’ woman. Even if she can’t see it sometimes.”

Liam smiled, a thoughtful look moving through his eyes. “I’ll tell her.” He said, then gave me a hearty pat on the back. “I’ll call ya and let ya know she’s alright.”

“Thanks.” I nodded and turned to leave just as someone barreled into me, nearly knocking me onto my arse.

“Watch it, arsehole!”

The man spun around and when I met his gaze, I recognized him at once. So did Liam.

“Ian? Are ya drunk, man? Where’s Shayne?”

Ian let out snort and the pungent stench of alcohol hit me like a brick wall. “Fuck her. I don’t know where the hell she went. Probably out blowing some asshole for all I know.”

Liam and I both exchanged concerned looks.

“What happened?”

“She told me she fucked some guy at a bar, then said she didn’t want to be with me. Fucking whore. I should have listened to my friends about her.”

My jaw clenched and I lunged for him, but Liam gripped my arm, yanking me backwards. Ian looked at me, unfazed, and gave a derisive snort. “Oh, I see we got Prince Charming here. Going to defend her honor? A little late for that, don’t you think?”