Marnie (13 page)

‘Not that sort of thing,’ he said impatiently. ‘Since then.’

I thought it was risky to be too pure. ‘Yes . . . once in Bristol.’

‘When?’

‘About three years ago. I was in a shop and . . .’

‘How much did you take?’

‘Oh, only a scarf. It wasn’t worth much.’

‘How much?’

‘About two pounds . . .’

‘And since then?’

‘Not since then.’

In Oxford the rain had cleared the streets, and only buses and cars splashed through them. Out in the country again we drove past a signpost I couldn’t read.

‘Where are you taking me?’

He said: ‘What proof have you of what you’ve told me?

‘Proof? Nothing on me.’

‘What can you get?’

‘How do you mean?’

‘Is there someone from Plymouth who knows you?’

‘Well, I . . .’

‘Well, is there?’

‘. . . Yes, I suppose so; but if you aren’t going to hand me over to the police I’d rather—’

‘I didn’t say I wasn’t.’

‘I can find my birth certificate – a – a bookkeeping and accountancy certificate – a character from the North Road School . . . I haven’t kept much.’

‘Where are those?’

‘I could get them.’

‘Where are they?’

‘Well, various places . . . I expect I could get a letter from the South Western Electricity Board saying I worked for them. That was my first job. And Deloitte, Plender & Griffiths
would say the same – though I was only with them six months . . . I think I’ve still got the receipt for Forio when I bought him . . . It’s – it’s hard to think of
things. What do you want me to prove?’

‘Prove? I want you to prove that you—’ He stopped. He sounded choked – with irritation or something. ‘Never mind.’

‘That I’m not just a common sneak-thief?’

‘If you like.’

‘But I
am
. . . What else can you call me after this?’

‘Never mind. I’m not sitting as a judge on you; I’m only trying to understand.’

I sighed shakily. ‘I think perhaps that’s impossible. When I’d done it, stolen that money, I could hardly believe it or understand it myself.’

‘I didn’t notice you rushing back.’

‘No . . . And I shouldn’t have done.’

‘Well, that’s honest anyway.’

‘For one thing I should have been too afraid.’

We didn’t say anything more for a while.

‘It isn’t always so easy to know the truth about yourself,’ I said. ‘Or is it with you? You’ve lived a different, easier life.’

He said nothing.

I said: ‘Maybe you don’t have two thoughts at the same time. I often have two thoughts – one belongs to the person I’m trying to be now, the other belongs to the kid from
Devonport. And she’s still a back-street urchin. I mean, you don’t
suddenly
grow out of knowing what it’s like to be hungry and knocked around and treated like dirt. You
don’t honestly. I mean, you may think you have, but then when you find yourself holding a thousand pounds in pound notes, well, you suddenly discover you want to bolt down the next dark
alley. It’s all mixed up with that. I can’t explain to you, Mark.’

‘In fact,’ he said, ‘that’s the most convincing answer you’ve given me tonight.’

We had passed through Thame and seemed to be making for Aylesbury. I knew in the last minute or two I’d gained a bit – I wasn’t any longer lying flat with him kneeling on my
chest – I’d made the first move for wriggling out from under him. But it was chancy work – I had to move fast, but not too fast.

‘The reasons for what I did – they were more mixed up even than that, even than you think.’

‘How?’

‘I can’t tell you.’

‘You’d better.’

‘Oh . . . there were other things besides the need for money behind it. There was the need to get away.’

‘To get away?’

‘From you.’

‘Thanks.’

I hesitated then, wondering if he was really taking it.

‘Well, don’t you
see
. . . Or don’t you? We were getting – friendly.’

‘Was that any reason why you should run away?’

‘
Yes
. Or I thought so. Maybe I began to take it a bit too seriously. I expect it was fine for you but it began not to be fun for me, and I thought it was time I opted
out.’

‘Go on.’

‘Well, don’t you see?’

‘I’d like to hear.’

‘Look, Mark, I can’t help it, I felt that way. And I thought, what crazy chance is there of anything worth while coming of it?’

‘So?’

‘I thought, he’s pretty well out of the top drawer. I’m not out of any drawer at all. I’m just something sucked up in the vacuum cleaner. Well, so well, what was going to
happen? Nothing that I could see that wasn’t going to be a nasty mess for me.’

‘So you thought? . . .’

‘So I thought I’ll get out, and get out in a way that will finish it good and proper: so I did. The back-street urchin made a pretty fine haul, didn’t she? Only she never
thought – I never thought you’d find me again – so quickly – like magic . . . I don’t want to start again – hand me over to the police and have done!’

He took his hand off the wheel and I thought he was going to touch me. But he didn’t.

After a minute he said: ‘Don’t worry, you’re not in jail yet.’

As we got to Aylesbury there was more traffic again because it was closing time.

He said: ‘I suppose I’ve got to start calling you Margaret instead of Mary.’

‘I’ve always been called Marnie.’

‘Marnie . . . Marnie . . . Marnie; all right.’

‘Where are you taking me? Won’t you tell me that?’

‘Home.’

‘Where?’

‘To my home. You’ll have to spend the night there now. It’s too late to do anything else with you.’

‘I – what will your housekeeper say?’

‘What should she say?’

I wondered now if I
had
been going too fast. ‘She won’t think it odd?’

‘Are you worried about your reputation?’

‘What’s going to happen in the morning?’

‘You’re going back to John Rutland and Co.’

I sat up. ‘What? Oh, don’t joke about it.’

‘I’m not joking.’

‘But how can I?’

‘You’re going back as if nothing had happened – for a few weeks anyhow. If you want to give in your notice then you can do; but I’m having no unnecessary
scandal.’

I put my fingers on his arm. ‘Don’t you understand, Mark? You must have been there yesterday. Everyone will know. Even if you don’t turn me over to the police Mr Ward or one of
the others will!’

He said: ‘When you didn’t turn up on Friday we tried to get in touch with your flat but there was no reply. So I decided, as Miss Clabon was away and as Dawn Witherbie was busy on
the retail side, I’d finish the wage packets myself. I did about half a dozen before I noticed that there wouldn’t be enough money to finish off the wages. Then I checked up how much
you had drawn out on Thursday and how much there should have been in cash from the retail side. So it didn’t take me long to open one of the envelopes you had done and find what was
inside.’

‘Well, then, you see—’

‘Oh, yes, I saw. I saw perfectly well.’

I sat and watched him.

He switched on the screen-wipers again.

‘I thought all round it. I checked up one or two of the pay slips and they were perfectly correct. Odd you should have gone to that trouble when it wasn’t going to matter.’

‘I—’

‘The careful worker coming out, I suppose. All that was missing was the money. So I went across to the bank and drew out another thousand pounds in notes. Then I came back and started
reopening your envelopes and typing new ones.’

I stared hard at him in the dark to see if he was just trying to be plain funny.

‘Of course if Ward had been there I couldn’t very well have put it over; but there was no one else to interfere. When it came to eleven o’clock I called Miss Smith over and got
her to distribute those I’d done. Those I hadn’t done had to wait. I sent word round that Miss Clabon was away and Mrs Taylor had been taken ill. I finished the last by half past
twelve. Apparently I only made two mistakes in my haste, and those I had to put right yesterday.’

We were nearly in Berkhamsted. My mind was working like a jet now, but it kept flying around one solid fact that just didn’t fit with the rest at all.

‘Why did you
do
it?’

‘Ward always said you were too good to be true.’

‘He was right.’

‘Yes. And I was wrong. I’d hate to hear Ward say “I told you so!”’

I waited. He was being funny. He seemed to have finished.

‘It can’t be just that.’

‘Near enough.’

‘You wouldn’t go to that trouble just for that. You wouldn’t, Mark. No one would.’

‘Don’t you think it’s a good enough explanation?’

‘No, I don’t.’

‘Well, I suppose I had my own ideas.’

‘What were they?’

‘Never mind.’

When he got to his house Mrs Leonard had gone home. There was a note and some cold supper in the dining-room. He got some more cutlery out of a cupboard and we had tongue and
salad and a bottle of beer. I was nearly out for food, and I tried not to eat like a wolf in front of him. I was still on a knife-edge, I knew. I still had one foot in jail. But it was on its way
out. I could see that. Because he was still sweet on me. That was really what it added up to. It was a miracle of luck. But it was still a knife-edge.

And it was different here from being in the car. Then we’d been in semi-darkness, side by side, nothing but voices. Here we sat opposite each other, over a table, like the dinner in
Cambridge. I was seen as well as heard, so I’d got to look just right all the time as well as sound it. I’d snatched a look at myself in the mirror in the hall and been able to powder
the tears off my face, to comb my hair. But it wouldn’t do to look too tidy, too composed. I was surprised how flushed my face was. But it didn’t look bad.

He was white like a sheet, looked very tired. And his dark eyes kept staring into me as if they would skewer into my soul.

He said: ‘How much money is there in that case?’

‘Six hundred pounds.’

‘The rest?’

‘In a bank in Swindon, and a post office account in Sheffield. And the Lost Property Office at Nottingham.’

‘You were spreading your risk.’

‘I couldn’t pay too much into one place.’

‘You thought of everything, didn’t you.’

I fumbled with a piece of bread. ‘Apparently not; you found me.’

‘I found you.’

‘How?’

Perhaps that wasn’t too clever. I saw his face tighten again.

‘I’ll keep that under my hat for the time being. Just to make sure you won’t run away again.’

‘Mark, I
can’t
go back tomorrow as if nothing had happened! Really I can’t. Somebody must have suspected something.’

‘They can’t suspect much if there’s no money missing.’

‘Where was Terry? Did you tell him?’

‘I told nobody. Anyway he was interviewing clients all morning.’

‘. . . How will I get the rest of the money – from Swindon and Sheffield, I mean – and it would take me all day tomorrow.’

‘Come back first. When you go to these places I’m coming with you. In the meantime I can pay six hundred into the firm’s account out of my personal account to make up the
balance. That will keep the books all right if Ward or one of the Holbrooks should ask during the week. But the chances are very much that they won’t anyway.’

A good deal of the bite had gone out of his voice. He’d sounded so angry at me at the beginning but now he was cooling off. In a way we might have been working together for something. If I
didn’t make another bloomer like that ‘How?’ you never knew your luck. This wasn’t a threat any more, it was negotiation. But what was it a negotiation
about
? Even
when you’re sweet on someone you’re not all Christian forgiveness. What did he want? Well, he wanted me; that was it, wasn’t it? My skin crawled.

He was watching me now and I had to be careful.

‘You’re a strange creature. The strangest I’ve ever met.’

I lowered my eyes. ‘Suppose I am?’

‘According to what you’ve told me, if it’s true, you don’t have much contact with other people. You say you ride a horse – good exercise, but what about the rest of
the twenty-four hours? You say you’ve spent over two years this way. Didn’t you have friends?’

‘I didn’t have boyfriends. I got to know a few people. There was always something to do. I wasn’t lonely.’

‘But living that way is only half living. You’re too withdrawn.’

‘I enjoyed it.’

‘Perhaps it all helps you to make up these exciting stories, does it? I’m thinking of what you told me about your husband. You were so upset after the motor accident that if
you’d stayed on in Cardiff you’d have become a nerve case. But it was easier for you than for me because you’d been able to move and take a job.’

‘Don’t remind me please. I was – very ashamed of that.’

‘You were? That’s something anyhow. And about your mother and father in Sydney, and how they found it too hot in the summer months. And your father watching the Davis Cup matches. It
was quite an effort on your part, wasn’t it?’

‘I’m
sorry
. I’m desperately sorry.’

‘I wonder how much of what you’ve told me tonight is out of the same book.’

I raised my head again.

‘I’m not lying
now
! They’re two different
things
! I was a fool, but it didn’t occur to me that I should get to know anyone well in my job. I’ve told
you, I like to be solitary! When I found I was getting to know people I found I had to go on adding to my – to what I’d said at first. It’s like a snowball. It piles up and
up.’

‘It’s a common consequence, Marnie. But why send your parents to Australia in the first place, when they were both dead? How did that help?’

It was the first time he had used my name. ‘It
didn’t
help. I somehow wanted to make up a life quite different from my own.’

‘There’s such a thing as a pathological liar. Are you one?’

‘I don’t know. Anyway you’re going to check everything I’ve told you tonight, so you can see for yourself.’