Marriage Made on Paper (13 page)

He drew her into his arms, let her cry. His muscles were so tense he felt like they might seize up. Everything in him wanted to run, but he forced himself to stay, to hold her until the tears stopped falling.

She pulled away from him, scrubbed her arm across her cheeks, leaving her face red and puffy. It was rare to see Lily look anything less than perfect, and even rarer to see her when she wasn’t composed. Those moments when she’d come apart in his arms, she hadn’t been composed or businesslike. And now, with her nose
cherry-colored from crying and her brown hair tangled from their recent lovemaking, she was still beautiful to him. Possibly more beautiful than she’d ever been.

“I’m sorry,” she said stiffly.

“Why didn’t you just tell me? Didn’t you think I might want to know?” he said, the clawing feeling in his stomach making his voice harsher than he’d intended.

“No, Gage, I didn’t. My experience, or lack of it, is none of your business.”

“I told you, this is temporary.”

She turned her head sharply, dark eyes glittering. “And I told you that we’re finished when we leave Thailand. Nothing has changed. I didn’t tell you that I was a virgin, which is what I assume your issue is, because it was a nonissue to me. Therefore, I wouldn’t think it would matter to you.” She blew out a breath. “I should go to my own room. This was a mistake.”

She moved to leave and he took her arm. “No. Lily, you’re not leaving. You’re staying with me, in my bed.” And why that should matter to him, he didn’t know. He wasn’t the kind of guy who cuddled afterward. In fact, he usually left the hotel sometime after his lover had fallen asleep. If they didn’t leave first.

But it didn’t seem right to take Lily’s virginity and have her sleep alone. A litany of curse words scrolled through his mind. He didn’t want it to matter that he was the first man she’d been with. He didn’t want her to be different in any way. She was right, it was her choice. She was a twenty-seven-year-old woman, not a young girl that he’d seduced.

“I would feel more comfortable in my own room.”

“Too bad. Clause five of our fling contract says we share a bed when we make love.”

“I don’t remember approving that.”

“And I don’t remember seeing anything about you being a virgin.”

“I told you, it doesn’t matter.”

He blew out an exasperated breath. “It does, Lily, whether you think so or not, it does. You didn’t know you would cry. You didn’t know how it would make you feel.”

She shrugged. “It was a release. It just happened to release tears, too. I’m not going to lie, it was a fantastic orgasm.” He noticed that she angled her face away when she said it. Her voice was casual, but it was obvious that she didn’t feel casual.

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I can’t give more than I’ve offered.”

“Honestly, Gage, I don’t want more than you’ve offered. Why do you think I was a virgin? It wasn’t because I was saving myself. It’s because I didn’t want the hassle.”

She gathered the sheets up and moved to climb out of bed.

“Lily, stay with me. I’m not going to turn this into something that seems sordid and dirty by having you go and sleep in your own room.”

She stayed still for a moment, her expression cool, her dark eyes focused on a point other than his face. But after a moment she settled back into bed, pulling the sheets up as high under her arms as she could.

He leaned in and kissed her bare shoulder before rolling out of bed and walking into the bathroom to dispose of the condom. His heart was still pounding from the force of his release. He walked back into the bedroom and climbed back into the bed. After a moment’s hesitation he pulled her into his arms.

She deserved that much. It didn’t mean anything,
it couldn’t. But it had been her first time, and she deserved to have nothing but good memories from it. She deserved more than he’d given her. More than he could ever give her.

He’d been counting on a second time, after he’d gotten the hot and fast out of the way. But he didn’t want to cause her any pain.

In every possible way, he wanted to spare her pain. And he was worried that it was too late for that.

It was still dark when Lily opened her eyes. Gage’s arm was snaked around her waist, holding her to him, her backside pressed against his hard erection.

She looked at the clock. Nearly five.

Panic fluttered in her stomach. She didn’t want him to wake up and see her like she was. She needed her armor, something to help her be cool and calm when she had to face the man in whose arms she’d come apart. The man who knew she had been a twenty-seven-year-old virgin. The man who had held her while she’d cried in the aftermath of her release.

She slid out of the covers and she tiptoed out of the room and across the house, into her room, wishing, again, that there was a door so that she could close it behind her.

The first thing she did was check her email for new alerts and cursed creatively when she saw one pop up about Maddy.

She brainstormed ways to divert the new details Callahan and his wife were dishing while she showered, trying not to linger on the parts of her body that still felt sensitized from Gage’s touch. She shivered as the hot water sluiced over her skin and tears pricked her eyes. Again. She shut the flow of water off and dried
quickly, before applying her makeup, fixing her hair and picking out a freshly pressed skirt and button-up blouse.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, fastening the dainty buckles on her blue kitten heels, when Gage’s voice broke into her thoughts.

“You have the most interesting taste in shoes.”

“I like shoes,” she said, her heart fluttering wildly. She gritted her teeth and tried to calm her body’s response to him before she looked up.

He was standing in the open doorway, leaning against the frame, wearing last night’s jeans, riding low on his lean hips, and nothing else.

“Why aren’t you in bed, Lily?” he asked, his voice so seductive it ought to be outlawed.

“I get up early,” she said tightly, rising from her position on the bed. “And I’m not really a lounge-around-in-my-pajamas kind of person.”

“I wouldn’t guess you were. But I had hoped you were a walk-around-in-nothing-but-a-smile kind of person.” His blue eyes were hot as he looked at her, his expression making it clear that, even though she’d gone to all the trouble to dress, he was envisioning her naked.

She sucked in a breath. “Nope, not that, either.”

“Lily, come here.”

She found herself walking toward him, even though she didn’t remember telling her feet it was all right to move. He pulled her to him and kissed her, gently, seductively, sensually. She pressed her palms against his chest, intent on pushing away, but instead, her hands just lingered there, enjoying the feeling of all that hard, masculine flesh.

He pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against hers. “We aren’t done,” he said, his voice soft, but uncompromising.

Her whole body tingled, her nipples tightening, her core aching for his possession. They weren’t done. There was no way she could leave it at one night, not when he still had the power to affect her like he did.

They had to let the fling run its course. That was what had to happen. They had a few days until they were meant to leave Thailand, and in that time they would be able to get it out of their systems. She was certain of it.

“I know we aren’t,” she whispered.

“When I wake up in the morning, I expect you to be in my bed. And I don’t want you to be dressed.” He moved against her, his arousal blatant, the intent in his eyes obvious. And she found herself responding to it. Very few men spoke to her that way. They found her intimidating. Gage didn’t. And for some reason she found it incredibly sexy, hearing him say just what he wanted. “I want you naked. And I want you ready for me.”

“I expect the same,” she said, finding boldness much easier to come by when she had her appearance put together. It was easier to find her confidence when everything was in place. She felt more in her element, like this was a business negotiation and she had bargaining power.

“Those are terms I can readily agree to.” He kissed her neck and she melted against him. “So, there is an advantage to you wearing your hair back. I can kiss you like this.” He demonstrated again and she trembled beneath his erotic touch.

“I have some work to do this morning,” she said, not sounding terribly convincing, even to herself.

“Do you?”

“Yes,” she gasped as he nipped her lightly then soothed the sting away with his tongue. “A witness has spotted us venue-hunting for the wedding.”

He stepped away. “Have they?”

She frowned. “I know. It’s mildly horrible. But there are new details coming out about Maddy’s supposed affair with William Callahan. If the media is intent on reporting that as fact with no more proof than they have, then I don’t feel too guilty for misleading them.”

“They’re vultures. All they want is to feed off of the misfortune of others. To make a profit off of someone else’s misery. I say lie away,” Gage said, his expression fierce.

“Anyway, I just need to cultivate a convincing story and send it using one of my alternate email accounts.”

“That’s why I pay you so much.”

“For my evil genius?”

He smiled, and her heart leapt. “Among other things.” He cupped her cheek and her leaping, traitorous heart compounded its sins by pounding harder when he brushed his thumb lightly over her skin. “I’m going to go and check my email. I’ll meet you afterward, for breakfast.”

She could only nod as he turned and walked back out of the room. She sank onto the bed, hand on her chest, and tried to catch her breath. When he’d smiled like that … it had made her feel as if her heart was too big for her chest.

It’s just the sex. Nothing more.

She walked over to the desk and sat at her laptop,
determined to push all thoughts of Gage from her mind and focus on her work. After all, the fling with Gage would only last a few more days. Her job was the constant. It was what mattered and she wasn’t about to compromise that by trying to make more of their relationship than there could ever be. She didn’t want it anyway.

The new physical connection they had was enough. She had no desire to get in any deeper. Part of her still wondered what she’d been thinking to give in to the attraction that burned between them. Part of her wished she’d just walked away from the edge of the cliff instead of jumping into the unknown.

He was right about one thing. She hadn’t known. She’d thought sex would bring pleasure, but she hadn’t realized the connection it could forge between two people, not really.

Of course, she hadn’t been thinking when she’d agreed to the fling. She’d been following her most base desires instead of her intellect. Which had been her first mistake. But it was too late now. Now she
knew.
Now she felt like she had to let it reach a conclusion or it would always feel like it did now. Mysterious, almost too good to be real. Like she might cry just from thinking about the moment when Gage had joined his body to hers.

She finished dashing off the email and hit Send then leaned back in the chair, trying to breath deep enough to make the tightness in her chest go away.

She pushed away from the desk and stood. It was too late now. It was done. She’d made the decision, and she would accept everything that came with it. There was no point in regretting it. All she could do now was see it through. And when it was over she would be back
to living like she always had, with the memory of how wonderful a few stolen moments in Gage Forrester’s arms could be.

She managed to hold the tears back the second time they were together, until she escaped to her room on the excuse that she wanted a shower, and that she didn’t want to share. Then she let it out. Tears tracked down her cheeks as she stood beneath the water.

She didn’t know what it was that made her emotions, always so under control, release completely in the aftermath of a climax with Gage. She shut the water off and dried quickly, wrapping the towel tightly around herself before returning to the dark bedroom.

He’d honored her request for darkness this time, too, pulling down the shades likely because he knew just how inexperienced she was now. But he’d been merciless in his pursuit of giving her pleasure. He’d driven her higher, further, than she’d ever imagined possible.

And when she’d reached the peak, she’d screamed her pleasure. She cringed at the memory of how completely she’d lost her control. He’d always been able to do that to her. Even if it was just by getting her to talk about things she normally kept to herself.

She tiptoed back into the bedroom, hoping that Gage was asleep.

“You’re beautiful,” he said, his voice husky and enticing in the darkness, proving that her hopes for sneaking back in unnoticed were in vain.

A lot of men had told her she was beautiful, but never while she was naked. Not that he could see her all that well with the lamp switched off, the only light in the room filtering in from behind the edges of the shades. She was used to men drooling over her looks,
but being told she was attractive had never affected her in the slightest.

It didn’t matter what someone thought of her if she didn’t have any interest in them. But hearing it from Gage made new heat bloom in her belly, made her ache to have him again, despite the strength of her earlier release. Physically, she was ready anyway. Emotionally, she didn’t think she could go through it again.

She didn’t respond, she only slid back into bed, her heart hammering already, just from being near him. She rolled over to her side, facing away from him, her arms crossed tightly over her breasts.

“You don’t like to be told that you’re beautiful?” She felt the mattress dip as Gage shifted and moved nearer to her, putting his arms around her and drawing her against him.

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“You’re so tense, Lily.” He moved one hand to her shoulders and kneaded her tight muscles gently.

“I’m still not used to this.”

Inwardly, Gage berated himself for putting both of them in this situation. He didn’t know what compelled him to draw her closer, to want to comfort her when she was obviously in distress. It wasn’t what he was looking for. But he couldn’t resist the urge to hold her, either, even as slight panic gnawed at his stomach.