Mary Connealy (38 page)

Cassie realized she had a choice. She could go into the house as if to pack her things. Once in there, she could get her hands on her gun. Wade was drunk enough that he wouldn’t notice her rifle if she came back out with it hidden behind her coat. She had a better than even chance of beating Wade.

She looked at Wade’s cruel, lustful face and at the blood streaming from the cut on her precious husband’s head and thought,
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?”
In that instant Cassie finally knew the difference between cowardice and courage. She was terrified but she didn’t go for the gun.
“Whom shall I fear?”

She trusted her instincts, believing they were directions coming from God. “The last time we talked, Red told you to let go of your hate, Wade. Think about what you’re doing. What brought you to this? When I first came to Montana, you were the rich, powerful son of a cattle baron. You were going to inherit a dynasty. You flirted with me but you never threatened to kill Griff or kidnap me. What has happened? What is eating you up inside that changed you into a man who would threaten murder?”

Wade opened his mouth and closed it again.

She remembered the last time she’d given him time to respond to her and the vicious tightening of the stranglehold he had on Red. She didn’t wait. “Have you ever heard that hate destroys the hater? Who do you hate so much, Wade? It can’t be Red. He’s never done anything to you. And how can it be me? You’ve aimed your hate at us like a loaded gun, but this can’t be about us. Is it your father?”

“No!” Wade exclaimed loudly. “You leave my pa out of this.”

He said it so furiously that Cassie thought she’d found the right direction to proceed.

“What did he do to you, Wade? He’s a hard man. I’ll bet it’s difficult to have such a tyrant for a father. Has he ever let you walk your own path? Has he ever shown you any gentleness or affection?”

Wade laughed bitterly. There was a slightly hysterical note to the laughter. “Gentleness is for women. No one but a fool expects mush and petting from his pa.”

Cassie saw Wade’s hand tighten on the rope. Red had both hands under the noose now and Cassie could see him hold it so it felt tight to Wade but without it cutting off his breathing. Cassie had the distinct impression that Red’s wobbly knees were at least partly an act, too. He just needed a little more time.

“Red fusses over Susannah all the time, Wade. A father should hug his child. He should speak of love. Your father may have treated you harshly because he wanted you to be strong, but instead it broke your spirit. You bully people and they back down because of who your
father
is, not because you’re a strong man yourself. Bullies think they’re strong, but they’re very careful to pick on people who are weaker or sneak up behind rather than face them. But Wade, you’ve gone too far this time. You’ve faced a man who is stronger than you in the ways that really count. Red has the strength of God on his side, and so do I. We want to live because God has been so good to us in this life and we love serving Him, but we aren’t afraid to die.”

Cassie gentled her voice. “I will not go with you. We will not submit ourselves to you. But we will be your friends. We will love you.”

“You
do not love me.”
Wade was listening. His shocked reaction to her words was evidence.

“Let go of Red and put down the gun. Come inside and talk to us. We
do
love you, Wade. And God loves you. If you could understand how much God loves you and how it makes His heart break to see one of His beloved children turn away from Him, you’d put down that gun and listen to us. You’ve tried doing it without God, and look where it’s brought you. Let us tell you how to put God in charge of your life. If you do, you’ll find out what true strength really is.”

“You…you …” Wade shook his head as if to clear it.

Cassie looked at Red. He was ready. He could have pulled himself free of the noose and grabbed the gun from Wade’s unsteady hand, but Red had known the difference between cowardice and courage for a long time. He left the rope where it was and gave Wade the chance to choose God.

The love Cassie felt for Red at that moment was almost violent. She prayed and saw Red’s lips move. He was praying, too. They both asked for Wade to open his heart and take the first step back from the terrible path he’d traveled for so long.

“You love me?” Wade said it like it was unfathomable. His throat worked, and Cassie thought she saw a sheen of tears in his eyes. She remembered his longing in the Bates’ store when Red had talked to him. She knew Wade wanted help. He wanted something better in his life.

He opened his mouth. Then as if no words could come, he closed it again and threw the rope aside and dropped his gun in the dirt. One hand came up to cover his face and he turned away. He began walking, almost stumbling, his shoulders slumped and shaking.

Red glanced at Cassie and she gave him an encouraging nod. He took the noose off his neck and ran after Wade. “She wasn’t just saying that to get you to leave.” Red lay his hand across the back of Wade’s shoulders, and Wade stopped immediately, as if every step was a huge burden he could hardly bear. “Come into the house with us. We’ll make you some coffee and a good meal, and we’ll talk about how you can find your way back.”

“Find my way back …” Wade turned to Red and spoke so softly, Cassie could barely hear it. “Back to where?”

She walked over to Wade and rested her arm on his back so she and Red were surrounding him. He was no danger now. “Back to yourself. You’ve lost the very best of yourself, Wade. Just like I had. And back to God, because He’s the one who created you and loves you just the way you are.”

“No, not like I am. Maybe once I was someone God could love.” Wade shook his head and a single tear trickled down from the corner of his eye.

“Talk with us, Wade. Come meet our daughter and spend the day with us.” Cassie urged him to turn and realized she and Red were nearly holding him up. He’d been drinking, but this was about more than the liquor. It was as if Wade had been knocked almost to his knees by words of love.

For the first time, Wade looked at her in a way that didn’t frighten her. She smiled, and Red rested his hand on hers, where they met on Wade’s trembling shoulders.

Cassie said, “Every one of us has to choose. I had started down the wrong path with my life just like you have.”

“You, china doll? You’ve always been perfect. A man’s dream set down in the middle of the wilderness.”

“It may have seemed like that because I always acted the part. But the truth is I had no faith in God. I had no courage. I didn’t believe in myself any more than you do. Red helped me see I was worthy of God’s love. I didn’t believe that when I came to live here. But now I know my willingness to act like the perfect, obedient wife was just me taking the easy way out and letting someone else make all my decisions for me. You and I have a lot in common. Does your father trust you with any part of the ranch?”

“No, he never has. But who can blame him?”

“And does he make you feel stupid when the truth is you’ve just never been trained?”

“I am stupid. I never do anything the way it’s supposed to be done,” Wade said humbly.

“That’s exactly how Griff treated me. And I think that you saw that, even though you want to believe I’m perfect. You saw a kindred soul who was going through the same thing and you wanted to save me. That’s noble, Wade. That’s something I respect and admire in you. We reacted differently to being dominated. I became a submissive little coward and you rebelled, defying your father by leaving the ranch and getting mixed up in every evil vice you could think of just to spite him.”

“We’re nothing the same,” Wade said firmly. “You can’t compare yourself to someone like me. I’ve done so many things, it’s impossible for me to ever undo them.”

“You’re right that you can’t undo them, but you can start today living your life differently. Come in with us.” She knew Wade still had scars on his heart and he’d still have trouble believing in himself. Look how long it had taken her to trust herself and believe in her own worth. But Wade had taken the first step today. He’d stopped sinking deeper in sin and reached up for God. And God could reach all the way down to meet him and help him the rest of the way.

“China doll…I…I can’t go near your baby.” Wade looked her in the eye, and for the first time she realized those green eyes that had frightened her could be vulnerable and soft and even kind. “And you can’t want me in your home.”

“My name is Cassie. Please call me that. And I
welcome
you to our home.” She urged him forward. “I have coffee still warm from this morning, and it’s only a little early for lunch.”

At her urging, Wade started toward the house. Cassie looked over at Red and she saw him nod at her with deep approval. Some of what she’d said had only really become clear to her as she’d talked. She knew God had guided her words, and she’d spoken them for her own benefit as well as Wade’s.

They headed for the tiny soddy with the cave bedroom. A giant step down from the lovely home she’d lived in less than a year ago. She could see now that God could use what she’d been through. He could use her to help someone else. The honor of it made her tremble deep inside.

And as she walked, she felt the china doll shatter inside her. Gone forever. And out of the rubble a new woman emerged. Not perfect. Not even close. She was a sinner who struggled and failed and tried anew each day.

But she was also a new woman in Christ. A woman God loved, but even more, a woman worthy of being loved by God.

What had started as a nightmare on that day of Griff’s death had become the fulfillment of all her dreams.

Red’s hand, resting on top of hers, moved so their fingers entwined. Together they supported Wade and each other. She smiled at her husband, and they helped bear the burden of their new friend. And as she walked, she realized that her whole life had led her to a plan God had all along.

She’d been following a twisting, turning, sometimes treacherous path that had led her straight home.

Montana Territory, 1876

B
elle Tanner pitched dirt right on Anthony’s handsome, worthless face.

It was spitefulness that made her enjoy doing that. But she was sorely afraid Anthony Santoni’s square jaw and curly, dark hair had tricked her into agreeing to marry him.

Which made her as big an idiot as Anthony.

Now he was dead and she was left to dig the grave. Why, oh why didn’t she just skip marrying him and save herself all this shoveling?

She probably should have wrapped him in a blanket, but blankets were hard to come by in Montana…unlike husbands.

She labored on with her filling, not bothering to look down again at the man who had shared her cabin and her bed for the last two years. She only hoped when she finished that she didn’t forget where she’d buried Anthony’s no-account hide. She regretted not marking William’s and Gerald’s graves now for fear she’d dig in the same spot and uncover their bones. As she recalled, she’d planted William on the side nearest the house, thinking it had a nice view down the hill over their property. She wasn’t so sure about Gerald, but she’d most likely picked right, for she’d dug the hole and hadn’t hit bones. Unless critters had dug Gerald up and dragged him away.