Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice (22 page)

There is always a first meeting. Even if the two of you have met
casually at a kinky event, there will always be a first time to meet
to discuss possible play. This appendix is about the way you
go about setting up that first meeting. And possibly that second
meeting.

A safe call is a prearranged agreement with an outside party
whose job it is to call the police and/or get help if they don't hear
from you by a particular time when you are meeting socially -
playing - for the first time with someone you don't know. Often,
it is used for second or third meetings as well - or until you feel
you know this person reasonably well. This procedure can be
used by anyone whether they are new to the BDSM scene or a
well-seasoned veteran. There is a place for it even in the Vanilla
world. Whenever you use a safe call, be sure that the person
you intend to meet knows that you are using this procedure. Not
only is deterrence an important aspect of the safe call, it would be
impolite for you to meet someone for the first time and - without
letting the person know you're using these procedures - have to
say: "Excuse me, I have to make my safe call right now."

Typically, a slave/submissive/bottom sets up the safe call,
although a Dom/Master/Top may arrange them as well. Actually,
either party can set up their own separate safe calls. You gather
enough non-changable personal contact information to be sure
that the person can be found, if need be, and deliver it to a third
party. You then set a time by which the third party must be contacted. If the call isn't made, then the third party calls the police, tells them that you might have been taken captive, and gives
them the pertinent information.

There are a few more details to a safe call. First, the caller
typically has a non-obvious phrase or password to indicate that
they are safe. This way, even if they end up being held hostage
and are forced to make the safe call, they can still alert the third
party. Second, the caller lets their prospective date know that a
safe call has been arranged. The only thing that the prospective
date should know is at what time the call needs to be made. (Be
careful, time flies when playing. Set an alarm on your cell phone
to remind you.) It should raise a red flag if the prospective date
presses for more information and/or tries to dissuade you from
setting up the safe call. An ethical person won't mind having a
safe call in place - but remember: you must have notified your
play partner that you're using safe call procedures. Third, you
should plan to arrive in a separate vehicle at least 15 minutes
early so that you can park and get to the meeting place before
your prospective date. You don't want this person to be able to
identify your car or vehicle license number. Similarly, you should
watch this person leave the area before you approach your car
to depart.

Basic information is:

• Name and physical description of the person

• Drivers license number (you should have your prospective date fax you a copy of the DL - how do you
know it is a valid DL number?)

• Phone number where you will be meeting or playing

• Address where you will be meeting and/or playing
(Playing is not recommended for the first meeting.)

• Type of location - home, restaurant, etc.

• When the safe call should be made (When meeting
and leaving? Every hour on the hour with only five
minutes of grace period? etc.)

• A non-obvious phrase to indicate that you are safe
(e.g.: "Okay, then put on your pajamas and watch a
video, I don't care." Means you're safe.)

• Any pertinent details on the meeting that you have
arranged.

Additional safety notes:

• Meet the first time at a restaurant such as IHOPTM that
will have multiple cameras scanning the room. If you
feel threatened, you can mention these cameras to
the person you're meeting.

• The first time you play (or maybe even the first few
times you play), avoid doing anything that may leave
you unable to escape. This would include bondage
activities, getting into anyone else's car, and so forth.
You can save that type of fun for a later date.

• In this day of Caller ID, submissives, in particular, may
have worries about talking on the phone with a Dom
before they're ready to exchange names, addresses,
and phone numbers (particularly when they have a
listed phone number). If someone gives you a phone
number and requests that you call, has Caller ID, and
you don't block your phone number from being transmitted, he or she may be able to obtain more information about you than you could believe.

• However, your local phone company may allow you to
block the transmission of your phone number to the
next phone number (ONLY the next phone number)
that you dial. Dialing *67 accomplishes that where I
live. Try it out first with someone you trust, or check
for the details about how your phone company does
this in your local phone book. It may not be available
everywhere.

Over the past few years, weekend conferences have evolved that
feature Master/slave relations over BDSM activities. Concurently,
there are competitions held at these conferences for Master/
slave titles that represent specifiic regions. In order to compete
for the International Master/slave title, you first have to win a
regional title, then compete again at Southplains Leatherfest in
Dallas in February. Here are the related website links.

"Feeder" Conferences

[Note: conferences are listed in order of occurrence after
Southplains in February. Thus, the Southwest conference
appears last because it occurs in January - at the end of the
competition cycle for the previous year.]

• Northeast (Washington, D.C., July)

• Great Lakes (Indianapolis, August)

• Northwest (San Jose, CA, TBA)

[Note, this is a new member of the M/s contest
community. Their participation was announced at
Southplains in 2006, and, at this writing, their website
does not mention the regional conference.)

• Southeast (Charlotte, N.C., October)

[Note - this event will not be held in 2006; check their
website for updates.