Mathieu (White Flame Trilogy) (33 page)

If he hadn’t been looking at the glass wall across the room, he wouldn’t have seen Adele go through it. She lay in a heap amongst the broken glass, dazed and bleeding.
“What the—?”
Mathieu ran to her and brushed the glass off her skin, helping her to sit up. “Adele, what happened?”

“Nathan!” Elise shrieked.

Adele’s eyes slid closed and he cast a worried look over his shoulder to see Solomon and Elise hovering over Nathan, who was convulsing and choking for air. Avanon stood back so she was out of the way, and Darcia came over to help Adele. Mathieu abandoned Adele on the floor and into Darcia’s care, seeing that she wasn’t hurt that bad, and rejoined the others.

“He’s burning up, help him!” Elise practically screamed at Solomon.

“What would you like me to do? Attempting to heal him didn’t work and I’m not exactly a traditional doctor.” His voice was a growl as he made to hold Nathan down.

“Don’t.”
Said Mathieu, pulling Solomon’s hand back.
“We don’t want to hurt him. Let the seizure pass.” It was the first time they had touched in days and a small look passed between them. It took a few minutes for the spasms to stop, but they eventually did, and Nathan relaxed onto the bed. “See? It’ll be okay, Solomon. Sit.
Now.”
Keeping a firm grip on the blond man, he directed him to a chair and forced him to sit. “Listen, I know you hate me now or whatever, but you can’t let this get to you. Nathan needs you to be strong for him now, so keep it together.” With that, he let him go and went to Adele.
“Sweetie?
Hey, can you hear me?”

“Shit, yeah. I feel like a carriage ran me over.” She was propped up against Darcia, blinking somewhat slower than normal.

Mathieu pulled a few shards of glass from her hair, “Be careful getting up. Don’t want any more cuts. Can you handle
those
yourself, or do I need to clean them out for you?” He nodded to the sword master,
then
tilted his head towards the bathroom, silently asking that he retrieve bandages.

Adele smiled at him and took the hand he offered, getting to her feet. “If you wanted to help me, I wouldn’t mind.” Then, her face fell, “I…I made it worse, didn’t I?”

“Don’t beat yourself up. You didn’t mean to. Besides, he looks like he’s doing better. Like they say, it has to get worse before it can get better.” Mathieu helped her to her own chair as Darcia brought out a first aid kit.

“Thanks, Mathieu…”

Smiling, he
pat
her head. “No worries.” He knelt down and began to clean up her cuts.

~*~

After five hours, it seemed apparent that Nathan wasn’t getting any better. In fact, Nathan was getting worse. His convulsions were getting closer together, he spent more time unconscious than not, and even then he was delirious or insanely thirty, and his fever had spiked again.

Solomon hadn’t moved since Mathieu had forced him to sit, Adele had left the house to find Josette, and Elise was pacing the length of the room; Avanon was searching for Elric in town, and Darcia was sitting next to Solomon, occasionally patting his back. It was clear to all of them that this was hardest on the General.

Mathieu excused himself and retreated to upstairs, crossing to the bookcase. Looking the shelving unit up and down, he rubbed his forehead in frustration.
This is horrible…
He just needed a second away from the group, a moment to think. Nathan was getting bad and he wanted to help, but there wasn’t anything he could do. If a healer hadn’t been able to help, he knew he’d be useless.

What’s wrong, Matt?

Yes, Mathieu, what’s the matter?

Mathieu closed his eyes, comforted by Tesla and Nikola.
It’s Nathan. He’s very sick and I don’t know how to help him. I’m trying to keep everyone calm, but…

But you aren’t their leader. You’re a newcomer.
Tesla finished.

Something
like
that.

Nikola purred into his mind.
What’s making him sick?

No idea. He got worse after Adele tried to heal him.

Sighing, Mathieu flopped into a chair, draping an arm over his eyes. “What are we going to do if he really does die?” He asked himself out loud.

Nikola scampered up the stairs and across the room, hopping into his lap; she looked up at him with big eyes.
Everything will be okay. If it comes down to it, I’ll take you away from here. Keep you safe.

I’ll come, too.
Tesla came in about the size of a dog and curled up at his feet.
Your sadness is filling the room, Mathieu. Try to cheer up.

“And how should I do that? If Nathan dies, all of this dies with him. He keeps the peace, provides a stable figure in everyone’s life. Should he die, there are too many dominate personalities here. Fighting will start and…and this family will fall apart.” Mathieu ran his nails down the back of the reddish Shadowrider. Nikola’s back arching into his hand. “You’re a good girl, but I don’t want to lose a second family…especially after Avian…”

Thank you, Mathieu.

You sure play favorites…
Tesla grumbled.

“Oh, Tesla, don’t be sore. You never want to be pet and have me cuddle you, so don’t complain. Get up here and I’ll pet you, too. But really, you guys; we need to think of a plan, just in case.” Mathieu smiled as Tesla hopped up in his lap too, in kitty form.

Nikola rolled onto her back and wiggled.
I dunno….

Petting his companions, he gave them a thoughtful look. “How does one create a
Shadowrider.
You’re created, right?”

Of course we are. From the purest power of one’s soul. We are made of darkness because that is what fills Solomon. Why?
Tesla licked his hand.

“I was…thinking of making one. Is that okay?”

That’d be splendid!
Nikola jumped to her feet in excitement.
We could have someone else to play with us!

Tesla gave him a quizzical look.
One created from your heart would be interested.

Mathieu nodded his head absently, saying, “I wonder how it’s done…”

Tesla purred in a condescending manner.
I know how to make one. It’s very painful, however, because you’re extracting part of your very essence.

“I can live with that. Listen, you two,” he picked both of them up and looked them in the eyes, “I get it if you guys need to be with Solomon more. He’s your creator and so,
well, yeah…”

The black cat swatted out at him with his paw, sans claws. It was one of Tesla’s trademark moves with him.
We walked out on him because he didn’t keep us in his heart. If he loved, cared, and relied upon us, we’d never have been able to be parted from him. You came along and we found you as much as you found us. We need you. If you make one of us, that’s fine with me, but don’t forget us.

He hugged them both against his chest suddenly, “Thanks, Tesla. Now, lay it on me. How do I make one?” It wasn’t quite the grand plan he had been aiming to construct in case Nathan didn’t make it, but this was much more interesting in a selfish way.

First you need to be alone, somewhere that no one will bother you. I can help with that. But then, it’s gonna take some imagination on your part. Within you, you need to discover the deepest recess of your soul, find the piece of you that you’ve never known existed. Then, you need to find the will to let it go, to let it take its own shape. If you can do that, then it will be created. However, it will be your responsibility to protect it until it can survive on its own.

“…And you said painful…”

Nikola bobbed her head, speaking this time.
But when you hold them and protect them, you form a bond with them. It’s worth it.

Mathieu lifted them both and stood, kissing each of their heads. “I want to do it now.”

Alright.
Tesla hopped down from his arms and nodded.
You can use the realm we travel through. We can stop anyone else from entering, so you get your isolation.

Come back soon, okay? We’ll be waiting.
Nikola sat on the chair, watching him.

Why couldn’t I just want a regular cat?
He said to both of them in a teasing way as he stepped into the puddle of darkness that Tesla had opened.

Because we’re pretty cool.

With that, the darkness closed behind Mathieu, wrapping around him. He couldn’t see anything through the pure darkness, but felt
a weightlessness
settle over him; it was more like Nikola’s darkness than Tesla’s, but he didn’t think too much on it. Mathieu turned his head this way and that before kicking out his feet. Nothing changed and he closed his eyes. It felt safe here. Warm. He floated there for a while, comforted by the slight tingle he felt when he moved.

There in the darkness, he looked at what he assumed was up, thinking. Here, he could feel everything he had kept locked away seeping out into the space around him. Avian’s death was the first thing that he felt tugging at the edges of the resolve, threatening to spill over. Mathieu took a deep breath and let it slowly, feeling the anger, the hurt, and the sharp sting of loss pour out of him; unlike before, however, it felt safe to feel these things here.

In his mind’s eye, he could see Avian in her favorite pair of jeans and off-the-shoulder shirt, smiling at him. She waved at him and he could feel her just beyond, happy
and whole. He felt his eyes tearing up. Avian tucked her hair behind her ear. “Thank you…” Many things were conveyed in those two words, but the thing Mathieu needed most, was the forgiveness. In that one phrase, she told him that she had never blamed him, that it was okay to let go. He believed those words, even if they were just his mind telling him what he wanted to hear.

Thank you, Avian…I miss you so much. I love you. Be safe. And be happy.
Her smile told him that she would be.

Rotating in the darkness, Mathieu next came face-to-face with something much deeper than Avian. As much as her loss had hurt him, there was something worse he had never faced within himself.

Again in his mind, a person was waiting for him.
Himself, as a young boy.
His hair was short, not yet to his shoulders, and he sat on the ground, crying. Mathieu recognized this moment. He had finally become old enough to understand that he was an orphan, that he had no family. There were no words to describe the gut wrenching sickness he’d felt when he realized his parents hadn’t wanted him, hadn’t loved him enough to keep him. Mathieu knew that he had been found on the side of the road just outside of Zurn and he couldn’t understand at that age how someone could willingly give up their child like that. He’d been so devastated by the blow to his fragile self-esteem that he hadn’t eaten for days.

Even now, he could feel his throat tighten as he thought about the fact that his parents had abandoned him. Had he been unplanned? So horribly detrimental to their lives that they had decided leaving him in the middle of nowhere was better than putting the effort into raising him? Mathieu brought a hand to his face, covering his
eyes as he felt the sting of tears in them. But he couldn’t hold them back. Silently, he began to sob, curling up in a ball in the darkness. He’d never known his parents and that was a hole punched in his chest he couldn’t heal. There was no chance he’d even find them now, and even if he did, what would he say? How did one face the family that hadn’t wanted him when he was a tiny, helpless child? Anger at his mother for not loving him like a mother should
welled
inside of him and he wiped his eyes. It wasn’t his fault. If she was heartless enough to not love her flesh and blood, he wasn’t going to lose a part of himself over it. She was a horrible, horrible woman. No mother of his. He turned away from his own crying self, lying to his own mind and saying he could move past that hurt.