Matt & Brooklyn: A Standalone in the "Again for the First Time" Family Saga (AFTFT Book 2) (28 page)

“It’s not that,” I finally answered. “I just—”

“Don’t wanna leave him,” my father cut in, finishing my sentence with a smile. He knew.

All I could do was nod.

He sighed and was thoughtful for a moment. “You’re different, Brook. Always have been.” I looked up into my father’s eyes before he continued. “I remember when you were about a month or two old, I told your mother you were gonna be the most stubborn of our girls.” He had to pause when he laughed at a memory. “And I was right about that.”

I laughed, too, unable to deny it.

“You remember that time you wrote your mom and I that letter because you thought we should reconsider your bedtime?” He smirked as nostalgia pulled him to another place and time. “You couldn’t have been older than eight. And you articulated yourself so well. After you walked away your mother and I weren’t sure whether we should be angry or proud that your argument was so well thought out.”

“Well, I’m assuming you all decided that being proud was the wrong response because you still made me go to bed at eight.”

He laughed again and so did I.

“But the point is, you always knew how to assert yourself. You always marched to the beat of your own drum. You always trust your own instincts.”

I saw where he was going.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that no one can tell you what to do, but you. And I’ll bet that if you listen real hard, you’ll figure this all out on your own.”

I leaned against his shoulder, feeling just as safe with him as I did when I was a kid. While, no, he didn’t solve my problem for me, he did imply that I should trust myself, listen with my heart—something I’d been afraid to do in this situation.

“Thanks, Dad.”

He kissed the top of my head again and squeezed me. “Anytime, honey.”

Neither of us rushed off, just sat there beside one another, alone with our thoughts.

‘Listen real hard… you’ll figure this all out on your own.’

*****

I went home that night with a major headache. My family took the news about as well as I expected them to, but the rest of the afternoon was pretty solemn after I shared my plans. My sisters were quiet, which was a far cry from their usual antics. While we sat out on the patio there were several lulls in conversation and they just weren’t themselves. I hated the way that made me feel—lonely despite being surrounded by my loved ones.

My mother disappeared for a while and I had the sinking suspicion she was crying. When she came back, her eyes were just a little red, but she put on a good act, behaving normally for the most part. Lia was by far taking it the hardest, though. She shut
everyone
out, spending the rest of the day on the front porch with her fingers glued to her phone. I attempted to talk to her about everything, but all I could get out of her were one-word answers. Eventually, she excused herself and went for a walk around the neighborhood alone.

After that, I figured it’d be best if I just left. It seemed like everyone needed time to process everything, so I said my goodbyes and took off.

No one called, not even to be nosey, not to give their unsolicited opinions. Nope. There was only radio silence. I lie in bed with my window open, listening to my neighbors having a pool party next door. If I had been trying to sleep, I would’ve been annoyed by their loud music, but tonight it kept me company.

I imagined the next year would be a lot like this—me holed up in my room alone, missing the people I love, wondering if they were okay. Just thinking about it I thought I’d cry again—which I couldn’t get used to. In the last month, I’ve cried more than I think I have in the last decade. I was never one to deal in emotions. To me, they only got in the way and made you do stupid things. Well… that’s what I
used
to think anyway. Matt changed my mind about that. Among the many new experiences he added to my life, he made me brave enough to feel. Anything. Everything. It was safe to be vulnerable with him.

My phone rang and I turned over in bed to see who it was—
Lia.

Hello?” I answered, listening for her voice so I could feel out her mood. She wasn’t back from her walk when I left my parents’ house earlier, so I had no idea what state of mind she was in.

“Hey,” she said back. Her voice was quiet, sad. It felt like a knife twisted in my heart. “Were you sleep?” she asked.

“No. I wasn’t. I’m happy you called.” I wanted to know she would be okay without me this year. She was going into tenth grade, turning sixteen in about six weeks. I needed to know she and her mom wouldn’t fall apart without me here to mediate. I just… I wanted her to be okay. I wanted
everyone
to be okay. That may have been too much to ask, though.

Lia breathed into the phone and I was all ears. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for being mean earlier.”

I laughed at her word choice. “You weren’t being mean; you were upset. That’s allowed,” I replied. “I just want you to understand that this move is only temporary. I’ll be back before you know it and we can hang out as much as you want.”

I took a deep breath and prayed for the day that this was all behind me.

“I know,” she said. “I’m happy for you.” Surprisingly, I believed her.

“Thank you.”

“So… do you know anything about South Africa?” I liked that she wasn’t afraid to ask me questions. Hopefully, that would help her accept this all a little easier.

“Eh… not really, but I’ve done a little research online over the last couple days. There’s a lot to do and see, but I probably won’t get into much while I’m there. My focus will be on work.”
And home…

Finally, Lia perked up, sounding less doom and gloom than she did when I first picked up. “You’re so lame!” she yelled, and we both laughed. “You’re twenty-four. I would expect Grandma to say that, not you. You’re gonna be in a foreign country! Aren’t you supposed to live it up?”

At first I smiled, but then the expression faded altogether. Her question stood out in my mind. She was right; I
am
supposed to be ‘living it up’, but that term means something different to different people. For me, it had nothing to do with sightseeing and experiencing whatever nightlife Johannesburg had to offer. For me, it was about embracing what I now knew were the most important things in my life.

When I sniffed into the phone, Lia didn’t miss it.

“Aunt Brook? You cryin’?”

I laughed at her tone. She probably didn’t know what to think. I’m supposed to be the tough one and here I was sobbing… again. Un-freakin-believable.

“Ugh… just ignore me. Please. I think my eyes are broken. They keep leaking.” She laughed when I did.

“It’s okay to be sad. You know that, right?” Here she was, my almost sixteen year-old niece, being the voice of reason. I wasn’t too pigheaded to listen to what she had to say, though. You never know where good advice can come from.

“I hear you, but I keep feeling like I’ll miss so much while I’m gone.” And, in all honesty, I would. I absolutely would.

“That makes sense. I can’t imagine going away for a year.”

“Neither can I, girly. Neither can I.” I zoned out and stared at the ceiling. “Promise me you’ll be good to your mom while I’m gone?”

Lia groaned quietly on the other end of the phone. I smiled and repeated myself. “Promise? Don’t have me call to check on you guys and find out you’ve been cutting up.”

She sighed. “I’ll be nice.”

“Good. You better. And no boys either. Focus on school.”

She was hesitant, but eventually gave me an honest counter-response. “I promise I won’t get caught up with anybody who’s bad for me. That good enough?”

I smiled when she didn’t lie to me, making a promise she knew she wasn’t trying to keep. “I guess,” I said with a laugh.

“And what about you? Do I get to set any rules for you while you’re in South Africa?”

Curious, I told her to tell me what she had in mind.

“Well… promise me you’ll call at least once a week.”

That was reasonable enough. “Okay, I promise.”

“Promise you’ll bring me back at least three cool things. I mean like… better than anything you bring back for anybody else.”

I laughed, but wasn’t surprised. “You’re a mess, Lia. I promise.”

She thought for a while before adding her third request. “Oh! And no boys for you either,” she said with a laugh. “Well… no men, I mean. I don’t want you meeting some dude over there. Then the next thing I know, he’ll be trying to keep you and I’m not having that.”

She had nothing to worry about there. “You have my word.”

“Good. Now, while you’re in such a good mood, can I ask you something? It’s super important.”

My brow tensed, preparing myself for whatever she’d say next. “Sure. Ask away.”

She hesitated, but then went for it. “When you leave… can I borrow your purses and earrings and—”

“Girl… no. And if I find out you’ve been within one hundred yards of my closet, I’ll—”

“But you won’t even be here to use any of it!” She protested, giggling on the other end of the phone.

“Nope. No. Don’t even think about it.”

She let out a playful growl. “Like I said…
lame
.”

“Well, I guess I’ll have to be lame, then. You’re like your mom; she doesn’t like to give stuff back when she
‘borrows’
it.” That was actually a bad habit me and
all
my sisters had, but that was neither here nor there.

“…Fine,” Lia whined. She had me smiling pretty hard. After the day I had, I needed this, needed her to come to terms with my decision. Hopefully, she felt better, too.

“Hang on,” she piped. “That’s Julian calling. I’m just gonna click over for a second,” she lied. I’d sat holding the phone enough times to know they’d probably be talking all night.

“Don’t worry about it. Love you. Be good.”

She promised she would be and then got off the line with me to talk to her friend. I thought back to how they were together the day I was able to watch them interact here at my house. They cared about one another and I hoped they stayed just like they were long after high school ended, after adolescence had come and gone. If they were lucky, if they continued to be good to one another, they could potentially have something more one day. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you should never count a friend out. If you feel something, don’t be afraid to dig deeper. You never know; your future soul mate could be right in front of you.

Now I missed Matt. So without thinking twice, I called him. He was back in New Mexico with Pete this week, but his day should’ve ended by now.

“I was just about to call you,” he answered, instantly bringing a smile to my face.

“Really? Why? Were you thinking about me?” I felt giddy tonight just like any other time I talked to him.

“Always. How’d it go tonight?” he asked. I thought back on the talk I had with my family a few hours earlier.

I breathed into the phone. “Fine, I suppose. They were taken aback of course, but… I think they’ll be okay,” I added, trying to convince myself.

“Of course they will be. I mean… we’ll all miss you, but it’d be crazy for you to pass this up. They want the best for you just like I do.”

And I knew he was right. My sisters would be so mad at me if I changed my mind about this. While, yes, they didn’t necessarily
want
me to leave, they had
always
had my best interest at heart.

“Three more weeks,” Matt said, breaking the silence.

A dim smile touched my lips. “Yup.”

“So, what’s the next step?”

I visualized the paperwork Raj emailed me. “I have to go to the doctor Monday to get vaccinated. After that, I need to pack and talk to my parents about keeping Dallas for me while I’m gone.”

Matt didn’t respond right away and I wondered if he didn’t really want to have this conversation; if he was only pretending to be okay with discussing my plans. Then I remembered who I was talking to. Matt wasn’t that kind of guy. If he said he was supportive of my decision, if he said he was happy for me, those feelings were genuine. That very second, I stopped second guessing him.

“I don’t know how much time I’ll have to travel, but I’m gonna come visit you whenever I can.”

He made me smile. “I’d love that. Like… as often as you can get to me? Get to me.” I had no problem letting him know how bad I’d miss him, how desperate I was sure I’d be to see him.

He laughed. “You have my word.”

I lingered in my thoughts for a moment, imagining he and I together on another continent. “You fly the Friday after we check Nick in, right?”

Both those events were permanently etched into my mind—Nick checking into rehab, which was also the date Matt was coming into town so we could sign our annulment paperwork, and then Friday… the day I’d be leaving for Johannesburg. “Yup. I fly out at three p.m.”

“Okay, I just wanted to double-check.” He paused. “Make sure you leave Thursday night open for me.”