Matters of Circumstance (14 page)

God, she had to get to work. She didn’t have the time for this.

“It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen,” she finally said. “And Neal—”

“Oh yeah, Neal.” Farrah had never heard so much disdain in her friend’s voice as she did right now. “Everything must be just wonderful with wonderful old
Neal
around, huh? He’s the one you really want to be around, isn’t he? People like me and Michael—we just pass the time until the bell rings and you can be with
Neal
again, don’t we?”

That hurt, Farrah thought. That cut deep. “Ruby, that’s not fair,” she said, her voice shaking with something she didn’t think she should name. “He’s not even here to defend himself, for starters, and he has done nothing wrong. He’s been the one putting up with me this entire time—and let me tell you, that is no easy job. If you want to get mad at somebody, get mad at me, but Neal does not deserve to be picked on like that.”

“Fine, I will get mad at you,” Ruby snapped. “We have known each other since middle school, but the minute something comes up you run to someone you’ve known for—what? Three months? What makes me so untrustworthy, huh? What’s wrong with Michael? What have we ever done so wrong that Neal’s done right?”

Obviously Ruby and Michael had discussed this before. Farrah felt worse than ever to know that they felt that way.

Then she remembered that she had to get to work. Christ, this really wasn’t the time to be having a conversation like this.

“I’m not trying to demean what you’re saying or anything, but can we continue this discussion on the way to Joe’s? I really have to get going.”

At first Ruby looked like she wanted to say no and walk away, but then she stomped over to the passenger door with a huffy, “Fine. Just let me text my ride.”

Farrah unlocked her car and they got in. She drove wordlessly as Ruby told her ride what was going on.

“I hope you didn’t have anything important planned,” Farrah said apologetically once she was sure the conversation was done.

Ruby paused, then sighed heavily. Her sweet-smelling perfume had already filled the car to the roof. Farrah was lucky that it was a nice scent. “No, we were just going to hang out. They’re going to pick me up at Joe’s now—will probably buy coffees, too, thank me very much,” she said with half-hearted bitchiness.

Farrah snorted softly. “Yes, thank you for forcing me to work even harder for my $8.50 an hour,” she said jokingly.

Ruby giggled a little reluctantly, but it was laughter all the same. Then the car fell completely silent and Farrah knew her friend was waiting for an explanation for why she and Michael were apparently substandard in comparison to Neal.

“It’s not you guys at all,” Farrah said. “I don’t know how to make you believe that.” To be honest, she hadn’t been aware that they cared this much to begin with.

Nothing. That was clearly not a good enough reason.

Farrah let out a breath, rolling up to a stoplight and waiting for it to change. She hoped that what came next would be enough, because after that she didn’t have anything. “I didn’t know Neal at all three months ago—you know that—and then things just started happening and all of a sudden my life was spinning out of control and I find out he’s going through the same thing. The only reason we started talking is because we could relate, but before I knew it the situation became an Issue with a capital I and Neal’s the only one that knows. I guess I never wanted to bother anyone else with it.”

Her friend was quiet for a while. Traffic was moving smoothly, too, so Farrah focused on that while she waited on tenterhooks for what would come next.

Eventually Ruby said, “I understand all that, actually. It’s hard when things get out of control.”

Farrah breathed a sigh of genuine relief as the feeling washed over her. “Oh my god, you have no idea how much I appreciate—”

“But what I still don’t get is what that initial connection was—what could possibly be going on that only you and Neal feel it? I mean, there are so many things that could happen, but nothing is unique.”

“Trust me, it is unique. You’re never going to be able to guess what,” she said with a little more confidence as she pulled into a parking space at the shopping center. Joe’s was in sight, and according to her car’s digital clock she had only about seven minutes in which to be there.

Ruby opened her door, but looked back at Farrah as she gathered up her keys, purse and work polo. “What is it, then?”

Farrah got out of the car and bumped the door shut with her hip. Ruby followed suit at a much slower pace, but Farrah could feel her friend’s eyes boring into the side of her head.

She glanced at her watch, and though she knew she would be pushing it she forced the words out all the same, “You’re not going to like it.”

“What? Do you think I’ll ditch you and tell the whole school about it out of sheer bitchiness?” said Ruby, walking alongside her with a very determined air. “After all I’ve done today just to get you to open up to me?”

“In my defense, I had no idea you and Michael cared so much,” said Farrah, her eyes flicking to the single-stall bathroom and her blood jumping in trepidation.

‘Just don’t think about it,’
she told herself.
‘Don’t think. Ruby of all people deserves to kn

ow, doesn’t she?’

Somehow it was easier to think of doing this than it was of telling her parents about her wings. Farrah wasn’t sure if it was because she thought Ruby more open-minded and accepting, or if her opinion mattered a little less.

“What do you mean, you didn’t know?” Ruby squawked.

“I didn’t. I just thought that… you guys didn’t notice what I did in my spare time, I guess. That we were those sort of people who are good friends while we’re together, but aren’t when we’re apart.” Farrah didn’t quite know how to describe it other than that. She hoped it made sense.

“Is that seriously what you thought?”

“Not really. I just didn’t think it would be mutual. You said yourself, we were never best friends.” That was her real opinion. Were she allowed, Farrah wouldn’t mind getting closer to Michael and Ruby, she had just… thought she was the only one.

At this point the fact she wasn’t going to Joe’s Joe was apparent, and Ruby said confusedly, “Um, where are we going? Joe’s is the other way.”

Farrah took another deep breath. “I’m going to show you,” she said as she opened the bathroom door (which was conveniently unoccupied). “I think it’ll blow over better that way.”

Bewildered and a little uncomfortable, Ruby nevertheless followed her into the tiny, dingy bathroom. A nearly overwhelming sense of déjà vu came over Farrah as she flipped on the light and locked the door.

“Yeah, Farrah, that’s creepy. Just a little,” she said, but Farrah could tell that she was only feigning the confidence in her voice.

“Imagine what passers by are thinking when they see us go into a single-toilet bathroom together” was her only reply as she put her purse and apron on the little metal shelf attached to the bottom of the mirror.

Then, fussing with the hem of her hoodie, she turned to her friend. “Okay, this is going to be weird and a little awkward, but remember that you’re the one who wanted to know,” she said.

Ruby rolled her eyes, plainly thinking this was a joke now. “Show me the weirdness, Fare.”

Her heart was beating frantically in her chest and her mind was simultaneously reminding her that she had to work in five minutes and screaming that doing this was going to lose her the good friend she hadn’t even known she had. Farrah took another big breath and stripped off her hoodie (which was, indeed, a little awkward).

“What?” said Ruby, unimpressed. “Is NeverShoutNever the scandalous secret?”

Having forgotten the shirt she was wearing, Farrah had to glance down in order for her friend’s comment to make sense. “No,” she managed to choke out.

Then she did the really awkward thing and pulled off her shirt to expose her wings. It took some concentration, but she managed to unfurl them too.

Never had she felt déjà vu like this. It was like she was playing Neal’s part in a movie or something.

However, unlike Neal, she had her eyes scrunched shut tight and was already cowering, awaiting judgment for her crazy stunt. Any time now Ruby would scream in horror and dash out of the bathroom without so much as a glance back. She had lost a friend, she was a freak that had just done a really stupid thing—

Disbelieving, somewhat shaky fingers touched the tip of her right wing. It was getting really hard to keep them both open, too, so she let them fold up against her torso again with a sigh.

“Oh.” Farrah’s eyes snapped open to see Ruby drawing her hand back as if she had been slashed at. “Sorry. I just wanted to…” She glanced down, a little sheepish. Some pink was even dusting her fair cheeks. “Make sure they were real,” she finished quietly.

“It didn’t hurt or anything. I’m just not strong enough to hold them out for long,” said Farrah. “You can touch them, if you want.”

Actually, it was extremely weird to have someone touch her wings, the same way it would feel if someone started stroking your big toe. To Farrah’s private relief, it did not take long for Ruby to be convinced of their reality. Nobody spoke as she shoved herself back into her clothes, but as they were leaving the bathroom Ruby could not seem to help asking, “Tell me if I’m going too far, but can you actually fly with those things?”

“You know what this means, don’t you?” Neal asked when he heard. On his face was a Don’t Play Stupid sort of grin that Farrah found simultaneously irksome and attractive.

“That you’re conveniently never around when the really exciting stuff happens?” she tried, not liking where he was blatantly going with this because of all of the things it blatantly meant.

“Oh ha ha.” Unfortunately, he wasn’t buying into her attempt to change the subject. “While that is oddly true, you and I both know you know that wasn’t the point I was trying to make—what was the point?” He nudged her. “Hmm? It was…” He trailed off, clearly expecting her to fill in the blank.

Farrah groaned and tried to ignore the looks they were getting from passing schoolmates. It probably sounded strange, all things considered, but she hadn’t once expected her relationship with Neal to become so widely known. At least, she hadn’t anticipated being gawked at when she hung out with her boyfriend before school.

“Why does this stuff never happen to you? Why is it always me?” she said to no one in particular.

“Who knows—fate? Crazy coincidence? I had your same problems, but I didn’t make a big deal out of it all?” Then he was pushing at her again. “Now c’mon, Fare, just humor me. This means…”

She rolled her eyes, but complied nonetheless. “That Mom and Dad are next, but—”

“Dingdingding! We have a winner!” he cried, throwing out his arms and leaning back. Since they were sitting on the concrete wall outside of the administrative building and it had no backrest, this quickly proved not to be his smartest action. He lost his balance and jerked forward none-too-gracefully to stop himself from falling.

In all honesty, Farrah did not share his optimism. “Yeah—but life coach? It’s not that easy.”

Good cheer fading somewhat, Neal just looked at her. “Why isn’t it? If Ruby—who has absolutely no obligation to accept you—still accepts you anyway, why shouldn’t your parents? They’re the ones who are supposed to love you no matter what, right?”

Well, when he put it like that…

“God, you make me sound so
stupid—”

“It’s not me. You’re making yourself sound stupid.”

“Hey O’Brien,” came Shellie’s unmistakable monotone as they passed.

Farrah automatically pulled herself back together and returned the slight wave her friend and co-worker was offering. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Neal waving too. “Hey Shell. See you are work this afternoon?” she said companionably.

“Yup.” And then Shellie walked on.

“So what?” he said when she was out of earshot. “Are you just gonna go to the doctor’s next week and say, ‘
hey, could you look at my wings while you’re checking everything else out? I want to make sure those are in tip-top shape, too’?”

“You are so lucky you’re not a minor and don’t have to deal with this shit,” she said through gritted teeth.

“I’m just making a point.”

“Oh my god,
Farrah—”
Ruby gushed, dropping down on the wall next to her. She must have estimated the distance wrong, though, because their shoulders crashed together a little painfully. It was very pre-wings behavior, in Farrah’s opinion. She didn’t know if the action was reflexive or meant to accent that the rift between them was gone. “You know how money for senior prom tickets is due today, right? Well, you will never guess who just asked me!” Then she saw that Farrah wasn’t alone. “Oh, hey Neal.”

“Hi.”

“But seriously, Farrah. Guess. You’re never going to get it right.” Ruby was so ecstatic that it was contagious—which, of course, wasn’t exactly a bad thing. Farrah liked to think that she needed it, after what she had just been talking about with Neal.

And while they hadn’t spoken of it lately because of obvious reasons, if Farrah knew anything about Ruby the only boy who could get her this head-over-heels excited was: “Robin.”