McKenzie (18 page)

However, whether it was in God’s hands or not, McKenzie knew that their marriage would be short-lived. No matter what feelings she harbored in her heart now or later, the answer would remain the same. Her marriage to Zach would be over once she found Kaydie. There was nothing she or he could do to change that fact.

Just then, Zach drew closer to McKenzie and kissed her gently on the lips. McKenzie found herself wishing the kiss would last longer than it did. Feelings within her—feelings she’d never felt before—rose to the surface, and she struggled to define them. She needed to figure out some way to protect her heart and Zach’s heart, and his kisses weren’t helping the matter one bit.

McKenzie attempted to dismiss the kiss from her mind and decided to change the subject. “Perhaps—perhaps I should pick up a new Bible for you the next time I’m in town. I know this Bible was your father’s, but it is looking a little worse for the wear.”

“Thanks, McKenzie, but this Bible is my most prized possession,” Zach said. “It shows years of wear from being read by both Pa and me. Pa flipped through the pages of this book looking for just the right verse and underlined the Scriptures that held deep meaning to him, personally. Now, I do the same thing. My parents were only thirty-one and thirty-two when they died—so young to be taken. I didn’t have them for long, and I have only a few things that were theirs. I know that this Bible and your wedding ring are just things, but they somehow bring me closer to my parents and help me remember that I’ll join them in glory someday. I can’t wait for them to meet you.”

McKenzie nodded, pretending to understand. Her parents were still alive, so she couldn’t truly empathize with his loss. She wasn’t as close to her parents as he had been to his, so she couldn’t understand his devotion. She hadn’t experienced the love of parents and child like he had, so she couldn’t comprehend his dedication. She was learning so much during these evenings on the porch—so much about Zach, in addition to God and His Word. Neither subject was something she would have cared about a month ago. Likewise, going to church had become exciting to her, even without lunches and social gatherings to look forward to afterward.

“Growing up and into adulthood, God and His Word never meant much to me,” McKenzie said. “My family attended church for the social aspect of it, not to grow closer to God or to learn more about Him. Church here seems so foreign to me, but in a good way.”

“Keep letting God pull you closer to Him, McKenzie. He loves you so much. Together, we will learn all about Him.”

McKenzie nodded. Why was it that in these moments with Zach, she felt a closeness she’d never felt before? As quickly as she’d let the question enter her mind, she dismissed it. It would be better to distance herself than to make things more difficult when the time came to leave. Besides, while she didn’t want to hurt Zach, she knew it was necessary to sacrifice everything for Kaydie. Surely, when McKenzie explained to him why she had made the choices she had, Zach would understand and forgive her.

Aweek later, McKenzie and Zach set out on their trip to Canfield Falls to look for Kaydie. Having Zach with her made McKenzie feel more at ease about the task that lay before her.

McKenzie had packed only what was necessary for their short trip in the back of the covered wagon. Learning to pack light was an ongoing process that McKenzie had never needed to master before. Whenever she’d traveled with her parents and even during her trip to Pine Haven, she had packed an excessive amount. Because they would be gone for only two days, McKenzie knew that to pack more than necessary would be useless and even burdensome.

Canfield Falls was twenty-five miles west of Pine Haven, and, with each passing mile, McKenzie grew more and more anxious. Her mind swam with worries and questions. What if Kaydie wasn’t there? What if Kaydie was there, but Darius wouldn’t let her leave? What if Kaydie was no longer alive? What if they found Kaydie, but she chose to remain with Darius, instead?

“Are you all right, my sweet McKenzie?” Zach asked.

McKenzie thought of how Zach had just begun to call her his “sweet McKenzie.” She had no idea why. She had never considered herself sweet. “I’m just thinking about what will happen when we arrive in Canfield Falls,” she said.

“Tell me, why did Kaydie marry someone like Darius?”

“She didn’t realize who he truly was. He made her all of these glowing promises. He purchased gifts for her, he made her feel special….” McKenzie struggled to keep from becoming emotional. She recalled the day so clearly when Darius had walked into Kaydie’s life and things had changed forever. “He has mistreated her egregiously.”

“I’m sorry,” Zach said. “I can’t imagine a man treating a woman that way. We’ll find her, McKenzie, and we’ll get her away from Darius. I promise.”

“But, how can you promise that? She may not even be alive.”

McKenzie swallowed a sob, and she heard Zach gulp.

Finally, his voice filled with renewed conviction, he said, “If it is God’s will, then there will be nothing stopping us.”

“I hope it’s His will,” McKenzie said, her voice weak. “If it’s not, that means Kaydie must stay trapped with Darius forever.”

“If it is God’s will, and I pray that it is, God will help us. In Luke, we have the assurance that ‘with God nothing shall be impossible.’ I believe that this will be possible with God’s help.”

McKenzie nodded. She wished she had Zach’s faith. She glanced at his profile and thought of how he had given up two days of work to take her to Canfield Falls. Had anyone ever made such a sacrifice for her before? Would she even have noticed? Probably not. She knew she was changing, and the realization scared her. She wasn’t the same woman she’d been when she’d arrived. She cringed at the thought that being different would only make the inevitable more difficult.

“Are you as close to your other sister as you are to Kaydie?” Zach asked, bringing her thoughts back to the conversation at hand.

McKenzie giggled, and her mood brightened immediately. “No, Zach. Peyton and I are not close at all. Ever since we were little girls, we’ve never gotten along. Mother used to sigh in exasperation at our constant quibbling. Peyton is very opinionated and has always been Mother’s favorite. She’s just like Mother, always attending social gatherings and raising her son the same way Mother and Father raised us. I, on the other hand, have a slightly strong will, and I’m closer to Father. Such differences have done more to make us disagreeable to each other than anything.”

Zach laughed, too. “For the first time in my life, I feel fortunate I was an only child.”

“You would feel that way for sure if you had Peyton for a sister. She’s four years older than I am, and she married this horribly boring, spineless man named Maxwell Adams. She never wasted any time letting me know that she was superior to me, if only for the reason that she was married and I was not.”

“Fortunately for me, you weren’t married,” Zach said. “I have to admit to you that I thought Kaydie was a long-lost love of yours when I first saw the name Kayde.”

“Oh, Zach, really?”

Zach nodded. “I’d just found you, and I didn’t want to lose you.”

McKenzie sobered at his remark and hoped he wouldn’t feel that way when Kaydie had been freed from Darius and was boarding the stagecoach with McKenzie to go back to Boston.

“You and Kaydie are pretty close, I take it,” Zach said.

“We’re very close. I would call her my baby when we were little, even though we are so close in age. We didn’t play much—at least, not in the way children like Davey do—unless, of course, my parents were gone for the day. No, we were always taught to sit properly, not touch anything, speak only when spoken to, and be seen, but not heard. We were much like pretty doilies on a parlor table.”

***

Zach winced at the thought of McKenzie missing out on her childhood. He’d been so fortunate in his. Even when he’d been at the orphanage, playtimes had been frequent. He guessed that McKenzie’s upbringing had affected her adulthood in more ways than even she realized.

“I do remember one time, though,” McKenzie said, placing a hand over her mouth. “I was about six, and we had this fabulous nanny named Esther. She took us to a park, not knowing that it was against Mother’s wishes. Kaydie and I played games with her, had a picnic, and watched the ducks on the lake. That’s my best memory from when I was a child, I think. Unfortunately, when we returned home with stained dresses and a few bumps and bruises from all our fun, Mother found it fitting to dismiss Esther at that very moment. So, that was not only my best memory but also one of my saddest ones.”

“You were raised by nannies?” Zach asked.

“We were. Later in our lives, Nellie and Biddie took the place of nannies and did everything a mother would normally do. We knew for certain that our parents loved us—they provided everything for us—but it was a different kind of love from the kind you have for Davey.”

Zach thought for a minute. He hesitated to ask the question that nagged at his mind but ultimately decided to do so. “McKenzie, have you given any thought to what type of ma you’d like to be for Davey, and for the children you and I have together someday?” He’d thought often about the type of pa he was and would be when he had additional children.

McKenzie drew in her breath and looked as if she might faint.

“McKenzie, are you all right?” Zach asked. McKenzie’s face had gone from a rosy color to a pallor as white as snow. She had begun to sway from side to side, and Zach feared she might fall from the wagon. He reached out to steady her, and she collapsed into his waiting arms. Thankful that she hadn’t lost consciousness, as she had during their wedding, Zach held her with one arm and used the other to slow the horses to a stop. “McKenzie?”

“I—I’m all right, Zach.” McKenzie’s breathing was quick and shallow. “I—I don’t want to talk about being a mother, if it’s all the same to you.”

Zach was taken aback. Had his mention of motherhood really prompted her pallor and uneven breathing? “I’m sorry, McKenzie. I had no idea this discussion would disturb you so.”

***

McKenzie gazed up into Zach’s eyes. She’d noticed that whenever he was particularly concerned, his eyes became bluer. Had she ever seen eyes that more closely matched the sky on a hot, summer day in Pine Haven? She doubted it. His eyes were one of the things she had grown to like most about his appearance. “I—I’m sorry, Zach. I just don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“That’s fine. I’ll not bring it up again. I know that having a child is a big change, and I am in no rush to become a father again. I’m completely content with Davey. I’ll not rush you into anything, McKenzie.”

McKenzie again felt as though she would faint. She hadn’t even thought about having children—not when she and Zach had separate bedrooms, and when she was planning to be gone in a few months’ time. The thought that Zach wanted to have children with her racked her heart with guilt. He really loved her and had already made plans for their future together. McKenzie had made plans, too, but they didn’t allow for a future together, with or without children. The world around her began to spin, and light-headedness replaced her body’s stability. No, don’t faint again! she told herself. I will not faint again!

Zach set McKenzie’s head down gently on the seat and reached into the wagon for his canteen. He dampened his handkerchief and used it to dab at McKenzie’s forehead. “You’ll be fine, McKenzie. Just take deep breaths,” he said gently.

McKenzie obeyed Zach’s suggestion. She disliked the fact that whenever she became intensely overburdened, she would faint. Perhaps, someday, that would pass, and she’d be strong, like Rosemary. “Thank you, Zach,” she squeaked.

“I’m always here for you, McKenzie. Always. Even if you had a difficult upbringing, even if you’re prone to fainting, even if you decide you never want to bear children, and even if you never love me the way I’m beginning to love you, I’ll be there for you. After all, I made a vow.”

McKenzie and Zach arrived in Canfield Falls in the early evening. True to Zach’s description in his letters to McKenzie, the mining town had become reckless with nominal law enforcement. The possibility of finding gold brought hungry prospectors of good and bad character alike from all over the continent in their quest to become wealthy. Some would stop at nothing to achieve that goal, and they’d brought with them a rough, wild atmosphere, with gunfights in the saloons and drunken carousing in the streets. Among the inhabitants, there were few women and even fewer families. To say that Canfield Falls and Pine Haven were opposites in terms of ambience would be an understatement. Zach had been hesitant to travel to Canfield Falls, but he knew that until they sought out information regarding Kaydie’s whereabouts, McKenzie’s heart would not be settled.

“I think our best bet is to find somewhere to park the wagon and settle in for the night,” Zach said. “Tomorrow morning, we can begin asking questions. I doubt we’ll get any answers this late in the day.”

“I guess you’re right,” McKenzie said with a disappointed sigh.

Ever vigilant, Zach gazed down the main street of the town. On the left were three buildings: a saloon, a mercantile, and a blacksmith’s shop. On the right was one building: a livery stable. Men were staggering through the street in a drunken fashion, firing random shots into the air. Zach saw McKenzie shudder, and he was aghast to think that she might have made this trip alone had he not found out about her quest to find Kaydie.

They left the town behind, and Zach found a quiet, seemingly safe spot by the river, where they would stay for the night. He built a fire, and, before going to bed, he and McKenzie ate the meal Rosemary had packed for them.

***

McKenzie lay alone in the covered wagon, staring up at the canvas that encased it. Worries about Kaydie—and about Zach, sleeping outside under the stars—filled her mind and made it difficult to fall sleep. She tried to make herself comfortable, but the hard wood beneath her back, combined with her racing thoughts, made it futile. At some point in the night, however, she did manage to sleep. She awoke after sunrise, and, after breakfast, she and Zach prepared to begin their mission.