Me & My Invisible Guy (22 page)

Everything was starting to get better for her, but I had to mess things up with my big mouth. I could have left her out of it. I should have. No one needed to know the real reason I didn’t want to have sex.

Darby’s… incident… was not a comfortable topic in my family. And my relationship with Darby had turned into nothing but a set of rules.
Don’t bother her. Don’t pressure her. Leave her alone
. But the last few weeks had given me these irresistible glimpses of what it might be like to have a sister again. I ached for it.

I got dressed and wandered down the hallway to Darby’s room. I knew she was in there. She had barely left her room since the mall. But as I knocked and waited, I had a growing sense of dread. I hadn’t seen her in hours.
What if…?

Then the door cracked open, and I was so relieved to see her that it took me a moment to notice her pale face and sad, red eyes.

“Can I come in?”

Darby looked at me for a few long seconds before she opened the door wider. I stepped inside. I loved Darby’s room. She had always had a knack for decorating and had designed her room with simple white furniture and lush, colorful fabrics. She walked over to her red saucer chair and dropped into it. I perched on her bed.

“I am so sorry. Sorrier than I have ever been in my life.”

“I know.” The words were quiet, and she stared out the window as she spoke.

“I wish I could fix it, change it, take it back somehow…”

“You can’t.” She turned to look at me.

“Have you talked to Brian?” I regretted the question immediately, because she turned away again and began to cry, shaking her head.

“I can’t face him.”

“But you have to try.”

She shook her head again and buried her face in her knees. “It doesn’t matter, anyway.”

“But it does.” I went over and knelt by her chair. “Please, Darby. You can’t just give up on him. You’re not even giving him a chance.”

Darby grew quiet again.

“I really am sorry,” I said. “Some girl is writing an article about me at school, but I didn’t mention your name at all. She asked, but I didn’t say a thing.”

“Thanks.”

“Will you tell me? If I can do anything to help?”

Darby nodded, and I got up to leave.

“Mally.”

“Yeah?”

“I forgive you,” she said.

“Thanks.” I looked at her as I closed the door—still curled up, still so sad. I was glad that she didn’t hate me, but it didn’t solve anything either. I wanted so badly for her to be happy.

I turned down the hallway, and my mom was standing by her door, arms crossed.

I held up my hands. “I was just apologizing.”

“How is she?”

I paused. “Sad.”

Mom shook her head and turned to go down the stairs.

Leaving me behind.

After dinner I asked my dad if he would take me to the store so I could get a new cell phone. I had the money, but I couldn’t get there on my own. He agreed, even though Mom shot him a look like he was fraternizing with the enemy.

“So why do you need a new phone?” he asked once we were in the car.

“It got wet.”

He drove to the shopping center and came inside with me. My dad was a total gadget geek, so he became engrossed in all of the smartphones while I waited for one of the guys to pry my phone apart and see if he could salvage my SIM card.

I picked out a phone I could afford, but Dad showed me a cute new one with a slide-out keyboard.

“This one’s got a better camera and twice the memory.” He held it out for me.

“Yeah, and it’s twice the cost.”

He shrugged. “I’ll pay the extra.”

“Mom’ll kill you. We’re supposed to pay for all our own cell phone stuff.”

He considered it. “This one is better, and if you promise not to leave it out in the rain, I’ll take the heat for it.”

I grinned and gave him a big hug. It was my dad’s way of saying he loved me. And right then, I really needed to hear it.

We waited while the tech transferred the chip and got it all activated. When we hopped in the car, I checked my voice mail and was sad to find a bunch of nasty texts from unknown numbers. But nothing from Liam.

I closed the phone.

“Thanks, Dad. This is great.”

“You’re welcome. And Mom… she’ll come around.”

“I don’t know. She’s scary when it comes to Darby.”

“It’s just because she’s worried.”

Dad shifted in his seat, probably uncomfortable that we were speaking of the unspeakable. In its own way, though, it was a pretty big step for the two of us.

When we got home, I gave him another big hug on the front porch.

“Let’s not show that to your mom just yet, okay?”

“You got it.”

CHAPTER 18

Mom still wasn’t talking to me on Tuesday morning, aside from absolutely necessary conversation. She dropped me off at school and left. It stung.

The lockers were hard to miss when I walked into school. Dozens of them had the word
virgin
scrawled in marker; several of them were even sporting exclamation points. I wondered if people had chosen to put it there, like Liam, or if other kids were writing it in an accusatory way. It was hard to tell.

During homeroom announcements, it became clear that the administration was
not
impressed.

“Those students who have vandalized their lockers will report to the office immediately after dismissal. Failure to report will result in an immediate ISS.”

I hated being so conspicuous. I felt as if everyone was talking and whispering behind my back. On the way to PE, I had to pass Greg and his friends, who whistled and commented as I walked by. Katie came up and walked with me to the locker room.

“So which is it?”

“Huh?”

“Are you a virgin or not?”

“I am. Why?”

“Greg’s saying you slept with him.”

I yanked open a locker and shoved my bag inside. “Greg’s a liar. He’s just saying that because I
didn’t
sleep with him.”

Katie shrugged. “Well, you lied to everyone about Todd….”

I pulled on my gym shorts and tied back my hair in a ponytail, now totally aware of what people were saying about me.

Katie leaned in. “Look, I don’t care what you do; I just think you should quit acting all high and mighty about it.”

“I’m not.” But Katie was already gone.

I went out to the gym, where Mr. Yasbeck was lining us up to do fitness testing. Lexi stood next to me in line.

“So I guess we’re in trouble,” she said.

“You wrote on your locker?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I didn’t write on mine. I don’t know who did.”

Lexi reached up to stretch her arms. “What’s so bad about being labeled a virgin?”

I reached down to my toes, following Yasbeck’s instructions, avoiding the question. It was fine for Lexi’s sort to run around and declare their virginity to the world, but I wasn’t like them. It was hard enough to admit that I was a virgin in the first place, and now people were calling me a snob for it? Great.

I got through PE and AP Euro by ignoring everything around me. It was hard not to notice that the word
slut
had started to appear on some lockers as well. And the tone of the hallways seemed angrier.

Walking to lunch was like walking through hell.

“I can take care of your little problem right now.”

“Ain’t no way that hasn’t seen some action.”

“Little Miss Snow White thinks she’s all that.”

The worst part was that I never asked to be a part of it. How could I escape from my own life?

Liam sat next to me at my table.

“I bet they’ll make us scrub lockers. Ya think?”

I stabbed the salad with my fork.

“Mallory, it’ll blow over.”

I doubted that. And even if it did, it still felt as if the year had been ruined. In ten years, when I looked back on being a junior, this sequence of events would overpower everything else. I’d only remember what I’d lost.

“Come on, this is kind of funny.”

“Maybe for you, Mr. Never Stays in One Place. But this is my home. These are my friends. And I’ve never, ever been hated. So thanks a lot for giving me my first experience as a pariah.”

Liam’s shoulders sagged. “You’re right. I just don’t know how to fix this.”

I glanced over at Tess, sitting across the cafeteria. I was pretty sure I could handle everything that was happening if Tess was with me. I didn’t really care if everyone else hated me, but Tess? I
needed
Tess.

Liam glumly ate his burger and picked at his fries.

When the bell rang, I ran over to intercept Tess.

“Tessie, please talk to me.”

She tossed her paper tray in the garbage as we passed by the cans. She didn’t even look at me.

“Did you see my locker?” she asked.

“No.”

“Well, I’m sure you know which word is on it.”

“I didn’t want this. I didn’t want any of this.”

She whirled around. “Welcome to my world.” Then she disappeared into the crowd.

I went straight out the lobby doors and started walking home.

I knew I would get in trouble for skipping, for not showing up at the office for whatever they wanted from us vandals. For skipping cheerleading practice. For everything. But I didn’t care. I just didn’t care anymore.

It took twenty minutes to walk home, but I wasn’t in any hurry. I took the route to pass by Tess’s house, wishing I could tell from the front yard what was going on inside the house. But it looked the same as always.

I went to my room and curled up in my bed, but I felt like I didn’t even have the right to cry. Everything was my fault.

A few minutes later Darby pushed open my door.

“Oh! It’s you. What are you doing home?”

That’s when the tears started, and they didn’t stop. At some point I realized Darby was sitting on my bed, rubbing my back. I just cried and cried and took the tissues that Darby pressed into my hand.

When there was nothing left, I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling.

“What happened?” she asked.

I looked at her, and all of my mom’s instructions about Darby mingled with my own desperation to talk to someone about my mess.

Desperation won.

I spilled the story. Everything that had happened since the assembly—was that only last week?—the lockers, the
comments I even told her about Tess, about Darren and his gun pointing at my chin. The story came tumbling out so fast, I couldn’t have stopped it if I wanted to.

When I finished, I looked at Darby’s face for any signs of panic or trauma or depression, but she only looked concerned. “Why didn’t you talk to me earlier?”

“I’m not allowed to talk to you.”

Darby wrinkled her forehead. “Not allowed?”

I felt that pressure again, like I was treading too close to the truth and I should backpedal away from it.

“She… I mean… we, you know… just don’t want you to have too much stress.”

“Keep going,” Darby said.

Darby kept pushing until I told her about Mom’s rules and the constant reminders not to put any pressure on her.

“Wait a minute. There’s actually a schedule so that I’m not home alone?” Darby looked shocked.