Meant to Be (36 page)

“
And I didn’t think you
were the type to throw in the towel and surrender so
easily.”

The reaction to this comment was
stronger. Wynn tried to sit up but slumped back onto the pillow.
“You have no right to say that, dammit. You have no
idea—”

“
I think Heather has an
idea. And she should probably have some say in that decision.” Rad
gazed at him steadily. “It affects her life as much as
yours.”

“
It
affects her life
more
. That’s why I’m not going to let
her go through with it.”

“
Even if she wants
to?”

“
She’s young. Smart.
Gorgeous.” Wynn talked to the ceiling. “She’ll find someone else in
no time.”

Rad was fairly sure it was the pain
and medication talking, and Wynn would eventually return to his old
cheery self. But in the meantime, he wasn’t going to stand by and
watch him throw away the best thing that ever happened to
him.

“
But
she’s
here
.
To be with
you
. She
doesn’t
want
someone else.”

“
She’ll get over it. It’s
for her own good.” Wynn’s voice had a slight tremor in it, as if he
was trying to convince himself rather than Rad.

“
You think you have this
all figured out, don’t you?”

“
I’ve had a lot of time to
think about it.”

“
You mean sulk about it,
don’t you?”

Wynn’s voice flared again and his
hands tightened into fists. “You don’t think losing the career you
love is reason to sulk? I don’t want to go out like this,
man.”

“
No one does.” Rad tried
to comfort him. “But you’re just fighting a different battle
now.”

“
I wanna
be back with the guys. On the battlefield. I don’t want to live
like this.” Wynn took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“I
can’t
live like this.”

Rad nodded, knowing he had felt the
same way. The close friendships forged in war created strong ties.
Being away from that brotherhood, even for a short time, was a hard
pill to swallow. Not knowing when—or even if—you would return,
would be even harder to bear.

“
Look at what you overcame
to get where you are. This is just a bump in the road.”

“
Bump in the road, my
ass.” Wynn turned his head angrily toward the wall. “The best part
of my life is over. I’m going to spend the rest of my life in a
wheelchair.”

“
Who told you
that?”

Wynn nearly choked his reply. “I can’t
feel my legs, man. I know the drill.”

“
From what I’ve been told,
your spine was severely bruised.” Rad’s voice was low and serious.
“Once the swelling goes down, there’s a chance you’ll recover
feeling.”

Wynn looked away again. “Yeah. There’s
a chance, I guess.”

“
Come on. I know how you
feel. I felt helpless when I was down too.”

“
Not that your injuries
weren’t serious, but this is a little different.” Wynn’s hands
tightened again. “In case no one informed you, I can’t
walk.”

“
Like I said. Just because
you can’t now, doesn’t mean you never will.”

“
According to
whom?”

Rad pointed toward the sky. “According
to Him for one.”

“
Inspiration from the lips
of Reverend Radcliff.” Wynn shook his head. “I feel better
already.”

“
And according to your
doctor, too. I have no doubt you’ll be up and driving the nurses
crazy in no time.”

Rad had hoped the remark would draw a
comment, but it didn’t even induce a smile.

“
Okay.
Here’s the bottom line, dude.” Rad leaned forward with his elbows
on his thighs, his hands clasped together. “Don’t push her away.
For
her
sake, if not yours.”

Wynn’s eyes flew open. “What do you
mean?”

“
I mean, she’s fragile
right now, and—”

“
What do you mean, she’s
fragile?”

“
I mean you’re breaking
her heart.”

Wynn turned away again. “Better now,
than later—”

“
Dammit, Wynn! Stop being
an asshole.” Rad threw his hands in the air and stood, his voice
trembling with emotion. “Do you know what I’d give to have what you
have?” He strode to the window, staring out at the landscape with
his hands in his pockets, shaking his head as he choked out the
words. “Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have the woman
you love within your reach? To not have your heart feel like it’s
being pulled out of your chest by time and distance that you have
no control over?”

When Wynn didn’t respond,
Rad turned and gazed at him with a look that demanded a reaction.
“Don’t you
dare
throw what you have with her away.” He walked back over to the
bed and stabbed his finger into Wynn’s chest. “No matter how low
you sink in your own self-pity. Don’t. You.
Dare
.”

Wynn blinked at the frank retort but
made no comment. He appeared dazed and a little regretful as he
contemplated Rad’s words.

“
Let her
take care of you.” Rad sat down again and put his hand on Wynn’s
arm, his voice softer now. “She wants to do it. She
needs
to do it.

“
Why?” Wynn’s voice had
turned quiet and questioning. “It will only make it harder further
down the road.”

“
Maybe it will make
everything easier.”

Wynn studied him intently, seemingly
trying to read between the lines. “You know something I don’t
know?”

“
I know she loves you. Is
that something you don’t know?”

Wynn let out his breath in
exasperation. “What I know is I’ve had about enough of this
bullshit. Do I need to buzz for the nurse to get you to
leave?”

“
Maybe.” Rad raised his
eyebrows. “Depends what she looks like.”

“
Nothing like the
good-looking ones you had, believe me.” Wynn lay staring vacantly
at the ceiling again. “I think Heather called ahead and had all the
hot nurses moved to another floor.”

That made Rad laugh, causing Wynn to
finally crack a smile, and then break into laughter too.

“
I wouldn’t put it past
her,” Rad said.

“
Wouldn’t put it past
who?” Heather stood in the doorway with two cups of coffee, her
head tilted as she observed the smiling face of Rad, and then the
laughing Wynn.

When neither one answered, she
shrugged her shoulders. “Well, it appears everyone’s in a better
mood than when I left.” Her eyes shifted to Rad with a look of
relief and appreciation. “Maybe I should leave again.”

“
No. Stay.” Wynn gazed at
her with welcoming and apologetic eyes. “Rad was just leaving, and
we need to talk.”

Chapter 34

Five months
later

Rad strode into McDunna’s
office with a cup of hot coffee and sat down with a loud sigh.
“Where’s McDunna?”

“
Out.” An aide named Ace
didn’t even look up from his work. He was a brawny, barrel-chested
man with tattoos on both meaty forearms and a closely shaved head,
reminding Rad of a human version of Popeye.

“
He told me to stop by…
about my re-enlistment.”

Ace continued writing, and then raised
his head as if just realizing who he was talking to. “Oh, hey dude.
McDunna said he’d be right back.”

He started writing again, and then
seemed to remember something else. “By the way, someone’s been
trying to get hold of you, bro.”

“
Oh yeah?” Rad assumed he
was joking. “Not the police, I hope.”

“
No, seriously.” Ace
stopped writing and started paging through a stack of notes. “A
woman.”

Rad’s breath caught in his throat and
he leaned forward. “Who? What’s her name?”

“
Here it is.” He grabbed a
crumpled looking piece of paper and unfolded it, his meaty fingers
fumbling at the job so terribly that Rad was practically on the
edge of his seat by the time he said the name. “Elsie.”

Rad took the scribbled note out of his
extended hand and leaned back against the chair again,
disappointment spreading through him like a fast-moving poison. He
had told himself he was not going to get his hopes up again. The
pain of the roller coaster ride was getting to be too much for
him.

He stuck the note absently in his
pocket. “What’s her last name?”

“
She didn’t
say.”

“
She leave a
number?”

“
No. Said you’d know where
to find her.”

Rad’s brows narrowed.
“What?”

“
Yeah. She called last
week and again this morning. Figured it was some chick you laid but
didn’t want to give your number to, so I didn’t bother calling you.
You know how that is.”

Rad ignored the comment. “And her name
was Elsie. You’re sure?”

“
It’s right there on the
paper, dude.” Ace cocked his head. “You don’t remember waking up
with someone named Elsie?”

Rad frowned. “Not so much.”

“
Your loss. She sounded
nice.”

Ace went back to work and
Rad leaned back in the chair. He took the note back out of his
pocket and studied it.
Tell Radcliff —
Elsie called.

“
I don’t know any
Elsie’s,” Rad said as if to himself, and then glanced up at Ace.
“You’re absolutely sure that was the name?”

Ace put down his pen and took a deep
breath. “Dude. Read my lips. She said her name was, EL-SIE.” He
shook his head, picked his pen back up, and bent over his work
again.

Rad stared out the window a minute,
and then his heart banged against his chest again. He rose to his
feet and walked over to the desk.

“
Wait. Do you
mean—L.C.?”

Ace closed his eyes and
raised his head slowly before opening them again. “Are you fucking
deaf? I
said
,
Elsie.”

“
No. I know.” Rad talked
fast. “But did she say it like, E-l-l C-e-e.”

“
Read my fucking lips.
That’s what I’ve been fucking telling you. El–sie.”

“
Did she spell it for
you?”

“
Are you insinuating I
don’t know how to spell something so goddam simple as
Elsie?”

“
Okay. Okay.” Rad held his
hands up in the air to calm Ace down. “What did she say
again?”

Ace angrily put his pen down again and
stood. “Like I told you at least three mother-fucking times. All’s
she said was, you’d know where to find her.”

Rad strode around the desk, grasped
Ace in a big bear hug, and kissed him on the top of his shaved
head. “Thank you, man. I love you.” Then he turned and sprinted
toward the door.

“
Sorry, dude. I’m taken,”
he heard Ace yell just as he slammed the door shut.

Rad sat down on a bench with a hot cup
of coffee while Tara lay at his feet. It was a foggy morning in
Ocean City so no one was around except the older lady knitting next
to him. There were any number of other benches available, but he
had to sit on this one. Their bench. The bench he had found Lauren
sitting on that sunny summer day.

“
If you came to watch the
sunrise, you didn’t pick a very good mornin’,” the woman said with
a noticeable Irish accent, her needles clanking
together.

Rad looked over at her and smiled.
“Yeah, I noticed that.”

“
Don’t see the need for it
myself,” the woman said. “If it weren’t for that one wantin’ to
come out every mornin’, I’d still be under the covers.” The woman
nodded toward the beach, and Rad noticed two chairs sitting in the
sand, barely discernible in the haze. One of them was
occupied.

“
Well, there’s nothing
like dawn at the beach—even if you can’t see the sun,” Rad
responded, thinking back to the one sunrise he would never forget
as long as he lived.

“
That one says the same
thing, though I don’t share the feelin’.”

Rad squinted his eyes toward the
figure but still could not make much out through the haze and fog.
He saw a walker leaning beside the chair that was occupied and an
umbrella pole already in place behind it, apparently in
anticipation of the sun making an appearance. The scene reminded
him of his own grandfather, who loved going to the beach even when
his advanced age made walking on the sand impractical. There was
something about the sand and the surf—even on old bones. The
memorial plaques on the backs of all the benches on the Boardwalk
attested to the fact that beachgoers continued to be drawn to this
place until the day they died.

Finishing his coffee, he stood to put
the cup in a trash can. “Nice talking to you, ma’am.”