Meet Me in Barcelona (12 page)

The Basílica de la Sagrada Família is a church for the people, funded by the people. Antoni Gaudí accepted the commission and in 1883 began his remarkable construction with the crypt. Next he started on the apse, and then the cloister. It was to be an enormous church with a Latin-cross ground plan and soaring towers. He wanted the architecture to speak of spirituality from a sculptural perspective. He housed nativity scenes in specific corners so that people would step back and stare in sheer wonder. In 1914, Gaudí abandoned all other works and dedicated the last years of his life to the Sagrada Família. He even lived his last few months in his workshop in the church, surrounded by plans, and sketches, and photographs.

One of his main plans for the building, carried out after his death, was the Passion façade. It is made up of symmetrical parts: the great portico and the bell towers, rising sternly into the heavens.

In the ensuing years the Sagrada Família was subjected to various acts of destruction in addition to the crypt's burning down, and new architects taking over where others left off, but despite the challenges, people worked to preserve the dreams Antoni Gaudí had for the Sagrada Família. With its soaring spirals, and concave and convex shapes, and statues, and Glory façade with magnificent stained glass windows that truly make you stop and drop your jaw, the Sagrada Família felt instantly comforting to Grace, and she needed comfort, for tagging along with them, at Jake's invitation, was Carrie Ann.

Grace walked ahead, trying to calm down and lose herself in the sheer size and beauty of the architectural masterpiece. It almost made her want to pray. Spirals rising into the sky. Stained glass twenty feet high. Enormous. Incomplete. Just like life. Their footsteps echoed through the cavernous chapel. They climbed to the very tip of the cathedral towers, where through the gaps in the stone windows the city of Barcelona unfurled below them.

“Makes our problems seem so small, doesn't it, Grace?” Carrie Ann said.

“Actually I was thinking it makes my goals seem small,” Grace said. Her problems, since Carrie Ann had arrived, were bigger than ever.
This time there really is a wolf.
Who says that to someone? And really, what had Grace ever done to Stan except have a very normal creeped-out reaction around him? She had even tried to be nice to him at Lionel's funeral. That had been excruciating for her. The last person she had wanted to look at and offer condolences to was Stan Gale. So if he had it out for Grace, then Carrie Ann was to blame. Now Grace was supposed to stand in a high tower with her and not fantasize about throwing her off of it?

“It's a gorgeous view,” Jake said.

“It's important to change your perspective now and again,” Carrie Ann said. “Look at life from a new angle.”

There she went again, trying to absolve
herself
of the sins of the past.
I forgive you,
she had said at breakfast. Grace had almost choked on that one. Forgive her? Forgive
her?

“Look this way,” Jake said. He held up his camera. “Carrie Ann—say hi to Jody and Jim—”

“No,” Grace shouted. Her voice echoed through the tower. Her mother and father could not find out about Carrie Ann. Grace lunged for the camera. She tripped and fell into Jake, slamming her hands into the camera. It flew through one of the open gaps and hovered in the air for the briefest of seconds before plummeting to the ground. Jake let out a yell. Grace cried out too, then slapped her hand over her mouth.

“Hello, Jody, hello, Jim,” Carrie Ann called over the edge with a laugh.

Grace whirled on her. “That was worth thousands of dollars.”

“Don't look at me, darling. You're the one who tackled him.”

Grace turned to Jake. His face was red. He too was staring over the edge. “Jake, I am so, so sorry.”

“Why? Why did you do that?”

“I just—I didn't want you to record us—”

“Why didn't you just say stop?”

“I wasn't thinking.” It was a lie. She had been thinking. About Carrie Ann. God, this just wasn't going to work out.

“I could have just erased it.” He was really upset.

“Sylvester and the Magic Pebble,”
Carrie Ann said.

“Not the time,” Grace said.

“What?” Jake said.

“Another one of Grace's favorite childhood books. Sylvester is a donkey who finds a magic pebble. He sees a lion and is so frightened he wishes he were a rock. Later, he's like—why didn't I wish the lion would disappear? Or that I was safe in my home, or a million other things. Instead, he was stuck being a rock.”

“Thanks for that lovely rendition,” Grace said. Carrie Ann took a bow.

Jake glanced at Grace, who mouthed, “I'm sorry.” He put his hands on top of his head. “I didn't get it insured,” he said. “It was the whole reason for this trip—”

“How's that?” Carrie Ann said.

“Never mind,” Grace said. “I'll pay for it, Jake. I'll buy you a brand-new one.”

“You don't have that kind of money. I barely had that kind of money.” In the small outlook, Jake began to pace.

“I have credit cards.”

“It will max them out, Grace.”

“I have money,” Carrie Ann said. “Lots of it.” Grace and Jake just looked at her. “At least my soon-to-be ex-husband does.” She dug through her purse and held up a credit card. “Might as well max this out before he gets to me.” Grace glanced at Jake. When she had filled him in on her meeting with Carrie Ann, she had left out the bit about Carrie Ann's being married to Stan. And that supposedly he had it out for Grace because Carrie Ann had lied and told him Grace was the one who had spread rumors about his father. Rumors that had led Lionel Gale to hang himself from the highest rafter of his barn. Grace had sworn she was going to tell Jake everything. She had agreed that there shouldn't be any more secrets. And here was her past, ready to explode like a shaken soda can. No wonder he hadn't asked her to marry him. She was a mess.

Carrie Ann thrust the credit card at Jake again.

“No thank you,” Jake said. “Grace, I need some space. I'll see you back at the apartment.” Before Grace could say a word, they were watching the back of his head recede. It took a lot to upset Jake, so it hurt all the more that she'd pushed him to that point. Why was Carrie Ann back? Why couldn't she just leave them alone? Grace didn't want to think about Stan, or Carrie Ann, or the past. She'd paid her penance. Maybe she, like Gaudi before her, should live out the rest of her days in this church. Or at least the rest of the trip.

“He's testy,” Carrie Ann said.

“Really?
Sylvester and the Magic Pebble
?”

Carrie Ann shrugged. “It popped into my head.”

Grace hated herself. Jake had been so excited to film their trip. And her mother had looked forward to seeing the film clips, getting a bit of escape from her reality. Grace had really blown it. It was hard not to blame Carrie Ann. Grace closed her eyes and concentrated on her breath. She tried to count to ten in Spanish. When she opened her eyes, Carrie Ann waved the credit card again.

“I meant it. Stan is loaded. We'll just get another.”

“Do you hear yourself?”

“What?”

“You said you're afraid of him. That he's a wolf.”

“So?”

“Yet you're willing to charge up his credit card?”

“We're married. It's our money.”

“If what you're saying is true—”

“If what I'm saying is true? If?”

“I don't want any of Stan's money.”

“You probably think it has cooties on it.”

“We're not twelve anymore, Carrie Ann.” Grace tried to sound haughty, but Carrie Ann was right. It made her shudder to think about touching anything of Stan's.

“Are you sure about that?”

“I'm leaving.”

“Look.” Carrie Ann reached out and touched Grace's arm. “I'm really sorry about his video camera, all right? I just wanted to have a nice time with you and Jake.”

“I think I'm under a Spanish curse.”

“Well, you know the cure for that, don't you?” Grace just looked at her. “A little retail therapy? I won't even use Stan's credit card.”

Grace hesitated. She really wanted to follow Jake home. But she knew him. He was going to need a little bit of time to clear his head. She could make things worse if she went home now. “I'm not going to buy anything, but I'll go with you,” Grace said. Carrie Ann grinned and linked arms with Grace. It startled her. They used to do this all the time as kids. Her father used to joke about them being Siamese twins. The Grace of back then could have never imagined a time when Carrie Ann wouldn't be just an arm's length away.

 

Grace didn't think she'd ever shake her bad mood, especially with what happened with Jake, but soon she found herself actually enjoying shopping with Carrie Ann. Part of Grace still felt like a little girl around Carrie Ann, so realizing they could shop and go places without her parents' permission was a heady experience. They had used to sneak into Grace's mother's closet and try things on, take turns being the shopkeeper and the movie star. Now here they were, all grown up, shopping in Barcelona. Carrie Ann knew of a great cosmetic store, and as soon as they entered, they came to a dead halt and looked at each other.

“Are you thinking what I'm thinking?” Carrie Ann said.

“Coral Bliss,” they both said at the same time. And then they laughed. It had been close to Easter time. They had been following Grace's parents at breakneck speed through the mall, when Carrie Ann had suddenly shoved something in Grace's raincoat. Grace remembered reaching down and feeling the sleek tube of lipstick. “Don't stop,” Carrie Ann had whispered in her ear.

“My heart was hammering so loud I thought the whole store could hear it,” Grace said. “I still have nightmares.” It was true; for years she had been guilt-stricken, sure that she would be punished, or worse, not allowed into heaven. Who risks eternal life for a tube of Coral Bliss? Even after crushing the lipstick, and throwing it into the trash at the curb, and watching the garbage men take it away, she had still been haunted.

“I wanted to see how you would handle it,” Carrie Ann said. “You always seemed so afraid of everything.”

And big tough Carrie Ann wasn't afraid of anything, Grace thought. She probably hadn't given a second thought to taking it.

“I don't need any makeup,” Grace said. “Do you?”

“All you need in Spain is the kiss of the sun,” Carrie Ann said. “Let's go to Miss Sixty.” Carrie Ann seemed to know exactly where they were going, and Grace was content enough to tag along, feeling more and more relaxed around her long-lost friend. Every once in a while she would steal a look at Carrie Ann, catch a wisp of her white-blond hair in the sun, or her full lips spread in a smile, and Grace would think:
She is family. She's feisty and beautiful, and she came here to be with me again.
And for a few minutes Grace could cocoon herself in the moment, without letting in any of the stagnant water pooled underneath the very old and very long bridge.

“European stores are so much nicer, don't you think?” Carrie Ann said after stepping into the clothing store and within seconds finding a perfect lace top. “This is absolutely made for you, Gracie.” It was a soft pink. An innocent color. Carrie Ann held it out to Grace, and then insisted Grace try it on, even though Grace knew she wasn't going to let Carrie Ann pay for it. Carrie Ann was right though. It did look good on Grace. Then at Carrie Ann's insistence they tried on the exact same dress, short and white with big red flower petals, and stood side-by-side looking into the full-length mirror in the open area of the dressing room.

“If you colored your hair blond and wore heels, we could be twins,” Carrie Ann said.

“You have blue eyes,” Grace said. Like Stan. She still couldn't believe Carrie Ann and Stan were married. Carrie Ann had married the boy she had bullied. Poor Stan. Grace had a hard time believing that he was now the one threatening Carrie Ann. How much was Carrie Ann distorting the truth? She had definitely always lived in the fun house–mirror version of the world. Truth is what you believe it to be, Grace mused. That was a scary thought when it came to Carrie Ann.

Carrie Ann waved her hand. “Contacts could hide blue eyes.”

“Well, I seriously doubt you would want to look like me, and even though you supposedly have more fun, I've never harbored a secret desire to be a blonde.”

“Don't you ever get tired of your life? Don't you ever just want to be someone else?”

Sometimes Grace wanted things to be different. But you could never be someone else. Grace's practical side just didn't allow her to indulge in this kind of thinking. She wished to be someone else as much as she wished to be a giant oak tree. “No,” Grace said.

“I'd become someone else like that.” Carrie Ann snapped her fingers. “And I'd trade places with you in an instant.”

“Me?”

“Don't pretend you don't have it made.”

“I'm a struggling country singer,” Grace said.
And my mother has between one and six months to live.

“Mostly I just want out of my marriage.”

Grace couldn't believe she'd married Stan in the first place, and Grace couldn't help but go there again. “How long have you two been married?”

“Four years.”

“How did it even happen?”

“Do you really want to know?”

The words thumped in Grace's ears. She was instantly back in the hayloft, Carrie Ann leaning intensely into her, practically breathing down her neck, asking her the same question.
Do you really want to know?

Grace should have run. She should have shouted,
No! I do not really want to know
. She hated how Carrie Ann did that, how swiftly she could make you feel as if you were the one to blame, as if that one loaded question was a legally binding contract—
Do you really want to know?
—and that in answering yes, you, solely, were responsible for whatever came out of Carrie Ann's mouth next.