Memory: Volume 1, Lasting Impressions, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice) (11 page)

Darcy stopped writing and dropped his pen, and ran his hand through his hair.  Biting his lip he worked hard to control his emotions, but then a glance at the black armband for his father sent him up and out of his chair.  He began pacing the room.  “God, please do not make this piece of cloth a permanent part of my attire.  Please keep him safe.”  He stopped to stare out of his window.  There was nowhere to go, nobody to talk to about his fear for his cousin and friend, and deep down he knew that it was more than Richard that was overwhelming him.  Since his return to Pemberley, the duties and decisions had rained down on him hard.  It was his first harvest alone.  Of course Nichols and his staff were keeping watch but it was he who was truly in charge.  That was how Pemberley was always run.  The master hired the best, but retained command.  Darcy looked down at his hands and willed them to stop shaking.  “Stop this, now!  Take control, you can do this!”  He looked to his mother’s miniature and received some comfort, then his eyes drifted to the bookshelf where his journals were kept.  Without thinking his steps led him there and before he knew it the page was open and he was reading her name.  He swallowed hard, closed his eyes, breathed and relaxed, then put the book away.

A knock roused him.  “Sir?  An express has arrived for you.”  A footman held out the silver salver and he took the letter, staring at the heavily blotched envelope curiously. 

“Whoever penned this must have had a faulty nib.”  He opened it and squinted and stared, turning the paper in several directions until he finally made out the script.  A small smile came to his lips.  “Obviously penmanship was not a subject chosen for study by Mr. Bingley for his son.”  He rang the bell and the footman reappeared.  “Please inform Mrs. Reynolds that Mr. Bingley will be arriving this afternoon.”

“Yes sir.”  He bowed and left the room. 

He relaxed further.  It would be good to have company, and good to distract Georgiana with some ladies about the house when the party from Matlock arrived.  Darcy sat down and began reading his correspondence and spent the next several hours at work, there was no point going out on the estate when he had a guest coming.  Late that afternoon he received notice that a carriage had entered the park.  He stood and walked through the house, stopping in the library where Georgiana was seated with her governess and practicing her French.  “Mr. Bingley will be here soon, dear.  Shall you join me in greeting him?”  He smiled and raised his brow.

“Oh, yes I would like that.”  Georgiana jumped up and Mrs. Somers gave her a look.  She blushed and walked slowly to the door.  Darcy nodded with approval to see her behaving as a lady, and she smiled to see his pleasure.  “You would have made Mother very proud to see what a fine mistress you are becoming.”

“I am hardly the mistress, Brother.”

“Nonsense, you are the only Darcy woman in the house, are you not?  Therefore the position is yours.”  He tilted his head.  “Someday if I ever host a ball, you will be the one at my side greeting our guests.”

“That will be a very long time!”  She cried.  “I cannot even attend a ball let alone host it until I am out.  Why, to hear Mrs. Somers talk, I should not even be eating meals outside of the nursery!”

“Well that would make meals very dull for both of us.  I appreciate your company.”  She held his arm and they walked to the front door, stepping outside to await the carriage. 

“I visited Papa today.”

Darcy turned and looked at her with surprise.  “You did?  I wish I had known; I would have joined you.  This was your first time, was it not?”

“Yes, I wanted to go alone and apologize to him for not coming sooner.”  She looked up at his sad eyes.  “Do you think he minded?  I just could not visit before; really it was my first time visiting the cemetery at all.  Papa never took me there.”

“So I think that he would understand.”

“I visited Mama, too.”

“Yes.”  He said softly.

“Fitzwilliam, there were four other little graves.”

“Our siblings.  You knew about them, Georgiana.  The girls were both stillborn; the two boys were lost to fevers when they were infants.”

“Did you know them?”

“No, not that I remember, I was a baby myself when the boys died, only five, and the girls, well I remember Mother’s pregnancies, and the sadness when they seemed to just end, but nothing was ever said to me.  She and Father were sad for awhile, then all returned to normal, I suppose.  Until she had you.”  He smiled and patted her hand.  “You were a gift.”

“But Mama died because of me.”

“Mother died because she had an infection.  That was not your doing.”  He attempted a smile for her then looked up at the sun to blink hard.  “Now, how can we dispense with these sad thoughts?  We have a guest to entertain.  Will you play for him?”

“Oh no, please!”

“Very well dear, I was just teasing.”  She looked at him doubtfully.

“Truly, I was.” 

“It is difficult to tell sometimes.”

“Have I become so sombre?”  His brow creased with the thought and then he looked up to see Bingley’s carriage arriving.  The door opened and the young man jumped out.

“Darcy!”  He held out his hand and they shook vigorously, then he bowed to Georgiana.  “Miss Darcy, such a pleasure to meet you again.”

She giggled and he grinned, then looked back to Darcy.  “I did not know at all what to expect when we emerged from the trees up above, but . . .this place is magnificent.  I have never seen the like!”

“Thank you Bingley, we are very proud of it.  Welcome to Pemberley.”  The servants had rushed to gather the luggage, and the group moved inside.  Darcy gave Georgiana a look and she curtseyed and excused herself.  Bingley watched her go.   “She is a sweet girl, I hope that she will join us and not be shuttered away in a school room the entire time I am here.”

Darcy laughed.  “So should I presume by your statement that you miss your sister’s company and wish to replace it with mine?”

Charles chuckled.  “No, no, perhaps it is the comparison between the two . . .well, you have not met Caroline so I should not colour your opinion with mine.  I am afraid that she discovered my destination and was quite put out that the invitation was not extended to her.”

“Really?”  Darcy’s opinion of Miss Bingley dropped a notch.  “That is rather presumptuous of her, particularly when we have not been introduced.”

“Ah, yes, well, just wait until you are.”  Charles laughed to see his friend’s brow knit and then nearly gasped when he finally noticed the atmosphere.  “Good Lord.”   He whispered, looking around at the grand hallway and taking in the artwork, furnishings and splendour.  “Um, how long has your family been here?”

Darcy was inwardly enjoying the expression of awe on Bingley’s face.  “We have been on this land for nearly eight hundred years, but the house itself has burned twice and naturally been rebuilt and added to over the generations.”

“So, just as a curiosity, my father’s savings for an estate would purchase me . . .”

“The guest wing.”

Bingley’s eyes widened with shock.  “So little?”

“I see that my sense of humour is definitely poor.”  Darcy shook his head.  “You can afford a fair-sized estate with that, perhaps something a third or with luck even half the size of Pemberley, but certainly that can wait until after you finish your schooling.”

Relief was evident and Bingley relaxed.  “You do know how to frighten a man!”  He shook his head and grinned, the clapped his hands and rubbed them together.  “Well, I am here to learn, what does a gentleman of leisure do to occupy his time?”

Darcy smiled and chuckled.  “Well, if you are this man, you work.”

“COME ON JANE, WALK WITH ME!”  Elizabeth urged.  “After tomorrow, you know that it will not be safe with the men out shooting.  I wish Papa would take me along.” 

“Lizzy!”

“All they have talked about for weeks is the coming grouse season; it is as bad as listening to Mama and her lace theory!”

“She has a theory over lace?”  Jane smiled and added some more roses to her basket.  They were outdoors escaping the stifling heat of the house and gathering flowers for making into scented water. 

“Surely you know it by now; the lace on your décolletage draws a gentleman’s eye to your best assets!”  Elizabeth recited as Jane groaned.  “She says that I need all of the help I can get because my assets are so limited.”  Elizabeth looked down at her dress.  “Am I truly so poorly formed?”

“Lizzy, I am not even going to dignify that query with a response.”  Jane snipped some more roses and turned away. 

“Very well, I will stop.  I just wanted to see you react.”  Elizabeth looked back at herself and covered up her concern with a smile.  “If you will not walk with me, then I will go alone.”

“If you do not wish to hear another speech from Mama, you will stay at home.”  Jane shook her shears at her. 

“I miss London.”  Elizabeth said softly, thinking of Mr. Darcy.

Jane looked at her sister’s sad eyes and thought she was remembering the town.  “Maybe Aunt Gardiner will ask you back again next Season.”

“I am certain that she will.”  She heard a gun fire and looked to see her father and Sir William shooting targets.  “I imagine all the gentlemen are in the country now.”

“The ones with estates are.”  Jane smiled. 

“And the ones without are begging to stay with those who do!”  Elizabeth laughed and smiled, recovering her humour.  “Well, I am off then, if Mama is hunting for me, tell her I am searching for a husband in the lanes.”

“Lizzy!” 

Elizabeth laughed and giving Jane’s hand a squeeze, set off on her walk, finally climbing up an old apple tree, and reclining within its branches.  There in her privacy, she allowed the tears that she kept to herself to fall again.  “You are being ridiculous, Lizzy.”  She chastised herself.  “Even if you had met him again in the park, what did you truly expect to have happened?  Aunt Gardiner was correct when she told me that a gentleman must think very carefully when he chooses his wife.  He must consider his duty to his family and estate even more so than his heart.  Even if Mr. Darcy had feelings for me . . .” She choked and sobbed.  “He could never act on them.  I have no dowry, nothing to offer him.  Nothing.”  She stifled her sadness in her handkerchief.  It was not just the loss of her dreams of Mr. Darcy and his smiles, but the cut from the other gentleman that hurt her.  “It is clear that I must look elsewhere for . . . love.”  Taking a shaking breath she let it out.  “I will never forget you, Mr. Darcy.  I will think of your smiles with pleasure, and . . . try to forget the rest.”

She wiped her eyes and settled herself, remembering how kind her aunt had been, listening to her confession of her imaginary love affair.  Elizabeth had not told his name, but almost everything else was blurted out.  Never could she have spoken to her mother of such things, or even Jane.  And she thought, after behaving so foolishly, she would probably never admit to her aunt if she let her heart be touched like that again.  Her thoughts returned to her mother and she laughed.  “If she had known I was receiving the smiles of a gentleman, she would have tracked him down and thrown me on his step!”   One more deep breath and she let the sadness go again until next time. Opening up her journal, she took out a pencil that was tucked inside. 

11 August 1808

This morning Papa asked me to visit some of our tenants.  He had heard a story from Mr. Grassel that they were in need of aid and hinted that it was of a female nature.  Mama, of course, would not go and Jane was forbidden, but she did not seem to mind at all that I was willing, although she said it was unseemly for a gentleman’s daughter to be traipsing around alone after tenants, so Papa asked if our steward was good enough company and she agreed.  Mr. Grassel and I took a gig and set off together.  I think that Aunt Gardiner would have had a fit of nerves to equal Mama’s if she had known that I was alone with a man like that!    Well, we visited two homes, and the ladies were both very grateful to see me.  I listened to their concerns, although it made me very nervous. They were both with child and were worried that the midwife who had served our area had moved away, and they were concerned about what would happen when their time came.  I can understand why Papa wanted to avoid this conversation, but to send an unmarried girl to solve the problem was, well I hardly know the word, but inappropriate comes to mind amongst others.  I asked Mr. Grassel to take me to the apothecary and then said that I would walk home.  I spoke to Mr. Jones and he said that he was sending out word that a midwife was needed in our part of the county and assured me that he would keep us informed if he heard anything.  I walked home wondering of so many things, and I realized that if I ever marry and become mistress of an estate I will be sure to visit the tenants, and not travel there alone with a man!

Elizabeth closed the book and closed her eyes, knowing that her trip that morning had been an error, even if it did do some good.  “If I did not realize that Mama truly did not see the impropriety, I would say that she was purposely setting out to see me compromised.  But to a steward?”  She put the back of her hand to her forehead and laughed.  “Oh the flutterings of my poor heart!” 

“AH, I JUST LOVE A COUNTRY DANCE!”  Bingley smiled.  “Come Darcy, I must have you dance; you cannot stand about in this stupid manner!”

“Bingley, I am the master of Pemberley, I do not dance with my tenants.”  Darcy looked at him sternly.  “I sponsor this Harvest Home; I make my appearance, drink a tankard of ale, then leave.”

“Well where is the pleasure in that?”  Bingley’s eyes scanned the room.  “There are many pretty girls here . . .”

“Tenants, labourers, townsfolk.  Not your peers, man.  Have I taught you nothing over the past two months?”  Darcy sighed.  “Very well, dance, but in two days when you depart for school, do not whine to me about leaving your love behind, she is not in this room.” 

Bingley laughed.  “Well wherever she is, she will have to wait another year before I come of age and can even consider the notion of marriage.  Until then . . .” He walked over to a blushing girl and bowed, then looked up at Darcy and winked.