MEN, MUSCLE, and MAYHEM
Read MEN, MUSCLE, and MAYHEM Online
Authors: Milton Stern
MEN, MUSCLE
& MAYHEM
AN EROTIC COLLECTION BY
Milton Stern
Herndon, VA
Copyright © 2011 by STARbooks Press
First Edition
ISBN 10: 1-934187-84-4
ISBN 13: 978-1-934187-84-5
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, situations and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
Published in the United States by
STARbooks Press
PO Box 711612
Herndon VA 20171
Printed in the United States
Many thanks to graphic artist John Nail for the cover design. Mr. Nail may be reached at:
[email protected]
.
Jose A. Dennis created the image of Kosher Man based on Mr. Stern’s narrative. Mr. Dennis can be reached at
[email protected]
. His Website is
http://www.josedennis.com
.
Other Titles by Milton Stern
The Girls (1985)
America’s Bachelor President
and the First Lady (2004)
Harriet Lane, America’s First Lady (2005)
On Tuesdays, They Played Mah Jongg (2006)
Michael’s Secrets (2009)
Dedication
To Christopher Pierce, my editor and fellow author, for his support and constructive suggestions.
For Esmeralda Stern, who finally learned that some human beings are capable of love.
The characters and events in this book are purely fictional.
None of these stories ever happened … but they could have!
CONTENTS
DUDE, IT WAS JUST A BLOW JOB
109
FOREWORD
CHRISTOPHER PIERCE
First, let me say what an honor it is to have been given the opportunity to edit this first collection of erotica by my friend and colleague, Milton Stern.
MEN, MUSCLE & MAYHEM
is not merely a book of stories where (incredibly) hot men hook up and (spectacularly) get off. The book also acts as a field guide of sorts to that much sought-after animal – the gay muscleman. Here, we find many specimens of the species both in their natural habitat (gyms) and free ranging in some unexpected places.
MEN, MUSCLE & MAYHEM
also contains quite a bit of laugh-out-loud humor. I will now be checking the skies for a glimpse of Kosher Man sailing through the clouds.
Yarmulke on!
INTRODUCTION
MILTON STERN
To some, this may be my crossing over to the dark side, but to me, this is just an extension of my dream of becoming a well-known, published author. With the release of this book, I am not abandoning my life-long aspirations, just broadening my horizons and maybe gaining a new audience.
The way I see it, everything we do in life is for our obituaries. I might as well give them something interesting to say.
KOSHER MAN AND
THE SHEGATZ
Mordecai was sunning himself on the roof of his building, enjoying the peace and quiet of a hot summer day. The temperature was to hit 100, but that didn’t faze him, for his people always vacationed where it was hot and enjoyed humid weather as well. Build a resort on the sun, and Mordecai and his tribe would be the first to make a reservation. After forty years in the desert, they grew to love the heat. That may have been over 3,000 years ago, but Mordecai was as kosher as they came.
He knew he could enjoy the mid-day sun alone as he lay there on the chaise, wearing only a dark blue Speedo that barely concealed his more than ample package, and on his head, he wore his dark blue
yarmulke
with a white
Mogen David
(Star of David) embroidered on it. No one else in his building enjoyed the heat, and in all the years he lived there, he never saw anyone come up to the roof in the summer.
Mordecai was tall, over six-foot-four, with very broad shoulders, large, naturally hairless pecs, six-pack abs, bulging biceps, and powerfully muscular legs, all covered in dark olive skin, which at the moment was glistening with olive oil. Mordecai never needed sunscreen, for he never burned. He was also known for his rather round and hugely muscular
tuchus
– buttocks to all you gentiles out there. His feet, at size 15, were not only quite large, but also magnificently beautiful.
But, it was Mordecai’s face that drew people to him. He had black, curly hair that he wore short except for the top, and at over forty, his temples were graying, making him look all the more distinguished. Mordecai also had thick black eyebrows, hovering over bright green eyes framed in double rows of lashes that gave the impression he was wearing make-up, and his prominent Semitic nose led one’s eyes to his full lips and gleaming white teeth. Mordecai’s innocent smile could melt the coldest of hearts and made all the
yentas
and
buhbbies
want to pinch his cheeks.
On days like this, Mordecai cherished these peaceful times alone. By day, he was a cataloguer at the Jewish History Museum in Greenburg, a popular metropolis on the East Coast that drew the cosmopolitan as well as the seedy. But, cities have a tendency to do that, and Mordecai didn’t mind. However, when the sun set, Mordecai emerged from the basement at the Jewish History Museum and headed home, and at the first sign of trouble, he donned a white mask and dark blue tights with a large white circled “K” emblazoned on his chest, along with white boots and a flowing white cape to become “Kosher Man.” Mordecai wanted to forgo the cape as it always got in the way, but his mother insisted, and a good Jewish boy always obeys his mother. He also wore a dark blue
yarmulke
on his head with a white circled “K” as well (it was actually the flip side of his everyday
yarmulke
). His best kept secret was how he never lost the
yarmulke
while fighting evil even though one never saw a
yarmulke
fly off an Orthodox Jew’s head during a wind storm either.
But, the cape was his biggest nemesis. Often when flying, it would flap in his face, making it difficult to navigate, or he would go to punch a crook and end up tangled up in the cape instead. Whenever Mordecai experienced these mishaps, he thought of the joke:
What do you call a Jewish ballerina?
A klutz.
He thought the same applied to a Jewish superhero as well.
Mordecai could have lived a normal, quiet life, but he displayed special abilities from a young age. While still a toddler, he showed great feats of strength, lifting furniture and other heavy objects around the house. As he entered puberty, his body transformed without ever having lifted a weight or participated in sports. His mother insisted he read because one could get an eye poked out playing sports. In high school, coaches wanted him to play football, but participation in various geeky academic clubs precluded his lettering in any sport. Mordecai was relieved because he was aware that he sometimes did not know his own strength, and he was afraid he would more than poke someone’s eye out if things got out of hand.
One day, when he was in college, he was late for class, and as he started to run across campus, he suddenly found himself airborne and gaining altitude. Startled at first, he held onto his books while extending one arm in front of himself to guide his journey, and within days, he mastered his new-found talent. Mordecai then flew home to show his mother, and she did not act surprised, for she had expected this day to come.
“When I turned forty, I knew I did not have much time left to become a mother,” she told her son, after he landed in their front yard and sat beside her on the porch. “I prayed, and an angel appeared before me and told me I would have a son and this son would be very special. He would be one of the chosen ones. He would have abilities not seen for thousands of years. He would have the strength of twelve men, the wisdom of twelve rabbis, and he would soar like an eagle, yet have the heart of a dove.”
Mordecai listened intently as his mother continued.
“But, the angel made me promise that no forbidden food would ever touch his lips. He would study the
Torah
and honor his parents,” she said. “I was told he would have one weakness and that he also would never father children of his own.”
“Why would I never father children?” Mordecai asked.
“I asked the same thing,” his mother answered. “The angel told me that if I wanted a child, there were sacrifices I would have to make and mine was never to be a grandmother. I asked if you would be sterile, and the angel said it was more complicated than that. So, I pursued it no further. He then made me promise again that no forbidden food would ever pass through your lips.”