Mending Hearts (19 page)

After my visit I went home
and showered before the meeting tonight. I look in the mirror, and
I am pleased to see I look better now than I have in the past year.
I walk into the meeting earlier than I have before and I take a
seat closer to the front of the room. The room fills up quickly and
Bobby and Leah come, as he said
they
would. They take the empty seats next to
me. 

Adam takes the stand and
introduces himself. He is handsome and energetic. He speaks
confidently and people in the room listen. Adam speaks the raw
truth from experience and the crowd likes that. He says, “I learned
something this week.” He walks away from the podium and says, “I
learned that if you pitch in and work together as a team, many
great things can get accomplished. One man can do it, but it’s a
lot less work with the help of many.” He walks back and forth
before he says, “I assume that everyone here has either read or
seen the news about the gunman at one of our schools yesterday.” I
hear whispers coming from around the room. “It’s devastating to
know that something like that can happen here, and can happen to
our very own children.” He looks around the room, making eye
contact, before saying, “I got a call this morning from a man whose
daughter was in the cafeteria when all this happened. She’s fine,
but she is very shaken up as you can imagine. Anyway, he called me
and asked me if I could help him. Me, a recovering addict, and
someone wants my help? I was shocked. The man is home recovering
from injuries he sustained from taking this gunman out and he wants
my help. After the shock wore off from him asking me for help, I
soon felt honored to be able to help him. Not just a man but a
hero. He took the lone armed gunman out with his bare hands — now
that’s impressive. My point I want to make today is that, although
I am a recovering addict, I can make a difference. I no longer use
but the world will always view me as an addict, but I
can
make a
difference.” 

“
Adam, do they still need
help?” a man asks from the back of the room. 

“
Um, yes, I’m sure they can
use any help they can get.” 

“
I want to help. I’m having
a hard time finding work, and I would love to contribute to their
needs,” he says. Now I can hear others also offering to help in the
background.

I smile and Adam’s smile matches mine.
“Great, anyone interested, get with me after the meeting and I’ll
get the information to you.” Adam walks back to the podium and
says, “Moving forward, who wants to share their story with us
today?” 

I slowly stand up and join Adam at the
podium. “Are you sure?” he whispers. 

I nod. I watch as Adam takes my seat near
the front of the room and not the seat in the back of the room,
like he has in the past. 

“
Hi, I’m Molly Collins. I’m
a recovering heroin addict. I swore I would never stand up here and
share my story, but here I am.” I stare straight ahead and I don’t
look at Adam, Bobby, or Leah. I share about when my life turned to
hell. I share about Bobby and the friendship I will always cherish
with him. “I will never use again. Do you know why I can be so
certain of that? My daughter was face to face with a killer
yesterday. She could have lost her life, and I would never ever see
her again.” I wipe the tears from my face and I say in a shaky
whisper, “I was never so scared of anything in my whole life. I
want to be here with her, to share her life with her and to see her
grow into an amazing woman. I don’t have custody of her, but I am
blessed to still be a part of her life. If I want to continue to be
in her life, I’ll need to be clean to do that.”

When I sit down, Leah hands
me a tissue. I listen as others stand up and share their stories.
After the meeting, I sit back and watch everyone talk to Adam about
helping out to get the house ready to become a schoolhouse. I
invite Leah and Bobby to join Adam and me for dinner
at the diner. Although it’s nothing fancy, I am
excited when they accept.

At dinner we talk about the directions our
lives are taking. We discuss Bobby and his body transformation. He
looks big, strong, and healthy, and his wife looks happy. Adam
shares that he is finally moving out of his parents’ house. He is
moving into the single apartment in back of the church. He says
that it took some time, but he has finally earned the trust of his
family. His mother no longer is afraid when he leaves the house. I
share that I like my ex-husband’s fiancée. Bobby laughs and I
laugh, too. I add that she is really good to Raelynn and to me. I
also tell them that she let me spend the night at their house last
night, and I was able to sleep with Raelynn and comfort her after
the school incident.

“
Are you still going to make
it to the house Saturday for the cookout?” Bobby asks.

“
Emma and Alec are letting
me see Raelynn, and I don’t want to miss any time with her. Thank
you, though. I’ll be spending my Saturday with Raelynn at her
house. She still doesn’t want to leave the house.” 

“
We understand, maybe some
other time,” Leah says
.
“We’ll actually see you at Alec’s birthday party next week.
Emma called us the other day and invited us to
come.” 

“
Thank you, I would like
that.” We commit to seeing each other next week at the next
meeting, and Adam and Bobby say they’ll see each other tomorrow at
the house.

Emma

Over the last few weeks James has recovered
from the flu, and I think I am still fighting to keep from getting
it. I have nausea and fatigue, and I feel on some days that I can
barely get out of bed. Raelynn went to see a child psychologist a
few times and was released from her care yesterday. After the
school shooting, Raelynn is making great improvements on her own
time. We don’t rush her to leave the house. We know she will leave
when she feels ready.

The kids didn’t return to school after the
shooting, and the Grannie Nannies have opened up my old house as a
schoolhouse for James, Raelynn, Braden, and Briley. They prepare
breakfast, lunch, and a snack for the kids, have class time and
recess, and every Friday is a field trip day. This is considered to
be a classroom study if you’re homeschooled. Alec and I are able to
go to work and feel good knowing that the kids are in the care of
their grandmothers, the Grannie Nannies.

Mason and Angel’s twins got
released from the hospital last week and Mason and Angel
couldn’t be happier. Mason even took a few days
off from work to be home with them. 

Alec’s birthday is tomorrow and he doesn’t
want a party. All he asked for was a quiet day at home with the
family. I wonder if he has forgotten the size of our family and
that a quiet day with them is impossible.

“
Tomorrow for your birthday,
we’ll have a fun day at home with the kids, our parents, and some
friends. We’ll have a cookout, fish from the boat dock, and maybe
even go sailing,” I inform him. 

“
Sounds perfect,” he says,
smiling.

“
Are you sure you don’t want
something more private… more personal for your
birthday?” 

“
All I want is my family and
friends to be here.” 

I run to the bathroom and come out when I am
done throwing up. “This bug is overstaying its welcome.” 

“
You haven’t had a fever, no
cough, just nausea and vomiting?” 

“
And fatigue,” I
add. 

Alec asks, “Are you sure it’s the
flu?” 

“
It started right after
James got sick. What else can it be?” 

“
Have you missed one or more
of your birth control pills in the last couple
months?” 

“
Nope, I take them like my
life depends on it,” I say, laughing.

“
It’s that serious, huh?” He
also laughs.

“
Well, I don’t want to get
pregnant before the wedding, and we really haven’t talked about
when we would try for a baby. So it’s important I take them until
we’re ready to try for a baby.” 

“
Well, just so you know, I’m
ready now.” 

“
How about we get married
first?” 

“
I’m good with before or
after the wedding. Good night, Emma. I love you, ever and ever,
Baby.” 

“
I love you, too, Alec. Ever
and ever.” 

I wonder how he can say that and then just
roll over and go to sleep. I think about what he says and get up to
take a pregnancy test. I am very relieved when it is
negative. 

I wake up before James, Raelynn, and Alec
for once. I quietly go downstairs and am careful not to disturb
them. When the coffee is done, I get two cups and go back upstairs
to wake the birthday boy and the kids.

I smell his aftershave before I see him. He
always smells so good. The kids are awake, coloring on our bed.
“Good morning, sleepy heads,” I say to the kids before I hand Alec
his coffee and kiss him good morning. 

“
Good morning, momma,” James
says. 

“
Good morning, Emma,” Rea
says. 

Alec kisses me sweetly and takes the coffee
from me. “Good morning, my soon-to-be wife.” 

“
I like the way that
sounds.” 

“
Me, too. November
11
^th
can’t come quick enough for me.” 

“
For me either,” I say
honestly.

“
Momma, I’m
hungry.” 

I look at James — he and Raelynn are still
coloring. Neither of them has looked up at me. “Excuse me,” I say,
trying to get their attention. Neither of the kids looks up. “What
would you like to eat?” 

Raelynn says, “Oatmeal, please.” Still not
looking at me.

I look back at Alec and he shrugs his
shoulders. I walk over to the bed and take a big leap onto it. The
kids giggle, the crayons go flying, and the coloring books bounce
around on the bed. The kids are still giggling. Alec also jumps on
the bed and we both begin tickling the kids. They laugh and start
kicking and swinging their arms. Raelynn gets up and throws a
pillow at Alec.

“
Oh, no, you didn’t. You did
not just throw a pillow at me.” Alec laughs but tries to look
serious.

Raelynn looks excited with a great big
smile. “Yes, I did.” She picks up another pillow and throws it at
him again. She laughs and takes off running.

Alec hurries and climbs out of bed. He picks
up a few pillows from the bed and tosses one at James and one at
me. James laughs and tosses it right back at Alec. “You better run,
lil girl. I’m going to get you.” Alec takes off running down the
hallway in the direction Raelynn took off running in.

James stands, picks up a pillow, and runs
after Alec, yelling, “Run, Sissy, run!”

I look around the room and pick up all the
pillows I can. I also run after them. Raelynn, Alec, and James all
run down the stairs. I am right behind them. When they get to the
landing at the bottom of the stairs, I start throwing all the
pillows I have at them. 

They laugh and James falls on top of the
stack of pillows. Rae also falls on top of the pillows beside him,
laughing. I reluctantly walk down the stairs, not knowing whether
they are going to come after me in retaliation or not. 

I make the kids oatmeal and toast while
everyone sits around the kitchen island talking about how old Alec
is. He smiles and is carefree. After breakfast, we make the beds,
shower, and get ready for a fun day at home for Alec’s
birthday. 

“
This looks like a birthday
party,” Alec says, while looking at all the balloons scattered
around the house and on the table. 

“
Really?” I ask
sarcastically. “Maybe because it is.”

The guests start coming and Alec tends to
the grill. Molly and her new boyfriend show up, and she brings a
basket of goodies for the kids. I invited Leah and Bobby and I am
excited to see that they also come.

 “
What did you bring?”
I ask Molly. 

“
Just a few things for the
kids and us to do. You know, bubbles, sidewalk chalk, crayons, and
coloring books, and I even got some glitter.” 

“
Oh, please, no. Please tell
me you didn’t get glitter,” I beg. 

“
No, I didn’t get glitter.”
She laughs and I laugh, too. “I couldn’t do that to you. Now, Alec,
that’s a whole different story.” 

“
That’s nice, but you didn’t
have to do that.” 

“
I know. I wanted to. Thank
you for inviting us. I hope this isn’t weird for
you.” 

“
It’s not weird for me.
Raelynn wanted you here, and it’s like any other
day.” 

“
But today happens to be
Alec’s birthday,” Molly says.

“
It’s fine, no one will give
it a second thought. Just have fun and enjoy yourselves.
Hot-looking date, by the way,” I say as I nod to Adam, who is
talking to Alec.

“
He is, isn’t
he?” 

The cookout birthday party is in full swing.
Brooke, Brice, and the boys; Sara and Donovan; Brea, Vincent, and
Arturo; and even Mason, Angel and the twins came. Alec’s sisters
and brothers and nieces and nephews are all here, too. Mason, Alec,
Donovan, and Vincent all take turns taking everyone out in the
sailboat and the kids fish from the boat dock. It’s an easy and
relaxed day, just as Alec wanted it to be. Molly snaps pictures and
Alec tells me she was a great photographer at one time.