Mending Michael (22 page)

MICK

"So is it always this slow on Mondays?" Tabitha asks me.

"During the day it is. Tonight it'll pick up, but...are you working tonight?" I ask only because I thought she was hired for evenings, yet twice now, she's worked with me during the day.

"No. Not tonight. Tomorrow night though. Donny has us switching it up every other day for the summer."

"Ah. Gotcha."

"So Cali says you got something going on with Holly?" Tabitha asks joyfully, having no idea that Holly and I actually don't know what the fuck we're doing.
I
don't know what the fuck
I'm
doing. I want to be with her like crazy, but then, it scares me. I lose people left and right when I love them. What if I lost her? And like I told her more than two weeks ago, what right do I have making her a part of my life when I can't make her the biggest part?

"It's a simple question really," Tabitha breaks in to my thoughts, "either you do or you don't."

I shake my head. "No. There's nothing going on."

"Oh. Hmmm."

"There was...there was the start of something. Cali wasn't wrong, but...it...fizzled out." I shrug.

"Well that's too bad. You guys would look cute together."

I refrain from commenting. The thought is too painful.

"Anyway," she begins again. "So is there anyone special in your life then?"

"I don't like to talk about myself. What about you?" I decide to turn the tables, interested to see how she likes the inquisition. "Is there anyone special in
your
life?"

She smiles. "Just Cali."

"Just Cali? What kind of answer is that?"

"The truth. Right now...she's all I care about."

"You don't have siblings or parents that you care about?" Though I know too well that someone can have parents and not give a shit about them.

"I have parents and two brothers. But do I care about 'em as much as Cal? No fuckin' way." She starts fixing what looks like a Manhattan.

"I didn't see anyone place an order."

"No one did. It's for me."

"For you? At twelve thirty in the afternoon?" Oh, who the hell am I kidding? I do the same thing. It doesn't matter what time it is, if I want a drink, I'm going to pour myself a drink. I guess it only bothers me now, because I'm trying to cut down...for Kenna's sake.

"Yeah. So," Tabitha says, "you got a problem with that?" she asks, smiling, obviously joking.

"No," I respond, then turn and walk away. Though her sassing is in fun, it reminds me too much of Holly and makes me sad.

"I'm sorry," she offers loud enough for me to hear from the other side of the bar. "If you don't want me drinking, I swear, I'll put it down."

Looking her in the eyes, so she knows I mean it, I say, "No, really. I don't have a problem with it."

I fuss with things under the bar, then walk back and pour myself a seltzer. A group of people come in for lunch, and Tabitha makes her way over to greet the table. While waiting for their order to come, my thoughts go back to Holly and how much I miss her. I think about her awesome-paying job in New York and wonder if it's going to be enough to make her happy for long. I think about her on Wall Street and wonder how she's doing right now.

"Mickey?"

I set down my drink when I hear the voice, but I don't turn to look toward its speaker.

"Mickey," she says again, her voice closer. Right in front of me.

I gaze up into dark sad eyes that look like mine.

"Aunt Liz," I whisper in awe. "Shit."

Taking huge steps to come around in front of the bar, I reach my aunt in seconds. She takes me in this huge bear hug, and it takes all my effort to not break down in her arms. "What are you doing here?" I ask excitedly, pulling out from her embrace after gathering some composure.

"I had to hear what's going on in your life from your friend Luke?"

"Luke called you?" My words are quiet, almost a whisper, surprised Luke had even remembered her.

"Yes, honey, he did. But why didn't you?"

My eyes follow Tabitha behind the bar, where I watch her making drinks for her table. Promptly, I note how grateful I am that Donny has been hiring waitresses who know their liquor.

With my attention back on my aunt, I say, "I'm sorry. I didn't think of it."

"You didn't think of it?"

She cups my arm by my tricep and pushes me to a back table. Turning again toward Tabitha, I see her nod and wave a hand, assuring me she's fine taking over the bar and the tables.

"How could you not think of calling me, Mickey? You're my family."

I avert my eyes.
Family that left me. Same as everyone else.
But I don't say that out loud. How could I?

"What is it, Mickey?" Liz lifts my chin with her finger, like I'm a child.

"Stop," I tell her, sliding my chair back from the table.

"What'd I do, Mickey?"

"You never came back," I whine, my voice sounding like a child, even to my ears. "After the funeral. You never came back.
Plus
," I emphasize, "you sold the house. I loved that house. That house held the only happy memories I had as a child. How could you sell it?" I swear, I'm trying to keep myself from bursting out into fucking tears, but let me tell you, with what I've been going through lately, it's getting harder and harder to keep those fuckers in.

"Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry. I had no idea...wait, you were too young to buy that house. You were, what, sixteen?"

"That's beside the point."

"Okay. I just...I don't know, your dad wanted to sell it fast, and so we did. He didn't let on that you might have wanted it."

"Of course not. He needed the money to fund his drug and alcohol habits probably." I shake my head in disbelief. Though, deep down, I believe it. "He told me the house was left to you, and you wanted nothing to do with it."

"Oh, baby. Like I had a say. I was only twenty-three myself. Your dad was the executor."

"Why didn't you come back?" I ask, already tired and aggravated about talking 'bout the house and my fucking father.

"There was...." She hesitates, averting my eyes, so I know she's hiding something.

"What, Liz?" My words come out clipped.

"There was no one," she gestures her hand toward me, "aside from yourself and Charity, to come back to," she admits, embarrassedly. "There was nowhere to stay. I couldn't stay with your parents, I just didn't approve of their lifestyle, and, well, all my friends were in San Fran. I had a boyfriend there too and..."

"And T and I weren't important enough."

"No, Mickey, that's not true. Not at all. But, Mick, I was a kid myself. What did you expect me to do?"

I look her dead in the eyes. "I expected you to save us."

HOLLY

"Let me just repeat what you told me so I don't forget."

Dr. Weiss nods his head patiently, allowing me to list the things I need to accomplish before I can switch my major from finance to social work.

"First, I have to request a Change of Major application from the office of the dean of Psychology, and have him sign it, and then also from the dean of the Social Work department? Both?"

"Correct. You can major in both, or minor in just one, but I advise doing both for what you have in mind. Doing social work is rewarding work, Miss Buchanan."

"Right. Okay, so then after the deans sign the appropriate forms, I have to follow the instructions on the forms and get the other signatures required."

"Correct."

"And you recommend me taking Psychology Statistics and Experimental Psychology over the summer."

"I do. Especially because you'll be so far behind."

"Do you think I'll get in?"

"I'm not sure.
I
will approve it, but the deans may not. You may still take the required courses, and as your GPA increases, you can reapply."

My face drops in disappointment.

"Don't worry about it, Miss Buchanan. I'll put in a good word for you. You do very well in all your non-finance classes. They are definitely going to take that into consideration."

"Thank you, Dr. Weiss," I say, standing and holding out my hand.

Returning my handshake, Dr. Weiss reminds me, "Go to the nearest computer, register for your classes and bring the print-out straight to me."

"I will. Thank you."

"Oh, Holly."

I turn back toward my counselor.

"This is a good decision you're making. I believe you'll do well."

I leave with a huge grin on my face. "I think so too," I answer, but only to myself.

***

The coffee cafe is nearly empty, with just a few campus stragglers occupying the tables.

"An iced whole milk latte, please."

While I wait for my beverage, I scan the triangular shaped coffee house. Not a single person I recognize. How sad.

"Are you open for the entire summer, or do you close?" I ask the barista when she hands me my latte.

"We're open, but we have shortened hours. Seven to three."

"Thanks," I call out as I head to one of the many empty tables.

Pulling my laptop out of my messenger bag, I'm feeling sad that my friends aren't here. Rose went back up to her farm and then to do that Broadway thing, Braden left for south Jersey, Hurley went...gosh, I don't even know where Hurley lives. At least Griff and Cali are still around. Which reminds me, I have to text Griffin later to see if I'm still able to crash at his house until I find something.

Psychology Statistics is available for the first summer session, and Experimental Psych is available in session two. I register for both, glad that they were available, and then start perusing available jobs, since I'll be making Haledon my semi-permanent home for a while. Dad wasn't happy to learn that I wanted to be on my own for a while. He doesn't think I can afford it, but I want to prove him wrong. He's fronting me money to find a small apartment somewhere, since he said he sees determination in my eyes, but I need to find a job that will afford me my own living expenses. That was the deal. He pays for my education if I keep my grades up, and he'll continue to pay for my car insurance, but I pay for my apartment and living expenses. Of course, I'm always welcome to live at home, he had said. I know that. But I want to feel like more of an adult, so here I am, my start at living on my own. I better ask Cali how to live frugally, because seriously, I have no idea.

After applying for several part-time jobs online, I decide I'd probably make more money working at a bar. Donny had said I was always welcome back at his place, so I have that. But could I work with Mick again? Without traumatizing my heart?

Since it's crucial I get a job soon, I decide my heart is just going to have to take it. I pick up my cell, search for Donny's number, and give him a call. Since he doesn't answer, I leave him a detailed message, gather my things, and head to Griffin's.

"Holl." Griffin greets me with a hug. "I thought you were back in New York," he says curiously, welcoming me in.

"I'm taking summer classes. They start next Monday."

"Want coffee?"

Following him into the kitchen before I even answer, I say, "Okay."

"Choose your poison." Griffin has a single-serve machine and different levels of caffeinated choices. I just choose the morning blend. "So you gonna stay here? You can take Hurley's room. He's not coming back next semester."

"He's not?" I ask surprised.

"No. He transferred out."

"Oh. He didn't like it here?"

"I don't think that was it, anyway, you want it?"

"Maybe. Yeah. That would be great. Thanks, Griff." I fix my coffee and sit at the island in the center of his kitchen.

"So how come Cali isn't living with you yet?"

"She doesn't want to leave her mom. I don't blame her. It hasn't been that long since her dad died and all."

"Yeah. That's true."

"You gonna start working at Donny's again?"

"I hope. I left him a message."

Griffin sits across from me with his mug of coffee cupped in his hand. "So tell me what's going on with you and Mick. We don't get to talk anymore."

It's true. Since Griffin started seeing Cali, and I became a working woman, we haven't spent much time together. "I know, I kinda miss it."

"Me too. Now spill." Griffin grabs a box of pre-packaged doughnuts behind him and sets them in the center of the island.

"Yes. Chocolate. Just what I need," I say, pulling one out of the box. With a bite full of doughnut, I mumble, "There's nothing going on with me and Mick."

"What happened, 'cause I could tell
something
was happening."

Washing down my second bite of doughnut with a swallow of coffee, I think about what to say, when I realize, there really is nothing to say. "There's not much to tell," I admit after swallowing my coffee. "I liked him, I thought he liked me, but...I guess not enough."

"Not enough?"

"He's got a lot of shit going on in his life. That was his excuse. I mean, he didn't lie, 'cause, yeah, he's got a lot of shit going on."

"That's why he doesn't want to be with you?"

I nod. "Kind of. I mean, I get it, 'cause he's dealing with so much that he doesn't have time for me, but...that's what makes me think he doesn't like me enough. You know?"

"Yeah," Griffin agrees. "Because if he liked you enough, he'd make the time. Is that what you're saying?"

"I guess." I shrug and stuff the rest of the doughnut in my mouth.

"Holl?"

"Yeah?"

"Could it be he just doesn't want to get you involved in whatever he's going through? I mean, maybe he really likes you, but he's kind of embarrassed about whatever's going on."

I look at Griff with narrowed eyes. "You're taking
his
side?" I snarl facetiously. "I thought you were
my
friend."

He laughs. "Some guys don't want people seeing the low points of their life."

Raising my eyebrow, I think, "That does sound like Michael," but I don't say that. Instead, I say, "Could be. By the way, what are you guys doing tonight?" I ask, thinking if Donny doesn't call me back, maybe I'd go see him after four.

"No plans. Why? You wanna hang?"

"I don't wanna be a third wheel," I say weakly.

"Ah. Never, Holl. Wanna go to Donny's for burgers?"

"Yeah. 'S long as we can go after four."

"Why? Is that when Mick clocks in?" Griffin gets up and gets another cup of coffee.

"No. It's when he clocks out."

"So you're avoiding him?" Griff takes my cup and makes me another.

"No. Just don't want to torture him by having him blessed with my beautiful presence."

"So you're avoiding him."

"Yeesss."

"If we're going for dinner, we'd have to go after four anyway. So when you moving in?"

"This weekend good? I gotta be out of the dorm by Sunday."

"Of course. I can help you move stuff. I just have to help Joey at the garage tomorrow and Thursday, but Friday I'm off if you want to start then."

"I'd love to. Thank you so much, Griff. You're a life saver. And I insist on paying you rent."

"Holl. The house is paid off."

"Then I'll help pay half the utilities, the cable, whatever."

"You're sweet. Whatever..."

I drink my coffee, have another doughnut, and smile broadly. Griffin just made step one of starting a life that I control so much easier. Thank God for Griff.