Mesalliance (28 page)

He closed the
space between them and, gently putting her hands aside, said, ‘Let
me help you. I took the liberty of telling Jeanne that you wouldn’t
need her. I hoped that you might make do with me, instead.’ The
pearls slid from her throat and he reached past her to place them
on the table, his shirt-sleeve brushing her bare arm as he did so.
‘I’m not, you may find, entirely inexperienced in the role … and,
if you were to sit down, I could demonstrate it by unpinning your
hair.’

Her nerves
snarled into knots. She said, ‘I – no, thank you. I can manage. Did
you have a pleasant journey? I’d half expected not to see you until
tomorrow. I hope your business was successful?’

This was not
the home-coming to which he had looked forward through every mile
of the long drive back from Oxfordshire. Disappointment washed over
him and he took a moment to conquer it. Then, when he finally
spoke, it was not in answer to her questions, but to say
thoughtfully, ‘I returned as soon as I could. I believed, you see,
that I had an incentive.’

There did not
seem to be any satisfactory answer to that. She began removing pins
from her hair with elaborate and time-consuming care.

‘Adeline.’
Frowning slightly, the dark magnetic gaze fixed on her reflection.
‘What happened while I was away?’

‘Happened? Why,
nothing.’
My life has been ripped apart and I don’t know how to
mend
it - or how to tell you
. ‘We did a little shopping
and went to Ranelagh, as I told you. Nothing at all
extraordinary.

‘I see,’ he
said. ‘So nothing has occurred to upset or worry you?’

‘Of course not.
Why should you think that? It’s only been three days, after
all.’

‘Quite. But you
seem a trifle … nervous. And then there is the rouge.’

‘The rouge? Oh
– that!’ She gave a tiny, careless shrug. ‘It’s this gown. I don’t
think lilac suits me. But there was no time to change so I tried to
mend matters with artifice, for once. I don’t think it worked, do
you?’

What Rockliffe
thought was that she looked under-slept and feverishly brittle –
but that he was getting no closer to discovering why. Three days
ago she’d melted in his arms as though there was nowhere else she
wanted to be; now the barriers were back with a vengeance and she
was further away than ever – retreating behind a wall of light,
meaningless chatter. There had to be a reason for it, something she
wasn’t telling him; unless … but he wouldn’t explore that
possibility. Not yet. It hurt too much.

Setting his
hands on her shoulders, he turned her gently to face him and said,
‘These things matter, of course – but need we discuss them now? I
have been waiting to greet you and have yet to do so.’

‘Of course.’
Adeline forced herself to remain still and knew not which
temptation was the stronger – the one to hurl herself against him
or the one to run away.

He could feel
the tension running through her and her mouth remained coolly
unresponsive under his. This time the disappointment he’d tried to
put aside solidified like a stone and, repressing a pointless
desire to tell her so, he made one last attempt to get her to talk
to him.

‘Adeline, I
don’t wish to be tiresome … but if something is wrong, I wish you
would tell me. It’s just possible, you know, that I might be able
to help.’

‘But nothing
is
wrong,’ she replied brightly. ‘Nothing at all. It’s just
that I’m very tired and – and therefore not the best of company
just at present.’

His hands
dropped away from her and he said, ‘You are saying you would simply
like me to go.’

‘If – if you
wouldn’t mind. I think it might be best.’

The subtle
change in his expression all but undid her and she turned abruptly
back to the task of unpinning her hair. She had chosen her course
almost by accident and it was even worse than she had feared. Three
days ago she’d let him see that she wanted him; now she was pushing
him away. She could only imagine how that must feel. But, at some
point in the last ten minutes she’d somehow come to the muddled
conclusion that she either had to tell him everything right now -
or avoid any further intimacy until she could do so. Anything else
didn’t bear thinking about. And though the second was going to be
hard, the first – at this stage – was downright impossible.

‘
Oh
God
,’ she thought miserably. ‘
What can I do? I can’t tell
him. I can’t cheat him by
not
telling him
…
and I
can’t let Richard hurt him. What can I do? I am in a cage
.’

Rockliffe
regarded her out of hooded eyes for a long moment and then made her
a small, ironic bow. ‘It seems we are faced with yet another
instance of my lamentable timing, doesn’t it?’

‘Not at all.
The fault is mine … and I’m sorry.’

‘Are you?’ He
walked away to pick up his coat. ‘That’s nice. But don’t allow
yourself to feel too guilty, my dear. It might lead you to do
something else you will come to regret.’

The door closed
behind him with a gentle click that might, as far as Adeline was
concerned, have been the slamming of Hell’s gate. An uncontrollable
shudder tore through her body and, dropping slowly to her knees,
she put her face in her hands and cried.

*

Rockliffe
rarely drank to excess and never alone. That night, he went
downstairs to the library and did both.

The first glass
did little to numb the pain that was carving its way through his
chest. He had come home prepared, at last, to say the words he’d
never said to any woman in his life before – and she’d brushed him
aside like a minor inconvenience. She had said there was nothing
wrong – which, if it was true, left only one logical explanation;
that her response to him on the morning he’d left for Oxfordshire
had been a mistake she didn’t intend to make again. He found he
could just about live with the thought that she was still not ready
to let him make love to her. What he
couldn’t
live with,
however, was being held at arm’s length like a total bloody
stranger. That had hurt more than he would have believed
possible.

It took time,
effort and a third glass of port before he was able to think with
his brain instead of his emotions … not a problem he was accustomed
to … and, when he did, a number of other things occurred to
him.

She’d insisted
there was nothing wrong. He hadn’t believed her - but had wondered
if that was just because he didn’t want to. However, when she had
first walked into the room and seen him, her expression had not
been just startled – it had been stricken. As if she was afraid to
face him. Why? What could have happened – what could she have done
that was so terrible she couldn’t tell him about it? Didn’t she
know there was nothing he wouldn’t forgive her?

‘
Ah
,’ he
thought wryly. ‘
Well, perhaps just one thing
.’

But he knew it
wasn’t that. She hadn’t managed to keep him out of her bed all this
time only to fall headlong into that of some other man in the space
of three days.

And that
brought him back to what had happened between them before he had
left. Her response had been real. He was experienced enough to know
when a woman wanted him … experienced enough also to know that what
Adeline had been feeling that morning had not been purely physical.
All of which meant that the situation, though unfortunate, was not
– could not be – irretrievable.

His mind
recovered its tone and he left the fourth glass untouched.

Aside from the
one thing she’d denied him, he’d tried everything he knew and it
had not been enough. Perhaps it was time for a change of
tactics.

Nell, who –
despite one niggling reservation – felt a good deal better after
her talk with Lord Harry, arose refreshed and brimming with vigour.
She sang on the way down the stairs and, finding her brother alone
at the breakfast table, bade him a sunny “Good morning”, prior to
launching into her chosen theme. She was not, of course, to know
that she had chosen a bad time – or even that the answer would have
been the same had she chosen a good one. But Rockliffe, having
heard her out in enigmatic silence, was in a mood of less than his
usual tolerance and not disposed to mince his words.

‘No, Nell,’ he
said flatly. ‘I will not take you to a ridotto at Covent Garden.
You had as well ask me to take you sight-seeing in Bedlam.’

‘But
why
?’

‘Because
vulgarity amuses me no more than the misfortunes of the insane. And
it would do you no good whatsoever to be seen in such a place.’

‘But if one is
masked, who is to know?’ she objected. ‘And Sir Jasper says that
many fashionable people go there.’

‘Does he
indeed?’ Rockliffe folded his arms and eyed her sardonically. ‘But
I, sadly, do not consider his judgement superior to my own – and,
furthermore, I believe I have already desired you to terminate that
friendship.’

‘Well, yes. But
-- ’

‘No more buts,
if you please. They grow tedious. And that is the end of the
matter.’

Nell stiffened.
‘I think you might at least listen to me.’

‘Do you? Then I
suggest that you start doing as you would be done by. Ah.’ This as
the door opened on Adeline. ‘Good morning, my dear.’

It was a moment
before she replied. Since the night of their own ball, he had
always left his hair unpowdered … until today. Plainly, this was a
message of some kind. ‘Good morning.’

‘I trust you
slept well?’

She hadn’t –
but it would obviously not do to say so. ‘Yes, thank you. And
you?’

‘More than I’d
anticipated, shall we say. Coffee?’

The tone was
bland enough but his meaning was unmistakeable. Adeline set her
teeth, allowed him to fill her cup and wondered, bleakly, what else
she had expected.

It was Nell who
unwittingly broke the tension by saying baldly, ‘I’m sorry about
yesterday, Adeline. You were right, of course – I see that now. So
I apologised to Cassie and – and made my peace with Ha– Lord Harry,
too. I just thought you’d like to know.’

And, on this
laconically uttered invitation to applause, she left the room.

The door closed
behind her and Rockliffe returned to the piece of correspondence
he’d been perusing when she first came in. This, too, was unusual.
His manners were invariably impeccable and Adeline had never known
him read at the table when anyone else was present. The sinking
feeling in her chest intensified and she toyed aimlessly with a
slice of bread-and-butter. Then, when she couldn’t stand the
silence any longer, she said, ‘About last night … ’

The dark eyes
rose to encompass her. ‘Yes?’

‘I – I’m sorry.
I know I disappointed you.’

He refrained
from saying that disappointment in no way covered it. In fact, he
refrained from saying anything at all.

Adeline waited
and, when he continued to regard her with an air of mild enquiry,
said weakly, ‘It … truly, it was just that I was tired and out of
sorts. This constant round of balls and parties with Nell … I
suppose I’m not quite accustomed to it yet.’

Finally, he
laid down the letter he had been holding.

‘If that is so,
the solution would seem to be very simple. You once said, I
believe, that if I ever suggested a quiet evening at home, you
would listen. I’m suggesting it. Tonight, perhaps?’

‘Oh.’ She
swallowed, belatedly recognising the pit into which her excuse had
led her. ‘It’s the Cavendish House ball. We accepted Dolly’s
invitation weeks ago.’

‘Of course.
Tomorrow, then?’

‘The Delahaye’s
masquerade. Nell and Cassie have talked of little else for weeks.
And after that, the Vernon’s rout --’

Rockliffe
silenced her with a movement of one hand.

‘Pray spare me
a catalogue of all our social engagements for the rest of the
season. I would also be obliged if you could stop insulting my
intelligence.’

‘I wasn’t.’

‘Of course you
were. The situation is perfectly plain. You have no intention of
allowing our relationship to progress. I think I may be said to be
well aware of that fact. The only thing I
don’t
know is –
why.’

‘Are you asking
me?’

‘Would there be
any point?’ He waited and then, when she did not reply, leaned back
in his chair and said, ‘Very well. Since you raised the subject,
let us talk about last night – dispensing with any further excuses,
if you don’t mind. There are only two reasons to account for your
behaviour. One is that the idea of lying with me is still …
insufficiently appealing; the other is that something happened
while I was away – something you don’t trust me enough to share
with me. If one of them has to be true, I suppose I’d prefer the
latter. Well?’

Adeline stared
at him aghast. This was worse than she had anticipated and she
didn’t know what might make it better. She said, ‘It’s not either
of them. I -- ’

‘Don’t lie to
me.’ Suddenly his voice was clipped and incredibly cold. ‘I think I
deserve better than that.’ He paused, letting silence take over
again. Then, in something closer to his usual manner, he said, ‘I
have been patient. Indeed, I think you will own that I have shown
commendable restraint – given the circumstances.’

‘Yes.’

‘Thank you. You
may count on that restraint lasting a while longer yet. But I
should point out that my patience is not inexhaustible. As you have
always known, I did not marry you purely to chaperone Nell and
grace my breakfast table. And as you must also have realised, I
would prefer you to come to me because you wanted to … rather than
as a result of any coercion on my part or because of all this.’ He
waved a dismissive hand at the elegantly-appointed room. ‘There
comes a point, however, when that may have to change. I trust that
makes the position reasonably plain?’