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side by side in chairs along the river’s edge, neither of them speaking

a word. They just enjoyed one another’s company and nature.

Time seemed to slow down, and Anna felt at peace for the time

being. It gave her strength and a bit of hope. She watched the birds

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land, find some worms, then take off again. She tried to see exactly

where their nests were, and she wondered if there were babies there.

Taking a deep breath of fresh air, she allowed herself to feel safe

and free.

“It’s so quiet, Stacy. I never thought it would be possible to hear

grass grow.”

Stacy chuckled.

“You get used to it, Anna. Life here is so different from the hustle

and bustle of the city. There’s no need to rush, no need to ignore the

simple things in life. I love it here. It calms me and makes me feel like

I have my own piece of heaven.”

Anna smiled. “A piece of heaven… I like the sound of that.”

“Well, take your pick, honey. There are acres and acres of

Cantrell land around these parts.”

Anna smiled, thinking if it could only be that easy.

As she looked around her, absorbing the scenery, she thought

about her life, the pain and the time she wasted. All she knew was

that, at this moment, she could breathe without feeling pain or anxiety

in her chest.

Then she thought about the ranch and all the men who worked

there. Instantly, she thought about Charlie, Ben, and Wyatt. How

could she be attracted to each of them? While Charlie held her in the

kitchen, she sought out Wyatt’s touch. All the while, she thought

about Ben and wondered where he was. It was strange and yet natural.

She was desperate for attention. Still, after everything that

happened to her and after the most important man in her life deserted

her and pushed her away, she still sought love and affection.
What the

hell is wrong with me? Didn’t getting beaten and nearly forced into

prostitution shove reality in my face? The hope of finding happiness

and belonging to a family was a childhood dream. The dream is dead.

No…there was no way she could open herself up for

disappointment and betrayal. Never again.

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59

She glanced toward Stacy, feeling envious and rather jealous.

Stacy not only had a home and a family but two men who adored her

and loved her. The way Eric and Max looked at Stacy brought tears of

joy to Anna’s eyes. She wished for nothing but happiness for her best

friend. She just wished she could be on the receiving end for once in

her own life.

Stacy was beautiful both outside and inside. With her short raven

red hair and big green eyes, she was stunning. She had always been

there for Anna as early as elementary school.

They never lost touch, no matter how many miles stood between

them. Texas was a long way from New York, but they still spoke on

the phone once a week, or at least no longer than two weeks apart.

Her calls perked Anna up and made life bearable.

Max and Eric were lucky.

“Whatcha thinking about over there?” Stacy inquired, drawing

Anna’s attention toward her.

“How lucky I am to have a best friend like you and how lucky

Eric and Max are.”

Stacy smiled.

“I’m lucky to have you, and I’m blessed to have found true love,

double style,” Stacy stated with a bit of a Texas drawl.

Anna laughed.

“I couldn’t imagine one love, never mind two simultaneously.”

“Oh, come on, Anna, you’re gorgeous. I’ve seen the way the men

around here have been eyeing you. You’ll be going out on dates and

being the hottest item in town in no time.”

Anna laughed.

“Sorry, Stacy, but that’s not me at all. I’m quiet, shy, and picky.”

“Is that so? I find it hard to believe that you didn’t date a bunch

back in New York. I always wondered when I would get that call

saying you were in love.”

Anna looked toward the water and sighed.

“No time for dating, working double shifts every day and night.”

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Stacy sighed.

“Well, no need to worry about that now. You’re in Texas, and you

don’t have to work double shifts.”

“I will need to find work, though, and if there’s nothing in Pearl,

it’s more the reason to move on.”

“You’ll find something if you want to. I know the restaurant is

hiring. You always loved cooking, maybe the owner has some

available shifts for a cook.”

“That might work.”

“As far as the dating thing, I’m not pushing you, Anna. Things

have a way of working themselves out.”

“I know. I’m too scared right now for that. Men make me nervous,

and after New York, I don’t know when I’ll get over that fear.”

“You seem to be comfortable with Wyatt, Charlie, and Ben.”

Stacy smiled, then sat back in her chair.

Anna felt her cheeks warm.

“They’ve been very kind to me. I know it’s because they feel

sorry for me. They’ve been real hospitable.”

“Hospitable, my ass! Those three are interested in you.”

Anna sat up in her chair and grabbed the armrests.

“What?”

“Either you’re lying to me about noticing, or you really are

clueless when it comes to men.”

“The latter, I’m afraid. I’ve never had time for boys or men. It’s

always been about taking care of dad and covering medical bills while

mom was still alive. There was never time for me, and life just passed

me by. Here I am, the twenty-three-year-old virgin.”

“Virgin!” Stacy jumped out of her chair and nearly stumbled and

fell.

Quickly, she recovered and placed her hands on her hips.

“Start talking now, girl!”

Anna cringed. She felt so embarrassed for shouting that out, but it

was true, and Stacy got her all fired up about men and dating.

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61

“I’m afraid it’s true. I don’t know a thing about sex or men or any

of the signs.”

“Oh, darling, that is nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I hadn’t

slept with Alex back in college. I could have given Eric and Max

something sacred and special. You still have a chance to find true love

and embrace it fully, with every part of you.”

Now Anna stood up.

“Me? In love with a man? Not gonna happen, Stacy.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Too much fucking baggage, damn it!” Now Anna was annoyed.

Stacy covered her mouth with her hand and laughed.

“What?” Anna demanded to know what was so funny.

“I don’t think I have ever heard you curse, never mind use the

word fuck.”

Anna stuck out her tongue.

“Very funny. Thanks a lot.”

“Okay, little virgin, let’s discuss this in more detail. I have got to

hear your reasoning behind remaining a virgin and never finding true

love.”

Anna took a deep breath and began using her fingers to count off

all the reasons she should remain single.

“One, I’ve always been the breadwinner and have worked my ass

off all these years despite any stereotypical and chauvinistic barriers

along the way. Men don’t find that type of independence easy to

handle. They want to be in charge, and a man in charge is a man with

the power to hurt and cause pain.”

Stacy swallowed hard. “That’s just bullshit. Real men love

independent women. The difference between the men you’re used to

and men I know is they actually care. If a man loves his woman, he

can accept her need to be independent and can encourage her to live

her life to the fullest just like him. Go on, give me another one.”

“Two!” Anna raised her voice.

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“Men need to dominate and control and…cause pain.” Anna

began to cry.

Immediately, Stacy pulled her into an embrace.

“Oh, Anna. You just haven’t met men who would cherish you and

love you and never bring harm to you.”

“They don’t exist,” Anna cried, then laughed at how childish the

words sounded to her own ears.

“Sure they do. Look at Eric and Max. Never mind Charlie, Wyatt,

and Ben.”

Anna pulled away. “No, no, no, can’t you see what I mean? It’s

not Eric, Max, or the others…it’s me. The problem is always going to

be with me. I’m scared, Stacy. I’m so damn scared. I can’t sleep, I

can’t…live a normal life. I feel like I’m destined for pain. Like I’m no

one, and I’m stumbling through life taking up space.”

“No, Anna, it’s not true. Don’t think that way.”

“I couldn’t even see what my own father was doing.”

Anna crossed her arms in front of her chest and rubbed her arms.

She looked out across the water, and Stacy stood beside her.

“I should have demanded that he show me receipts for the

shopping, for the rent, for the bills. But I was afraid. I was afraid of

being alone, and I was afraid of his drunken stupor.”

“He was abusive, Anna?”

“Yes…he didn’t hit me as often as when I was a kid or when

momma was dying, but he had some bad nights.”

Stacy cursed under her breath and caressed Anna’s shoulders.

“When he didn’t pay the rent after I gave him the money and the

landlord threatened to evict us, I should have demanded he straighten

out. I was working every day and every night, getting four hours of

sleep, while he drank. I should have known something was up that

night I arrived home so late and he wasn’t there.”

Anna began to shake.

* * * *

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Stacy felt her own throat tighten and the tears begin to form in her

eyes. She had to be strong for Anna. Anna needed to tell her what

happened.

“What happened?”

“When I got home, I was thinking how crappy our apartment

complex was and how there was no security and garbage everywhere.

I was tired. I had been working so much to make up the money for the

back rent. As soon as I saw that the door was unlocked, I should have

run back downstairs.”

“Instead, I figured my dad was drunk again and forgot to lock the

door. I thought for sure I would have found him on the couch, passed

out or even on the bathroom floor. But as I entered and tossed my

purse on the couch, there was no sign of him.”

Anna inhaled, and Stacy waited for her to continue. She felt

Anna’s body tense, and then her voice began to quiver.

“I never saw them. Not until the one guy grabbed me and the

other emerged from my bedroom.”

“Who were they?”

“Men my dad owed money to. They had warned him that time

was up and the money was due and now they were going to send a

clear message. Pay up, or your daughter gets the punishment.”

“Oh, my god, Anna, what did you do?”

“I tried to run. I tried to explain that I didn’t know where my

father was, but they didn’t believe me. They touched me and

threatened me.”

Anna began to cry. “He squeezed my breast so hard. I felt the

bruises instantly, his breath against my neck, the smell of his cologne.

I can smell it at night…when I’m sleeping,” she cried.

Stacy could no longer hide her tears as she held Anna.

“They started hitting me, demanding for me to tell my father that

his time was up. I fell to the floor in the fetal position, hoping to block

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any further hits to my head and face. If I fell unconscious, then I was

as good as dead.

“I thought they were going to kill me. The pain was so terrible,

and they wouldn’t stop kicking me and punching me. Then I heard my

father’s voice.

“I was so…I was so relieved.” She sobbed as Stacy caressed her

back.

“What did he do? Did he fight them? Did he have the money?”

“He owed thirty thousand. He didn’t have anything.”

“What happened?”

“He told them that he didn’t have the money and that he needed

more time. They told him he was out of time and that they would take

me…take me as down payment.”

“What?”

“I cried for him to help me, but the other man kept fondling me,

touching me everywhere. I didn’t want him to rape me, Stacy. I didn’t

want to go with them.”

“I know, honey. I understand. What did you do?”

“As the guys continued to touch me and talk about my body and

turning me…and turning me into a cash machine…my father asked if

anyone needed a drink.”

“What the fuck!”

“I couldn’t believe it. I was so helpless. I was in so much pain I

could hardly stand, and the guy kept touching me. God, Stacy, I can

feel his hands on me. When I look in the mirror and see the bruises, I

can picture him there.”

Anna cried and tried to control her breathing. Stacy cried as well,

feeling such hatred and anger toward Anna’s father, she wished she

could kill him herself.

“They told him they were taking me to whore me out to get back

the cash he owed. I pleaded for my dad to help. He told them…he told

them…to take me. That he didn’t care, that I meant nothing to him.”

Anna couldn’t stop crying.

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“The slimy bastard! How could he do that?” Stacy cried.