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When escrow closes that will be a big help.”

“Just remember he’s not worried about tomorrow because he has already worked that out. He’s inviting you

to live with him in the joy of the moment, responding to what he puts right before you. The freedom to

simply follow him that way will transform so many areas of your life. He loves you, Jake, and he wants you to

live in the security of that, without having to figure everything out.”

“I’m beginning to get a glimpse of it. I’ve been reading Romans 8 over and over trying to figure out what

Paul meant. It seems that Paul drew his confidence in God’s love from what he accomplished on the cross.

Because of what he knew about that he never seemed to doubt God’s love again, no matter how brutal

things got for him. I have always seen the cross as a matter of justice, not love, at least from God’s eyes. I

know Jesus loved us enough to die for us, but wasn’t it God who put him through all of that? If he would treat

his own that way when he was innocent, how does that prove his love for me?”

“You’re making a common mistake. Too many people see the cross only as an act of divine justice. To

satisfy his need for justice, God imposed the ultimate punishment on his Son, thus satisfying his wrath and

allowing us to go unpunished. That may be good news for us, but what does it say about God?”

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“That’s what’s always troubled me. I understood how the cross showed me how much Jesus loved me, but it

certainly didn’t endear me to God.”

“But that’s not how God views the cross, Jake. His wrath wasn’t an expression of the punishment sin

deserves; it was the antidote for sin and shame. The purpose of the cross as, Paul wrote of it, was for God to

make his Son to become sin itself so that he could condemn sin in the likeness of human flesh and purge it

from the race. His plan was not just to provide a way to forgive sin, but to destroy it so that we might live

free.”

“How could God put him through all of that?”

“Don’t think God was only a distant spectator that day. He was in Christ reconciling the world to himself.

This is something they did together. This was not some sacrifice God required in order to be able to love

us, but a sacrifice God himself provided for what we needed. He leapt in front of a stampeding horse and

pushed us to safety. He was crushed by the weight of our sin so that we could be rescued from it. It’s an

incredible story.”

“And one I want to understand better,” I responded. “I think I’m only beginning to discover how the

church has led me astray.”

“Really?” I’d heard John pose that question many times, and usually it was with his eyes popped wide open

and a chuckle in his voice. “I don’t think the church leads people astray. Those leading some religious

institutions might, but let’s not confuse that with the church as God sees her.”

His use of terms confused me briefly, but I pressed on. “A few days after we last talked I got in touch with

Ben Hopkins. He used to be my assistant in a home group I led before I got railroaded out of City Center.

He’s discovered something called house church and has found a lot of information about it on the Internet.

He and I are going to start one this weekend.”

“You are?” He seemed markedly less excited about this than I thought he would.

“Yes. Isn’t that where it all began? The early believers met in each other’s homes. They didn’t build huge

organizations. They didn’t have a professional clergy to run everything. They simply shared community as

brothers and sisters together. That’s what I’ve been looking for since I became a believer. I’ve always

thought our view of church seemed to present more problems than it solved.

“This is the only answer I’ve ever heard that made me this excited. It seems there are thousands of people

all around the world who have given up on our traditional congregations and are trying to rediscover life

like the early church experienced it. Many are calling it a last-day move of God to purify his church.”

“And that will happen just by meeting in a home, will it?”

His seeming cynicism surprised me. “You don’t think so?” I asked.

“Don’t get me wrong, Jake. Finding more relational ways to share life with other believers is a marvelous

direction to head. But just moving the meeting into a home will not accomplish all that you hope for.”

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“We know that. We’ve got a group of five families who want to start a house church together and really work

at community. We’re having our first meeting Sunday night. Would you like to come?”

“I would love to see what you are doing, but I won’t be in town that long, Jake.”

Just then I saw a familiar face come out of the crowd walking towards me. Scanning crowds near me had

become a habit since I left City Center. So many lies had been spread about me that I was tired of facing

them. Now one of the worst perpetrators of that rumor mill was headed right at me. Bob was a member of

the church council and we had been in an accountability group together for a long time. Just when I thought

he wouldn’t see me, our eyes met. Trying to be civil I extended my hand, “Bob, how are you doing?”

He scowled, turned away and soon melted back into the crowd. I felt like an idiot with my hand extended

and my face flushed with shame as I realized John had seen it all. “I hate that,” I said turning around to face

the field. John turned too, putting one leg up on the bottom bar of the railing and perching his elbows on

the top bar.

“Ever since we left City Center I get the same thing. People who used to be close friends turn away as if they

don’t even know me. Bob and I were close. I got him through a tough time with his wife a couple of years

ago and now he can’t even acknowledge me.” I shook my head in disgust. “And that’s not even the worst of

it.”

“It’s not?”

“I feel sick when people I thought were my friends turn away pretending not to see me. But that’s at least

more honest than those who stab me in the back then rush up to me in public with hugs and smiles

pretending nothing ever happened. I ran into my old pastor the other day at a wedding. He ran up and

hugged me, pretended we were the best of friends, all the while looking around to make sure others were

noticing how loving he was. I wanted to push him away, but I knew how unloving I would have looked.”

“It’s incredibly sad, isn’t it?”

“Sad? I’d say it’s downright contemptible!”

“Is that what you’re feeling from him?”

“I wasn’t talking about his contempt, I was talking about mine!”

“I am too, Jake. Other people’s contempt can’t touch you if you’re not playing their game.”

“What game are you talking about?” At that moment screams from across the way drew my eyes to the field

just in time to see the football falling out of the air after another long pass and into the arms of another

dreaded Blue Raider. The receiver raced untouched to the end zone.

“We’re going to throw this thing away again.” I muttered angrily. “Another year of humiliation.” I shook

my head.

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“That’s the game, right there! Your worth as a person is tied up in what fifty high school kids do or don’t do

out on that field. You’re in the game and that’s why you feel so horrible when people don’t know how to

respond to you.”

“What are you talking about, John? That’s just a football game. I’m talking about real flesh and blood

people here.”

“So am I. Tying your worth to fifty people out there or a lie someone tells about you is pretty much the same

thing.”

As the Blue Raiders scored their extra point, I knew the game was slipping away. “Besides, this isn’t a fair

game anyway.”

“It’s not?”

“No. That quarterback launching all the touchdowns should have been playing for us. He used to be in the

Ponderosa District, but transferred to Jefferson when he started high school. He’s probably the best athlete

this town has ever seen. Rumor has it there were a lot of underhanded dealings with the coach at Jefferson

to get him to go along with it. He promised he could get him a scholarship at a major college program after

graduation.”

“You know this?”

“Everyone knows it, John. They even say he’s got a drug problem now and the school buries it so he can

keep playing for them. They’ll probably be Valley champs this year.”

“You’re talking about Craig Hansen, right?”

“You know him?”

“I know his dad pretty well. He’s the man I was having breakfast with when I met you at the coffee shop

almost a year ago. I don’t think you have your facts straight at all. Craig’s a great kid and I can assure you

he’s not taking drugs.”

“He still abandoned us.” I scowled.

“You don’t have any idea what happened, do you? During his eighth-grade year, Craig’s mother died and his

dad’s business failed. They couldn’t hold on to their home anymore and had to move in with his dad’s

sister and her family. There was no way they could drive him across town to play with his old teammates. It

killed Craig. Even now he has few friends on the team. They love his arm, but he’s lonely because few

people have any interest in him.”

“That’s not what I heard.”

“But that’s the truth. I’ve walked with his dad through the whole thing.”

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“Why didn’t he tell anyone? He just disappeared and showed up playing for our hated rival.”

“He was too embarrassed to try to explain it even to his classmates. His problem is not unlike yours.”

“What do you mean?”

“He too knows what it is to have former friends turn away from him when he sees them at a mall.”

“Touché!” I shook my head as I smiled back at John. I never see him sneaking up on me until it’s too late.

“I’m doing the same thing to Craig others are doing to me.”

“Well, that’s only part of it, Jake. You’re caught in the same approval game. That’s how this culture works.

Do what they want and they shower you with affirmation. Cross them and they’ll crucify your reputation,

with or without the facts.”

“I feel so bad for Craig now. I never knew.”

“And I’m sorry for you, Jake. Religious systems, too, have to play the approval game to work.”

“Is that why I could go from ‘rising star’ one moment, to condemned outcast the next?”

“Exactly,” John said. “And why you could go back to ‘rising star’ tomorrow if you return, and admitted it was

all your fault. They would celebrate your return as quickly as they shoved you out the door. All that matters is

that you stay in the game and play by the rules.”

We both stared out over the football field, but I had long ago lost track of the game. Then it dawned on me.

“So even though I’m not there I’m still playing that game, aren’t I?”

“Oh, yes,” John smiled, “It’s a lot easier for you to get out of the system than it is to get the system out of you.

You can play it from inside and out. The approval you felt then came from the same source as the shame you

feel now. That’s why it hurts so much when you hear the rumors or watch old friends turn away

embarrassed. Truth be told, some of those people still really care about you. They just don’t know how to

show it now that you no longer play on their team. They’re not bad people, Jake, just brothers and sisters

lost in something that is not as godly as they think it is.”

“My daughter, Andrea, told me that last week at school she overheard two teachers talking. They didn’t

know she was on the other side of the bathroom door when they passed by. She heard my name so she

stopped to listen. She recognized one voice coming from an elder at City Center who teaches at her school.

He told his colleague that I had really harmed the church and that he’d heard I had a drinking problem.”

“How did she handle that?”

“I asked her what she thought, and her answer surprised me. ‘Well, Dad,’ she said, ‘When you dig a hole for

yourself, I guess you have to throw the dirt on someone.’ Then she dashed off to play.”

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John laughed as hard as I’d ever seen him laugh. “I love it! It’s amazing how easily children see through the

game. Who you are doesn’t change in her mind because of what others say. She’s not playing.”

“But why can’t we see how this game is so destructive? Others are being lied to!”

“They don’t want to see it Jake. Religious systems prey on people’s insecurity. They haven’t learned how to

live in Father’s love, to follow his voice and depend on him. Consequently they can’t do anything that might

upset their place in the game, or they’ll feel lost. Do you remember our walk through your Sunday school

program a year or so ago? We wire people to their approval needs at a very young age and try to exploit it

their whole life long.”

“And part of that training includes marginalizing those that don’t go along.” I let out a deep sigh. “I’ve

certainly done that to others. I had no idea how it felt from this side.”

“Institutionalism breeds task-based friendships. As long as you’re on the same task together, you can be

friends. When you’re not, people tend to treat you like damaged goods. Now you know what that’s like