Midnight Ash (A Blushing Death Novel) (20 page)

Danny opened the car door for me and I slid in the passenger seat. I felt like I’d spent the entire day in Dean’s car. I wasn’t looking forward to the almost hour drive to get to the Manit. I wanted my bed and a full night’s sleep.

Danny slipped in the back seat and took a deep breath before he dove right in. “You’ll need to know a few things before we get there.”

“Like what?”

Dean got in and started the car. He remained silent as Danny explained.

“Werewolves have been around since Ancient Mesopotamia and their names mean something. Hell, don’t the vampires trace their lineage back to the Garden of Eden?” he asked.

Dean nodded.

“Who knows?” Danny said, snorting. “I think they make themselves more important than they really are but what do I know. Anyway, Dean is our Gaoh, our King.”

I turned a fraction of an inch in my seat to catch a glimpse of the Gaoh. I could feel his power like a hot iron against my skin. Damn straight Dean was Gaoh. He was powerful and strong. I felt it in my bones.

“I’m Beta,” Danny continued proudly, pounding his chest with his fist in an almost primitive gesture. “I am Dean’s strength and enforcer, second only to him,” he said with a wink.

From what I saw in Pittsburgh, Dean didn’t need an enforcer. I kept that thought to myself.

“Jackson is Namtar, which is third in line and the Pack’s pestilence. He is supposed to do the pack’s dirty work. Revenge, send a message that type of thing. He’s really good at it, too, if you hadn’t already figured that out. We don’t have a Damu, the Pack healer. Amelia is our Utu. She acts as Pack justice and impartial judge. Both Damus and Utus are rare. You either have to be born from one or attacked by one and a werewolf hasn’t been born in a very long time. Dean, do you remember?”

Dean glanced over at me out of the corner of his eye for only a split second before he answered. “A thousand years, maybe more. Not since the last Golden Anidae.”

“What’s that?”

“The Golden Anidae is all of us, rolled into one. An equal to the Alpha. An Eithina above all Eithina’s,” Dean said, his voice almost nostalgic, hopeful.

“Wow, I had no idea,” Danny said as he sat back in the seat. “I’ve never heard of that.”

“She’s in the histories,” Dean said, giving me a quick glance as he drove.

“The histories?” I asked.

“The written record of us, housed in Europe with the old Packs, mostly the German, Black Forest, Pack. Anyway, back to Amelia. The Damu and Utu usually don’t have the personality types to attack unless one of them goes wild. They are not necessarily submissive but caretakers. It’s in their nature to nurture. Amelia, unfortunately, was attacked,” Danny said softly, reverence making his voice rough.

Danny and Dean exchanged a glance in the rearview mirror. Whatever had happened to Amelia had been bad.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“He lost control,” Dean grumbled.

“An Utu from the Pack in Nevada attacked her. His mate had been killed and he lost control of the wolf. Amelia came here to get away from the memories. We all have control over the other half but if we lose it or let the other half take over, that’s what we call ‘going wild.’”

“If that ever happens, kill, no matter who it is,” Dean snarled.

“Sure, you got it,” I said with a laugh as I met his gaze. My breath hitched and I squared my shoulders as I sat up straighter, looking into his deep, hard, olive-green eyes. He wasn’t joking.

“Promise me,” he said, his jaw tight and hard as granite.

“I give you my word.” I had to change the subject. The determination in his eyes tightened my chest. I couldn’t imagine putting a bullet between those olive-green eyes or Danny’s hazel gray orbs.

“What’s an Eithina?” I asked, trying hard to make sure I said it right. Garret’s smile when he’d said that word was a very
guy’s night out
smile and Dean had managed not to answer him.

“The Moon Goddess. She controls the power that each of our Pack holds. It’s a scary thought but there hasn’t been a real Eithina for this Pack and many others in a very long time. Typically, the Eithina and Goah work together, you know, as a couple,” Danny said, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

He got serious. “Most Gaoh’s call their mates Eithina but a true Eithina has power. She is coregent.” Danny sat back in the seat and closed his eyes, relaxing as Dean cruised down the highway.

“Is that what Candace was? Eithina?” I couldn’t seem to shake a feeling of trepidation in the pit of my stomach. The image of Candace with Danny pissed me off but the image of Candace with Dean sent chills down my spine and turned my stomach. I couldn’t even say why.

“No!” Dean snapped. The thought of that manipulative and vicious woman had made me look over my shoulder more than once. “She wanted to be,” he added as an afterthought.

“A true Eithina is not something you can become, you either are or you aren’t. It’s that simple,” Danny finished.

I twisted and turned what Danny said around in my head to try and make sense of it. They were both quiet. Waiting for me to say something, I suppose. I stared out the passenger side window and watched the darkness beyond the lights along the highway pass by us. My head was full of puzzle pieces that didn’t quite fit together right.

Forty minutes later, we drove out to a field in Delaware county, literally, the middle of fucking nowhere. I didn’t even know people lived out that far. Once we got there, the field went on for days. The nearest neighbor was at least twelve or fifteen miles away. All I could see in the distance was an open field with a vague light hovering out in nothingness.

“Where’s here?” I asked with hesitation and dread as I scanned the acres and acres of field and wood in front of me.

“It’s the Manit, a gathering, of the full Pack. We usually only have one at the waxing, full and waning moons but trials work, too,” Danny said with a small smile cresting his beautiful full lips.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s where we can let go,” he said, turning lighter eyes to me. Power rippled off of him in waves of heat and his eyes flashed warm amber as he stared down at me. His wolf was close to the surface.

The scorching heat of Dean’s power overrode Danny’s to caress me. He glanced at me for only a moment, shifting his eyes to Danny’s hand, clutched in mine. The voice that was beginning to be a voice of reason and a nuisance all at the same time whispered,
Ours
.

I turned from Dean’s uncomfortable gaze and followed Danny through the trees.

The entire pack had gathered in a large circle surrounding Jackson, who knelt in the center with his hands bound behind his back with police issue zip ties. His head hung until his chin touched his chest, which heaved with each deep breath he took. He could’ve escaped those little strips of plastic with very little effort if he wanted. He wouldn’t, however, be able to escape the Pack. He’d made the smart decision to stay bound and wait for the Pack’s decision. That might have been the smartest thing he’d ever done.

A soft murmur carried over the still night air as the crowd grew anxious as time passed.

I didn’t know many of the pack, recognizing only one woman. She was one of Alex’s girlfriends and when I caught her eye, she gave me a sharp head shake. She didn’t want me to out her, either as a friend to vampires or as a lesbian. No skin off my nose. If she wanted to see a woman vampire in private, that was her business, not mine. I wasn’t about to get in the middle of a domestic dispute.

I’d seen several of the younger werewolves at the club but I’d never spoken to them. Now, I wished that I had. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt like such an outsider. I wasn’t one of them and the Pack glared at me to remind me as I passed.

Dean and Danny stepped into the center of the crowd and everyone fell as silent as the grave, ignoring me completely. I just hoped that we wouldn’t have to dig a grave later. I wasn’t wearing the right shoes for that.

“Jackson is accused of disobeying his Beta,” Dean bellowed out over the crowd.

A small murmur rippled through the Pack like wildfire, whispers, giggling, and a howl that seemed angry.

“Bring forth the Pack’s Utu to find justice,” Dean declared. His voice rumbled with power and confidence that made me a little weak in the knees.

A petite woman stepped out from the circle of people and strode up to Jackson without ceremony, her shoulders square even if she took twice as many steps to get there. She was in her late forties, early fifties, but appeared as if she was in her thirties. Her white head of hair flowed freely in the wind around her face and against her dark chocolate skin. Her calm reached out over the entire Pack as her power traveled out like smoke on the wind. The Pack’s murmurs silenced and the crowd’s energy waned. Her power pulsed and serenity brushed over me, soothing the anxiety that had been churning in the pit of my stomach. She left peace and harmony in her wake. She stepped up next to me, limping slightly on uneven legs. Her right leg slightly longer than her left, not by much, maybe only a half an inch. It was enough to make a difference as she limped. She had delicate features and soft full lips. Her eyes were pure silver with no pupil or iris, reflecting the light of the moon like a cat’s eye in the dark. I couldn’t take my eyes off of them.

She touched Jackson’s shoulder and skimmed her fingertips in light strokes over his bicep. He didn’t flinch or move when she touched him. The tension in his body vibrated with every breath he took. His anger percolated underneath the surface like a volcano ready to blow. As her fingers trailed soft lines over his shoulders, his tension, and anger, abated. She caressed his face and neck, tilting his head up to her, finally meeting her silver eyes. He relaxed underneath her fingers and took the first deep breath he’d taken since I’d been watching.

“Jackson?” Her voice was soft, almost a whisper, and kind. The entire field of werewolves was so quiet that the entire Pack heard her. Not even a cricket sang out in the tall grass.

Jackson peered up at her with pain-filled eyes like she was his savior, completely under her thrall. Somewhere deep in me, I didn’t like that he looked at her that way, gnawing at my gut as a growl vibrated through my mind.

He’d been locked up and bound for 48 hours because of me. There was no way in hell Jackson would ever look at me the same way.
Why do I care? Jackson’s an asshole, so why do I care if he was in pain for two days?
I’d forgotten him.

He’s ours
, she growled. She accepted him but she didn’t like him.

I glanced up at the older woman and met her piercing silver gaze. She focused on me as if she could read my thoughts and the guilt on my face.

“Jackson, did you disobey your Beta?” she asked with a mothering kindness that racked my guilt up about six notches. I would never be kind and gentle like this woman was. A part of me wanted to crawl in a hole and hide.

I hid from no one.

I straightened my back and stood firm for Jackson’s judgment under the watchful eye of the Pack’s Utu, no matter how uncomfortable she made me.

“We shouldn’t be serving the bloodsuckers,” he spat out, avoiding the question. “We serve no one above the Pack,” he growled. This time his eyes focused on her with determination. He thrust his shoulders back as best as he could with his hands zip-tied behind his back.

Amelia nodded and closed her eyes with an evident sigh of frustration.

“Why do we protect the parasite’s whore?” someone yelled from the crowd.

Oh goodie, I was hoping to be called a whore. That’s one of my favorites.
At least I wasn’t feeling guilty anymore. Rage always pushed my guilt away.

“The whore is here,” I snarled.

“Dahlia, step forward,” Dean said with a firm, but kinder, tone than he’d used at the beginning of the Manit.

I released a heavy breath, squared my shoulders, and lifted my chin.
Perfect.

I
really
didn’t want to go out there.

I took a few steps into the ring with heavy, sure footfalls. Dean glared down at me as if he was annoyed. I gave him wide eyes with a flare of annoyance. Danny just grinned from ear to ear at my petulance, enjoying the show. I was glad someone did. I sure as hell wasn’t enjoying myself.

Dean waved me forward and I hesitated for a moment.

C
ould I still make a run for it? No, Dean drove. Damn it!

I strode up to stand in front of Dean and Danny, my shoulders back and my head high. Danny’s lips were turned up in that comforting smile that I knew well as he scanned the Pack above my head.

“Dahlia,” Dean said in a firm and confident voice that boomed over my head like he’d used a megaphone.

I tingled all over as his power wrapped around me, sinking into me and tightening things low in my body. I met his gaze in surprise as his Caribbean blue wolf flashed bright. “You stand witness to Jackson’s disobedience. Do you refute that claim?”

Although he phrased it as a question, I heard the order in his tone. I wasn’t refuting anything and I wasn’t doing anything because he said so either.

The pup’s suffered enough
, she whispered in my mind. I didn’t agree.

The Utu’s calm power wrapped around me and filled my being with peace unlike any I’d ever felt before. The peace of the kill was empty, a void of everything. This was different. This was warm and welcoming. All my guilt, rage, and fear melted away. I didn’t like it. It wasn’t who I was. The familiar voice inside my head growled, low and threatening. She didn’t like it, either.

“Gaoh?” she asked with a question in her voice as her silver eyes narrowed on me.

“Amelia,” Dean snarled. “The Pack and Jackson must understand. He didn’t
just
disobey his Beta. Jackson disgraced us in the eyes of others, non-Pack.”

“As you wish.” She reached her hand out to touch my shoulder. I took in a deep breath and inched away from her.

“Please?” she asked with a soft, placating smile on her full lips.

I clenched my teeth and stiffened, waiting for her to touch me. She placed her small hand on my shoulder and all my squeamishness disappeared, all the stress of being responsible for EVERYONE and failing, the guilt of knowing that I killed . . . too easily, and the pain of hurting those I loved all disappeared. I didn’t trust the comforting feeling. It wasn’t real.