MIDNIGHT QUEST: A Short 'Men of Midnight' Novel (7 page)

But this wasn’t about her and her fear of losing him. It was about Jacko. To behave like this—totally unlike him—must mean he was hurting badly.

Lauren turned on her bedside lamp and sat down on her side of the bed. She placed a hand on the mattress for balance as she sat, then curved the hand over her belly.

How many times had they made love on this bed? This was probably where they conceived the child that lay under her hand.

She loved them both so much. The child and the man.

“Jacko?”

When he didn’t answer, she began speaking.

“I don’t know where you are, darling. I hope you’re well. I had a nice dinner all planned for us, to—to celebrate. I know the news of our child upset you, somehow. I don’t pretend to understand it, but I respect it. It’s hard—dealing with the thought of becoming a mother or a father. Maybe it’s easier for me because I had a little more time to get used to it. And I can feel it—him or her. He or she is tiny still, but I can feel something growing inside me. I think in time you’ll get used to the idea. There’s so much love inside you, Jacko. I know you’re surprised at how much you love me. You’ve told me that so many times. And I wonder if you feel you only have room for one in your heart. But—I don’t think it works like that, you know? I think the heart expands. You’ve got a big heart, my darling. A big, strong heart. There’s room for both of us inside.”

She stopped because the tears she didn’t want to shed could be heard in her voice. Whatever was going on inside Jacko was a battle only he could fight. She didn’t want to add to his burden. But she did want him to know she loved him.

“I know that because I know there’s room in
my
heart for you and our baby. And maybe more babies to come. Who knows?”

Her voice wobbled and she covered her face with her hand.

They sat listening to each other breathing, connected only via radio waves and by their hearts and the love they had for each other.

“Felicity, Isabel and Summer are over. They’re in the kitchen right now and I suspect they might end up eating the dinner I prepared for us. That’s okay. It’s just food. I’ll prepare another nice meal for when you come home.”

More silence.

Lauren refused to think of Jacko not ever coming home again. It was unthinkable.

“When you come back, we’ll celebrate, won’t we, darling? Because it’s something to celebrate. We made a new life together, you and me. A child. A boy or a girl who will grow up loved, healthy and happy. You’ve worked so hard to make the world a safer place. We’ll work hard together to give the world someone better. Did you know Isabel and Joe are talking about having kids? And Isabel is trying to get Summer and Jack to think of having kids, too. Jack is all for it, Summer said. But then Isabel and Jack grew up in an amazing family. Summer—not so much. It’s hard if you haven’t grown up in a happy family. I didn’t, and God knows you didn’t either. You haven’t said much about your mom, but it’s enough to understand you had it rough. Our child won’t have it rough. We’ll love her, or him. Our child will grow up with Isabel and Joe’s kids, and maybe Summer and Jack’s kids. Like cousins.”

In the silence, sounds from the kitchen filtered through.

“I’m going to hang up now, darling. I need to get back to the girls before they finish the amazing fudge Isabel brought. Wherever you are, I love you.” She waited a minute until her voice steadied. “Come home to me, Jacko. Come home to us.”

She clicked off and sat, head bowed, until her hands stopped trembling and she could take a deep breath without choking.

Back in the kitchen, she nearly laughed at the tableau. Three women looked up guiltily. Half the pan of fudge was gone, as was the bottle of Prosecco.

“Here,” Isabel said, putting a saucer and cup on the table. She produced a teapot she’d taken from Lauren’s cupboard. “I made you some tea. Ginger and lemon in case you’re having trouble digesting.”

“Thanks.” Lauren dredged up a credible smile and sat down. The tea was still hot and delicious, and settled her stomach. “I’m glad you guys left me a little chocolate.”

Felicity hesitated, then put her long hand over Lauren’s. “That was Jacko, wasn’t it?”

All three looked at her, concern in their eyes.

“Yes.” Lauren coughed to loosen her throat. “It was.”

“It’ll be okay. I think he needs some time, that’s all.” Felicity was known for her straight talk. She didn’t sugarcoat anything.

“Yes.” Suddenly, Lauren straightened up, sat taller. She was with her three best friends in the world. Her child was going to grow up with them, consider them aunts. Her child was going to grow up with two loving parents, surrounded by loving adults. “Jacko will be back as soon as he’s done what he needs to do.”

All three nodded soberly.

“He’ll be back.” Lauren believed that with all her heart.

“Absolutely.” Summer pushed a plate of fudge to her. “Have some chocolate.”

Jacko had driven the Portland–San Diego route many times along the Pacific Coast Highway. It was a beautiful drive, but slow. Now he wanted to arrow down and across to Rancho San Diego as fast as possible.

He could fly. But he’d have to wait until tomorrow, book a ticket on the first flight, rent a car…

No. Not while he felt like he was jumping out of his skin. He had to get going
now.
It was going to be a long, long drive, but he didn’t care. He needed to be alone and he needed to think, so he took the I-5 and settled in.

But first he’d had to talk to Lauren. He couldn’t just disappear on her. She’d be worried and that felt like broken glass under his skin. The thought of making Lauren unhappy, worried, because of him—he couldn’t go there. Couldn’t do it.

But the thing was—he’d already done it. He hadn’t gone home, to the dinner she prepared. He knew what her special dinners were like. She brought out her best everything, prepared an extra-nice meal. She’d have set the tables with candles. She’d have made a fuss over the food. She loved it.

He loved it.

No one had ever made a special occasion for him. Somehow Lauren understood that and so she celebrated everything it was possible to celebrate. Birthdays, promotions, when he came home from a road trip. Christmas, Easter, Labor Day, Memorial Day, the fourth of July…she did it all, because she knew how much he loved it.

So she’d prepared a special meal tonight so they could celebrate the fact that she was expecting their child.

Jacko swallowed what felt like stones.

Jesus.

He’d just skipped out on her. Disappeared, like some lowlife. Like the guys who fucked his mom and then left.

He wasn’t any different. The fact that he loved Lauren didn’t make him any better than they were. Made him worse than they were because she expected more from him.

All he had to do was turn around. He was near Crater Lake. Just call up, say he’d had a work thing, would be home a little late, and she’d forgive him. She always did. Never even complained.

He could do that right now. Call up and say—I’m coming home.

Jacko swerved to the side of the road and parked in a lay-by. He dialed and after two rings, she picked up.

He closed his eyes when he heard her soft voice asking where he was.

Away
, he wanted to answer.
I’m away from you and I don’t want to be. I’m coming home.

But he didn’t.

He didn’t say anything. For the life of him, he couldn’t get anything out at all. His throat burned, he couldn’t push air out, couldn’t do anything but listen to her talking to him, gently and with love.

She understood. He didn’t know what she understood. He didn’t understand too much himself. Since when couldn’t he even fucking talk? But she got it that something was happening and she wasn’t mad at him, which was a miracle. She was sad, though.

Yeah, what the hell did he expect? That she’d be happy he was behaving like an asshole?

At least she wasn’t alone. Felicity, Isabel and Summer were with her. And that meant that Metal, Joe and Jack would be watching over her, too. He was lucky that he had people in his life who’d look after Lauren, who cared about her.

And about him, too.

Speaking of which—he picked up his cell after Lauren hung up and tapped a number.

Metal. Not happy.

“Dude, the fuck are you doing?”

Jacko didn’t have any trouble talking to Metal. His throat didn’t seize up. He could talk just fine.

“Gotta do this.”

“Gotta do
what?
Leave Lauren while she’s expecting? Just pick up and go when you hear you’re going to be a dad? What kind of fuckhead does that?”

Jacko’s jaw clenched. The guys at ASI and their women had this internal intel machine that was amazing. Everybody knew everything at once. He was sure Felicity hadn’t talked, but then she didn’t have to. Women had sixth senses about things like love affairs and pregnancies. And the women talked to their men.

Jacko didn’t have time for this.

“I won’t be gone more than a few days. Look after Lauren for me.” He closed the connection and turned his cell off. He’d talked to everyone he needed to. Lauren and one of the guys.

Well, he hadn’t
talked
talked to Lauren, but they’d communicated, in a half-assed way. And he’d told Metal to take care of Lauren, knowing that meant Joe and Jack and his bosses, John Huntington and his former senior chief, Douglas Kowalski, would be there if Lauren needed anything. Their wives, too. Suzanne and Allegra.

Lauren had a tribe to look after her while Jacko went out and did what he had to do.

He pulled out onto the Interstate, propelled by forces stronger than he was. Forces that had begun before his birth. Forces not even his love for Lauren could deny.

He pressed on the accelerator, continuing his journey south.

Men trooped in and out of the house all day. It started with one of Jacko’s two bosses, Douglas Kowalski. He stopped by in the early morning with fresh croissants from the local bakery. The croissants were not as good as the ones Isabel baked, but then she was in a class of her own.

Douglas looked as scary as Jacko, only taller and older and more scarred. But his shoulders were just as broad and his voice just as deep as Jacko’s, and he gave off the same vibe.
Don’t mess with me
. She’d been terrified the first time she’d seen him, just as she’d been terrified when Suzanne Huntington had sent Jacko to pick her up.

To outsiders, they were both cold-eyed warriors you’d be happy to have at your side in a fight, but would not invite to a party. Neither of them were any good at small talk.

But both of them had a totally unexpected gentle side, particularly with the ladies.

Douglas didn’t step inside, though Lauren invited him in for coffee. He just handed her the bag of croissants and peeked inside from the threshold. If you found out he had X-ray vision you wouldn’t be surprised, his looks were that keen.

“Anything you need?” he asked, his voice a low rumble. “Anything needs fixing?”

Lauren avoided the obvious and didn’t say—
my relationship with Jacko.

“Thanks, Douglas, but everything is in working order.”

It better be. The instant something didn’t work, Jacko was on it and didn’t rest until it was fixed. It was like the ASI motto—
everything shall be in excellent shape
.

He looked at her fiercely, pointed a long index finger at her. “You need anything, anything at all, you call me, you hear?”

That was an order. An order by someone who had commanded Navy SEALs. It carried bite and heft. Lauren restrained herself from saluting.

“Yes, Douglas. And thank you.”

His mouth firmed. She knew him pretty well by now and she was really good friends with his wife. That tight-lipped expression meant he wasn’t saying what he thought. Which was that Jacko should be here.

She was grateful. She’d defend Jacko. Whatever he did was just fine in her book, and anyone who wanted to criticize him would have to go through her first. But she hadn’t slept well and was feeling shaky and didn’t want her voice to tremble when she took Jacko’s side.

Because, well…the truth was, he
should
be here.