Milkrun (20 page)

Then he offered to teach me to bowl with one hand, but said, “Not that you don't look extremely cute doing your two-handed throw.”

I said, “Advise me, advisor.” Wasn't that a good line?

He held my arm and helped me with my swing, just like in a cheesy TV show! Wasn't that sweet? Jeremy would never have done a thing like that. In fact, we hardly ever went anywhere. For dinner sure, but not bowling. Never to a museum.

After bowling, he took me to a small bar I'd never heard of. Not that I'm an expert on Boston bars. He took my hand and led me to a booth beside the back windows.

And then…

He told me I looked just like Sarah Jessica Parker.

Much better than Chelsea Clinton.

Later, when we were sitting in front of my apartment in his grandfather-mobile, he asked me out again for next weekend. A full week in advance! Not six days in advance, but I repeat, a full week. And of course, I said yes, not that you can actually say no to someone's face. You'd have to go home, wait a day, and then leave a message on his voice mail with an excuse like you've come down with Ebola, or you have to pick up your grandmother at the airport—no, scratch that second reason. Luckily, I want to see him again so this isn't a problem.

Anyway, I just sat there, waiting. I figured after two dates, a kiss would definitely be in order. Except I wasn't exactly sure how it should take place. A normal guy would have been all over me by this time—if of course, my other A.B. (After Breakup) dates could be considered normal. So there I was, wondering if maybe I should lean over and kiss him good-night on the cheek. But what if he thought I was making a move? What if I leaned in too much and missed his cheek, pecking him on his forehead, or his chin, or God forbid, his nose? How ridiculous would that have been? I placed my hand on his arm. “Good night,” I said in my most demure voice. “I had a great time.”

“Good night,” he replied.

I held my breath. Was it going to happen? Would he be the one to make the lean?

“I'll call you this week,” he said.

Weird. So what do you think?

 

11:30 a.m.

From: “Wendy Berger”

To: [email protected]

Subject: I'm here!

 

Sorry I didn't get back to you this weekend. My workload is out of control. I don't have a second to eat, never mind talk on the phone. Judging from your thesis, you're not quite as busy as I am at the office.

I hate my life.

What am I saying? I don't have a life.

He sounds like a sweetheart. Don't screw it up.

Wednesday

10:30 a.m.

From: “Jacquelyn Norris”

To: [email protected]

Subject: List

 

A. Good things about Tim:

1. He's sweet.

2. He's cute.

3. He cares about his grandmother.

4. He plans fun activities. (Maybe he'll take me skiing, or even apple picking. Or karaoke. I've always wanted to try karaoke, but you always refused to come with me.)

5. He's sweet.

6. He's cute.

7. He likes kids (not an immediate bonus, but definitely good in the long run).

8. He's cute.

9. He thinks I'm cute.

B. Bad things about Tim:

1. He lives at home. (Will he be allowed to sleep over?)

2. He goes to sleep really early. (What's the point of having a boyfriend if Sam is the last person I usually speak to before I go to sleep?)

C. Conclusion:

Good presently outweighs bad. Yay!

Week 3, Monday

9:30 a.m.

From: “Jacquelyn Norris”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Third date

 

He brought chocolates. Wasn't that sweet? And they're the kind that are filled with pastel crème. Except he said, “Hope you like them, babe.” Now I have to make a revision to “Bad things about Tim.” New entry (B3): He called me “babe.”

We went for Italian in the north end. We had to wait a half hour outside in the freezing cold for a table, but Tim swore they made the best Caesar salad in the city. He insisted on treating, even though I did the fake reach. The Caesar salad was pretty amazing, but I was so looking forward to dessert (if you get my drift), that I hardly tasted a thing.

When he pulled up in front of my house I told him I had a great time. “Me, too,” he replied.

It was so time for the kiss. I was freaking out at this point, wondering if I should just kiss him and get the ball rolling. Should I just grab him? But wouldn't he do the grabbing if he were really interested? What would the Fashion Magazine Fun Fact be to speed up this painstakingly slow process? To draw attention to my lips? Oh, why didn't I bring a lollipop?

I started licking my lips.

“Are your lips dry?” he asked. “I have some ChapStick, if you'd like.”

“Uh…no thanks.” And then I decided that if he didn't kiss me in the next twenty-five seconds, our relationship was over.

He put his hand on my cheek and then—get this—asked, “Would it be okay if I kissed you?”

How sweet was that?

And he did.

 

5:00 p.m.

From: “Wendy Berger”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Third date

 

So? I want kiss details!!!!!!!

Tuesday

9:15 a.m.

From: “Jacquelyn Norris”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re:Re: Third date

 

It was pretty good. Except that he tasted like Caesar salad dressing.

By the way, I called him last night to ask him if he wants to see a cheapie movie tonight.

 

11:30 a.m.

From: “Wendy Berger”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re:Re:Re: Third date

 

You called him? You're joining the women's movement after all!

P.S.

What happened to the once-a-week plan?

 

11:35 a.m.

From: “Jacquelyn Norris”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re: Third date

 

I've evolved.

 

2:37 p.m.

From: “Wendy Berger”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Third date

 

So how long are you going to wait…?

 

2:40 p.m.

From: “Jacquelyn Norris”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Third date

 

Not much longer!

 

4:42 p.m.

From: “Wendy Berger”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Third date

 

How long is not much longer?

 

4:50 p.m.

From: “Jacquelyn Norris”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Third date

 

What time is it now? Ten to five? The movie will be over by twelve, right? In a little over seven hours the six-month dry spell will be over!

 

4:59 p.m.

From: “Wendy Berger”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Third date

 

SLUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:-)

Wednesday

9:30 a.m.

From: “Jacquelyn Norris”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Fourth date

 

Unfortunately I'm not a slut. But I am trying very hard. There wasn't even any hand-brushing in the popcorn (but that's because I had sours instead), or a secret shoulder squeeze in the dark.

Even the movie was good.

I invited him up later. I kissed him in the elevator. He kissed me back. He sat down next to me on the couch. I turned on Law and Order, which was just starting (the movie was shorter than anticipated).

Technically, it was his turn to kiss me.

But no.

Ten minutes passed. He still hadn't puckered up.

Twenty more minutes passed. We were already at the Order part…

I didn't understand what he was waiting for, considering that he supposedly gets up early and it was already almost midnight. He was too fixated on the TV to notice my impatience—or my existence altogether. At the commercial, I attempted a snuggle.

Finally, he remembered he wasn't alone, and the kissing began. But ten minutes later, he yawned and asked me out for Saturday night (all in one breath). And then he left.

Why would he have asked me out again if he doesn't want to fool around? Do I have B.O.? Please tell me the truth.

Did I tell you he volunteers for Just-a-Meal? In the winter he drives around Boston, handing out sandwiches to homeless people. And he organizes the Boston blood drive. He has lots of causes. I think he may be a saint. Do saints wait longer than normal people to have sex? Do saints even have sex?

How can I make my practically regrown hymen one of his causes?

Thursday

3:00 p.m.

From: “Wendy Berger”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Fourth date

 

You have to be dead before you can be canonized.

You do not have B.O.

Week 4, Monday

9:30 a.m.

From: “Jacquelyn Norris”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Fifth date

 

There was physical contact, sort of. His hand lightly grazed the outside of my shirt. The whole scene played itself out on the couch.

I'm seeing him again tomorrow. I'm trying to convince Sam to sleep at Philip's (the guy from the bookstore). I don't want anything around to distract him.

Why do you have to be dead before getting canonized? They do it to pets all the time. Kidding.

 

3:00 p.m.

From: “Wendy Berger”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Fifth date

 

Better keep Sam around. Sounds as if Tim can use all the help he can get! Also kidding.

Wednesday

11:26 a.m.

From: “Jacquelyn Norris”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Sixth date

 

I think I have a boyfriend. We escaped the couch last night and made it to my room. My bra finally came off. But that's all that got off last night.

This is all taking a lot longer than anticipated. Do you think my boyfriend is a sexual?

 

3:00 p.m.

From: “Wendy Berger”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Sixth date

 

Do I think he's a sexual what? Or do you mean “asexual”? Don't you get paid to proofread?

Friday

11:00 a.m.

From: “Jacquelyn Norris”

To: [email protected]

Subject: Help!