Mine (28 page)
“I mean, here’s this person you love, who loves you, but a couple times a year, her focus goes fully and totally to some other woman.”
Rachel didn’t respond, tried not to bristle, not to let Lisa see how painful that truth sometimes felt. At the same time, she reminded herself that if anybody in the world had an accurate handle on Courtney’s feelings with regard to this subject, it was Lisa. They stood in silence, watching their respective partners visit their lost loved one. Rachel wondered what was going through Courtney’s mind, what she’d say to Theresa if Theresa could really hear her. At the same time, she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know.
After a while, Mark turned away from the headstone and headed back their way, his eyes downcast, his demeanor somber. When he reached them, he held his hand out to Lisa. “Want to get some breakfast?” he asked as she entwined their fingers.
“Love to.”
They bade Rachel their good-byes and strolled hand in hand back to Lisa’s Jeep. As Rachel followed their departure, Courtney called to her. “Sweetie? Would you come here for a minute?”
When she arrived to stand next to her, Courtney took Rachel’s hand and squeezed it. Tear tracks were visible on her cheeks and she sniffed once, quietly.
“How’re you doing?” Rachel asked, her voice low as if she was afraid of disturbing the occupants of the grounds.
“I’m good,” Courtney replied. “You?”
“I’m good, too.”
“Good. I just wanted you here with me for a bit. Is that okay?”
“That’s more than okay.”
They stood holding hands in silence in front of a large, glossy, charcoal-colored headstone. Rachel read the words that were carved artistically into the granite.
Theresa Maria Josephina Benetti
April 7, 1971—January 18, 2004
Beloved Daughter, Sister, Partner, Friend
“She was lucky to have you.” Rachel’s tone was certain.
Courtney seemed to soak in the words. “I was lucky to have her.”
“You were.”
“And now I’m lucky to have you.” She leaned against Rachel, holding her arm tightly and laying her head against Rachel’s shoulder. “I can’t believe she’s been gone for more than three years.” She blew out a heavy breath and was silent for several long moments. Finally, she spoke again, softly. “Thank you, Rachel.”
“For what?”
“For being here. For being patient. For being you.”
Rachel kissed the top of her head. “You’re welcome.”
“I get it. You know that, right?”
Rachel turned and looked at her. “Get what?”
“That it’s hard for you. That it’s unfair to you.” Courtney cleared her throat, her focus on the headstone as she spoke. “That you sometimes feel like you have to share me with a ghost. That it makes you feel helpless because when I travel down Memory Lane, willingly or unwillingly, there isn’t much you can do or say to bring me back to you until I’m ready. That you spend so much time waiting me out.”
Rachel swallowed and looked off into the trees. Maybe Courtney did know how hard the waiting was for her, how difficult it was to just be patient.
“It sucks and I don’t like that I do it,” Courtney went on. “But Theresa was and always will be a part of me. And you know that and you do your best to accept it. And you have to know that I love you even more for your willingness to accept it. I just want you to know I’m so grateful that you do what you can to understand.”
“Understanding doesn’t always make it easier.” Rachel’s voice was low, barely above a whisper.
“I know. Believe me, I know.”
Rachel turned toward Courtney and when their eyes met, she spoke. “Do you know that I…that despite how hard it can be, I would never want to take her from you? That…I know you had some of the best years of your life with Theresa, that I know you loved her with all your heart?” She smiled. “Am I a little jealous about that? Of course I am. I’m human. But I’d never want to take it from you, that time, that love. Never.”
“You wouldn’t?” Courtney’s voice was small. “I guess I just always figured it would make life so much easier on you if my relationship with Theresa had never existed, you know?”
“It doesn’t mean that’s what I’d choose.”
“You wouldn’t? How come?”
Rachel’s voice cracked slightly as she responded. “Because I love you so much. Dummy.”
A laugh burst from Courtney even as tears coursed down her cheeks. “I love you, too.” Then she repeated her earlier line, sounding even more certain than before. “I am lucky to have you, Rachel. You’re a keeper.”
“Yeah, well.” Rachel made a face. “Sometimes I’m a keeper. Sometimes, I’m just annoying.”
They stood in the quiet, their arms around one another. After a few minutes, Courtney brought her fingers to her lips, kissed them, then pressed them to the top of the headstone. Turning to Rachel, she asked, “You ready to go?” She picked her jacket up off the ground and wiped the stray blades of grass from it.
Rachel remembered their next stop and growled low in her throat, which made Courtney laugh. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Just concentrate on the Bloody Marys, baby, and you’ll be fine. You’ve been doing great. I’m proud of you.”
This would be the third Sunday brunch in the past two months that they’d enjoyed with Ted Hart and his girlfriend, Marie. As far as Ted and Rachel making amends, it was slow, achingly slow, progress, but it was progress nevertheless. Courtney and Marie had hit it off immediately, and Rachel suspected they did a lot of patting one another on the back after each successful get-together.
Rachel felt a satisfied glow wash over her as they sauntered back to the BMW, Courtney’s pride warming her from the inside. “Marie does make a kick-ass Bloody Mary, that’s for sure.”
They piled into the car and Rachel turned over the engine. As Courtney buckled her seat belt, she asked with a mischievous grin, “Can I have your celery stick?”
Rachel smiled at her, feeling such a profound sense of love that it almost brought tears to her eyes. She reached across the center console to touch Courtney’s face and stroked her thumb over her cheek. “You can have anything of mine you want, Courtney. Anything at all.”
About the Author
Born and raised in upstate New York, so close to the border she's practically Candian, Georgia Beers has been writing since she was old enough to hold a pen. Her first romance novel,
Turning the Page,
was published in the year 2000. Since then, she's written four more and has no intention of stopping anytime soon. Her fourth novel,
Fresh Tracks,
was presented the Lambda Literary Award, as well as a Golden Crown Literary Society Award, for Best Lesbian Romance of 2006.
She lives with Bonnie, her partner of thirteen years, and their two dogs. The eldest of five daughters, she has a slew of nieces and nephews to keep her on her toes. She is currently hard at work on her sixth novel,
Finding Home
, to be published by Bold Strokes Books in 2008.
You can visit her on the Web at www.georgiabeers.com.
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