Minimalist Living: Decluttering for Joy, Health, and Creativity (5 page)

CHAPTER FIVE

Facing Resistance

“Resistance is futile.”
— The Borg in
Star Trek

Now that we’ve talked about how minimalist living can bring you joy, health, and creativity, let’s talk about some resistance you might
be facing before we dig in to the nuts-and-bolts of exactly how to declutter in the next chapter. Generally speaking, there are two main categories of resistance to becoming a minimalist: internal and external.

Internal Resistance

If you’ve found yourself procrastinating on simplifying, you may be harboring some deep-seated fears of going through everything. That’s normal and natural, because it will mean a big change in your surroundings and possibly your life. You are right to be afraid of change, because change often brings unpredictable outcomes. But fear is the best teacher when it is faced head on and interviewed for the lessons it has to give. That’s right; you're going to interview your fear.

Before we wade into the high weeds of decluttering, I’d like to invite you into a journey with your subconscious mind. This guided journey is inspired by the work and teachings of philosopher and metaphysician Catherine Collautt, Ph.D.

The following exercise will be especially helpful for you if you’ve wanted to declutter for a long time, but no matter how much you desire and plan for it, things just keep getting in the way. Let’s do this exercise together; even if it seems a little “woo-woo,” you might be surprised at the outcome.

Ask your fear what there is to be afraid of, and listen compassionately to the answers, perhaps even writing them down. Go ahead, say to your fear “What are you afraid of?”

Listen to the answers. As an example, you might find that you're afraid that you will get rid of something that you need or want later, that the process of editing your belongings will
cause injury or psychological stress, or that you will work hard to clean out your home, and then it will simply fill back up. Are you afraid you won’t be able to maintain your hard work?

Perhaps you’re afraid that you’ll be forced to confront the past in a way that is painful. You might find old projects that remind you of old, long-abandoned goals or dreams. Perhaps you’ll feel a sense of failure or anxiety as you contemplate things you know you shouldn’t have spent money on. An interviewee wrote, “When you get rid of something you have to acknowledge that the dream is dead and not acted upon, that the task is hopelessly beyond due and now irrelevant due to inaction, or that the money truly was wasted and there is nothing you can do to recover from the bad decision.”

Facing these fears can be the most draining, exhausting, and demoralizing part of the entire decluttering process. Be gentle and loving with yourself, and rather than blaming yourself for anything, imagine what you’d say to a friend in the same situation. Say that to yourself. You’ll push through to the other side, and you’ll feel a new sense of truly owning and facing up to your life as it really is. Hopefully, no matter what the past contains, you’ll appreciate yourself for facing up to it and creating a better present for yourself. It’s what you do today that makes you into who you’ll be tomorrow.

Whatever your fears are, write them down or simply say them out loud. Get them out of your head in some way. Write down even the ones that you don’t understand or the ones that seem unrelated to the issue. Isn’t it a relief to face them and see clearly what you're dealing with?

And now we can deal with each fear individually.

For each fear, promise yourself that you're going to do your best not to let that happen (if it’s a fear about the future) or forgive yourself and seek forgiveness from others (if it’s something you regret about the past). Our fears can be like children – not fully rational, but certainly able to spoil a party if they need attention. Give your fears gentle attention and reassure them that you understand and you commit to making sure that you will address them.

I know this process can seem a little unusual, but what we are doing here is getting our subconscious mind partnered fully with our conscious mind, goals and desires.

To complete the fear-quenching process, find examples of people who keep their home in the way that you would like to despite the obstacles. Remind yourself of these people as you go through the decluttering process.

Now that we’ve dealt with our individual fears, let’s tackle two common concerns that many folks have about lightening their load.

What If I Need It

“It’s fine for the very wealthy to get rid of things with abandon,” you might say. “But what about normal people on a budget? I can’t just go out and buy anything I might need on a whim. I’d much rather have it in storage in case I need it.”

It’s a good point and a common fear. First of all, we are going to do our best not to get rid of things that we really need. Therefore, there’s no need to be afraid that we’ll get rid of something vital.

Secondly, as we discussed in Chapter Three, paring down can have a positive effect on your budget, meaning that you might indeed have the money to buy or rent something that you want later.

Storing things is fine – as long as we know what we have and we use and enjoy those things. Storing things because we might need them someday usually results in forgetting what we have and buying a new version of the thing anyway. When things are in storage, they become outdated. Clothes are a great example of this. Even though fashions come back every 20-30 years, they usually return with tweaks and modern updates that make the actual past fashions inherit a dated look.

Remember that when you have stuff, you have to:

• Unpack it
  
• Set it up
  
• Put it away
  
• Clean it
  
• Maintain it
  
• Fix it when it gets broken
  
• Update it
  
• Upgrade it
  
• Throw it out, recycle it, sell it, or give it away
  

Each of these steps take
s time, time you can also spend making money, if you so choose. So in a way, keeping extra stuff is often not a wise financial choice, although that is not always intuitive unless you really consider that time is money. Time is all we ever really have.

Still afraid of giving up something that you’ll miss? Look at your community. Your friends might like some of your things. Even if they too are minimalists, it’s likely that they’ve been wanting to try a new hobby – camping, for instance, and it just so happens that you haven’t camped in years and you want to get rid of your gear. In this scenario, your wannabe camping friends get your camping gear as a free gift. However, they are still your friends, which means that one day, if you should ever want to go camping, you can probably borrow your
paraphernalia back from them. If it’s books you want to off-load but are afraid you’ll miss, your community library might welcome them. Small, local libraries will shelve most of the books you donate, allowing you to check them out later. If you're having a hard time parting with something, looking to your community is a comforting option.

The Latest Gadgets

Let’s face it - new stuff is fun. Inventors are constantly solving the really annoying problems of life
by creating new products. But let’s keep in mind that inventors are also solving problems that don’t actually exist. Have you ever flipped through the pages of
Sky Mall
magazine on an airplane? It’s full of hilarious examples of products with such niche markets I can’t help wonder if the niche is empty. For example, who needs a life size hanging chimp sculpture? But I’ll admit that I like window shopping and I can see the appeal of a beautiful new mitten-scarf set. I’m here to tell you that you can still enjoy the new gadgets and luxury items on Oprah’s List of Favorite Things. Just don’t buy anything that you aren’t going to use. And before you buy, declutter one item that you haven’t used in a while. And finally, if you do buy something that you don’t end up using, let it go on to a new home. In time, you may find that while you own fewer things, those that you do own are of a higher quality, and more luxurious. This is a result of planning your purchases and having more money to spend now that you're buying less. This kind of shopping can be more fun than impulse buying because you can take time to enjoy the process and save up for high quality purchases.

External Resistance

It’s true that more often than not other people can be the biggest obstacle to our decluttering dreams. Husbands, wives, family, friends, and anyone else who happens to hang around your space with regularity can certainly mess with plans for becoming a minimalist. A couple
of people who took my survey about clutter mentioned their frustrations with other people:

“My partner with whom I live does not share equally in keeping our place organized and tidy. He causes most of the clutter and sometimes I feel like a maid!”

“I like having little things around, they inspire me to live in the small spaces and take little things seriously, but straight clutter, or someone else's stuff makes me anxious.”

Minimalism in a Marriage

Ideally, you get your spouse or significant other completely on board with the ideas in this book, and you go merrily on your way to minimalist living. However, I’m aware that the ideal doesn’t always happen in real life. If your significant other doesn’t seem too keen on simplifying, first see if he or she is open to reading this book. If not, simply talk to him or her about your desires to feel less stressed about your belongings. It’s likely your spouse will agree, but he or she might have fears or concerns about how the paring down will happen.

It can also help to know if you're married to or living with a collector or a purger. These two appellations were dreamed up by
aunt, a purger from birth. Collectors are born pack rats, people who love to gather treasures and keep them in boxes, on shelves, or displayed in cases. Purgers are people who feel burdened by knickknacks and thinking about their stuff. They willingly, periodically, and often methodically sort through every room in their house to get rid of the old so they can make room for the new – whether that is new stuff, new space, new people, or new dreams.

Collectors love nostalgia, the energy associated with certain belongings, reminders of lovely memories, and thinking fondly about the past. Purgers are hooked on optimism, fresh starts, and dreams for the future.

Collectors can change to purgers, or at least to less-stuff-oriented collectors. This change is usually activated by a dramatic life event. I used to be a collector, and then most of my sentimental items were destroyed in a fire. Today, although I still love a good stroll down memory lane, I am more oriented toward valuing my dreams for the future rather than my collections, memorabilia, and sentimental items.

Identifying which descriptor you and your partner each lean toward can help you understand issues and different opinions on how, and if, you should simplify your lifestyle. The member of the household who wields responsibility for the majority of the housekeeping is usually the personality that prevails upon the stuff situation. In other words, if a collector is the person mainly in charge of housekeeping, then the home will probably have a few too many belongings stored in it. If a purger is responsible for the majority of housekeeping and decoration, it will be more likely to be a minimalist space. Two collectors married to each other can change their ways, but it takes a mighty wind. A purger and a collector need to be very careful to get on the same page and reach an understanding of how the simplification process will be undertaken. Two purgers married to each other can just enjoy the ride as they joyfully pitch out anything (if there is anything) that has come to rest in the attic or basement over the years.

In any case, approaching minimalism as a couple or a family takes an extra step of cooperation and understanding. Admit who is going to be more enthused about the project and who is going to take some time to get used to a more pared down life. Communication, always central to any kind of team effort, is quite essential to a successful change in lifestyle and attitude about consumerism within a family.

Leo Babauta of ZenHabits spotlighted a student, Rick, who took his Clutterfree course. Rick wrote about the process and the importance of setting ground rules with his significant other:

Since we were both going to be dealing with issues that arose as we let things go, we decided it was important to set some ground rules. Our most important rule – each of us had to deal with our own stuff. I would not force or press her to get rid of anything that was ‘hers.’ And she would not press me to get rid of anything that was ‘mine.’ For the many things that are joint property, whoever had the stronger emotional attachment to the item got to decide what to do with it. We promised each other that the most we would ever do to question the decision to keep any particular item is to pick it up, look at the other person and say, ‘Seriously?!?’ then walk away. We’ve kept to these rules pretty well so far.

You may encounter stiff resistance from your significant other about any lifestyle changes. In this case, just bringing up the subject of minimalism can be met with suspicion or misunderstanding. Stop and take a different tactic. Courtney Carver of BeMoreWithLess.com recommends daydreaming with your spouse.
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What goals and dreams do you share? Traveling? Getting out of debt? Buying a boat? Often simplifying can be a part of that vision your spouse might not see unless he or she is concurrently feeling the compelling emotion of the shared dream.