MIRACLE ON KAIMOTU ISLAND/ALWAYS THE HERO (11 page)

‘No,’ she said, and then decided it was time to be honest. ‘Okay, once. Towards the end. Don’t think of me as a battered wife, though, Ben. I was no doormat. Yes, I put up with abuse when he was dying, but he was dying. The one time he slapped me I walked away for a week. Then I had a call from the hospital saying he’d had a bleed. I had no choice but to go back. James lashed out because I was living and he wasn’t. There was nothing I could do but put up with it until it was done.’

He did touch her then, a feather touch on her cheek. ‘You should never have put up with it. Dying gives no one the right to abuse another. That someone could hit you...’

‘It’s okay.’

‘It’s never okay.’

‘Yet you say Squid’s death is okay.’

‘You equate death with violence? It’s not the same thing, Ginny, and you know it. Not a peaceful, timely death at the end of a life well lived.’

There was another of those silences. The searchers had ceased for the night, ready to start again at daybreak. The stream of incoming patients had ended.

‘Is this why you took Button?’ Ben asked finally, heavily. ‘Because you felt obligated? Like you felt obligated to return to James?’

‘No.’ She shook her head fiercely at that. ‘No way. Do you really think of me as a wimp?’

‘No, but—’

‘I did go back to James because he was dying and there was no one else to care,’ she said. ‘But Button’s no obligation. The way I see it, Button’s the one true thing that’s come out of this. Veronica and James can betray all they like, but to hurt Button... I’ll love her and we’ll make a new life for ourselves, without their shadows.’

‘Good for you,’ Ben said, a trifle unsteadily, and then he touched her face again. ‘And this time you didn’t even flinch. You’re some woman, Ginny Koestrel.’ He hesitated, glancing down at Squid.

‘I’ll organise this,’ he told her. There’d be paperwork, formalities for Squid that had to be done and they had to be done now. Medical imperatives had to take over. ‘You fix Brian’s splint and then we need bed. We’re both exhausted. Too much emotion. Too much work. Too much...everything.’ His hands were on her shoulders again, but there was no force, only warmth and reassurance and friendship.

And something more?

‘I...I do need to find Button,’ she managed.

‘Mum and Hanna have Button safe. They won’t thank you for waking them, and you know they’ll contact you in a heartbeat if Button needs you. My apartment’s here. Stop fighting the world, Ginny. Squid’s stopped fighting. It’s time you stopped, too.’

* * *

It was four-thirty when Ben finally led Ginny into his apartment at the rear of the hospital. She was so tired she could barely stand. She should sleep in the search and rescue tents, she thought, or in the refuge centre or...or...

Or stop fighting. Stop thinking she had to fight.

‘Bed,’ Ben said. ‘The bathroom’s through that door. You want pyjamas, there’re spares in the bureau, bottom drawer. They’ll be big on you but they’ll be comfy. There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom cabinet.’

‘You’re ready for anything,’ she murmured.

‘I’m ready for any of my eleven siblings to land on my doorstep any time,’ he said dryly. ‘You try having brothers and sisters on an island as small as Kaimotu.
Ben, Mum’ll have a fit if she sees me like this. Ben, I just need a bit of quiet. Ben, no one at home understands me
. This place doubles as the McMahon refuge centre.’

‘You have lucky brothers and sisters,’ she said wearily, and looked at the nice, big sofa in the sitting room. ‘This’ll do me nicely, as I suspect it does your siblings. Thank you, Ben. Goodnight.’

‘You’re using the bed.’

‘I’m not taking your bed. There’s no need. The way I feel, I’d sleep on stones.’

‘Me, too,’ he said, and then there was silence. A long silence.

Exhausted or not, things were changing. Twisting. It was like a void was opening, a siren was calling them in.

‘I don’t suppose,’ Ben said, oh, so casually, ‘that you’d like to share.’

‘Ben...’

‘No, okay, not an option,’ he said hastily. ‘I’d never sleep with a woman who expects a raised hand to be followed by a slap.’

‘I know it wouldn’t,’ she said, astounded. ‘I know it never would be.’

‘And I’d never sleep with a woman who thought I might blame her for things that go wrong.’

That was a bigger statement. It was a statement to take her breath away.

Not all men were like James or like her father, the statement said.

Ben was her friend.

But Ben was standing in front of her now and she knew he was asking to be much more.

Sharing a bed...

More even than that.

‘We do need to sleep,’ she said uncertainly, but
more
was right in front of her, a huge, overwhelming impossibility that suddenly seemed possible.

To take a moment that had happened all those years ago—and take it forward?

Ben’s hands were on her shoulders again—she was starting to get used to it. She was starting to get used to the feel of him. To the comfort of him. To security and to caring.

To love?

How could she possibly think that? How could she possibly fall in love again?

But right now fatigue was taking the edges off fear and caution and the knowledge that love could haul your life out of control and spin it into a crazy vortex of darkness. Right now there was only Ben, gently propelling her into his bedroom.

He proposed to sleep out here. Alone. Well, why not? He’d asked to share and she’d reacted with fear. The moment she had, he’d backed away.

He’d never push. He respected her.

Did she want respect?

The feel of his hands...

The knowledge that his body was right here, right now...

The fact that this was Ben...

Things were twisting, changing. She was feeling like a caterpillar cocooned in her impenetrable skin, only suddenly the skin was bursting.

She wasn’t sure what was inside.

She wasn’t sure, but Ben was here, now. Her lovely Ben.

No matter what this night had held, no matter about her armour, no matter about all her vows, this man was a huge imperative overriding all else.

Instead of allowing him to twist her away, to propel her away, she twisted back, so she stood within his hold, so close she could feel his breath, so close she could feel his heartbeat.

‘Ben,’ she said, and she looked up at him and he looked down at her and she knew she didn’t have to say a word. Everything that had to be said had been said.

‘You know I love you,’ he said, and the world held its breath.

Love?

‘I always have,’ he said conversationally. ‘I may not always have been faithful...’

‘Not? When I’d imagined you pining for years and years?’ Somehow she managed to sound shocked, and somehow, amazingly, there was laughter in the room.

‘No, but when you smacked Robbie Cartwright over the head with a wet chaff bag because he’d spilled my tadpoles and then went down on your hands and knees and scoured the mud until every last tadpole was saved...I fell in love with you then. Yes, Ginny Koestrel, there have been other women, as there have been other men for you, but our love was forged when we were eight years old and it seems it’s there for life.’

‘Ben...’

‘And I’m not teasing,’ he said softly, laughter fading. ‘I have no idea why this emotion has surfaced again after all these years but it has, and if you’d care to share my bed...’

‘But in the morning...’

‘Can we worry about the morning in the morning?’ he asked. ‘Ginny, this is just for here, for now. It’s been one hell of a day. Say no now and we’ll sleep apart, but...’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’m saying yes.’

There was a moment’s loaded pause. Maybe more than a moment. She looked up at him and he was so...solid. Here.

This man had been her friend for life. She’d walked away from him for all sorts of reasons, some of them right, some of them wrong, but now, for this night, he was offering her love and warmth and desire.

Love...

This wasn’t a going-down-on-bended-knee love, she thought. This was a love born of friendship. She knew, she just knew, that taking what Ben was offering would never be used to hurt her, to hold her, to commit.

He wanted her in his bed now, in his arms, and there was no place she’d rather be.

‘It’s nearly five,’ she whispered. ‘We need to sleep.’

‘So we do,’ he said.

‘So you’d best make love to me now,’ she said, ‘because there’s no way I can sleep without it—except with drugs, and I don’t hold with drugs when there’s a very sensible alternative.’

‘Is that what I am?’ Amazingly laughter was suddenly all around them. ‘A sensible alternative?’

‘Yes,’ she said, and she lifted her arms and wound them around his neck and then she raised her face to be kissed. ‘My Ben,’ she said. ‘My prescription tranquilliser.’

‘If you think I’m your tranquilliser,’ Ben said, sweeping her into his arms and carrying her toward the bed, without so much as a hint of asking permission, ‘then you have another think coming. Tranquilliser indeed. Is that what you really need, Dr Koestrel? Something to make you sleep?’

‘N-no,’ she managed.

‘Excellent.’ He lowered her onto the soft covers of his big, masculine bed and hauled his shirt over his head.

She’d seen this man’s body—in swimming trunks, when he’d been seventeen.

She hadn’t seen this. His body...his big, lovely body. It took her breath away.

‘Ben...’

He stopped, the laughter disappearing again.

‘Ginny?’ His voice was tender and she knew if she said stop now, no would mean no.

Where did friendship end and love take over?

Right here, she thought. Right now.

‘Come here,’ she whispered, and she tugged him down to join her. ‘You’ve done enough. The least I can do is help you get that belt unbuckled.’

He laughed and submitted. He was undoing the buttons of her blouse. It was already ripped. She should tell him to rip it straight off but he was over her, half straddling her, concentrating on each button, and her mind was doing some sort of weird shutting-down thing.

Only it wasn’t shutting down. It was sort of...focussing. Every single distraction was disappearing to nothing. Earthquakes. Button. Patients. The past and the future. Nothing mattered. There was only this man carefully, painstakingly undoing buttons on a ruined blouse.

She put her fingers up and ran her palms down the length of his chest to where his belt was unfastened. She could go lower but Ben was taking his time and so was she.

The buttons were no longer an issue. He spread her shirt wide. ‘You want me to tug it free?’ he asked, and she grabbed both sides of the skimpy fabric and ripped.

‘Wow,’ Ben said. ‘You want to do that to your bra as well?’

‘You have to work for it,’ she said, smiling and smiling, and he did, and then a few very satisfactory moments followed while he explored what was underneath.

She was on fire. It didn’t actually matter if this night wasn’t consummated, she thought hazily, but then his fingers drifted further, and she forgot any thoughts of lack of consummation. Consummation did matter. She wanted him. This was here, this was now. This was Ben.

And as a faint aftershock rippled across the island, waking weary rescue workers and causing islanders to hold each other tighter, Dr Ben McMahon and Dr Guinevere Koestrel didn’t notice.

In a few short hours they’d be back in the wards, back to being emergency doctors.

For now there was only this night, this heat, this need.

For now there was only each other.

CHAPTER EIGHT

S
HE
 
DIDN
’
T
 
WANT
 
dawn to come. She lay encircled in Ben’s arms and she thought if she didn’t move maybe time would stand still. She was spooned against Ben’s body, skin to skin, warm, protected...loved?

Somewhere out there was the outside world, responsibilities, cares, life, but for Ginny right now life was solely within this man’s arms, and she wanted nothing more.

He was awake. She felt him shift slightly and the tingle of naked skin was enough to make her tremble. He kissed her hair and then tugged her around so she was facing him and he could kiss her properly. Deeply, achingly wonderful.

And then, as she knew he must, he set her back, holding her at arm’s length, and they both knew the world needed to intrude.

‘We’ve had four hours’ sleep,’ he said ruefully.

‘Three and a half,’ she said, and smiled, and he kissed her again.

‘I know,’ he said, half-mournfully. ‘A man had the promise of four hours’ precious sleep and suddenly there was a seductress in my bed.’

‘You didn’t appear,’ she said smugly, ‘to take very much seducing.’

‘We need to go, Ginny.’

‘We do.’ She needed to find Hannah and check on Button, before heading back to the hospital. With the dawn the searchers would be out again and there’d be another influx of injured islanders.

Please, let the worst of it be past, she pleaded silently, and Ben kissed her again, but lightly this time, on the lips, and it was a kiss of reassurance.

‘We can cope,’ he said. ‘Whatever the day brings, we’ll face it. Ginny, will you share my bed again tonight?’

That was one to take her breath away.

‘Ben...’

‘I know it’s too soon,’ he told her. ‘We’re too stressed. This is hardly the time to be making a lifelong commitment and I’m not asking that. Okay, I’m not even asking for tonight, but if you’re hanging around, wondering how to fill in time, and if the pillows up at the vineyard have dust on them, think of this as an alternative.’ He touched her cheek, very gently, and his smile was a caress all by itself.

‘Any time, my Ginny,’ he said softly. ‘This thing between us... I haven’t figured it out and I know you’re even further behind than I am, but I do know that I want you on my pillow, for tonight and for whenever you need me. I’ll take my needs out of it for now because I know that they scare you. For now. I’m here, Ginny. I’ll never hurt you and I’m just...here.’

* * *

For a while after that things got crazy. The two doctors with the rescue service plus every available nurse were fully involved caring for those who made their way to the extended hospital for treatment.

The main injury was lacerations, but there were broken bones, bruises that swelled into haematomas, twists, sprains and also fear. In some cases the fear was as much an injury as a bone break—a young mum who lived alone while her husband was away on a fishing trip was almost paralysed with terror and her terror was infecting her kids.

Medics turned into social workers, calling for help as they needed it. The young mum was matched with an elderly couple who had a lovely stable old weatherboard house that had remained unscathed. Their age meant they’d seen it all and they weren’t the least bit bothered about what nature could throw at them, and they were warmly welcoming.

‘Come and stay, as long as you like,’ they told her when Ben contacted them and asked for their help, and Ginny watched Ben reassure everyone and she thought...

How could she ever have let herself believe family medicine was beneath her?

How could she ever have let James and her father persuade her?

Things still were changing inside her. They were twisting, jumbling, like the world had yesterday.

Last night had been world-changing for her. Today, working side by side with Ben, it changed even more.

She was so aware of him. She was so...

Discombobulated. It was the only word she could think of to describe how she felt. Weird, out of her body, where the only thing that kept her feet on the ground was seeing the next patient.

But finally they ran out of patients. By late morning the number of casualties was slowing to a trickle and she was able to surface and think of other imperatives.

She glanced around and thought,
I’m not needed here. Not for a while at least.

‘Ben, is it okay if I go and find Button?’

‘Of course.’ Hannah had popped in early to reassure Ginny that Button was fine but Ginny had been in mid-suture and hadn’t been able to stop. ‘I reckon she could do with a cuddle,’ Ben told her.

‘She’s pretty good at giving them,’ Ginny said, and Ben grinned.

‘She is, that. So now you have two cuddlers. Off you go, Dr Koestrel, and find your alternative.’

And he kissed her, lightly, a feather kiss, but every eye in the big makeshift casualty ward was on them and she left with her face burning. She was feeling...feeling...

Even more discombobulated.

Practicalities. She needed to focus on what was necessary rather than what she was feeling, she told herself fiercely as she headed down from the hospital towards the town.

There were people everywhere. Even now, the chaos of last night was turning into organised chaos. Debris was being removed from the road, teams were going from house to house, inspecting damage, using paint to scrawl codes on each—‘Safe’, ‘Safe With Care’, ‘Do Not Enter’.

And everywhere she went, people greeted her.

‘Hey, Ginny, good to see you safe. You guys are doing a great job. So glad you’re back. Great to have you here, lass, so glad you’re home.’

This was....home. She knew it.

This morning she felt an islander. It was a strange sensation.

She’d never felt like she belonged, she thought. Had it taken an earthquake to make her put down roots?

And then she saw Hannah, heading up the road from Ailsa’s house, carrying Button, and her stride quickened. Button. How fast had this little girl wrapped her way around her heart? She’d wanted so much to be with her last night. But then... But then...

To her dismay, she was blushing again, and she reached Hannah and took Button into her arms and buried her face in the softness of her new little daughter until the colour subsided.

As she knew she would, Button’s arms wrapped around her in a bear hug.

‘Ginny,’ she said in satisfaction. ‘Cuddle.’

It was the best thing. What was Veronica about, abandoning this little one? she thought. She’d lived with her for all of two weeks and already she was starting to think that if Veronica wanted her back she’d face a fight.

She needed to get those documents sorted. She needed to get the formal adoption through so that Veronica couldn’t just swan in and take her away if the whim took her.

Ben would help.

All this she thought in the moments she took out to let her colour subside, to let the warmth of Button settle her, to feel even more that this was her home.

‘How frantic are you?’ Hannah asked when she finally emerged from her bear hug, and Ginny smiled ruefully.

‘Sorry.’ On impulse she hugged Hannah as well, with Button sandwiched between. ‘I haven’t even said thank you yet. Taking her in last night...’

‘It was the least I could do, and I always do the least I can do,’ Hannah said cheerfully. ‘Mum and I had six toddlers between us. But no tragedies. They’re all kids of those caught up in rescue efforts, like you and Ben.’ Then her face clouded. ‘But I heard Squid died.’

‘Yes.’ There was nothing else to say.

‘Ben will be upset,’ Hannah said quietly. ‘He loved that old man.’

He didn’t try to save him, Ginny thought, but she didn’t say it. Ben’s reasons were sound; she knew they were, but they took some getting her head around. She should have her head around it. Her reaction was illogical but it was still there.

You fought to the end, and if you failed...

Failure. It slammed back, right there and then, standing on the rubble-strewn main street with Hannah watching her curiously and Button still clinging, nonjudgmental, her one true thing.

Was that why she loved her? Because Button would never judge her?

Would Ben ever judge her?

This was crazy. She gave herself a fierce mental shake and turned her attention back to the question Hannah had asked first.

How frantic are you?

‘The worst of the rush is over,’ she told her. ‘We have four doctors, five nurses and for the time being not enough patients. Please, God, it stays that way.’ She hesitated. ‘I thought...if I could find a car... Henry’s on his own out at his cottage behind the vineyard. I just met Ella—she’s his closest neighbour but they were in town when the quake hit and haven’t been back. Ella has a sprained wrist and is staying put. That means Henry’s on his own. Ben and I drove down from the vineyard yesterday so I know a route we can take and we’ve already chopped the fences. I might just go and check.’

‘Send a team,’ Hannah said, and Ginny gazed along the street at the organised troops of orange-clad workers moving methodically from house to house.

‘It’s just one old man in a tiny weatherboard cottage,’ she said. ‘It’s hardly worth a team and if I know Henry he’d be furious if I sent strangers.’

‘So let him be furious.’

‘No.’ Ginny shrugged. She’d had enough blame in her life, she didn’t need to wear this. ‘It’s easy enough to check and it’s safe enough. I’ll take one of the hospital vehicles.’

‘You can take Mum’s,’ Hannah offered. ‘It’s four-wheel drive and it has a child seat.’

‘Why—?’

‘Um...that’s why I was coming to find you,’ Hannah said diffidently. ‘There’s been a bit of a drama with the school bus. Nothing dreadful,’ she added as Ginny flinched. ‘It was stuck between two landslips. They had a kid missing but they all seem to be accounted for now and as far as I know there’s no casualties. But they’re bringing them into town by boat now and lots of their mums and dads are still stranded in outlying parts of the island. So Mum and I have been asked to help. If you’re sure where you’re going is safe...could you take Button with you?’

She thought about it. The route she and Ben had taken yesterday had been bumpy but sound. They’d checked the farmhouses along the way so there’d be no huge dramas to find.

She could stop in at the vineyard, check the house was okay, maybe pick up a few things she would need if they were to stay in town. She’d take no risks.

And at Henry’s cottage...

The worst she’d find would be an injured old man, but she was more likely to find him distressed than injured. And angry that she’d come?

Button could defuse that, she thought. She might even help.

‘Take a radio with you,’ Hannah urged. ‘The rescue co-ordinator is giving them out. You’ll need to tell him where you’re going. Oh, and I’m off to let Ben know about the bus. He’s been worried about Abby. I’ll let him know where you’ve gone as well. Is that okay?’

She shouldn’t take Button. She held her and thought there were risks. But the risks were small, and with no one to mind her... The alternative was to leave Henry without assistance he might need.

She could do this. It’d be safe.

‘You do that,’ she said, and gave Hannah another swift hug. ‘And tell Ben I’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine. Let’s hope we’ve heard the worst of the news about this earthquake. It’s time to come out the other side.’

* * *

‘She’s gone where?’

‘Up to Henry’s.’ Hannah suddenly sounded scared and Ben caught himself. He’d reacted with shock, and given a moment’s thought he had himself together. The route they’d taken yesterday was safe enough. She had his mother’s car, which was as tough as old boots. She was sensible.

‘She took Button,’ Hannah said, and he had to fight shock again.

But it was still reasonable. Woman heading off to check on an elderly neighbour, taking her daughter with her. Via a safe route. Taking a radio.

She was sensible and she’d be even more sensible with Button with her.

‘Mum and I are heading down to the harbour to be there when the kids come in,’ Hannah said. ‘You want to come? Abby will be there.’

She was still matchmaking, Ben thought, humour surfacing. Ailsa and Hannah—plus half the island—had been trying to get Ben and Abby together for years.

It wasn’t going to happen. They were friends but there’d never been that spark.

Like the spark of last night?

Last night hadn’t been a spark, he conceded. It had been wildfire. A meeting of two bodies that ignited each other.

Ginny had ghosts.

He could lay ghosts to rest, though, he thought as Hannah waited for his reply. He could work with whatever demons she had; she lived here now and he had all the time in the world.

Except he wanted her in his bed again, tonight.

‘It’s Ginny, isn’t it?’ Hannah said cheekily.

And he wished he was busy. He needed a whole busload of casualties to come in the door this minute to stop the prying, laughing eyes of his little sister seeing far more than he wanted her to see.

‘You’re sure she’s taken a radio?’

‘Cross my heart and hope to break a leg. We walked to the co-ordination centre together. She’s got more safeguards in place than you can shake a stick at. You know, Abby’s been out all night with the most gorgeous rescue paramedic. You’re not worried about Abby?’

‘Not if she has the most gorgeous rescue paramedic with her.’

‘But if it were Ginny?’ Her eyes danced and she held up her hands. ‘Okay, big brother, no more questions. I don’t think I need to ask them anyway. I’m off to do some serious childminding.’ She glanced around the makeshift casualty ward where medics were working efficiently and well. ‘You know, if this place stays quiet you could even follow Ginny.’

‘She doesn’t need me.’

‘She might,’ Hannah said airily. ‘You never know.’

* * *

It was kind of eerie retracing the route she and Ben had followed yesterday. Then their minds had been set to crisis mode. They’d faced fear and tragedy, and they’d known they had to get down to the hospital fast.