Miriam's Secret (33 page)

Her voice interrupted his thoughts. “You don't have to be worried about me. I understand. I want you to love me, and I want to love you. We're made for each other. We've always been. It just took a while for you to see it.”

He glanced away. “You're much too nice, Laura. You really are.”

“Then we're perfectly suited for each other.” She pulled his arm tight into hers. “Kiss me, Ivan. Just once tonight.”

He hesitated only a moment before he pulled her close. She
lifted her face to his and threw her arms around his neck. Long seconds later he pulled back for a breath as she clung to him. He whispered, “We shouldn't kiss anymore, Laura. We really shouldn't.”

“But I love Ivan. I love him so much.” She pulled his head down so she could kiss him again.

Ivan gave in for a moment, but he sat up straight when a door hinge squeaked somewhere. How embarrassing if Laura's parents came in. It was no scandal to be kissing, but still he knew it would bother him. They'd gone far enough, and Laura knew it. That was why she was keeping on, no doubt. The girl wanted to extract a proposal of marriage from him.

“There's no one around,” Laura whispered in his ear. “Don't stop now.”

“
Nee
, that's enough.” He pulled away as her suggestion burned through his mind. Why couldn't they marry this fall? Laura had dropped many hints, but she couldn't come right out and ask the question herself. He needed to do it, and this was probably her way of helping him do so.

“Oh, Ivan!” She held his arm and put her head against his shoulder. “I can never get enough of you or your kisses.”

In the silence Ivan's mind continued to spin. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise. He didn't deserve Laura's love, but here it was offered to him on a silver platter. Sure, there would be great responsibilities that came with marriage—a house to find and a wedding to plan. But Laura would do most of that. All that was required of him was to ask the question. Laura was clearly leading him in that direction…and had been for a long time. She knew he would give in. She wouldn't have thrown herself at him so freely otherwise. He would ask her tonight. He saw the matter with the clarity of bright daylight. She was waiting even now
with her head tightly against his shoulder. She waited with confidence because she knew him well. What more could he ask for or expect in a
frau
?

Was this not the Lord's will? He'd done much in the past months he shouldn't have. What better way to cleanse his soul then to accept the responsibility of marriage. He would be a
daett
soon after, no doubt. Laura would bear him many children, and they would grow old together with love in their hearts. How could things be otherwise with the way they understood each other? Laura would always love him, and he would never tire of her affections. There was no doubt in his mind on that subject.

This would also be his way of atoning for his dishonesty with Miriam. How had he even dared think he could marry a girl just to get a farm—even if it was the best one in the county? The corruption that had been in his heart took his breath away. Laura must have known this, yet still she loved him.

He had arrived at the moment. He reached over to stroke a wisp of hair that had escaped from under her
kapp
. “Will you marry me, Laura? Even this fall?”

Her face turned up as she looked into his eyes. “You know the answer, my love. My heart would have no greater joy.”

“But how can you love me? I'm not a
gut
man. I have many flaws.” His fingers moved the hair across her forehead.

Her gaze burned into his face. “
Yah
, I know you, Ivan. And I have always loved you from the moment our family moved back to Possum Valley. I know your failings, but I also know your strengths. I love you.”

He lowered his head for a kiss, but she sat up. “We have lots of plans to make, so we'd better get started.”

“I thought I'd get a few kisses after proposing,” he said as his hand reached for hers.

A smile played on her face. “You've already had kisses tonight, my Ivan. But don't worry—there will be many more. Right now I want to think about the plans we must make. Oh, I can hardly believe it! You did ask me, didn't you? I can't believe it!”

“
Yah
, I did!” He smiled. “I did. And I still want your acceptance kiss.”

“Just one.” She moved closer. “And then we must plan things.”

He held her for a long time, and she didn't object.

“We must invite Miriam to the wedding,” she whispered when he let her go.

His face fell. “Why? I don't want her near my wedding.”

“She might not even come.” Her hand stroked his. “But we have to invite her. She's part of our young people's group, and it wouldn't be right not to. And if we don't, the community will talk. There's no reason not to invite her.”

“I guess there isn't,” he said hesitantly.

Her hand touched his face, and he pulled her close again.

Chapter Thirty-Four

T
he following Monday evening Miriam was in her room upstairs with a letter from
Mamm
in her hands. There was nothing secret about the letter—both Shirley and Aunt Fannie had read it when it arrived earlier in the day. Miriam just wanted to be alone while she wrote her response. Shirley could write letters with people around her, but Miriam needed privacy.

She unfolded the letter and read the first paragraph again.

Greetings, my dear girls.

I was so glad to hear that things are going well with both of you in Oklahoma. Not that I expected otherwise, but the place seems so far away. I think of you so often. We are all doing well here in Possum Valley. Today Daett and boys worked on Mr. Bland's farm. They'll be back soon for supper…

Miriam laid the letter on the bed. The news that followed brought back the warmth of home. She should be homesick about now, but she wasn't. That was the surprising part. Yesterday had been another
wunderbah
day with the Clarita community's young people. The joy in her heart was still fresh. Wayne had given her the nicest smile yet, if such a thing was possible. All of his smiles were so
wunderbah
. Whether she wanted to accept them—that had always been the question. But now she knew she wanted to. That was the amazing thing. The Lord had opened up the path, but how it had all happened, she wasn't sure. She still had Ivan's letter in the bottom of her dresser drawer, right beside the five hundred and twenty dollars in cash.

Miriam squeezed her eyes shut. She wouldn't think of either Ivan or the money right now. Ivan was in the past, and she still couldn't figure out what she should do with the money. She couldn't spend it here without questions being raised, and there had been no opportunity so far to give the money away. So she would wait and trust the Lord to lead her. He always had before, and there was no reason to think He wouldn't now. Hadn't He brought her to a community in which she could find peace and the promise of new life—perhaps even true and lasting love?

The image of Wayne rose in Miriam's mind, and she allowed a smile to cross her face. The man loved her. There was no doubt about that. She would never think to question his heart now. Not after she'd been here these weeks and had been exposed to his sincerity and honesty. Wayne was the real thing. This time she wasn't mistaken. Not like she'd been with Ivan. Wayne would soon ask her home from the hymn singing for a Sunday evening date. She was sure of that. He'd almost asked her yesterday afternoon.

Wayne had asked instead, “So how do you like Oklahoma by now? And what of our community here?”

“Shirley and I both love it out here. And the people too,” she'd replied.

“I'm glad to hear that.” Wayne's smile had been full of his usual warmth. “I hope you'll be staying for a while yet.” Then he'd cast his gaze toward the ground. “Well, see you at the hymn singing tonight then.”

“Sure. I'll look forward to seeing you,” she answered.

And they had parted ways.

Miriam pulled her thoughts away from what had happened yesterday and focused on the letter from
Mamm
. With quick movements she rose and gathered up pen and paper from the dresser top. With a chair pulled in front of her for a desk, she sat on the bed and wrote.

Dear Mamm,

Greetings again. Both Shirley and I send you our regards and great affection. We read your letter with joy in our hearts. It's often that we think of home and everyone there. I suppose Shirley is downstairs right now writing her own letter. I'm ensconced in my room for privacy. Seems like my thoughts come better when no one is around. I guess we were made differently.

I hope
Daett
is finding the new farm a blessing. I know you didn't mention much about this in your letter, and perhaps I shouldn't either, but the subject is never far from my mind. I sometimes wish Mr. Bland hadn't done what he did, but I know it can't be helped. And would I really want that part of my life changed? I wonder sometimes if my heart has betrayed me. Maybe I chafed under
Daett
's lectures about the evils of money.
Maybe I even desired wealth. I hope none of this is true. I've talked to the Lord about it. If it is true, I ask you and Daett for forgiveness. Now that I have experienced a little of what the world calls success, I know for sure that Daett was absolutely right. We should be content with what we have and never want more.

I don't wish to speak ill of Shirley, but I think she's struggled with that lesson, though she has learned much out here. The people here are so
wunderbah
. They teach us things without saying much. That's another reason why we're enjoying our stay so much, to say nothing of the great benefits they have been to us.

Miriam paused and put the pen down. She stared at the wall. There was so much she wished to write but couldn't. She wanted to spill her thoughts out on paper—the joy of Wayne's attention and her sorrow over how money had affected her. But what would follow would not be beneficial, especially since she hadn't told anyone about the cash inheritance.
Mamm
would never understand why Miriam had the two million dollars in the bank—if she even believed it was true. And then
Mamm
would wonder why Miriam hadn't gotten rid of it by now. Someday she hoped to find someone she could talk to about anything and even confess the turmoil in her heart. Maybe it would be Wayne…if he asked her on a date or to be his
frau.
She certainly couldn't marry a man and keep such a secret.

Miriam sat up and grabbed the pen. Wayne hadn't asked for a date, so she was being foolish in having such thoughts about him. Yet, she couldn't help herself. And Wayne would make a
wunderbah
husband. She was convinced of the fact the more she saw of the man. Wayne would know what she should do about
her money problem. Already a measure of trust welled up in her heart, which she considered a miracle. That she could even think about trusting another man with such a secret after Ivan Mast was the Lord's doing.

Miriam pushed the thoughts of Wayne and Ivan away and wrote rapidly. When she finished she signed the letter with a flourish: “With much love, Miriam.” There, that was done. Now for the other letter—the one to Ivan. She'd decided she needed to respond. She hadn't planned to, and Shirley had advised against it, but Miriam knew she had to. It wasn't decent not to let Ivan know her answer was no, she wasn't interested.

Miriam sighed. Someday she wouldn't have to sneak around—once this money problem was solved. But for now anything that it touched seemed to produce ungodly fruit. Confession was what she needed most. Miriam squirmed and stared out the window. Her face softened moments later as she breathed a quick prayer: “Help me, please, dear Lord.” He will supply what she needed and guide her, Miriam reminded herself. And hopefully soon. She wrote with quick strokes on a fresh page.

Dear Ivan,

I don't want a misunderstanding to remain between us. The truth is that I will never return your affection. I don't hold anything against you. There was a time when I would have rejoiced to hear such words from you, but that time has passed. Any chance of a relationship between the two of us is over. I hope you understand.