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It just startled me."

"Good thing it didn't run right through your hand, Miss Victoria, " he
said, shaking his head. "Take good care of it now. Keep it clean.

Wrap it up good, " he told Geoffrey, who was tying it tightly at the
time, as though anxious to hide something in his stepmother's hand, but
as soon as they were alone again, he was smiling. She was back. He had
never lost her after all. Olivia thought she had never seen a child beam
as he did, and she took him in her arms and held him.

"I told you I'd never leave you, " she whispered into his hair.

"Does Dad know? " He looked totally confused now as she shook her head
and looked at him.

"No one does, Geoff. Except you now. You can't tell anyone.

You have to swear. Not even your daddy."

"I promise." And she knew he meant it. The penalty might be his real
stepmother coming back again, and he fervently didn't want that.

It wasn't that she was particularly awful to him, he just didn't like
her.

And she wasn't Ollie. And then he thought of something. Will Dad be mad
when he finds out? "

"He might, " she said honestly. She didn't want to lie to the boy any
more than she had to.

"Will he send you away again? "

"I don't know. We're just going to have to be very quiet about this, you
and I, and enjoy it while we can.

And I mean it, Geoff, you can't tell a soul about this." Her eyes begged
him to believe her.

"I won't." He looked insulted that she would repeat it, and with that,
he put an arm around her waist, and they walked back to the house with
her bandaged hand, and their secret.

Chapter 26.

Charles spent the last week of June in Croton with her and Geoff as he'd
said he would, her hand was fine again by then, and Geoff was as good as
his word. He said not a whisper about what he'd seen in her hand that
day, and nothing about his demeanor suggested that he had a secret.

Olivia had been worried about it for a few days, but finally she
relaxed, and by the time they left Croton, everything was fine again.

Her father looked well, Bertie was sad to see them leave, and the three
Dawsons were excited to be going to the seashore. Charles had rented a
cottage for them in Newport, Rhode Island.

As usual, the Goelets were there that year, and the Vanderbilts, there
were parties in the grand houses that were modestly called "cottages"
almost every night, and the weather was exquisite. Geoff loved swimming
with her, and Charles was happier than he'd ever been. He chased her
down the beach more than once, and they laughed like children.

And on the Fourth of July, they stood and watched the fireworks from the
beach club. The house they'd rented was very nice, and very comfortable,
and after spending the whole month of July with them, Charles went back
to the city on the first of August. And as he had done in Croton in
June, he would come up on weekends. And by Friday afternoon, Olivia
could hardly wait to see him. She was alone with Geoff during the week,
and even when they were alone, he never called her Olivia or talked
about their secret. He knew it was an unspoken thing that could never be
said again, and he was old enough at eleven to understand it.

They went for long walks on the beach, had tea with friends, went to the
Yacht Club frequently, and collected seashells. Together, Olivia and
Geoff made collages for Charles, they even made a sailor's valentine for
him with tiny shells, that looked like a real one.

Olivia shared all her gentleness and love and talents with them. And
when Charles arrived in Rhode Island late on Friday night, it was always
worth the long trip it had taken him to come to see her.

"I don't know how I stand being without you all week, " he said to her
after dinner, and he meant it. His days without her now seemed colorless
and empty. The house in New York was far too lonely without her, and the
only time he felt himself come alive anymore was when he was with her.

"What did I ever do without you before we met? " he said, kissing her,
holding her close, as they stood on the balcony outside their bedroom in
the moonlight. It was a perfect night, and he was longing for her as he
always did, though he hated to indulge himself quite so quickly.

He liked talking to her, and holding her, and just being with her.

But as soon as they strolled back into their bedroom, he couldn't resist
her.

It was a far cry from their first year when she had kept him at arm's
length and shuddered each time he touched her. She was infinitely
sensuous now, as he knew she had always been, but he simply hadn't been
able to reach her before. It had all changed from the moment he had
admitted to himself that he loved her.

And that night, as they lay together again afterwards, he held her close
to him and stroked her cheek with his fingers. There was one more thing
he wanted from her now, but he would never have dared ask her. He knew
her sentiments on the subject. But perhaps if other things had changed,
that would too eventually. She hadn't even mentioned suffragette
meetings in two months, although she still avidly read the newspapers,
and read everything she could about the war in Europe.

And she had kept her word and never went back to smoking. He knew it had
been an enormous sacrifice for her, but he thought it was worth it.

It just wasn't ladylike or attractive, though he had to admit, at first,
he had found it amusing.

I But after a while, he had tired of it, and he was glad she finally had
as well. If nothing else, it smelled awful. He noticed now too, that as
she curled next to him, she even slept differently than she had before.

She had always shied away from any contact, sleeping as far away from
him as she could, and now she couldn't get close enough to him as she
purred beside him, and he loved that.

The day after he arrived, they all went to the beach as usual, and had a
picnic on the sand, and on the way home, they stopped to do some
shopping. Olivia said she needed a new parasol, the sun had been so
strong lately, it had been making her dizzy. And Geoff needed a new pair
of shoes. He had grown so much over the summer, he could barely fit in
his old ones. And it was on their way home, that they were all chatting
animatedly, when Olivia happened to glance into the road, and saw a
little girl dart after a ball between two carriages, and she was
instantly between the legs of the horses. One of the horses reared, and
the mother screamed, but no one did anything to save her. Charles was
about to lunge after her but before he could even move, Olivia had
darted ahead of him, grabbed the child, and moved toward safety with
her. The child couldn't have been more than two or three and her whole
body was shielded by Olivia's, as the rearing horse returned his
forelegs to earth again, and only slightly grazed Olivia. She still
managed to get to the other side of the street, with the child safe from
harm, but she was a little dazed, and people were shouting and darting
all around her. The horses were being held, the mother of the child had
burst into tears, the child's nurse was shouting at her, and the little
girl was crying too, and Charles was oblivious to all of them as he
dashed across the street to Olivia with Geoff right behind him.

"My God, are you trying to get yourself killed? " he shouted at her,
only too aware of how close she'd come, far more aware than she was
since she hadn't really seen it. She had just reacted to the situation
and it was all over before she knew it.

"But Charles .. . the child .. . that little girl .. .

" She looked up at him with wide eyes, and as she spoke to him, he
seemed very far away, and the color seemed to be slowly draining from
him. She could hear everything he said, and then she could see his lips
move but he was making no sound at all and he became very small and
turned quite gray. She looked at him with a puzzled expression, and he
watched in horror, as she slid like melted molasses toward the sidewalk.
He just caught her before she hit the pavement.

And then suddenly he was shouting too, at anyone who would listen. He
only thought she'd been grazed by the horse's hooves, but perhaps it had
been far worse than he thought. He was terrified as he shouted to
someone to get a doctor.

"What happened? .. . What happened? .. ." a woman asked.

%That is it? "

"I don't know, " he said, distracted by everything that was happening
around them, and as he glanced over his shoulder he could see Geoff's
eyes filled with tears, and he tried to calm himself enough to reassure
him. But he was panicked about the woman he thought was his wife, and
Geoff knew was Olivia. After all they'd been through, he couldn't lose
her. "She'll be all right, son, " he told Geoff, as someone went to
fetch the doctor, and he laid her on the sidewalk, with Geoff's package
under her head. But she hadn't regained consciousness.

She had completely fainted.

"She's not, Dad, she's dead, " Geoff said, crying openly, and more and
more people were gathering around them, as Charles stood next to her and
asked people to give her air, and finally a man came who said he was a
doctor. He had her carried into a nearby restaurant, and very sensibly
laid on a banquette so he could examine her. There was no bruise, no
obvious blow to her head, and from her eyes, he didn't think she had a
concussion, but she was definitely unconscious. He chafed her wrists,
put ice on the back of her neck and her temples, and then slowly she
came around, saw Charles, and looked quite green as she asked what had
happened.

"You rescued a little girl, you fool, and almost got stamped to death by
two horses, " he said, torn between terror, relief, and fury.

"It would be nice if you left the heroism to someone else, my love, " he
said, kissing her hand, as Geoff wiped away his tears, embarrassed to
have been crying.

"I'm sorry, " she said weakly, and then glanced at the doctor.

He had been listening to her heart and he was satisfied, there didn't
seem to be much wrong with her, although he asked them if they'd like to
take her to the hospital. Olivia said she wanted to go home, I but as
soon as she stood up, she almost fainted again, and she admitted to
Charles in a weak voice that she felt dreadful. He could see she did,
and he was near tears himself as he laid her down on the banquette
again.

"I think perhaps if your wife went home and lay down for a little while,
she might be all right. It's probably the heat, and the emotion.

You can call me again this evening if she needs me, " the doctor said
pleasantly, and handed Charles a card. And a few minutes later, Charles
left her with Geoff and went to get the car, and the boy looked down at
her meekly.

"Ollie, are you okay? " he whispered.

"Geoff, no! " she said, although there was no one around to hear them.

"Remember what I told you."

"I know .. . I was just so scared ..

. you looked like you were dead." His eyes filled with tears and she
held his hand tightly in her own.

"Well, I'm not, and I'll beat you to within an inch of your life if you
call me that again." She grinned at him, and they both laughed, as
Charles came back to get her. He insisted on carrying her to the car,
which embarrassed her, and she said she was fine now, but she was still
very pale. And that night, she decided not to eat dinner. She was quite
nauseous.

"I'm calling the doctor, " Charles announced firmly when he checked on
her after he and Geoff had eaten alone in the dining room. "I don't like
the way you look."

"Charles, how unkind of you, " she teased and he grinned at her.

He loved her spirit of mischief. It was not as acute as it had once
been, but with time it had gotten somewhat subtler. But she still had a
wicked sense of humor.

"You know what I mean." He sighed as he sat down and looked at her.

"I thought I would die when that damn horse nearly stomped on you.

For God's sake, what a crazy thing to do."

"The little girl could have been killed, " she said simply, with no
regrets, since neither of them had been injured.

"So could you."

"I'm fine, " she said, and kissed him gently on the lips. There.

was something she had to say to him. She didn't know what to do about
it. It was not what she had meant to happen at all, and it was going to
complicate everything. But she wanted it so desperately there was no way
she could ever give it up now. "I'm very fine, actually, " she said
softly, looking at him, and he looked suddenly puzzled. She had a gentle
way of saying things that sometimes confused him.

"What does that mean? "

"I'm not sure what to say to you, " she said cautiously. She had no idea
what his feelings about it might be, and she knew her sister had never
wanted children. Perhaps he didn't either.

"Is something wrong? " he asked, looking worried, but she only shook her
head and had to fight back tears of emotion. "Oh Victoria, " he said,
reminding her again that she had stolen him and had no right to this
happiness, and yet she loved him so dearly. "Tell me what's worrying you
.. ." He couldn't imagine anything that would make her look like that
and he was anxious to reassure her.