Miss Lonelyhearts (8 page)

The typewriter was uncovered and he
put a sheet of paper into the roller.

"Christ died for you.

"He died nailed to a tree for
you. His gift to you is suffering and it is only through suffering that you can
know Him. Cherish this gift, for..."

He snatched the paper out of the
machine. With him, even the word Christ was a vanity. After staring at the pile
of letters on his desk for a long time, he looked out the window. A slow spring
rain was changing the dusty tar roofs below him to shiny patent leather. The water
made everything slippery and he could find no support for either his eyes or
his feelings.

Turning back to his desk, he picked
up a bulky letter in a dirty envelope. He read it for the same reason that an
animal tears at a wounded foot: to hurt the pain.

Dear
Miss
Lonelyhearts
:--

Being
an admirer of your column because you give such good advice to people in
trouble as that is what I am in also I would appreciate very much your advising
me what to do after I tell you my troubles.

During
the war I was told if I wanted to do my bit I should marry the man I was
engaged to as he was going away to help Uncle Sam and to make a long story
short I was married to him. After the war was over he still had to remain in
the army for one more year as he signed for it and naturally I went to work as
while doing this patriotic stunt he had only $i8 dollars to his name. I worked
for three years steady and then had to stay home because I became a mother and
in the meantime of those years my husband would get a job and then would tire
of it or want to roam. It was all right before the baby came because then I
could work steady and then bills were paid but when I stopped everything went
sliding backward. Then two years went by and a baby boy was added to our union.
My girl will be eight and my boy six years of age.

I
made up my mind after I had the second child that in spite of my health as I
was hit by an auto while carrying the first I would get some work to do but
debts collected so rapidly it almost took a
derick
to
lift them let alone a sick woman. I went to work evenings when my husband would
be home so as somebody could watch the baby and I did this until the baby was
three years old when I thought of taking in a man who had been boarding with his
sister as she moved to Rochester and he had to look for a new place. Well my
husband agreed as he figured the $15 dollars per he paid us would make it
easier for him as this man was a widower with two children and as my husband
knew him for twelve years being real pals then going out together etc. After
the boarder was with us for about a year my husband didn't come home one night
and then two nights etc. I listed him in the missing persons and after two and
a half months I was told to go to Grove St. which I did and he was arrested
because he refused to support me and my kids. When he served three months of
the six the judge asked me to give lion another chance which
like
a fool I did and when he got home he beat me up so I had to spend over $30
dollars in the dentist afterwards.

He
got a pension from the army and naturally I was the one to take it to the store
and cash it as he was so lazy I always had to sign his name and of course put
per my name and through wanting to pay the landlord because he wanted to put us
out I signed his check as usual but forgot to put per my name and for this to
get even with me because he did three months time he sent to Washington for the
copy of the check so I could be arrested for forgery but as the butcher knew
about me signing the checks etc nothing was done to me.

He
threatened my life many times saying no one solved the Mrs. Mills murder and
the same will happen to you and many times when making beds I would find under
his pillow a hammer, scissors, knife, stone lifter etc and when I asked him
what the idea was he would make believe he knew nothing about it or say the
children put them there and then a few months went buy and I was going to my
work as usual as the boarder had to stay home that day due to the fact the
material for his boss did not arrive and he could not go to work as he is a
piece worker. I always made a habit of setting the breakfast and cooking the
food the night before so I could stay in bed until seven as at that time my son
was in the Kings County hospital with a disease which my husband gave me that
he got while fighting for Uncle Sam and I had to be at the clinic for the
needle to. So while I was in bed unbeknown to me my husband sent the boarder
out for a paper and when he came back my husband was gone. So later when I came
from my room I was told that my husband had gone out. I fixed the
childs
breakfast and ate my own then went to the washtub to
do the weeks wash and while the boarder was reading the paper at twelve o'clock
noon my mother came over to mind the baby as I had a chance to go out and make
a little money doing house work. Things were a little out of order beds not
dressed and things out of place and a little sweeping had to be done as I was
washing all morning and I didn't have a chance to do it so I thought to do it
then while my mother was in the house with her to help me so that I could
finish quickly. Hurrying at break neck speed to get finished I swept through
the rooms to make sure everything was spick and span so when my husband came
home he couldn't have anything to say. We had three beds and I was on the last
which was a double bed when stooping to put the broom under the bed to get at
the lint and the dust when lo and behold I saw a face like the mask of a devil
with only the whites of the eyes showing and hands clenched to choke anyone and
then I saw it move and I was so
frighted
that almost
till night I was
hystirical
and I was
paralised
from my waist down. I thought I would never be
able to walk again. A doctor was called for me by my mother and he said the man
ought to be put in an asylum to do a thing like that. It was my husband
lieing
under the bed from seven in the morning until almost
half past one o'clock
lieing
in his own dirt instead
of going to the bath room when he had to be dirtied himself waiting to fright
me.

So
as I could not trust him I would not sleep with him and as I told the boarder
to find a new place because I thought maybe he was jealous of something I slept
in the
boarders
bed in an other room. Some nights I
would wake up and find him standing by my bed laughing like a crazy man or
walking around stripped etc.

I
bought a new sowing machine as I do some sowing for other people to make both
ends meet and one night while I was out delivering my work I got back to find
the house cleaned out and he had pawned my sowing machine and also all the
other
pawnables
in the house. Ever since he
frighted
me I have been so nervous during the night when I
get up for the children that he would be standing behind a curtain and either
jump out at me or put his hand on me before I could light the light. Well as I
had to see that I could not make him work steady and that I had to be mother
and housekeeper and wage earner etc and I could not let my nerves get the best
of me as I lost a good fob once on account of having bad nerves I simply moved
away from him and anyway there was nothing much left in the house. But he
pleaded with me for another chance so I thought seeing he is the father of my
children I will and then he did more crazy things to many to write and I left
him again. Four times we got together and four times I left. Please Miss
Lonelyhearts
believe me just for the
childrens
sake is the bunk and pardon me because I
dont
know
how you are fixed but all I know is that in over three years I got $200 dollars
from him altogether.

About
four months ago I handed him a warrant for his arrest for non support and he
tore it up and left the house and I
havent
seen him
since and as I had pneumonia and my little girl had the flu I was put in
financial
embarasment
with the doctor and we had to
go to the ward and when we came out of the hospital I had to ask the boarder to
come to live with us again as he was a sure $15 dollars a week and if anything
happened to me he would be there to take care of the children. But he tries to
make me be bad and as there is nobody in the house when he comes home drunk on
Saturday night I
dont
know what to do but so far I
didnt
let him. Where my husband is I
dont
know but I received a vile letter from him where he even accused his
inocent
children of things and
sarcasticaly
asked about the star boarder.

Dear
Miss
Lonelyhearts
please don't be angry at me for
writing such a long letter and taking up so much of your time in reading it but
if I ever write all the things which happened to me living with him it would
fill a book and please forgive me for saying some nasty things as I had to give
you an idea of what is going on in my home. Every woman is
intitiled
to a home
isnt
she? So Miss
Lonelyhearts
please put a few lines in your column when you refer to this letter so I will
know you are helping me. Shall I take my husband back? How can I support my
children?

Thanking
you for anything you can advise me in I remain

yours
truly--

Broad
Shoulders

P.S.
Dear Miss
Lonelyhearts
dont
think I am broad shouldered but that is the way I feel about life and me I
mean.

Miss
Lonelyhearts
dodged Betty because she made him feel ridiculous. He was still trying to cling
to his humility, and the farther he got below self-laughter, the easier it was
for him to practice it. When Betty telephoned, he refused to answer and after
he had twice failed to call her back, she left him alone.

One day, about a week after he had
returned from the country, Goldsmith asked him out for a drink. When he
accepted, he made himself so humble that Goldsmith was frightened and almost
suggested a doctor.

They found Shrike in
Delehanty's
and joined him at the bar. Goldsmith tried to
whisper something to him about Miss
Lonelyhearts
'
condition, but he was drunk and refused to listen. He caught only part of what
Goldsmith was trying to say.

"I must differ with you, my
good Goldsmith," Shrike said. "Don't call sick those who have faith.
They are the well. It is you who are sick."

Goldsmith did not reply and Shrike
turned to Miss
Lonelyhearts
. "Come, tell us,
brother, how it was that you first came to believe. Was it music in a church,
or the death of a loved one, or mayhap, some wise old priest?"

The familiar jokes no longer had any
effect on Miss
Lonelyhearts
. He smiled at Shrike as
the saints are supposed to have smiled at those about to martyr them.

"Ah, but how stupid of
me," Shrike continued. "It was the letters, of course. Did I myself
not say that the Miss
Lonelyhearts
are the priests of
twentieth-century America?"

Goldsmith laughed, and Shrike, in
order to keep him laughing, used an old trick; he appeared to be offended.
"Goldsmith, you are the nasty product of this unbelieving age. You cannot
believe, you can only laugh. You take everything with a bag of salt and forget
that salt is the enemy of fire as well as of ice. Be warned, the salt you use
is not Attic salt, it is coarse butcher's salt. It doesn't preserve; it
kills."

The
bartender
who was standing close by, broke in to address Miss
Lonelyhearts
.
"Pardon me, sir, but there's a gent here named Doyle who wants to meet
you. He says you know his wife."

Before Miss
Lonelyhearts
could reply, he beckoned to someone standing at the other end of the bar. The
signal was answered by a little cripple, who immediately started in their
direction. He used a cane and dragged one of his feet behind him in a
box-shaped shoe with a four-inch sole. As he hobbled along, he made many waste
motions, like those of a partially destroyed insect.

The bartender introduced the cripple
as Mr.-Peter Doyle. Doyle was very excited and shook hands twice all around,
then with a wave that was meant to be sporting, called for a round of drinks.

Before lifting his glass, Shrike
carefully inspected the cripple. When he had finished, he winked at Miss
Lonely-hearts and said, "Here's to humanity." He patted Doyle on the
back. "Mankind, mankind..." he sighed, wagging his head sadly
. "
What is man that..."

The bartender broke in again on
behalf of his friend and tried to change the conversation to familiar ground.
"Mr. Doyle inspects meters for the gas company."

"And an excellent job it must
be," Shrike said. "He should be able to give us the benefit of a
different viewpoint. We newspapermen are limited in many ways and I like to
hear both sides of a case."