Miss Misery (4 page)

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Authors: Andy Greenwald

BOOK: Miss Misery
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[x]
Have any crushes:
what is the square root of one zillion?

[x]
Who are they:
the psychedelic furs circa 1982 and orlando cabrera

[x]
Do you think you've been in love:
of course not

[x]
Want to go to college:
still figuring that out

[x]
Like high school:
of course not

[x]
Want to get married:
I defy you, patriarchy

[x]
Type w/ your fingers on the right keys:
I defy you, patriarchy!

[x]
Believe in yourself:
of course not—I am a unicorn!

[x]
Like thunderstorms:
yesssssssssssssssss

---IN THE PAST MONTH DID/HAVE YOU---

[x]
Gone to the mall:
I defy you…fuck it, yes I did to get tights.

[x]
Eaten sushi:
mmmmmmmyes

[x]
Been dumped:
always leave them wanting more

[x]
Dyed your hair:
I am no longer a teenager, thank you

[x]
Stolen anything:
I refuse to answer this on the advice of my attorney

---HAVE YOU EVER---

[x]
Flown on a plane:
as opposed to flying on a…?

[x]
Told a guy/girl that you liked them:
only in esperanto

[x]
Cried during a movie:
I wear sunglasses during sad movies to prevent eye leakage

[x]
Had an imaginary friend:
yes but she came true

[x]
Been in a fight:
I was the featherweight champion of grade 7

[x]
Shoplifted:
have you met my attorney? he's really very persuasive.

---THE FUTURE---

[x]
Age you hope to be married:
109

[x]
Number of children:
unsure, however I do believe the children are the future

[x]
How do you want to die:
in a tragic but inevitable hot-air balloon accident

[x]
What do you want to be when you grow up?
taller

---FAVORITES---

[x]
Fave color(s):
vermilion

[x]
Day/night:
night

[x]
Summer/winter:
summer

[x]
Fave food
: sashimi

[x]
Fave movies:
mmmmmTIE: rushmore, georgy girl, my beautiful laundrette, dirty dancing

[x]
Fave sport:
getting to third base

---RIGHT NOW---

[x]
Right now wearing:
tank top, pajama pants with monkey heads on them

[x]
Drinking:
ginger ale

[x]
Thinking about:
how many questions could possibly be left on this stupid thing

[x]
Listening to:
“You Can't Hide Your Love Forever” by Orange Juice

---DO YOU BELIEVE IN---

[x]
Destiny/fate:
not usually

[x]
Angels:
not the ones with wings

[x]
Ghosts:
sometimes

[x]
UFOs:
no

[x]
God:
that's so last century

---FRIENDS AND LIFE---

[x]
Do you ever wish you had another name:
yes. Catarina Amarynth Piccadilly. I have business cards that detail the name change in full.

[x]
Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend:
not tonight

[x]
What's the best feeling in the world:
sex? eating japanese food? DOING BOTH AT THE SAME TIME?????!?!?!?

[x]
Worst Feeling:
xhangoversx

[x]
What time is it now:
after dark before morning

---HAVE YOU/DO YOU---

[x]
Do drugs:
only when they are available

[x]
Pray:
only during hangovers

[x]
Gotten drunk:
I am taking a night off tonight

[x]
Run away from home:
actually, I walked

[x]
Made out with a stranger:
too many times to count

[x]
Three words that sum you up:
tastes great, less-filling (sorry about the hyphen!)

---SOCIAL LIFE---

[x]
Boyfriend/girlfriend:
currently accepting applications

[x]
Attend church:
only when I need a place to hide from vampires

[x]
Like being around people:
everyone except vampires (j/k deb!)

[from
http://users.livejournal.com

/˜thewronggirl87
]

---YOUR FULL NAME IS---

[x] Ashleigh Courtney Bortch

---DESCRIBE---

[x]
The shoes you wore today:
black chucks

[x]
Your eyes:
blue

[x]
Your fears:
angry people, going deaf or blind, plane crashes

---WHAT IS---

[x]
Your first thought waking up:
don't wanna go 2 school

[x]
The first feature you notice in the opposite sex:
music taste?

[x]
Your best physical feature:
ha

[x]
Your bedtime:
midnight

[x]
Your most missed memory:
when I was happy

---DO YOU---

[x]
Smoke:
no

[x]
Curse:
try not to

[x]
Take a shower everyday:
absolutely

[x]
Have any crushes:
mmmmm…maybe!

[x]
Who are they:
not going to say HERE!

[x]
Do you think you've been in love:
once

[x]
Want to go to college:
hopefully

[x]
Like high school:
NO

[x]
Want to get married:
hopefully

[x]
Type w/ your fingers on the right keys:
dunno

[x]
Believe in yourself:
I used to

[x]
Like thunderstorms:
no! scary.

---IN THE PAST MONTH DID/HAVE YOU---

[x]
Gone to the mall:
yep

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