Misty Blue (23 page)

“Anything else?” he asked, curious as to her hesitation.

“I could use some space.” There, she’d said it. They stared at each other.

“So my father was right. This is your crib and you want me out.”

“No, Damien, that’s not what I said. This is
our
home. I only want some space.”

“What does that mean exactly?”

“I think for a little while, if you don’t mind, I’d like to sleep alone. You can take my bedroom…I mean, you can take the larger room,” she corrected herself. “I’ll take the other one.”

“I didn’t get married to sleep alone.”

“But you told me you didn’t marry me for the sex.”

“I’m glad I meant it because from what you’re saying, it looks like I won’t be getting any.”

He was pissed. He had done nothing to warrant the abrupt change in her. “What’s going on, Mia? Does this have anything at all to with all the questions you were asking me before we got married? Is this why you were quizzing me? Whatever your mother told you, she was wrong. She lied. I’m happy, well, not at this moment, but you were fine, Mia, you didn’t disappoint me.”

Mia closed her eyes, wondering why he was bothering to lie, wondering how many more lies he’d told her. How could her screaming out for him to stop not disappoint him? What sane woman ran from her husband during their honeymoon and how could he not regret falling in love with her?

“Are you sorry you married me, Mia?”

“No,” she answered truthfully. She was only sorry that she feared her reactions in his arms.

“I don’t understand how our sleeping in different rooms is going to help. You’re running away. If there’s a problem, then we need to fix it. But I’m not a mind reader, baby girl. I’m just a man.”

Mia sighed. She should have known Damien was not going to go along with her suggestion so easily. He was a man and a man that was not used to having a woman say no. She knew that for a fact, he’d admitted it. Mia stared for a moment at her husband, wondering if some of his anger wasn’t coming from that.

“This is part of my process. I do it for a living. I know that pretty soon I’ll be able to talk to you about it, just not now.”

“Part of your process? I’m not your damn job. I’m your husband. And do you want to know how I deal with a problem? Directly, Mia Terrell. You’re my wife now and I’ll deal directly with you as my wife, not as a shrink.” He ignored the brief flash of pain that pinched Mia’s lips.

Instead he walked up to her and threw the bag she had in her hands to the floor. He held her for a second, their eyes locked. “Welcome to my process, Mia.”

Then he kissed her.

And she kissed him back.

The hunger he had yet to feed rose up in him like a lion. It roared through his blood, inflaming his senses with need. He’d married Mia because he loved her, needed her to make him whole, and right this moment he needed her more than ever. He needed to know that she still thought he was special. He plunged his tongue into Mia’s mouth over and over, ravishing her, feeling her tremble, and he increased the assault until he felt as though he were drowning in need. Then he lifted his wife into his arms and carried her toward the bedroom.

“Mia,” he moaned as he carried her to the bed, his lips buried in the softness of her neck. He held her tighter to stop the squirming, afraid that he might drop her. “Stop kicking your legs, Mia,” he moaned again. Then it hit him. She was trying to get away.

With great effort Damien pulled back and took a good look at Mia. The fear in her eyes chilled him. She was still afraid of him. He set her down and watched in shock as she backed away. The woman he loved was afraid of him. What the hell had he done to deserve that?

“Mia, for God’s sake, tell me what did I do to make you look at me like that. Why are you afraid of me?”

“It’s not you,” she said, backing toward the door. “It’s me. I’ll take care of it.”

Before he had a chance to object, she was gone. He heard the door to the room close, then the tumblers click into place. He closed his eyes in agony. Mia was locking the door against him, fearing him, afraid that he’d what? Rape her? He shuddered, remembering her words. “Stop Damien.” Is that what she thought he’d done? Is that what it really boiled down to? He fell on the bed. Why hadn’t he heard her?

* * *

Mia was shaking. She sat on the bed to calm down, running situations and applications through her mind. She knew what was happening and she had the tools to work thought it. She’d be her own patient. She’d treat herself and when she was healed, she’d go to her husband.

She ran her fingers across her lips, where the pressure from Damien’s kisses still lingered. She’d liked his method, his process and it had almost worked. She’d felt the same desire for him she always had. It wasn’t until he’d begun carrying her into the bedroom that the memories had returned and she’d panicked. Mia wasn’t ready to face that again. The thought of lying beneath him while pictures of her mother making love played in her head was more than she could bear.

She lay across the bed and brought a pillow to her chest. She’d work her way through it. She’d learn to control the images, stop them from coming. She could do it. She’d always done it. Her brother had taught her how. Now more than ever she needed to be strong. Her five-day-old marriage was at stake. She only hoped Damien loved her enough to give her the time she needed to work through it.

* * *

For two weeks Damien and Mia lived together in a polite existence. Damien had not tried to kiss Mia again. His head swarmed with confusion. He’d rewritten their wedding night and honeymoon so many times that now he was convinced that he must have raped his wife.

Every instinct that he had told him that wasn’t true, but the fearful look she gave him if they so much as accidentally brushed hands told him she believed differently.

Damien was glad for his increased work load and Mia’s increased classes. Before the wedding they had bemoaned the fact that they would not have much time for each other. Now it killed him to know that Mia welcomed it. Nevertheless, he pasted a fake smile on his face when he went to work and pretended that he and Mia were happy.

“Damien, can you come out for a few minutes? You have a visitor.”

Damien glanced toward the door his co-worker had just come through. For a moment he dared to hope that it was Mia, but quickly gave that up. The only people who’d ever come to see him at the zoo were Keefe and Ashleigh.

Sure enough, it was his new brother-in-law. Damien walked toward him warily, stuck out his hand and waited.

“You really seem to like working here,” Keefe began.

“I do. I love the animals, I like taking care of them.”

“Did you ever think about making a career out of it?”

Damien laughed, “As a matter of fact I have. Being a vet wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”

“No joke,” Keefe whistled. “You’re thinking about becoming a vet?”

“The thought’s in the back of my mind but there are other things I have to take care of first.” Damien couldn’t help smiling. “You know you didn’t come here to talk to me about a career move. What do you want?”

“How was the honeymoon?” Keefe asked.

Damien noticed that he looked away. “What are you asking me exactly?” He wasn’t going to let Keefe off the hook. He saw that he was uncomfortable. Hell, he should be. What happened on his honeymoon was none of the man’s damn business.

“I was just…I wondered…did everything go okay?”

Damien shook his head. Unbelievable, unmitigated gall, that’s what it boiled down to. “Look, man, before you go any further with this I’m going to tell you straight out I’m not talking to you about my sex life. It’s none of your damn business.”

Damien watched as Keefe swallowed and seemed to be go through some kind of internal struggle. He waited.

“Mia’s not used to the things that you might have wanted to do. You knew she was a virgin, Damien,” he said accusingly.

There, it was out. Damien laughed. He read between the lines and knew he was being called a pervert. He wondered briefly if his wife thought he was a rapist and a pervert.

“Exactly what sort of things do you think I’m used to?”

“Don’t make me say this.” Keefe looked away. “We both know what I’m talking about.”

“I’m stupid, you’re going to have to tell me.” Keefe glared at him and he glared right back.

“She might think some of the things you might have tried to do were dirty.”

That did it. “Why you arrogant son of a bitch, who the hell do you think you are? Mia is my wife, get it! You don’t control her anymore and you sure as hell don’t control me. Like I said, I’m not discussing either my sex life or the lack of one with you.”

“The lack of one?” Keefe asked quietly.

The two men stared hard at each other and before he knew it Damien had told Keefe everything, beginning with their wedding night, him passing out, and ending with the fact they were now living together like brother and sister.

“What did I do? What made her freak out like that?” He swallowed, feeling strangely better, not believing that he’d unloaded on the one person he’d never have thought he would, Mia’s brother.

“I don’t know,” Keefe said quietly.

“I was patient and gentle. I swear I was.” He pleaded with Keefe, wanting to see someone believe him, wanting to believe himself that he was not a monster.

“I believe you,” Keefe answered. “I don’t think it’s about you or what you think you may have done.”

“That’s what Mia said. She told me it’s her problem but she won’t tell me what the problem is.”

“Did she say anything else?”

“Yeah, she told me this is her process. That she would work it out. She’s shutting me out and it’s killing me,” he admitted. He glanced ruefully at Keefe. “It seems you’re still her knight. What did she do? Call you to save her from me?” He closed his eyes, willing the hurt to go away, but it wouldn’t.

“Mia didn’t call me. She’s avoiding me. I even met her between her classes and she wouldn’t talk.”

“Tell me something, Keefe. This process of Mia’s, do you know anything about it, how long it takes, anything?”

Keefe looked away. “It’s something I taught her when she was a little girl. I always told her she had to be brave, to be strong. When she’d tell me that she couldn’t, I would tell her that it took time, that it was a process that she had to go through, her process until she could be strong. I taught her to bury her pain inside until she didn’t feel it anymore.”

Damien stared at Keefe. “Why, man?”

“To get her through the pain. Mia has had a hell of a lot more than her share of pain. I did what I had to do to get her through it. I had to make her strong in order for her to survive.”

Damien was getting scared. There was something Keefe was not telling him and he had to ask. “And when she’s done with the process, when she’s strong, then what happens?”

“She doesn’t feel the pain.”

“There’s more, Keefe. What is it?”

“I taught her to be strong and not care, that if she didn’t care, she wouldn’t be hurt.”

“And that’s what she’s trying to do with me, process me out of her system?” Damien asked in horror.

“I think she just wants to find a way to be with you. I don’t know what happened but she’s trying to deal with it.”

“By processing all of her feelings for me away until there’s what? Nothing left? I don’t want Mia to not care about me.”

“I’m sure she’s just trying to find a way to be a good wife to you, Damien.”

“You mean Mia’s trying to find a way to make herself able to be with me, stomach my touch? I don’t want that. I want the passion she’s had for me this entire time. I don’t want her submitting to me. And that sounds like what you’re talking about.”

“I didn’t say that. I think whatever happened when…when the two of you…I think she’s just trying to find a way around it.”

“The hell with that,” Damien shouted, enraged, ignoring the fact that he was drawing attention to them. “Her process ends tonight.”

“Damien.”

“Don’t. You stay out of it, Keefe. I’m not a lab rat or a psychology experiment. I’m her damn husband and she’s going to have to learn to deal with that. She can process that information.”

“Mia doesn’t do well with fighting. She’ll just tune you out.”

“That sounds a hell of a lot better than processing me out. Hell, fighting with Mia right now sounds exactly like what we both need. She needs to know that we can fight and I‘m still going to be there.” He shook Keefe’s hand. “Thanks, man. And don’t look so worried. I think you actually helped.”

“So what are you going to do now, save her?” Keefe asked.

“No, she’s going to save the both of us. I love Mia and I know that she loves me. I have no intention on being someone that she just learns to tolerate.”

* * *

Damien could hardly wait. He’d seen Mia for all of five minutes when he’d gone home to shower and change before going to the club. Tonight would be the night they would initiate his process. He was tired of sleeping alone.