Mixed Messages (A Malone Mystery) (26 page)

He
cowered on the other side of the kitchen table
.
“I’m sorry, Mother
.
I didn’t mean to do it
.
It was an accident
.
I’m sorry.”

“I’ll give you an accident!” she yelled
.
She lunged across the table at him
.
She switched
the knife to her other hand, reached out and grabbed his shoulder and shook him
.
“You should
have died
instead of
your brother
.
I can’t take this
!
Why do you have to cause me so much trouble
?
What’s
wrong
with
you
?”

Tears ran down the little boy’s face
.
“
I’m so sorry.
I’ll try harder, Mother
.
I’ll change
.
You’ll see
.
Just give me a chance
.
Please.”

“Go to your room! Now!” she screamed.

A couple of hours
later, his mother came to his room
.
She was carrying a
serving
tray with a plate of food and a glass of milk.
“Davey,
after you finish your dinner,
would you like a nice piece of apple pie
?
I made it just for you
.”
She patted
the top of his head
.
“Mama just gets angry sometimes
.
You know I love you.”

She never did say she was sorry.

“David, do you want milk with dinner?” Ann’s voice interrupted David’s thoughts.

“Whatever,” he said
.
He got up and
stomped
into the living room
.

* * * *

Ann could hear him yelling at the kids to clean up their
toys
.
Her hands started to shake as she spooned sauce over the pasta and carried plates and glasses to the table
.
What in the world set him off this time? she wondered
.
He seemed fine a few minutes ago.
How could
his m
ood change that quickly?
Silently, she prayed, “Please
,
God, let us have a peaceful dinner.”

Chapter 2
5

ANN WATCHED DAVID
as he jabbed his fork into a mound of rigatoni and shoved it into his mouth
.
Now what’s wrong? she wondered
.
Just a little while ago, he was in a good mood
.
In all my life, I’ve never known anyone whose moods change as quickly as David’s, she thought
.
Except maybe my dad.

She took a bite of her salad and chewed it slowly,
thinking
back to when she was eight years old
.
She saw herself as a little girl in the living room of her parents’ house, hiding behind her father’s favorite chair, cowering in the corner
.
Her father was screaming horrible things at her mother and her mother was crying
.
Annie pee
p
ed out and saw her mother’s strained, tense face and watched as her dad hurled an ashtray in her mother’s direction
.
Her mother jumped out of the way
.

“Mommy,” Davey said, startling Ann
, “
Can I watch
Star Wars
after dinner?”

“Sure,”
she
said.

“No, young man, you can not!” David
told him
.
“You are going straight to your room and finish cleaning up the mess you made.”

“But, Daddy
… .
Mommy?”
he pleaded, glancing from his
father
to his mother.

“David, it’s okay
.
I’ll straighten his room after I do the dishes.”

“No
,”
David insisted, “
it is not okay
!
”
He
point
ed
at his son, “
He
needs to learn a little responsibility
.
You can’t baby him forever.”

Ann was angry
.
“I’m not babying him
.
He’s just a little boy
.
Why can’t you let him be one
?
I
… .
”

“
You
are the reason he has the problems he has,” David said, glaring at
her
.
“You’re turning him into a Mama’s boy!”

“David, that’s not fair!”

“Fair
?
What’s fair in this world
?
Nothing, that’s what
.
He’s going to clean his room and that’s that.”

She
knew better than to push the issue
.
The expression on David’s face, his tone of voice and the coldness in his eyes told her all she needed to know
.
“Davey, I’ll tell you what
.
You clean up your room while I do the dishes and then I’ll make popcorn and we’ll watch the movie together
.
How’s that?”

Davey
frowned.
“Okay,” he said.

They finished the rest of dinner in silence
.
Ann realized that Danielle hadn’t said a word the entire time
.
She’s smarter than I am,
she
thought
.
She knows not to provoke him
.
But is that what I want to teach her
?
To buckle under, to give in when she knows she’s right
?
No
.
I want her to
be able
to stand up for herself
; I want to show her a good example
.
But
,
how can I do that when I know what the consequences will be
?
I can’t
.
And what about Davey? I saw the look in his eyes; he knew that David was angry and he didn’t want us to argue anymore because of him.
I don’t want these kids subjected to their father’s rage anymore than they already are and I can’t stand the thought of David flying off the handle and breaking something
else
.
God knows we’ve had enough of that, she thought, remembering her sister’s words, “Like when he broke our mother’s dishes?”

After David and the kids left the kitchen, Ann sat at the table, deep in thought
.
I married a man who is just like my father was, she suddenly realized
.
All these years, I’ve only thought of Daddy as a kind, loving father, which he was most of the time
.
I missed him so much that I guess
I only wanted to remember the happy times.
I couldn’t face the truth because, like David, there was another side to him, an angry, nasty side
.

How could I have blocked out all those memories? she wondered
.
All those nights, lying in bed, listening to my parents argue about Daddy’s drinking and the way he behaved
.
I’m living my mother’s life
.
She always gave in to Daddy and now I understand why; she was trying to keep the peace, trying to protect Marnie and me.

She
stood up and began clearing the table
.
God forbid, I should leave the dishes until later, she thought
.
Mr. Clean would have a fit
.
Why does everything have to be so perfect
?
But she knew the answer to that
.
It’s all his mother’s fault
:
Louise the perfectionist, the control freak
.
Well, show me a perfect house and I’ll show you a miserable woman, she thought, remembering her grandmother’s words, as she ran hot water into the sink.

The phone rang
.
S
he hurriedly dried her hands on a dishtowel and
, praying that it wasn’t another obscene call,
she
picked up the
receiver.

“Hello.”

“May I speak with Ann Kern?” the woman asked.

“This is Ann
.
”

“Ann, this is Marcia with Dr. Thatcher’s office. I’m calling to remind you of your three
o’clock appointment tomorrow
.”

“Oh
.
I forgot
.
Marci
a, I’m sorry
.
I’m afraid I’m going to have to cancel for tomorrow.”

“That’s fine
.
No problem.
Would you like to schedule another appointment?”

“No
.
I
… .
No, I’m sorry
.
I can’t.
Not right now.”

“Well, call our office when you’re ready to do so.”

Ann agreed and hung up the phone
.
As she turned around, there stood David in the doorway.

“Who was that?” he demanded.

She
hesitated
.
S
he’d been waiting for the right moment to tell him about her visit to the therapist
but
, given the mood he was in
tonight
, she knew this wasn’t
a good
time
.
Should she lie to him or tell him the truth? She didn’t want to lie. Eventually, he’d find out anyway. Still
, t
he way he was glaring at her … .

“Well?”

“I was going to tell you but I forgot
.
I went to see a therapist
yesterday
.”

“
A therapist?
What kind of therapist?”

“A counselor, a psychologist
.
Her name’s Dr. Susan Thatcher
.
I got her name from Father Andrew.
I needed to talk to
s
omeone
.
I wanted to tell you
.
I meant to.
I was going to.
”

“
You
needed to
‘
talk to someone
,
’
” he mimicked her
.
“And how much is that going to cost me?”

“It’s okay
.
Insurance covers everything but the twenty dollar co-payment.”

“No, it is not okay
!
Twenty dollars is twenty dollars
.
I would think you’d be able to find a better use for that money than talking to some shrink
.
What did you tell this woman, this doctor
?
What did you say about
me
?”

“Well, I
… .
”

“‘
Well, I
’
what
?
You told a stranger personal things about us, about
me
, didn’t you
?
How
dare you!”

He
picked up the roses lying on the counter and began to shred them,
throwing
the
pieces
onto
the floor.
“Wait a minute,” he said
, pointing his finger at her
and shaking his head back and forth
. “You got her name from Father Andrew? Did you tell
him
our personal business too?
You must have. Why else would he give you
her name
?”

“Well, I … .”

“
That’s it!
You’ve gone too far this time!” he screamed, stomping on the roses
.

“David, please, stop,”
she
pleaded
.
“Don’t ruin the roses
.
I love them.
They’re so beautiful.”