Monsoon Mists (36 page)

‘No, that will be perfect. She’ll miss you, of course, but I will continue her English lessons and perhaps try and teach her some other ladylike accomplishments. It will help pass the time.’

‘Good, thank you. I appreciate it.’

‘No thanks necessary, she is a delight.’

He grinned. ‘And a handful, but I’m sure you can manage.’ Then he grew serious. ‘Will you meet with your father? Or do you want to wait until I’m back so I can offer you my support? He deserves to kick his heels for a while.’

Zar’s spirits sank even lower. She’d refused to even speak to her father the night before, claiming exhaustion, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to him ever again. Thomas Evans was currently staying at the English Factory, he’d said, and had threatened to remain there until she’d agree to a meeting. She could ignore him, but she supposed it would be better to get it over with. Let him have his say, then he could leave too.

‘I might,’ she said. ‘We’ll see. I can deal with him myself though. With Kamal here, he wouldn’t dare hurt me and I’d make sure the
sepoys
were within calling distance.’

‘You do that. I wouldn’t want any harm to come to you while I’m gone.’

But what about when he left for Europe? Would he care then? She didn’t say the words out loud. What was the point?

The conversation was becoming awkward and stilted. Zar wished he would just go so she could get on with starting her new life, on her own, and come to terms with a lonely future. As if he’d read her mind, he stood up, but then he hesitated.

‘Zar? If there should be … consequences, of our actions on Juhu, you will tell me, won’t you?’

Zar nodded. ‘Yes, of course.’

But she had her fingers crossed behind her back in a childish gesture because she had no intention of doing so. The last thing she wanted was to keep him here because he felt it was his duty. If there was a child, it would be much better if he never knew.

‘Please be seated.’

Zar indicated a rug on the floor, even though she guessed her father would have trouble sitting crosslegged at his age. She refused to pander to him. He’d asked for this meeting so it was on her terms.

‘Thank you,’ her father replied and managed to sink down, his knees creaking slightly. He winced, but Zar pretended not to see.

‘What was it you wanted to discuss with me?’ she asked instead, keeping her voice neutral and icily polite.

‘I know I deserve your scorn,’ he began. ‘Perhaps even hatred, but I just wanted to explain. I truly thought I was doing what was best for you.’

Zar felt her eyes open wide. ‘In selling me to an old goat like Francis? You must be joking.’

He shook his head. ‘No. Of course I know he was old, but don’t you see? I was sure he wouldn’t last long. Not many Englishmen do out here. And then he’d leave you well provided for, able to choose a husband more to your liking. There’s never a shortage here, you must admit.’

Zar just snorted. She didn’t believe a word of this. But he sounded sincere, she had to give him that.

‘You know I didn’t have the money for a dowry,’ he continued. ‘What little I had was needed for living expenses in England. Everything costs so much more there and … but the point is, I could never have found you a decent husband in London, not without a dowry. And because of your …’ He hesitated.

‘My foreign looks,’ she put in, scathingly.

‘Those, yes. Because of that, no man would have taken you without a large payment. You would have ended up an old maid. I didn’t wish that for you.’

‘That is your defence?’

He shrugged.

‘And now, I suppose you’ve come to tell me you made the long, hard journey here just to help guide me in my life as a wealthy widow. Because obviously I’m too stupid to look after my own affairs, having been abandoned at the age of seventeen to fend for myself.’

‘No. I mean, yes. I mean … I genuinely thought you might appreciate my assistance.’

Zar stared at him. He was unbelievable. ‘May I remind you that in the twenty years you spent here you barely made a profit once, from what I’ve heard? How on earth did you think you could possibly help me?’

He sighed and his shoulders slumped. ‘I admit I wasn’t very successful, but I believed that because you’re a woman, people would try to take advantage of you. Simply through being by your side, I thought I might convince them to act differently. But it’s a moot point now, since you have acquired such a … decisive husband. I’m sure he’ll see to everything.’

‘Actually, no he won’t. The business is still my own. He’s not having any part of it.’ She didn’t tell her father that this was because they weren’t married for real. Everyone still believed this lie and Jamie didn’t appear to have divulged the truth before he left. Why, she had no idea, but she’d decided to play along with it for now. It made it less awkward for her to be living in his house.

‘Really? How extraordinary!’

‘Yes, well, apparently he has a mother who helps run the family business, so he is used to managing females. Besides, I made it a condition of our marriage,’ she lied.

‘I see.’ He stared out into the courtyard, where Roshani was playing some game that seemed to involve jumping up and down a lot. ‘Then there isn’t much more for me to say. I apologise wholeheartedly for any hurt I caused you, whether you accept that I acted in your best interests or not. When you have children of your own, you will come to realise that it’s not always easy to do the right thing.’

He looked sad and Zar noticed all the new lines that creased his face. Years of living in India had made his skin sallow and old age had crept up on him rather quickly.
When I have children of my own
 …
His grandchild. If there was one, could she really be callous enough to deprive him of the joy he or she might bring to him in his final years? Was she that cruel?

She wasn’t.

All the hurt she’d carried around for years had been washed away by her love for Jamie. And if he was leaving her behind, she
would
need a man to help. Who better than her own father? She could run the business by herself, but he was right in thinking his mere presence would lend respectability to her enterprises and make people take her seriously.

‘Look,’ she said, ‘perhaps you’re right and it’s time to let bygones be bygones. I accept your apology, but I don’t need your help. At least not right now. Who knows what the future may bring?’

He blinked and stared at her, hope dawning in his eyes. ‘You truly mean that? You can forgive me?’

‘I think so, but … it may take some time.’

‘I understand and that’s fine. Take as long as you need, only don’t cut me out of your life entirely, I beg of you. I … I don’t have anyone else.’

‘No, I won’t do that.’ She hesitated, then made another decision. ‘Would you like to lodge here for the remainder of your stay? There is plenty of space.’

‘Thank you, yes, if it’s not too much trouble? I wouldn’t want to be in the way.’

‘You won’t be, it’s a big house and I’m sure Jamie won’t mind. I’ll send the servants to fetch your luggage from the Factory.’

He nodded and thanked her again, and as Zar watched Kamal show her father to a guest room, something hard inside her began to thaw.

It took Jamie two months to complete everything and he was burning up with impatience to get back to Surat. He missed Zar and Roshani so much, it was almost like a physical pain.

I love them!
He’d reached that conclusion long ago and it made him both terrified and elated at the same time. But how could he take them to Europe with him? They’d hate it. On the other hand, there was no way he could leave them behind. He simply had to persuade Zar to marry him somehow. If she wouldn’t listen to reason, he’d woo her with lovemaking. She’d responded to that before, why not again?

It was with some trepidation he entered his house, but it was late and everyone seemed to have retired for the night. Only Kutaro came to greet him and even he looked sleepy. ‘Go, little one, back to your mistress,’ Jamie urged, after making a fuss of him for a while, and the dog seemed to understand and trotted off.

Looking up, Jamie saw a light spilling out from Zar’s room and decided to take her by surprise. He ran up the stairs two at a time, then entered her room after a quick knock and without waiting for a reply.

‘Zar? I’m back.’ He closed the door behind him and turned as he heard her gasp. She’d been seated in front of a looking glass, brushing her long, glorious hair, but the brush was discarded in an instant. He thought he saw pure, unadulterated joy in her eyes, but then she schooled her features into a calmer expression.

‘Jamie! You shouldn’t be in here.’

‘I’m sorry, but I couldn’t wait until morning to see you again. Have you missed me?’

‘Well, yes, I mean, of course … welcome home,’ she said, looking flustered.

Home. He realised that’s what this was. Any house which had Zar in it would always be home, no matter where in the world it was situated. And Roshani. But Zar was still keeping him at arm’s length and it was time for action. He had nothing to lose.

He crossed the floor in a couple of long strides and gathered her into his embrace, almost crushing her. Then he kissed her, slowly and thoroughly, and there was nothing wrong with her response to that. In fact, it was nothing short of explosive and he was all set to ravish her there and then, but she suddenly pulled back and put a hand on his chest.

‘Jamie, please, don’t. I can’t bear it.’ Her chest was still rising and falling, showing that she was as agitated as he was, but she was clearly trying to keep her emotions under control.

Jamie frowned. ‘Why? You don’t exactly seem to abhor my touch.’

‘No, that’s the problem,’ he thought he heard her mutter. She walked away from him and stood by the balcony doors, staring out into the night. ‘So how did it go? Was your journey successful?’

Jamie raked a hand through his hair and decided to play along with her for the moment. Perhaps she needed some time to get used to his presence again. He had rather startled her. Where was his finesse? His charm? Had he really thought he could just pounce on her like that? He was losing his touch obviously. ‘Yes, I’ve sold the property in Bombay,’ he told her. ‘And I said goodbye to Akash and his family. They are truly safe and well.’

Zar closed her eyes, but he’d seen a shadow passing over them before she masked it. ‘That’s good,’ she managed to say in a somewhat wobbly voice.

‘You don’t sound convinced. Zar, what’s wrong? Has something happened? Your father, did he upset you?’

‘No, no, we’ve cleared the air and he’s staying here as a guest at the moment. I hope you don’t mind? I … it’s nothing, just … I suppose you’ll be going soon then. Roshani will miss you.’ She still wouldn’t look at him, but appeared to be making a thorough study of the night sky. In a voice that was nothing more than a whisper, she added, ‘And so will I.’

Jamie felt as if a vice was gripping his lungs, preventing him from breathing properly. ‘Will you really? But there’s no need.’

‘How do you mean?’ She sounded confused and turned to frown at him.

‘It’s simple – come with me, both of you. I have given it a lot of thought, Zar, and I know it will be difficult for you at first, but I managed to become used to the heat here so I honestly believe you can both acclimatise yourselves to the cold in due course. If you’ll just give it time.’

Her eyes flew to his and he almost drowned in them. Huge and of that strange peridot and aquamarine mixture, they were so beautiful he wanted to gaze at them forever. But now they were brimming with tears that threatened to spill over the edge and he reached up to catch one as it fell. ‘You want me to go with you to Sweden?’ she asked. ‘Roshani too?’

‘But of course! Look, I know you’re dead set against marriage, but please, give me a chance to prove to you that it’s not as bad as all that. I promise to give you as much freedom as you want. You can keep your business, run it any way you wish. I won’t interfere. And we could adopt Roshani as our daughter. I just can’t bear to leave either of you behind.’

She closed her eyes and he saw her take a deep breath. ‘But it would be so difficult for
you
.’

‘For me? Why? I’m sure I’ll soon get used to it again. It’s you I’m worried about. You said you almost froze to death in England, in June for heaven’s sake!’

‘Not the weather, Jamie. Forget the damned weather!’ She thumped him with a small fist and he grabbed it and brought it to his lips to place a kiss on her knuckles.

‘What then, my love?’

‘Don’t call me that when you don’t mean it. And I’m talking about the reaction you would get when you arrive with us in tow. The shame … Everyone will be whispering behind your back.’

Jamie shook his head. ‘I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Why should anyone whisper about me?’

‘Because you’ll have a strange-looking wife and child. If you meant what you said and you think we should adopt Roshani as our own.’

‘Yes, of course. I already feel as though she belongs to us.’ He put his hands up to cup her face. ‘But Zarmina, you do
not
look strange! Slightly different perhaps, but beautiful. Stunningly lovely, in fact. If anyone is going to stare at you – and me – it will be out of envy. The women will wish they had your looks and the men will be jealous that I have such a lovely wife. And daughter.’

Zar shook her head. ‘I saw them, in England. Heard them too. My aunt—’

‘Was probably an ugly old spinster who’d never had any man interested in her at all. You must trust me on this, my love.’ When she closed her eyes at his use of the endearment again, he kissed her and ordered, ‘Open your eyes, Zar, and look at me.’ She did, although reluctantly. ‘I call you my love because that is what you are and always will be. I love you. Completely and utterly. Every inch of you. Truly.’

Her eyes changed from wary to a kind of wonder, making them seem even more luminous than before. ‘You do?’ she whispered.

‘Yes, I swear it on everything I hold sacred.’

‘But you said Elisabet …’

‘Forget her. She can’t hurt me any more. It’s in the past. You are my future, Zar, you and Roshani and if she’ll have us, little Margot too. We’ll be a family, if you agree to come with me, that is? Can you bear it?’