Moons' Dreaming (Children of the Rock) (81 page)

The deer burst out of cover midway between Jordy and Lim and half a dozen paces in front of their line, scattering snow and dead leaves in every direction. Haant gave a startled squeak, but raised her bow as quickly as the rest of the apprentices and Jordy raised theirs. Vray moved in unison with them. The only difference was that her arrow was not pointing toward the bounding animal.

Not bounding, floating. The buck seemed to be taking its leaps at an unnaturally slow pace. No one and nothing moved, breath hung as clouds in the winter air, and the echo of Haant
’
s small, excited cry drew out into a faint wail. Everything was slowed, nothing moved
—
and images whirled behind Vray
’
s eyes, between her and the beige back of her target. Balls of bright cloth tossed themselves around her while the silence of Cyril
’
s mourning rang in her head and she saw Tob
’
s sad comforting of Matti and Pepper
’
s grieving as if it was already recorded in her memory. She saw the Spring Festival clearly, heard Jordy claim her place in the village, in his family. She felt the warmth of the stable and saw Jordy
’
s hands, so competently and carefully grooming the stupid horse he declared to detest. Carter, archer, juggler, father, husband, friend
—
conspirator, catalyst, stubborn fool. Not a monster. A man.

All the images conjured by memory and imagination screamed that what she did was wrong. She felt tears welling and refused to shed them
—
her vision had to stay clear. She felt the urge to tremble and denied it, found within her the stillness of a Pool ritual. A man, not a monster, the words repeated themselves. Men are not monsters. Men can be reasoned with. Could Damon be reasoned with? Wasn
’
t Damon danger enough to this land? Could she kill a man because his views were inconvenient?

Damon could. I
’
m Damon
’
s sister. I could kill this man.

But I won
’
t.

Vray shifted her aim. No more than a few inches, but it was enough. She released the arrow, almost falling to her knees as the tension left her. She didn
’
t bother to follow its flight with her eyes. She didn
’
t care whether it struck the deer or not. Her eyes remained on Jordy. She heard the shhh and thwock of the arrows and the thrashing fall of the big animal. There were cries of elation and surprise from the apprentices, a rushing forward of the other young people toward the kill. Vray didn
’
t move. The deer didn
’
t matter. Neither did the fact that the apprentices were one step closer to being trained archers, a potentially deadly threat to the next troop of king
’
s guards that rode into Broadford.

The only thing that mattered was Jordy, very much alive, who turned a measured smile on her and said,
“
Well done, lass.
”

All she could think of to say was,
“
Thanks, Dad,
”
before she unstrung her bow and ran blindly back toward the village.

* * *

As soon as they returned to the square, Jordy put Lim in charge of storing away the class
’
s bows and arrows. Herri came out of the inn to supervise the butchering of the kill. With everyone profitably occupied, Jordy left his apprentices to their work and set out for home as fast as his legs would carry him.

He found her where he expected her to be, in the stable. She had a brush in each hand, and was slowly stroking them across Stockings
’
already immaculate back. The horse, typically, was fast asleep. Iris wasn
’
t paying any attention to what she was doing. Her expression was one of aching melancholy. Jordy paused in the doorway. He had to have a talk with the girl. Her behavior had been getting stranger and stranger. He
’
d intended to insist upon an explanation. But did she have to look so sad?

He waited to be noticed. He walked toward the horse, making no special effort to step quietly through the loose straw on the stable floor, but still the girl did not look up. He finally sighed and said,
“
Iris.
”

She jumped. Her greenish eyes turned on him.
“
Jordy.
”
She said his name oddly. Guiltily?

“
Let
’
s have a talk, lassie.
”
He gestured for her to come out from behind the horse. She complied slowly, setting down the brushes one at time on the shelf above Stockings
’
head. He pointed toward the feed bin.
“
Sit down, m
’
girl.
”

To his bewilderment, she sniffled, and a tear spilled down her cheek as she moved to obey. She wiped it brusquely away. Sitting, she stared past him. This was nothing like the defiance that he
’
d coped with from his other children. When Tob misbehaved he stomped and sulked. Pepper
’
s temper expressed itself in red-faced screaming fits that reminded Jordy uncomfortably of his own childhood behavior. Matti, still the baby, liked to wheedle and whine. None of their bad moods lasted for long. Iris
’
s inexplicable moodiness had been going on for several ninedays now. Enough was enough. He
’
d thought she was coming out of it when she
’
d asked to accompany the hunters. What had gone wrong?

“
You did well today.
”
He offered the comment experimentally.

In reply she hid her face in her hands. A muffled,
“
No I didn
’
t!
”
came out surrounded by a sob.
“
Jordy, I
’
m sorry!
”

He cautiously took a seat beside her. Perhaps this was typical of teenage daughters. He thought of Pepper
’
s tantrums magnified several times, and shuddered inwardly. Putting an arm over her shoulder, he said,
“
There now, it
’
s all right.
”

Her entire body shook, but she did not answer.

“
You
’
ve nothing to be sorry for. I was quite proud of you this afternoon. I
’
m sure your friends
….”

He didn
’
t get to finish the sentence. Her sobs became a wail of despair, and she suddenly twisted toward him and buried her head against his shoulder. The force of her movement almost knocked them off the feed bin. Jordy braced himself and helplessly hugged her back.

“
What is it? What
’
s the matter? Iris, you
’
ve got to tell me what
’
s wrong. I can
’
t help you if I don
’
t understand what
’
s troubling you. Iris?
”

“
Daddy!
”

“
Yes, lass.
”
He patted her back and rocked her as best he could on the uneven seat.
“
I
’
m here. Tell me.
”

“
I called you
‘
Dad
’
! It just came out. I couldn
’
t help it! And I couldn
’
t
—”
Her words broke off into more sobbing while Jordy listened with total incomprehension. This was a confession of a problem? He hadn
’
t known what to expect when he and Cyril took Iris into their family. Parents worried about irresponsible behavior, about sickness. With a child like Iris, he
’
d been concerned that she wouldn
’
t fit in with the other young people in Broadford. She had become popular, though, and no one could ask for a more conscientious Redmother for the village
—
or a finer daughter.

“
Iris, I don
’
t understand. I
’
m your father. You can call me
whatever name you like best.
”

She pulled violently away from him, and some of her sorrow seemed to shift to anger.
“
No! I wish you were. I wish I
’
d been born here, raised here. But I
’
m only fooling myself to think that!
”

His own quick temper flared in response. Now it began to make sense. Soza, and the family that had abandoned her there, still stood between them.
“
You
’
re here now! The past doesn
’
t matter. No one pretends you didn
’
t have another father, a woman who gave birth to you. Parents who abandoned you! They sent you away because you disobeyed them. It
’
s tragic, I know, but it
’
s over. It wasn
’
t your fault. We love you, Iris!
”

“
I know all that!
”
she cried.
“
I love you, too.
”

“
Then what are we yelling about?
”
he demanded.
“
Have you been moping all this time because you don
’
t think you have the right to love us? Don
’
t you remember the Spring Festival? You belong here now.
”

“
I wish I did.
”

“
You do!
”
Jordy declared as firmly as he knew how. She quieted ever so slightly in the face of his determination.
“
The only one who can take you away from us is you yourself.
”
A frightening thought knocked the anger out of him.
“
Is that it? Are you thinking of returning to that other family? Do you want to go back to Edian?
”

Her shocked,
“
No!
”
woke the horse. Stockings snorted irritably and stamped one foot on the dirt floor. Jordy was thankful for the distraction. Iris glanced toward the disgruntled animal as well, and a hint of amusement broke through her distress.

“
Don
’
t mind her,
”
Jordy said gruffly.

“
Well, it is her home.
”

“
I
’
m glad you see that.
”
She faced him, her anguished expression relaxing, ever so slightly, under the force of his words.
“
It
’
s her home, but she doesn
’
t mind sharing it with us. That
’
s what it means to be family. We
’
ll never send you away, Iris. I only mentioned Edian because you
’
ve been so unhappy and restless. But if that
’
s not what you want, we won
’
t speak of it again.
”

Her voice was a whisper.
“
Thank you.
”

“
Good. Now, we know that you don
’
t want to leave, and you know how much we care for you. Has anything else been bothering you?
”

She wiped the back of one hand across her damp face, pushed some loose hair behind one ear, then tugged at her rumpled clothing. At least her general air of despair was gone. She seemed to be carefully searching for just the right words. Perhaps she hadn
’
t actually known why she was upset until he
’
d confronted her. The thought that he
’
d done the right thing gave him a warm sense of relief.

When she finally spoke, her voice was hesitant, as if she had to figure out her thoughts before she could speak them.
“
I
’
ve been very confused. Torn. Not knowing who to be loyal to, not knowing who to be, really. I think I made my choice today. Making choices frightens me. I know which family I love. I can
’
t forget my other life, I shouldn
’
t, and that
’
s what hurts. It
’
s just taken me a while to see that what they
’
d want of me isn
’
t relevant right now.
”