Authors: Jaime Clevenger
“What’s that?”
“You thought I pulled away, and I thought you pulled away, but what if neither of us had pulled away that night?”
“At Mad River?”
Kelsey nodded. “Do you think anything else would have happened?”
“I don’t know…” Joy wanted to admit that she’d wondered the same thing. “I don’t think I was ready. I think I needed to get out of Raceda. What about you?”
“It was a long time ago. Who really knows, right?” Kelsey grabbed a Windbreaker from the backseat.
It wasn’t cold enough for a jacket, but if the wind picked up after the sun set, Joy would probably wish she was wearing something warmer than a thin blouse. She unbuckled her seat belt and climbed out.
Kelsey had popped the trunk and gone to pull something out. She handed a red, hooded Stanford sweatshirt to Joy and smiled. “Essentials of the North Coast. It’s too bad I don’t have one of my flannels for you to borrow.”
“Stanford?”
Kelsey grinned. “And no, I didn’t forget that you are a Cal alum.”
Joy sighed and slipped on the sweatshirt. It was lined with a soft, well-worn fleece and had two zippered pockets. “None of my old Cal sweatshirts were this nice.”
“Perk of being on the swim team. I’ve worn that one for years and it only gets more comfortable. As fair warning, I haven’t washed it in a while.” Kelsey hit the lock button and tucked her keys into the pocket of her Windbreaker. “Your lead from here.”
Joy headed down the narrow trail from the parking lot to the beach. Sheer rock cliffs marked both ends of the beach and large rocks were scattered in between. At low tide, the sand stretched far out to meet the lazy waves slowly rolling to the shore. Joy pointed to a flat slab rock that stood at about eight feet high, not far from the end of the beach. “That’s the best place to watch the sunset.”
Kelsey squinted at the rock. “I’m not much of a rock climber.”
“This one’s easy, I promise. I climbed this rock as a kid. It only looks tricky if you don’t know where the footholds are.”
They made their way to the boulder, past a game of Frisbee two kids were playing and then edging around tide pools thick with scurrying sand crabs. When they reached the boulder, Joy went around to the far side and pointed out the crevices.
“Or we could sit right here in the sand,” Kelsey said.
“Trust me, the view is better up there,” Joy said. Kelsey shook her head, but when Joy reached for her hand, she didn’t pull away. “Don’t worry. I’ll guide you up. There are so many notches in this rock, it’s almost like climbing a ladder.”
Joy placed Kelsey’s right hand in the first crevice and then pointed to the next handhold and waited for Kelsey to reach for it. She tentatively placed her hands on Kelsey’s hips once Kelsey had her first foot off the ground. Kelsey glanced down at the touch but then turned her attention back to the climb.
“Take your time,” Joy said. “And maybe don’t look down.”
“No chance am I going to look down.” Kelsey kept climbing. “Just tell me that I’m close.”
“Almost there.” Joy hated to let go, but Kelsey had soon climbed too far up the rock for her to keep a steadying hand on her.
Soon Kelsey was perched at the top and she hollered down, “Okay, that wasn’t as bad as I thought. Your turn.”
By the time Joy reached the top, Kelsey had already settled into a spot with a view of the ocean stretching out in front of her. The setting sun was center stage. “You’re right. It’s pretty here. And I don’t want to think about climbing down.”
“Worse case, we’ll jump.”
“No way. I’d rather spend the night here.”
“You’d get cold,” Joy replied.
A gust of wind picked up and Kelsey reached for Joy’s hand. Joy clasped Kelsey’s hand and sat down. Kelsey didn’t let go. Joy stared at their linked hands and listened to her heartbeat thumping in her ears. She exhaled and focused on the crashing waves. “I was wondering…” she started.
Kelsey looked over at her. She’d seen the same look in her eyes before. Years ago. But it didn’t seem that so many years had passed. Joy couldn’t remember what she was about to say.
Kelsey leaned close and Joy met her lips. Their kiss deepened. Joy closed her eyes. She didn’t want the kiss to end and couldn’t imagine pulling away. Kelsey finally did. She glanced out at the ocean as if nothing had just happened, but she held on to Joy’s hand and a smile played on her lips.
“I think I interrupted,” Kelsey said. “What were you going to say?”
“I forget,” Joy admitted. She hadn’t expected Kelsey to make the first move. Several minutes passed and Kelsey continued to stare out at the ocean and the dropping sun. Joy tried to feign some interest in the sunset, but she was entirely distracted by the closeness of Kelsey’s body.
Kelsey’s hand was warm in hers. Minutes passed and the wind picked up. She zipped the sweatshirt. The rock had a perfect angle on the setting sun as well as a view of the entire length of the beach to the south, but it offered little protection when the wind gusted. Still, she wasn’t cold. The sun was parallel with the water and dropping fast.
“I’m a sucker for a sunset,” Kelsey said. “Thanks for inviting me.”
“Figured I had to at least properly apologize for the last sunset we watched together.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Kelsey said. “I wasn’t ready then either.”
The sun finally slipped below the water. The only sounds came from the hiss of the waves breaking on the shore and the calls of gulls fishing for their last meal of the day. The hazy spot where the sun had been only minutes earlier turned from shades of orange to pinks and purples. The sky darkened almost imperceptibly and the wind slowed. The stillness made time seem to stand still and the spell only broke when Kelsey finally let go of Joy’s hand. She glanced down the sheer face of the rock. The tide was coming in and the waves were starting to nip at the base.
“We should head out. I’ll climb down first and help you find the footholds,” Joy offered.
When Kelsey didn’t object, Joy started to scale down the same way they’d come up. She’d made the descent in pitch darkness once before, but it had been years since that night. Her body somehow recalled each crevice.
“Your turn,” Joy called up.
Kelsey went down onto her hands and knees and then lowered her body so she was flush with the rock. Her feet dangled off the edge and then she seemed to have a change of heart and made no move to descend further. Joy climbed halfway up the rock and settled into a spot where she could balance her weight and have a hand free.
“Relax, I’m right here. Can you feel this spot?” She guided Kelsey’s foot to a crevice and then waited as Kelsey lowered her weight onto that foot. She helped her find the next foothold and then had to hop off the rock so she could guide Kelsey the rest of the way down. When they were both on the ground, Joy said, “See, not that bad, right?”
“Yeah, not bad. Now that we’re on the ground.” Kelsey reached down to pat the sand. “Next time I’m picking our spot to watch the sunset.”
“Deal.”
Joy wanted to kiss Kelsey again, but the tide came within inches of their feet and they had to move up the shore. Both of Kelsey’s hands were in the pockets of her Windbreaker and suddenly it would be awkward to reach for her. Joy unzipped the pockets on her sweatshirt and slipped her hands inside. She felt two pill vials in the left pocket and wondered how she hadn’t noticed them earlier. They walked back to the parking lot with the evening light growing weaker with each step. When they reached the car, Kelsey unlocked the doors and went around to her side. Joy pulled out the pill vials. She read the prescription label quickly. Hannah Padgett. She debated shoving the pills back in the pocket and zipping the zipper. But she couldn’t help wondering why Kelsey had someone else’s medications. And the name sounded familiar.
Kelsey glanced at her. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, fine. Thanks for the sweatshirt. I would have frozen without it,” Joy said. She slipped off the sweatshirt. With one last glance at the prescription label, she handed the pill vials to Kelsey. “These were in the pocket.”
Kelsey’s mouth dropped open at the sight of the pill vials, then her jaw tensed. The change in her expression was brief but impossible to miss. Kelsey took the vials and tossed them in the trunk along with the sweatshirt. When she’d closed the trunk, she met Joy’s gaze and said, “They’re a friend’s medication. Ex-friend. Long story.”
Joy waited for her to volunteer more, but Kelsey only climbed in the driver’s seat and turned on the car. She got in as well, aware of an awkwardness that she knew she’d caused.
Joy nearly called Vanessa to cancel their weekend plans. She wanted another weekend with Kelsey—not Vanessa. But she’d heard nothing from Kelsey since Monday night. When Kelsey had dropped Joy off, she’d suggested a Wednesday lunch date and said she’d call to set up the details. Joy hadn’t heard anything since. She called Kelsey, but the line went straight to voice mail and the message wasn’t returned. Then Kelsey canceled her Thursday evening appointment for the eye exam. Helen couldn’t recall why the appointment was canceled and Joy hid her disappointment as well as she could.
Someone from Alpine called for customer feedback asking about Joy’s experience with their sales representative and the software installation process. Joy couldn’t help but give Kelsey a perfect review. After the call, she wondered, or maybe hoped, that Kelsey might be keeping her distance knowing that Joy would likely have to give her a review. There was a chance Kelsey was only trying to maintain a professional distance until after the review. But there were plenty of reasons to make her doubt that Kelsey was only trying to be professionally distant.
The drive back from the beach had been quiet—too quiet. There was clearly something more about the pill vials and the ex than Kelsey had mentioned. But what? She tried to pretend that she didn’t care if Kelsey called or not but the pretense was difficult to keep up.
Joy finally resolved to make the best of Vanessa’s visit. She knew she needed a break from thinking about Kelsey and as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she was lonely. Vanessa was at least good company. If only it was a no-strings-attached weekend, she could look forward to the visit without any guilt. Her cell phone buzzed at six o’clock. Vanessa.
“Hey, sexy,” Vanessa said.
“Hey yourself. Are you close?”
“Not exactly. I’m stopped at a gas station in Santa Rosa. I wish I was there already…Traffic getting out of the city was crazy. Happy Friday. Then I had to stop to pee. You might have to eat dinner without me.”
“I’m not that hungry. I’ll wait for you.”
“I was hoping you’d say that. Want to make me your risotto?”
“You got it.” Joy hung up the line. She’d already made plans for places they could go that weekend, but mostly she wanted to spend the entire time in bed—or at least mostly at home. Dinner at home was exactly what she wanted tonight. The fact that Vanessa wasn’t her first choice for a date weighed on her mind but not enough to make her call off the whole thing.
“Are you going to show me around the rest of this place?” Vanessa climbed out of bed. She went over to the window and pushed apart the blinds. Rays of light cut across the bed. “Or are we spending the entire weekend naked?”
“You don’t like that option?”
“I love that option.” Vanessa pinched her lips. “But I’m hungry. We skipped dinner last night, remember?” She was already fishing through her suitcase for clothes.
Joy had met Vanessa at the door with a bottle of wine and plans to go out to eat that never materialized. She hadn’t made the risotto after all. She was out of rice. The empty wine bottle was on the bedside table next to the clock. It was after ten. Her stomach suddenly rumbled in response. “There’s a place out on Samoa Island that serves brunch family style on these long picnic benches. Their French toast is nowhere near as good as yours but their pancakes aren’t bad.”
“Brunch on picnic benches on an island? Sounds like a tropical vacation.”
“This is the North Coast, remember? Samoa’s not much of an island, the picnic benches are inside a big banquet hall that smells like bacon and the food’s about what’d you get in a college caféteria.” Joy climbed out of bed when Vanessa’s butt disappeared into a pair of sky-blue panties. It was too late to argue that they share a bowl of cereal and spend the day in bed. “But it’s a nice drive and you’ll get a taste of the real Raceda. Just don’t get your hopes up too much.”
“Too late.” Vanessa winked.
Vanessa wanted a tour of the whole town but agreed to let Joy take a shorter scenic drive along the coast if she promised to show her more later. They passed the sand dunes and then had a peek of the ocean and Joy had to pull over for Vanessa to get out to see the view. When they passed the third beach, Vanessa almost changed her mind on going out to breakfast altogether. She kept pointing at things they passed and Joy had to smile at her excitement. It was the first time she’d had anyone to show around. And she was seeing everything now through Vanessa’s eyes. The sheer cliffs, the secret pockets of sandy beach, and the towering redwoods all seemed to glow in the morning light.
The restaurant was crowded as usual and by the time they were served, Joy was hungry enough not to care about the fact that the eggs tasted like they’d been microwaved and the pancakes were tough. Vanessa didn’t seem to mind. The table next to theirs was filled with a large and noisy family, complete with two sets of grandparents. Each time they asked for another platter of French toast, the food seemed to disappear within seconds. Joy and Vanessa sat in the center of a long table that was only half-filled. A quiet group of three teenagers who all smelled as if they’d spent their allowance on weed was at the end closest to the window, but the end of their table closest to the kitchen was empty.
“You need to get to know more people,” Vanessa said. “This place would be fun with a big group of friends.” Vanessa paused to sip her coffee. “So far this town doesn’t seem that bad.”
“I spent half of my life here. I don’t think it’d help meeting more people.”