Moonwitch (39 page)

Life at Montrose was quieter after the ball. Or perhaps, Selena decided, it merely seemed so with Bea and Thaddeus gone. They had departed two days afterward for their town house in Natchez to a chorus of sobs and regrets, even though they would only be a few miles away.

Selena missed Bea’s good-natured chatter, for while she had the plantation and the girls to occupy her time, she saw little of Kyle. During the week following the ball, he was busier than ever. When he’d offered Tanner Parkington the position as factor, the young man had accepted with such eagerness that Kyle thought he might have to restrain Parkington physically to keep him from sleeping out in the fields. And in addition to establishing Parkington as factor, Kyle still had nightly duties as guardian of Heaven’s Gate.

And yet the moments Selena did share with him gave her hope, for amazingly he seemed entirely willing to forget he had been forced to marry her.

Selena was fervently looking forward to the time when Kyle could at least spend his nights at home. But as it happened, the day Angel’s cousin arrived from Nashville to assume responsibility as chief bruiser at Heaven’s Gate, Jeremiah Whitfield passed away.

When Bea sent a note to Montrose informing them, Selena drove into town to offer her help.

“Danielle is taking it as well as can be expected,” Bea whispered in greeting. They were sitting with several other neighbors in Whitfield’s small, shabby front room, which doubled as parlor and kitchen. “She looks paler than usual but seems to be holding up.”

Selena agreed when Danielle emerged from the back room, where she had been helping to lay out her husband’s body. Her white skin seemed so translucent as to resemble fine porcelain, contrasting starkly with her black gown and the deep red of her hair and giving her the kind of unearthly beauty that was usually attributed to saints and martyrs.

But in this case Selena had no difficulty repressing the jealousy that she sometimes felt in Danielle’s presence, for her heart was aching with sorrow and pity.

“I am so very sorry about your husband,” Selena murmured as she pressed Danielle’s hand.

“No, please…” Danielle replied. “No one of compassion could have wished him to linger.”

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” Selena asked. “Would you like me to take Clay for a few days?”

Danielle shook her head. “Thank you, but I think everything is being done. Orrin Chandler is looking after Clay. But I would be grateful if you would—” She broke off, her voice suddenly choking with tears. “If you would attend the funeral.”

“Of course,” Selena replied, realizing her presence would help lay to rest any rumors about Danielle and Kyle. She wished there was more she could do. But Danielle wasn’t friendless; she had neighbors and distant cousins who had gathered around her to lend comfort. And to insist on providing support when it wasn’t needed, Selena knew, would make the situation more awkward.

She and Bea stayed only a short while longer before taking their leave. Selena gave Bea a lift to her home and then drove on alone.

She met Kyle on the road just outside of town. He was riding his big roan gelding, and his expression was grim as he drew up alongside the gig. It was obvious he had received the message she had left for him about Jeremiah’s death.

“How is she?” Kyle said without preamble, the intensity of his tone made harsher by protective concern.

A heaviness centered in Selena’s chest as she met Kyle’s gaze. “Danielle is fine.”

“I intend to call on her.”

“Of course. It would look odd if you stayed away.”

“How is Clay taking it?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t see him. Orrin is keeping him, I understand.”

“The devil he is,” Kyle muttered, his jaw hardening.

Selena searched his face, wondering if he meant to challenge Orrin for the right to keep Clay. She thought such an action might only cause more difficulty for Danielle, but this didn’t seem the time to argue with Kyle. Selena nodded mutely when he told her not to hold dinner for him, and she silently watched him ride away.

Orrin must have prevailed, however, for Kyle returned to Montrose without his son. Selena could only guess how Kyle felt about it, for he didn’t share his thoughts with her, and indeed, remained grimly uncommunicative for the two days before the funeral. But she knew it was troubling him and wished there was something she could do to help ease his pain.

The morning the ceremony was to be held, she found Kyle in his study, staring sightlessly out the window at the moss-shrouded oaks of Montrose.

He didn’t acknowledge her entrance or even her presence when she came to stand by his side. When he didn’t speak, she lightly touched his arm. “Kyle, what is it?”

For a moment she didn’t think he would answer. When at last he did, she could hear the quiet anguish in his voice. “Clay is over two years old, Selena. Do you know how many hours I’ve spent in his company? A score. Less than two days. Orrin spends more time with my son in a week than I’ve spent in his entire life.”

Selena hesitated, not knowing how to offer him comfort. “What do you mean to do?”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head in despair. “The only option I have is to adopt Clay.”

Selena digested his declaration in silence. “I’m not sure that would work,” she said finally.

“Why not? It’s a reasonable solution. I’m much more capable of providing for Clay than Danielle is. I would continue to give her financial support, of course, so she won’t have to worry on that account.”

“Even so, I don’t think she would accept your offer. I very much doubt she would be willing to give up her son. Clay is all she has now.”

Bowing his head, Kyle shut his eyes. He didn’t want to hear the truth. He didn’t want to be told he could never be a father to his son, even if his reasons for wanting Clay were selfish ones. “And what of my responsibility to Clay? Should I just dismiss that?”

“I think,” Selena said softly, “you must do what’s best for the child.”

Kyle raised his gaze to stare out the window. However much he didn’t want to listen, he knew she was right. He couldn’t take the boy from his mother, even if his claim had the practical aspects of wealth and a stable home to bolster it. Besides, Danielle would never consent to giving up Clay. And to fight her for him would publicly brand them both. He couldn’t do that. But God, it hurt.

Selena felt the grief he was going through. Forcing herself to wait, she watched Kyle trying to come to terms with the situation, a heaviness squeezing her heart.

The heaviness, however, became a sudden hollowness in the pit of her stomach as a different thought struck her. Danielle was free to marry again—or would be, after a proper period of mourning. If Kyle had been similarly free, he would have been able to claim his son through marriage.

That realization must have occurred to Kyle, Selena reflected.

Miserably she searched his face, but she saw nothing in his expression to suggest that he wasn’t bitterly regretting his marriage to her.

“Kyle…I’m sorry. If you hadn’t married me, you would be free to make Clay your son, as you once planned.”

He shrugged heavily. When he finally met her gaze, there was a bleakness in his eyes that tore at her heart. “Well, I’m not free. So don’t even think of it.”

The quiet words did nothing to quell the ache or dispel the cold knot that had formed in her stomach.

The service for Jeremiah Whitfield was held in an old Spanish parish house, since Natchez didn’t yet boast any Protestant churches. His body was laid to rest in the town’s burying ground. There were numerous damp eyes and grieving faces among the attending crowd, for Jeremiah had been well liked and pitied for the terrible tragedy that had befallen him. And the sight of his beautiful widow garbed in black with the small, bewildered boy clinging to her hand was enough to wring tears from granite.

Selena watched Danielle and Clay as the final prayers were said, unable to tear her eyes away, her heart aching for them and for herself, as well. But her attention was focused on Kyle. She was conscious of the tension emanating from him as he stood beside her, as if he were forcing himself to remain dispassionate and detached. His eyes remained on his son.

Just then, as Danielle scooped up a handful of earth and sprinkled it over the coffin, Clay whimpered and broke away from his mother with a cry of “Papa!” He ran through the crowd, short legs churning, and with a sob launched his small body at Orrin’s knees.

Without hesitation Orrin bent and caught the weeping boy up in his arms, holding him close and murmuring soft reassurances as Clay hid his face from the crowd.

Like the other mourners, Selena had been watching the child, but then she glanced up at Kyle and caught the naked pain on his face. Her heart twisted for his agony, but she knew there was nothing she could do. Kyle had to accept for himself that he was losing his son to another man.

The service over, Kyle drove Selena home in the gig. His grim mood had, if anything, intensified, and he spoke not at all for the first part of the journey. Selena didn’t press him, for she could sense his simmering anger waiting to boil. Yet the presence of such powerful emotions dismayed her. Danielle was so heartachingly beautiful, it wasn’t beyond possibility that Kyle had fallen in love with her, despite his denial. At the very least, his feelings for Danielle were augmented by his despair over his son.

The thought only intensified the hollow, sick feeling in the pit of Selena’s stomach.

It wasn’t helped, either, by Kyle’s abrupt announcement when they were halfway to Montrose.

“I intend to return to town this afternoon,” he said in a low, fierce tone. “I want to comfort Clay. A boy needs his father.”

When Selena didn’t answer immediately, Kyle shot her a dark look. “If you mean to suggest that I’ll be promoting a scandal, you can save your breath. I’m not going to let that stand between me and my son.”

As if the thought further roused his fury, Kyle slapped the reins against the bay horse, startling the animal into a dancing gait. “God, I’m sick to death of the sanctimonious gabblemongers in this town, always thinking they have the right to throw the first stone.”

“I wasn’t thinking of the scandal,” Selena replied, her throat tight. “I was considering Danielle’s feelings. This is not the time to be fighting with her over her son.”

“Fiend seize it, he’s my son, too! My only son.”

Selena stiffened. Given a chance, she, too, could provide Kyle with sons. “You seem to have forgotten,” she retorted, heat rising to her cheeks, “that you have a wife now who can give you children.”

“I don’t want other children! I want Clay.”

The angry words were like a blow. And they brought sudden tears to Selena’s eyes. Clenching her teeth to hold them back, she averted her face and stared blindly at the passing scenery.

When Kyle glanced at her a moment later, he swore softly, as if he had just realized what he’d said. “God, I didn’t mean that,” he ground out. When she didn’t reply, he hastily drew the bay to a halt and turned to her, grasping her arm. “Look, Selena, it was a stupid, childish thing to say. I lost my temper. This situation with Clay is driving me insane, but that’s no excuse to lash out at you.”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter,” she said quietly, choking back her tears.

“Yes, it does matter, of course it matters.”

“Very well. I accept your apology.”

“Selena…” He hesitated, placing a finger under her chin to make her meet his gaze. “Look, I know this isn’t fair to you, and I don’t mean to put you through this. I just don’t know how to deal with losing Clay.”

Selena nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

“I have to return to town. I need to discuss the future with Danielle, to decide what we’ll do about Clay.”

“Kyle…” Her voice was so unsteady that she swallowed. “No matter how much it hurts, you can’t take him away from Danielle.”

He looked away, raking his fingers through his hair. “I realize that.”

“I understand how painful it is to accept,” she insisted quietly. “I know what it’s like to lose someone you love.”

After a moment, Kyle nodded and released her arm. He didn’t reply, but inside he knew she was right. He could never have Clay as his son; he would have to accept that. He had to let go. Gathering the reins, he set the horse in motion and didn’t speak for the remainder of the brief ride.

He was too wrapped up in his own suffering to realize he’d left Selena prey to her doubts and fears. When they reached Montrose, he handed her down from the gig and ordered his roan saddled. Selena watched him ride out, a wretched knot of despair lying cold and hard in her stomach. If she could be sure it was only his son Kyle was longing for and not Danielle, she might have found his leaving easier to bear.

He hadn’t returned by the time she retired for the night. Restless and aching, she lay awake in the darkness, staring at the canopy above her bed, watching the shifting shadows made by the flowering almond outside the window.

She heard him come in sometime before midnight. Without meaning to, Selena listened intently to the quiet sounds he made as he moved around his room. The slight noises eventually ceased, yet the heavy silence felt tense and alive.

Nearly half an hour later she heard the slight click of the latch as the door to her bedchamber slowly opened. Hesitantly, she sat up, hardly daring to breathe as she pushed aside the swaths of mosquito netting. Kyle stood without moving in the doorway, fingers of moonlight playing on his rugged features and reflecting from the dark green brocade of his dressing gown. His dark hair was tousled, and there was a rough shadow of a beard on his jaw. It was the first time since their marriage that he had come to her room at night, but though she could hope, she couldn’t be sure of his intent. His eyes, like his expression, were inscrutable.

Her own eyes wide with uncertainty, Selena watched as Kyle quietly shut the door behind him and crossed the room to her bedside. She could feel her heart pounding in slow, sharp pulses as he stared down at her.

“You were right,” Kyle whispered, “about Clay. I have to give him up, no matter how much it hurts.”