More Than Just Hardcore (41 page)

And, you know, I’ve got no reason to make up good things to say about them. I’m not ever going back up there, especially after my horse went and got sick 10 years ago.

A couple of weeks before my appearance at the WWE Amarillo show, my old friend Mick Foley had come out of retirement for a short series of matches with Randy Orton. Mick really let me down, though, because he had retired and then came back. And that’s one thing I feel very strongly that wrestlers shouldn’t do!

Seriously, I think Mick did a great job with it, and he was working with a real talent. Randy is a third-generation guy. His father and grandfather, the two Bob Ortons, both had tremendous ability. I worked a lot with Randy’s father and just loved being around him. I saw Randy’s grandfather wrestle quite a bit, and I had a lot of respect for him. They were both great workers.

I think Vince has been very smart to groom Randy, and in how he’s been grooming Randy. Mick Foley was a good choice of opponent, because Mick will always be over with the fans, and they’ll always care about what he’s involved with.

I hate to keep going on about this, because I don’t want this to turn into some big, book-length love affair between Mick and me. I will say, though, that Mick looks at the business very similarly to how I look at it, although I am a lot smarter, of course. Mick has a good eye for what’s good and what he can do that will help. He is the total opposite of the self-centered attitude that so many had in WCW. In 2000, Foley made Triple H into a solid main-eventer by putting him over as strongly as he did, and four years later he helped give Randy Orton a good push. I would like to think his selflessness is something other guys in the business choose to emulate, because him putting the younger guys over is just an example of someone with a true love for the wrestling business.

I see the WWE going back to wrestling, reverting back to wrestling holds, maneuvers and psychology, perhaps out of necessity. But it’s working, because the guys on top are doing it, and the younger guys underneath are seeing what works. A good leader doesn’t lead by telling you what to do. A good leader shows you what you should do, and the leading wrestlers are setting an example of wrestling.

And they’re getting back to the idea of doing things by feel instead of choreographing entire matches ahead of time. In April 2004, I watched Triple H and Benoit at their show in Amarillo, and I knew they were doing the dance.

I know that fans don’t know if a good match is called in the ring or completely choreographed beforehand, but I think planning it all out before the bell rings takes away from a wrestler’s creativity. Is choreographing matches sometimes necessary? Sure, because of TV time constraints or whatever. But when wrestlers choreograph, they are just getting into a routine and losing the natural feel for what’s going to work for that particular match in front of that particular crowd. And they get into a mindset that they must get in every, single thing that they have scripted. It’s planned to fit perfectly the amount of time they have, so they run through everything. A lot of times, even if you have a plan for how a match is going to unfold, the crowd might not be reacting to it, and there’s a more natural course that would be a better way to go. A good worker should always be able to have a feel for the crowd and be able to change a match accordingly.

I bet that’s a lesson being taught to the next generation of stars in Ohio Valley Wrestling, a training ground run by Danny Davis and Jim Cornette that uses a lot of WWE developmental talent.

I think we’ll also be seeing a couple of other territories pop up, run by McMahon’s company, to provide more training grounds. They’ll run shows, be modestly successful, and when Vince feels like guys there are ready for the big time, he’ll bring them up. I’ll guarantee you, those guys like Chris Benoit and Triple H, who are working those great matches, are not scripting them all the way through. I think scripting is going to be a thing of the past, except for maybe when the TV timeslots are tight.

I’ve been asked about training young wrestlers from time to time, but frankly, the thought scares me. My brother does well with his school in Florida, but I don’t think that’s the way for me to go. If I had a wrestling school, I’d have carloads of my students drive 250 miles with about eight guys in each Chevy Nova, with all their bags and stuff. Then I’d have them set up the ring, feed them a couple of hot dogs and make them go in there and do an hour broadway. Then they’d have to pile back into those cramped cars after taking the ring down and drive another 250 miles while drinking a couple of cases of beer. That would be the final exam. If you make it back home safely, you graduate.

I think my test to see if they could make it in the wrestling business might not be that relevant, because nowadays they fly everywhere. So my frame of reference is dated.

I do love to help. If a guy asked me to watch his match, I always used to watch his match. I love to critique the matches for the younger guys who ask, but these days I’m so old that I have to start stretching from the time I get to the arena, just to be loosened up in time for my match. Unfortunately, that doesn’t leave me a lot of time to watch the other matches, but I offer advice when I can. I love the young guys in the business, but I don’t want to be involved with getting someone into the business.

I guess the Number Two promotion right now would be the Total Nonstop Action group, which until recently ran weekly pay per views. I actually worked a show for them in 2003 and thought they had some very good talent.

Their problem is that they have their “X Division” matches, where the guys do insanely risky stuff. And like I said about ECW, there’s not health coverage for those guys. Those guys go and do their damnedest to put on a good match. I mean, they do everything they can to put on a good match, and I’m not talking about going through tables, hardcore chair spots or anything else like that. They do maneuver, after maneuver, after maneuver. And I guess that’s what they need to do because they want to hold their jobs. If they don’t pop the crowd, they’re not going to keep their jobs.

Problem is, the next match comes out, and those guys do the same thing— move, after move, after move. And that means the fans will get to see some spectacular stuff, but they see so much that it’s hard to make anything stand out. That’s going to cause them some problems ultimately, because they’re going to burn themselves out.

They’ve got to go back to selling wrestling. They should be aware that they’re following a direct line that Vince and WWE once went down—the dangers of doing riskier and riskier moves.

I also questioned their logic of continuing to put on weekly pay per views, instead of just doing one big one each month, which they finally switched to in November 2004. What they were doing put constant pressure on the company to deliver something for the paying audience, instead of letting them build up to one big thing each month.

On the independent scene, there’s Ring of Honor, a company that does sell wrestling. That’s a well-run group, but they also get into that mentality of doing a ton of moves without the wrestlers selling any of them. They also put in some strong in-ring performances, but if they keep doing things that way, they’re also going to burn out their fanbase.

Their other problem is that their former owner, Rob Feinstein, got caught on a TV news report where they had people posing as underage kids trying to lure adults into meeting them after setting it up online. I was shocked when I heard about the news report, just totally taken aback. I had known him for years and never would have guessed he’d have gotten caught up in something like that.

He’s out of Ring of Honor now, but I think they might want to just cut all the ties and change the name. But I think they’ll survive that. Hell, Amarillo survived Gorgeous George. In 1961, George was under investigation for allegedly getting involved with an underage girl, and it hit the news about four days before he was supposed to wrestle my father here. Everyone in the office thought it was going to be death for the house.

He sold out! People were packed into the arena that night, just to get the chance to chant, “Baby banger!” at him.

I actually appeared on one of the most successful independent shows in years in August 2004. It was another match with Jerry Lawler in Memphis. We built up to it with some of the best promos made in a long time, as we discussed in Chapter 13.

Lawler approached me about doing the show earlier in 2004, when we both worked a show for the Insane Clown Posse. The Insane Clown Posse is a pair of rappers, Violent Jay and Shaggy 2 Dope, who paint their faces up like clowns.

They’re also completely insane and a couple of wrestling fans. They put out a videotape where they were commenting on old matches. One of the matches had me versus Abdullah the Butcher, and they kept knocking us and laughing at us.

“Look at those two big goofs, acting like they’re wrestling. Ha ha ha!”

After I heard about that, every time someone told me they were going to see the Insane Clown Posse, I said, “Tell them if I see them, I’m going to go ahead and kick their asses! Goofy bastards, knocking me on a tape and using it without consent!”

Of course, I wouldn’t have known the Insane Clown Posse from Adam and Eve, if I’d seen them on the street. I sure wasn’t listening to their damn music!

Finally, I got a call at the ranch from Sabu: “Terry, I’ve got the Insane Clown Posse here. They want to come and see you, but they don’t know if you’re mad at them or not.”

“Well,” I said, “bring the sons of bitches out here.”

They had just finished a show in Corpus Christi, and their next one was in Houston, so they took their bus all the way from Corpus Christi to Amarillo, and then back down to Houston after they met me! I told you they were nuts!

And so the Insane Clown Posse came into the house, and Vicki had some chili cooked up. They sat down and ate a bowl of chili apiece and talked to me. They said they wete sorry if I was upset over what they said on that tape, and we buried the hatchet.

Then, Violent Jay said, “Terry, we want to leave you some money for using that tape of you.”

I said, “No, no, don’t do that!”

“Yes, Terry, we’re going to leave it under this jar, on this counter here!”

I kept telling them not to, but I walked into the next room before them. They followed me in, and told me they had to go. We said our goodbyes, and the Insane Clown Posse drove off in their bus.

And I walked back into the other room, to get the money I knew they’d left. I have to tell you, I was excited. I was thinking, “Oh boy, I bet they left me twenty bucks, or maybe even forty,” which would have just tickled me pink. I thought I’d have enough to pay for the chili, at least, and so I was really happy at the notion of having twenty bucks.

I went in there, lifted up the jar … and there was four thousand dollars there!

And so let me tell you people something right now—I love the Insane Clown Posse! The next retirement match I have, they’re going to be in the semifinal! They’re the greatest band in the world, and I have all their records. Haven’t got around to listening to them yet, but I have them here somewhere.

Later, I got a call that they wanted me to work at a show they were putting on, and I went. And I was amazed. Vince McMahon could learn a thing or two from the Insane Clown Posse, and I’m not lying. Those boys run a better show, and a smarter one, than even WWE does.

It was a four-day event, held outdoors, about 40 miles from the middle of nowhere. They drew a total of about 11,000 people, and they were charging 180 bucks a pop, just to get in. And it’s two guys! That’s all it is! The Insane Clown Posse is a two-man outfit! I think of a posse as 20 idiots running around with rifles. But this was just two guys. It reminded me, in a way, of the show my father did, where his match with “Iron” Mike DiBiase was the only one on the card. They paid the people who worked for them a set amount, and then they split the lion’s share of the proceeds, because they’re the stars! Those two goofy bastards are two of the smartest people I’ve ever met!

And it was the greatest place in the world to sell T-shirts. I had my Terry Funk T-shirts and was selling them when I wasn’t wrestling. Well, those people were so smoked up on that marijuana, they didn’t need much convincing.

Someone would walk by and see me and say, “Hey, Terry, how are you doin’?”

I’d say, “Come on over here and buy a shirt.”

“Nah, Terry, I don’t wanna buy a shirt.” “Oh, come on and buy a shirt!” “No, I don’t know, man.” “Oh, come on and buy a damn shirt!” “Well, OK.”

I didn’t even wear my own shirt to the ring. I left my vest, my chaps and all that crap. I wore my Juggalo T-shirt, with the Insane Clown Posse on the front. I like to think of myself as the honorary third member of the Insane Clown Posse now!

They had the wrestling matches on two different days, and then they had stuff like Vanilla Ice on one stage, and someone else over here. But hell, Vanilla Ice isn’t exactly hot these days, so he didn’t cost them a lot of money. And the Insane Clown Posse would get up there with their quarter-gallon bottles of grape pop, and they’d shake that stuff up and undo the lids, and those bottles would fly like a rocket in the air, just squirting that sticky, purple shit all over everyone! And those people, 11,000 idiots wearing clown makeup, loved it.

I’m serious! The whole audience was clowns. And they were happy, peaceful, smoked-up clowns. But they were united in purpose. One time, one band on stage tried to get the fans on one side to yell, “Fuck you” to the other side, but these people were all Juggalos. They were all Insane Clown Posse people, and they saw these guys on stage trying to split them up. Well, they weren’t going to have any of that crap! They started booing and throwing stuff at the guys onstage. The police had to come and get those guys off the stage! Those people did not want anyone trying to break up their clown nation.

Dusty and Lawler were at the show with me, and we couldn’t believe it. This crowd was the damnedest commotion we’d ever seen, but they were all clowns, and they all got along!