More Than Scars (23 page)

I shook my head. No, I had given into enough temptation tonight. Cuddling up next to Liam Byrne for warmth was not an option right now. “I’m okay…see?” I pulled another blanket into my lap. Oh goodness…it had been the blanket he’d used as a pillow…it smelled like Liam. Okay, this was not so bad. I would not sit here and smell a blanket. I would be an adult not a smitten little girl. I pulled it up around my shoulders. If I happened to breath in deeply…no one would be the wiser!

I smiled back at Brianne. “Are you girls warm enough?”

She cuddled under her covers. “Yes,” she chorused with her sister.

I shivered and hugged my second blanket closer. No more outdoor events this year, at least not at night. It was getting far too cool. Tonight had been perfect then. If we’d waited any longer it would have been unbearable.

“You’re shivering.”

I looked to the beautiful voice shrouded in the hood. “I’m okay,” I laughed.

“You can come sit with us…share our…”

“I don’t think it would be proper…I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression.” I bit my lip with uncertainty.

“I have offended you,” he said softly. “Last night…this evening?”

“No,” I quickly responded. “No you have not.” I shook my head, not sure what else to say. So, it came out. He had been afraid.

“Are you sure?”

I drew in a deep breath. I knew the girls would not understand. “Whatever it is, I agree…Mr. Byrne…” I added a proper ring to it. “Nothing has felt this right in a long time. I just don’t know what I am supposed to do with a feeling.”

He cleared his throat. “Me either.”

Really, the ball was in his court. He was the one with the issues…with the hang ups. Sure I had my issues too but he could look into my face right now and know how I felt. He still didn’t trust me enough to look into his.

“I will be a gentleman,” he whispered.

“You’ve always been,” whispered back.

“I need time to think.”

I nodded.

The visible lips turned up in a smile. “Now will you please come back here before you freeze to death? I promise you I will not bite you…as long as you do not bite me.”

“Daddy says biting is bad,” Amelia mumbled sleepily. “I
bited Bri once and got put in the corner.”

I chuckled. “Thanks for the warning.”

I adjusted Brianne so that she was comfortable between Liam and I and leaned back.

Liam adjusted the blanket behind his shoulders so it included me. He gently took the cover I had carried with me and straightened it to lay over my lap. I grabbed up the other and cuddled it close. Again…inhaling deeply was different from sniffing. I smiled to myself.

We rode silently for a while. I knew the girls were falling asleep. They had been a squealing jovial mess all night. It was already past their bedtime. Their soft snores were not far behind.

“How was your adult time today with Ian?”

I wanted to say I was surprised at the question but I wasn’t. I wondered at the question though. I wasn’t sure what his motive was for asking it.

“It was nice,” I answered truthfully. “We had a nice talk.”

“You need adult time…with Ian?”

I shrugged. “We are friends. It is nice to get out and do things.
Lunch or coffee…the movies. I love the girls and being with them is fulfilling…don’t get me wrong! Even my conversations in the mornings…going to the kitchen with Mary and Stewart and making your coffee…”

“You make my coffee?”

My cheeks flushed. “Yes.”

He was quiet, but his mouth turned up in a smile.

“Anyway,” I whispered, now flustered. “Sometimes it is nice to have an adult conversation with a grown up. I visited with my Mom and Al today…and I really needed it!”

“But being with Ian…”

“It was different,” I agreed.

“Different how?”

I bit my lip. “He is not a child…or a fellow employee…or a relative. I can speak to him differently! I can act differently.”

“He’s not your employer either.” His voice dipped low.

I shook my head.

“Do you always see me as your employer?”

My heart skittered. “That’s why I don’t want to get confused,” I whispered. “Tonight, I know this was for the girls. It was a light hearted event and the rules were different, but tomorrow…how do I act with you?”

He reached for my hand and laced his fingers through mine.

“What are you doing?” My breath caught in my throat.

“If I am allowed to do this tonight and not tomorrow…I am not passing it up,” he whispered. His voice was rough and lovely again.

“That’s what I mean.” I willed my heart to slow down. “I won’t know how to be with you tomorrow…like I didn’t know how to be with you today after last night.” My heart beat faltered. I looked down at the lovely scarred hand so much a part of mine now. “Last night was…it was…so…” I closed my eyes for a second to think of a word. There was no word. We were in a moment and it was electric and consuming and the pull was like nothing I had ever felt before! Only our love for the little girl had been able to pull us apart.

“I know,” he sighed.

I traced one of his scars with my finger and heard him draw in a sharp breath. “This is okay?” I whispered?

“Yes,” he rasped.

I smiled. “See? I need to know these things. I need to know what is okay, what is not. I am not going to assume that you are talking about anything beyond a friendship…”

He chuckled as if I had just told a joke.

“But I am not even trusted to look at you. I need to know what I am allowed…” I swallowed.

“What do you want from me?” he asked hesitantly.

“Your trust,” I answered without any hesitation.

His fingers contracted around mine.

“I know that will not come easy.”

“It won’t,” he agreed. “And I don’t mean you are…”

“I know,” I cut in before he rambled on. “For right now…let me know what is expected of me. That’s all I ask.” I traced another scar.

“You need guidelines?”

I nodded.

“And you will give me time?”

I nodded and began to pull my hand away. He pulled it back.

“And give me this? Just until the end of the ride,” he murmured.

I swallowed hard. It felt like I was allowing him a lot more than my hand and I wasn’t sure how much I would be getting back at the end of this ride.

Chapter 12 Why so Quiet?

            
 
When Liam Byrne asked for time to think he really meant time to hide himself away. At least, this is how it felt to me. Other than saying goodnight to the girls, an entire week went by without even a Liam sighting. I was informed by Mary that this was quite normal. In fact she had gone months at a time without seeing him.

             
I knew it had to do with his confusion. It had to do with his fear. It had to do with the fact that I was just now coming up on a month under his employ!

             
It did not seem possible that I had been here only a month! So much had happened in such a little time. Maybe I had rushed things? But I honestly hadn’t forced anything! One could not help how one felt. And there could be no denying the draw that was there between us. At least I didn’t think there was a way to deny it!

             
My one month anniversary came and went, along with another day off. I had coffee with Ian and we did not once talk about Liam…at my insistence. I still felt guilty over our previous conversation. I enjoyed my time with the happy brother. It made me wonder what Liam would have been like if he hadn’t gone through this tragedy. It was really sad because he was a beautiful soul…but he was trapped now.

             
Ian and I took a walk while enjoying our coffee. It was chilly out, but it helped keep my mind clear. I enjoyed my time with him, He really truly was a good person.

             
I enjoyed dinner that night with my family. Al wanted to talk Liam Byrne…I cut him off. I explained I just wanted time with the two of them and anything to do with the Byrnes was off limits. They respected my wishes and I made it back to the mansion in time to read to the girls and get them ready for bed.

             
“Were you with Uncle Ian again?” Brianne asked softly, as I tucked them in after their baths.

             
“Yes,” I answered with a smile. “We just had coffee…took a quick walk. He’s coming to see you guys this week! We’ll watch a movie in the theatre!”

             
Amelia squealed from her bed. “Yes!”

             
Brianne looked a little torn.

             
“Doesn’t that make you happy?” I laughed at her raised eyebrows.

             
“Oh, I guess it does. I just worry is all.”

             
I sat down on the edge of her bed. We would have to get this talk over soon. Liam would be coming to say goodnight. “What has you worried?”

             
She sat up and set her head on her hand. “Do you and Uncle Ian hold hands?”

             
I laughed. “No, no we do not. You were worried I was holding his hand? Why would this be a bad thing?”

             
She sighed and laid back on her pillow with relief. “Cause only people in love hold hands! If you held hands with Uncle Ian then that would mean you didn’t love Daddy anymore.” Her blue eyes met mine and I had to keep my mouth from dropping open. “And you and Daddy aren’t talking anymore. You held hands before….so doesn’t that mean you loved Daddy once?” Her blue eyes were full of innocence and questions.

             
I swallowed and brushed back her hair and shook my head. “Holding hands with someone does not mean you are in love with them Brianne. It is a lovely thing to do but it does not mean love!”

             
Brianne’s blues widened. “I was afraid of that.”

             
My mind searched for the meaning in her words.

             
“You and Daddy aren’t even friends anymore are you?” She looked like she was getting ready to cry.

I chewed on my lip. “Your Daddy and I are friends just like your Uncle Ian and I are friends.”

              Brianne shook her head. “It’s not the same. You and Uncle Ian go places. You laugh on the phone. When he is here…you get to look at him…and I know you like that! Daddy doesn’t let you look at him!” Her heart was on her sleeve. “Daddy won’t even say goodnight through the door anymore.”

             
My breath caught. What an observant little one she was.

“He used to say goodnight every night.”

I nodded. “I know.”

“Did you have a fight?” Amelia asked from her side of the room.

“No fight,” I assured them. “We have just come to the conclusion that it is a different friendship between the two of us. Your Daddy is my boss…so…”

             
“But…”

             
“Brianne, don’t be troubled by this,” I whispered.

             
She sighed and studied me. “Do you have any girlfriends you can have coffee with? Cause I don’t think Daddy likes you having coffee with Uncle Ian.”

             
She once again caught me by surprise. I didn’t have any girlfriends. In truth, most of my friendships stemmed around my family. That is why my newfound friendship with Ian meant so much to me.

             
“He doesn’t like me having coffee with Ian?” I shook my head. How could she possibly know this?

             
“He said a swear word when Stewart told him you went to coffee with Uncle Ian,” she continued.

             
“Daddy said Damn,” Amelia added from her little bed.

             
I shushed her.

             
“And he got very red in the face for a second and then checked his phone. I think he texted Uncle Ian to find out. And then he swore again.”

             
“Oh Hell, Daddy said,” Amelia chirped.