Moron (10 page)
Authors: Todd Millar
What we need to do now is to dismantle the system. Using Calgary as the example, we need to take apart all four associations, and put those elite teams directly into Hockey Calgary. It’s the only way.
The Board of Hockey Calgary has the power to do this. And it’s time for them to simply stand up and say, “Look, enough! We’ve got to fix this. There’s a problem.”
The solution is very simple. Bring the elite associations under the banner of Hockey Calgary again – they have strayed too far from the fold. Centralize them, and take care of Calgary’s most elite children athletes again. Don’t change the rules, but start to enforce them – for the protection of the kids, and the beauty of the game. Then, following this model, minor hockey associations across Canada can embrace this approach.
My experience and knowledge is very specific to Calgary. I understand the problem well in this city, as do many others. I am also privy to the fact that this elite problem is not unique to Calgary. It is a minor hockey problem. The system is fundamentally broken, and we need to work together to fix it.
_________________
5
Disclaimer: there were also some
great
coaches and members, but they were unfortunately in the clear minority.
Chapter Eight
I
grew up in the game of hockey, as did my son, who started playing at the age of five. I remember putting T.J. to bed as a five-year-old, and he wanted to wear his hockey equipment all night long, so that he could get up the next morning and skate with his friends. And I vividly remember my father standing in the crowd for my hockey games as a child, with his black leather gloves, and what I called his “old man hat,” always applauding and cheering me on. I understand what it’s like to have a loving parent on the sidelines, and I know what it’s like to be a dad cheering for his kid.
I have also been a coach for minor hockey since I was a young married man in Winnipeg – before we had children. I coached the Atom age level (ten- to eleven-year-olds) at that point, and I loved every minute of it, even though it could be bitterly cold at times. Many of the games were played in outdoor facilities, and many times the cold Winnipeg winds would whip through the rink with a vengeance.
Although I don’t play anymore, my son has moved on from minor hockey, and I no longer coach a team, I still referee many games each season – something I thoroughly enjoy doing, and won’t stop anytime soon. Over the last seven years, I have officiated many levels of minor hockey, from Atom all the way up to Junior C (18-20 year-olds).
I think I have a pretty complete picture of what it feels like to walk in the shoes of all three “caretakers” of the game – the adults who have direct contact with kids in minor hockey. I have been a parent, a coach, and an official. So, I don’t come at this only from the perspective of someone who has been the president of Hockey Calgary. I am one of the people who love this sport as a pastime and a way of life.
I have been part of some amazing times in each of these three roles, and I would not trade those experiences for the world. When parents, coaches, and officials all work together in synergy, the kids can safely learn and experience the incredible game of hockey to the fullest extent.
I remember very clearly one Atom game within which a coach got out of control and displayed extremely moronic behaviour. This 35-year-old coach’s players were nine and ten years old, and the official on the ice was twelve years old (a child, himself). After shouting at the twelve-year-old referee the entirety of the game, the coach not only refused to shake the boy’s hand, he belittled, chastised, and shouted at him, to the point that the first-year coach was afraid to go into the dressing room with the other linesmen and referees. The boy sat on the bench in tears until all of the other referees had left the dressing room. Then he quickly went into the locker room, got changed, and waited for his Mom and Dad to pick him up. He was so devastated that he didn’t attend school the next day. He was afraid that the other two linesmen would make fun of him because he had made a bad call in a hockey game. This 35-year-old coach had bullied a twelve-year-old so terribly that his life was dramatically impacted.
This particular situation escalated even further when we brought that coach in for a hearing. I was in the room, and I asked the coach, “What were you thinking? Help me understand what’s going on here.”
The coach responded, “It’s not my problem. This is a problem with Hockey Calgary.”
When I asked the coach to clarify, he said, “We need to do a better job of teaching our officials how to deal with conflict resolution.”
In other words, this 35-year-old coach felt that yelling and screaming at a twelve-year-old boy was appropriate, since the boy had presumably made a bad call in a game for nine- and ten-year-olds. He believed that Hockey Calgary had to do a better job of teaching children (in this case, the twelve-year-old official) to deal with conflict.
Clearly, this adult had other issues.
This coach is the exception to the rule. Most coaches are wonderful role models for our children. But this kind of behaviour is unacceptable around our children, and something has to be done to root out this kind of thing.
Parents, Coaches, and Officials are ultimately responsible for what goes on in minor hockey: they watch over the children to make sure they are safe, and that they don’t bully one another, but they should also watch over one another. If all three caretakers make sure that the others fulfill their respective roles, the system will work perfectly.
However, all too often, one of those caretakers starts to go sideways, whether it be the parents yelling and screaming at other players, parents, or on-ice officials, coaches screaming at players or on-ice officials, or on-ice officials screaming back at coaches. If any one of those individuals starts to “lose it,” so to speak, you know you end up with a complete mess, and chaos inside the system.
I think, over my time with Hockey Calgary, I have witnessed some of the worst behaviour you could possibly imagine. I already described Spider-Man in a previous chapter, and the mother who fought another woman in the stands. I have described a coach screaming at a young official. I have also witnessed police being called to hockey rinks and escorting parents from the place, and I’ve seen parents lose it with their own children, screaming at their pre-teen son because of some “bad” play or another.
I’m quite convinced that, if I could show up to the workplace of these individuals, and show them a video of their behaviour, they would probably say, “My goodness, what the heck was I doing? What have I done? Why did I do that?”
I wish more coaches would also reflect on the things they sometimes do in the midst of a situation. I have seen many coaches do what I call the “Don Cherry” at the side of the rink. Don Cherry was an outrageously outspoken coach who would stand up on top of the boards, and he would address the crowd as well as the officials anytime he didn’t like a call. In any case, what do these Don Cherrys do in minor hockey? They stand up on the bench, put their foot up there so that they can speak down to players and officials on the ice.
You wouldn’t think that coaches would behave this way around the younger kids, but in my experience, this is exactly where this behaviour happens most. For whatever reason, these guys forget that they have young, impressionable eight-year-old children out on the ice, and they lose their sanity, put on their moron helmets and start yelling and screaming about something or another.
In minor hockey, we are always talking about children from five to 18 years old. And, yes, even 18-year-olds are quite impressionable – maybe even more than some of the five-year-olds. It is a shame to see an adult who is now the coach, one of the critical components to the success of the game, yelling and screaming at officials at the top of his lungs, using profanity, and ultimately embarrassing his entire team, often getting ejected from the hockey game by the official.
There are around 26,000 officials across Canada for minor hockey. In Calgary alone, we have just under 1,000 officials to manage all of the hockey that’s played throughout a hockey season. Although these officials are getting a couple of dollars, they’re certainly not doing it as a career. The young referees are the most excited about a few extra dollars in their pockets – some of them officiating hockey instead of slinging hamburgers at the local fast food joint.
These officials turn around in large quantities every year, because coaches and parents yell at them during and after every game, and it ultimately proves not to be worth it for them. They will make a few mistakes, just as the coaches and parents do, but officials are publicly berated and belittled whenever they have an error in judgment on the ice.
I have also seen the flip side of this. If an official enters the ice with a chip on his shoulder, the game will probably not go well. Officials receive very little training in terms of managing conflict on the ice. In fact, many times the officials are only children themselves.
Ultimately if we focus in on all three caretakers: the parents, the coaches, and the on-ice officials; if they are all better trained, and if there are better programs in place to make sure their behaviours are kept in check, minor hockey will be a much more positive experience for the children.
I’ve been asked this question many times as the past-president of Hockey Calgary, as well as when I was a hockey parent, a past coach and a present on-ice official. “What is your view of the game? Is the game broken?”
Very simply, I would answer the question by saying, “You know, the game has a Band-Aid on it. And my opinion, there are some serious issues that need to be addressed.”
Do the best you possibly can.
Get involved with every level of development that is made available to you, and remember that at the end of the day, you’re doing this for children. You owe it to them.
Chapter Nine
T
here are 4,500 volunteers inside the system of minor hockey in Calgary. It’s a wonderful thing that minor sports can be run by volunteers. Parents and community members are getting involved in the lives of their kids; what could be wrong with that? The problem only arises when you look at
why
a small percentage of these people volunteer.
Because there is always a need for volunteers, we have become complacent, and if someone puts a hand up and says, “Hey, I want to be a volunteer,” they literally get accepted for the role on the spot. Even in the most senior roles in the system, where people are choosing not to be involved for whatever reasons, if a warm body lifts an arm and says, “I’ll do it,” the association will respond, “Yeah, he's got a pulse. Put him in the job.”
This reckless lack of regulation of volunteers in minor hockey is quite frankly the number one problem in the sport.
The way I see it, here is how it breaks down: there are three kinds of volunteers. Let’s start with the positive.
Volunteers in Group #1 are there for the right reasons. They have the skills and competencies to do the job they volunteer for, and they show up when they are needed.
Volunteers in Group #2 are there for very different reasons. They are there for the jacket, the badge of honor, or a benefit from their corporation. They literally do nothing. They may have the skills and competencies for the job, but they aren’t interested in being involved past what will get them an achievement on their wall or on their resume.
Volunteers in Group #3 are there to make sure that their child always gets an edge. In many cases, their child doesn’t want or need their help to achieve that edge. But the parent is there anyway. They say to themselves, “Boy, if I’m on the Board, or the Evaluation Committee, I can make sure that my son, Johnny, will be on the most elite division.” The way that works is, if that parent is on a committee that evaluates a certain coach, that coach will make sure that Johnny gets plenty of ice time.
Volunteer #1: There for the right reasons
A man I will call Charles was on the Board of Hockey Calgary at the same time as I was, and he’s the perfect example of a volunteer who is always there for the right reasons. He has a dozen years of volunteering under his belt, and he absolutely loves the game of hockey.
Charles’ role on the Board was to manage and administer discipline inside the game of minor hockey in Calgary. In other words, he was the guy who dealt with investigation of any issues that came to the Board, from coaches who said something to an official, to coaches screaming at other coaches, players being mistreated, and anything else that demanded further attention.
Charles would come to each Thursday night hearing equipped with the most comprehensive reports you could imagine. Coming from many years of corporate experience, at the end of which I was the president of a large company, I can say this with confidence: I would have died for reports like that inside the corporate environment! He did an incredible amount of investigative work, and it made the hearings a cinch. We would arrive on Thursday nights, have discussions about the cases, verify and validate some of the information he gave us in his report, and then we would be able to go home to our families, satisfied that we had made the right decisions.
It was a delight to work with Charles. He is an unbelievable individual in the right job, doing work he has the skills and competencies to do very well. If all volunteers came to minor hockey with such focus, determination, and joy, we wouldn’t have anything to talk about.
After mentioning Charles, I have to say that, as the former president of Hockey Calgary, countless volunteers give many, many hours to make the sport what it is. I have seen parents, coaches, and officials give of themselves generously in every possible situation. I absolutely don’t take that for granted, and I don’t think anyone does. But we need to do a better job of making sure that we don’t get complacent. The goal in any minor hockey organization is to get as many volunteers in this category as possible.
Volunteer #2: There for the badge of honor
Our second type of volunteer is the person who does everything for a reason. He wants to show everyone his badge of honor, and then, when it comes time to put work in, he conveniently disappears, allowing Volunteer #1 to do all of the hard work.
Let me tell a short story of a man I will call John. He was very pleased to be chosen as a member of Hockey Calgary’s Board.
I vividly remember a discussion I had with John at the very beginning, when he was talking about all of the wonderful things he was going to do, and all of the things he wanted to get involved with. We gave John (who seemed to be very excited) a prominent role on the Board based on his skills and competencies, but as the year progressed, we quickly realized that John was not really there.
In the first month, when we were just getting to know John, he seemed just like Ian (Volunteer #1). He spoke with us about how hard he was going to work, and how excited he was about his new role. He said all the right things.
Then, after the first month, John’s actions changed our perception of what he really intended to contribute. The grim reality was, John loved to wear the jacket, and he showed up at the annual general meeting, and every function that had a high profile, because he wanted to make sure he got his accolades (as a volunteer on the Board). But John never took on a single assignment. He gave no contribution to any of the extracurricular activity that all Board members are asked to take part in.
At the end of the year, we asked John to leave. All he had been was a warm body in a chair, and the rest of us had to pick up the slack where he didn’t pull his weight.
Whether or not “John” is fictional is not important. This type of volunteer is very real – avoid him like the plague. Nothing good will come from his involvement.
Volunteer #3: There for self-serving reasons
The third volunteer is the most damaging type of volunteer. I have many examples of this type of individual in the minor hockey system. He or she comes in many forms, not isolated to gender.
Volunteer #3 is in the system at every level, and is very good at disguising him- or herself, in order to infiltrate the organization. Once they are in, they find ways to get what they want, yet are like chameleons, always changing colours, making sure they don't get caught.
The one and only nice thing about Volunteer #3 is they are only there while their primary purpose in life is in the system, their child – so they won’t be around very long. Once their son or daughter has finished hockey, there is no reason for them to stay. Their mission is accomplished. Their mission is/was (only) to look after their child’s interest. How do they do this?
Volunteer #3 has only one motive. To advance his/her child's progress in the system, whether that means to a particular team, association, playing time or to the elite structure. When you see and identify this volunteer they will already be embedded in the system and their motives will become clearer and clearer. He/she can be found in any role, but the most prominent roles are those that have an impact on his/her son or daughter. I have found them to be coaches, evaluators, Board members, association presidents, and virtually every volunteer position that could have a direct impact on their child.
You need to call them out! If you are the position of authority (and assume you are not them) you need to ask them to leave. If you are another volunteer or parent and notice their existence, step in!
There is a reoccurring theme here. In order to change our path with all the issues we have in minor hockey, we need to take action. Volunteer #3 is very destructive to the entire system. They are only allowed to exist in this environment because it is a volunteer position and not enough people are prepared to get involved. We need to start embracing the approach of having more people volunteer, and have each of them required to do less. We discussed this earlier – it’s so important that the
right
volunteers step up and get involved.
Whenever I have conversations about these types of volunteers, people get it. I would be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn't understand that volunteer-based organizations require dedicated people, all serving the cause and doing what is right to make sure that the best processes, the best scheduling, and the best rules and regulations are followed. We have this selfless group of individuals called volunteers that are serving their community. Everyone gets that. Everyone talks about volunteers, and they understand what needs to be provided in order for volunteer organizations to mobilize themselves and provide greatness to communities.
If Hockey Calgary, Hockey Alberta, and Hockey Canada – on all levels of minor hockey in Canada – didn’t have loyal volunteers working hard every week to keep the game afloat, the prices would be prohibitive, and the entire system would collapse on itself. It’s a no-brainer that we need great volunteers. The problem is when we have infestations and outbreaks of volunteers who tend to be like Volunteer #2 and Volunteer #3.
What’s the solution? First of all, we need to continue to have people in the Volunteer #1 category continue to come out to games, support their local kids, and have a great time in minor hockey. Second of all, when volunteers do step up, they need to be properly evaluated, so that they can be placed into a role where their skills and competencies can best be used and appreciated. These volunteers need to say how much time and energy they will be able to commit to their volunteering, so that they don’t turn into Volunteer #2 by design or by mistake.
What the solution should
not
be, in my opinion, is an attitude that volunteerism should go away from the sport. Many parents simply say, “Let me write a cheque, and you can hire a coach, and we don’t have to have as many volunteers.” The more that attitude exists, and people aren't prepared to go back to the old fashioned basic premise of helping each other and “doing onto others as you want done to yourself,” the more we price ourselves out of the ability to have our children participate in the sport. Would you enroll your kid if it cost $3,000 or $4,000 per year?
No, the answer really is that people have to get involved, they got to step up, say, “Here is what I'm able to do, and here’s what I have the skills to do.” In fact, it doesn’t matter if we have 4,500 volunteers in Hockey Calgary or 4,000. If all 4,000 volunteers are like Volunteer #1, quite literally, having more people doing less is the solution, or in this case, fewer people (the
right
people) doing less. We also need to do a better job of adequately filtering and educating the volunteers, so that their skills, competencies, and time donations can best be used to benefit the kids.
Volunteering for minor hockey has been an incredible joy in my life, and I hope I speak for many of our volunteers when I say that it really helped me to build my relationship with my son in his formative years.
When T.J. was in his early days of hockey, he would say to me, “Dad, why don’t you coach?”
In those days, I was very busy with my day job, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to make that kind of commitment, so I chose to become the Team Manager. From my office, I was able to work on the team list, make sure that people were informed about practices and game schedules, and I could organize the tournament events. I was able to find a job that allowed me to be involved, but didn’t create an undue burden for me. After that I was able to participate in more capacities, particularly when I was able to slow down the pace of my life after my company was sold. But even when I was working a rat-race corporate job, I was still able to take part.
You can make it that much more enjoyable for both your child and yourself when you get involved for the right reasons, and when you have the right skills, competencies, and time availability; it can be an unbelievable experience. It is not being done for monetary gain; this is just being done because you love your kid, you are a good person, you've got a good heart, and you want to see kids succeed. I also built many incredible, lifelong relationships as a direct result of my getting involved as a volunteer with my son’s hockey teams.