Moving Targets and Other Tales of Valdemar (13 page)

Read Moving Targets and Other Tales of Valdemar Online

Authors: Mercedes Lackey

BOOK: Moving Targets and Other Tales of Valdemar
8.05Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
A third time I heard a soft knock on the door across the hall from mine, late at night. When I opened my own door, I saw Cara speaking to the boy who peered out of his room, though girls and boys were forbidden in one another’s quarters.
I don’t know what Cara told them. I don’t know who else she spoke to. I only know that for all of my first year at the Cloister, there were no burnings. The priests remarked on how unusual that was. They thanked Vkandis for blessing us so.
Yet I knew we weren’t only blessed by the Sunlord. We were also blessed by Cara, who had figured out indeed what she needed to do.
As the first year gave way to a second, though, I grew uneasy.
Be careful
, I thought, whenever I passed Cara in the halls.
But she hadn’t sworn an oath to be careful. Only I had done that.
 
Fire starts small. A spark, the scrape of flint on steel, a candle’s flame. Any of these can burn the world.
Any can be extinguished by a gust of wind or a human breath.
 
Halfway through our second year, the youngest children began whispering about a bright spirit who looked after them. When I heard that, I broke the rules myself to sneak up to Cara’s room.
She opened the door before I knocked and drew me inside. “I know what I’m doing,” she said. “I never tell them how I know what I know. I’ve broken no oaths.”
I opened my mouth and closed it again. She’d already answered all I meant to say.
Cara brushed a strand of dark hair from her face. Her unbound hair fell past the shoulders of her gray nightgown, making her look like a spirit indeed. She was beautiful, I realized, and wondered why I’d never noticed before. I reached for her, then drew away. Visiting one another’s rooms wasn’t the only thing forbidden to male and female students.
Cara drew me close instead and brushed her lips gently against my hair. “I’ve always had so little time, Tamar. So I do what I can, while I can, in Vkandis’ name.”
Her words sent ice down to my bones. I drew back a little. “The priests don’t know it’s in Vkandis’ name. If they knew, they’d say demons guided you, not the Sunlord.”
“The priests are fools,” Cara said. “Or maybe they’re just afraid. Do you know I pray every night, just like we’re supposed to? I pray to the God my courage won’t fail me in the end.”
I didn’t want her to say that. I wanted her to say that of course Vkandis wouldn’t let us burn, that he would spare us both in the end. “If Vkandis gave us these powers, if we can use them to do his will—why would he
let
us burn for them?”
“I don’t know. But I think I’ll get to ask Him very soon.” The quiet acceptance in her voice made me shiver.
I wasn’t ready to accept anything. “You could run away,” I said. I knew better, though. Guards watched the Cloister by day, demons by night. “If you can see things, don’t just use that to protect everyone else. Protect yourself! I’ll help you, any way I can, I swear it by—”
Cara shook her head. “No more oaths. Not now.” I started to protest, but she sighed softly and took my hands. “You don’t understand. When I see things—I never see myself.”
“Then you don’t know what’s going to happen,” I said stubbornly.
Cara shut her eyes, as if my words pained her. “It’s not myself I see at the end, Tamar. It’s you. Only you.” She opened her eyes again. “The matron will be by soon. You should go to bed.”
I rested my face against her shoulder, just for a moment. The heat that rose in me had nothing to do with my power.
Yet I was good, by then, at dousing heat. I drew away once more, even as I thought about how, if not for the priests, things would have been different between us.
Then again, if not for the priests, perhaps Cara and I never would have spoken at all.
“I’ll be as careful as I can, for as long as I can,” Cara said. “I can promise you that.” But though I begged her, she would not make it an oath.
Protect her,
I prayed to Vkandis as I returned to my room. Yet I was a student still. My God did not answer me.
Fire burns, but there’s no need to say that.
Everybody knows that.
 
Two weeks later, Cara was betrayed by one of the students she tried to help—a girl in love with one of the novices, whom Cara had warned not to speak her feelings aloud. The girl was so angry Cara knew those feelings at all that she ran right to the priests, though Cara warned against that, too.
When the black-robed priests came for her in the dining hall, I wanted to fight them. Only the oath I’d made in Vkandis’ name long ago stopped me.
I wanted Cara to fight them, but of course she didn’t; she just let the priests lead her away.
For three days she was locked away so that she could pray and prepare her soul for the fires. During those days, the priests said, she’d be allowed neither food nor water, in order to focus her prayers.
For three days I prayed, too—prayed to Vkandis for Cara’s life. The God was silent as always, but I told myself that didn’t mean He couldn’t hear. I prayed that He
would
hear. Vkandis was a God who answered prayers, after all. I’d learned that in every one of my classes, and from Conor back in my village, too.
Yet after three days I was led with the other students into a barren gray courtyard. A single stone pillar rose out of the ground at its center, and dry wood was piled high around it. Looking at that wood, I felt suddenly ill.
A red-robed priest led us in prayer. My lips moved to the ritual words, but I scarcely heard them. I heard only my own silent pleas.
God of Light, please, spare her. She’s done so much in your name.
Too soon, a hush fell over the courtyard, and a black-robed priest led Cara out. Dressed in undyed white, she looked like a spirit indeed, though I knew white was meant to be the color of Hell’s worst demons. Her feet were bare, her hair bound above her head, her hands tied behind her back. Her lips moved in silent prayer.
Vkandis was a God of miracles. I’d learned that in my classes, too.
Sunlord, please.
Cara uttered no sound as the priests tied her to the pillar, not even when another black robe crossed the courtyard, holding a burning torch. He brought the torch to the wood.
Vkandis, no!
The wood didn’t catch. I caught my breath.
Yes, Sunlord. Thank you, Sunlord.
The priest’s hands moved, a subtle gesture. Wood roared into flame. The flames licked at Cara’s feet, and she
screamed.
She kept screaming as she spasmed against her bonds. Her robe caught fire; gray smoke billowed around her. Her eyes rolled back in her head.
Heat rose in me, the heat I’d spent years learning to hide. Anger rode close behind. I could send that heat into the black robe’s torch, commanding the flames to consume him. What use was being careful now?
But killing the priest wouldn’t save Cara. Nothing would save her, not even Vkandis’ own power.
So I sent my power into the pyre instead, turning orange flames to a brilliant white fire.
That fire consumed Cara in an instant, putting an end to pain and leaving behind nothing but ashes and silence.
I am no God. It was all I could do for her.
 
I stopped praying to Vkandis. I spoke the required phrases at public services, but those were words, nothing more. My heart was cold as a dead hearth at midwinter, before it is relit from the sacred fires. I had nothing in me left with which to pray.
Cara’s cries haunted my dreams, the same dreams where flames had once danced. No God worth worshiping would allow this. Whatever the Sunlord cared for, it wasn’t us.
When a black-robed priest came for me a week later, I was only surprised it took him so long. Surely the priests had ways of knowing that it was me who made Cara’s pyre burn so bright. Couldn’t they see into our very souls?
Yet the priest didn’t lead me to a locked cell to prepare for the fires. He led me to his own rooms and made me take a seat there. His name was Andaran, I remembered—he was the priest who’d lit Cara’s pyre.
“Your performance at the burning was—impressive,” Andaran said. “There were no hand motions to give you away.”
I suddenly remembered that Andaran’s hand had moved, right before the wood had burst into flame. He’d
made
that wood catch, I realized with a sick feeling.
His next words made me feel sicker still. “You are ready for the next stage of your training as a priest. At the next burning you will stand beside me as my assistant. After that, I will teach you all the subtleties of calling Vkandis’ fire.”
It wasn’t Vkandis’s fire. It was ours. Only ours. Or maybe it was a witchpower after all, if it was granted to priests who used it to kill.
Maybe Cara and I had both been wrong all along.
 
We think we can control fire. We see it chained in our hearths, and we think we’ve bound it to our will.
But when a brushfire roars through the fields, we flee. Or else we dig firebreaks, but fire can jump any obstacle. A burst of wind, a flash of lightning, a season without rain—any one of these can wrest a fire out from our control.
No one ever knows for certain what fire will do.
The next burning was only a week later, and the accused was the same girl who’d reported Cara to the priests. She’d been tainted by Cara’s unholy words, they told us.
This girl didn’t go quietly. She kicked, she screamed, she cursed us all as they tied her to the stone. Yet she hadn’t been drugged. She wouldn’t be cleansed unless she felt the flames, the priests said.
I stood by Andaran’s side, wishing I could run. Yet even if I got past the priests and the guards, where would I go? To the north, where demons rode beneath the open sky and creatures worse than human priests called horrors out of the night? There was nowhere to run and no one to pray to. I waited for Andaran to light the fire.
Instead he turned and handed me the torch. I was so startled I took it.
Andaran’s lips curled into a thin smile, and I knew this was a test. “Light the pyre,” he said.
Sweat trickled down my face as I stared into the torch’s flames.
Careful
, a voice—Cara’s voice—whispered.
Be careful, Tamar.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I told myself it was only the memory of her voice, but my hands trembled as they held the wood. There might be time, yet, to keep my oath—not to Vkandis, who had never listened to me, but to Cara, for whom the oath was made.
Be careful.
But careful of what—my own life? Or of what I did with it? If Vkandis would not act, that left only me and my own human choices.
For a heartbeat I hesitated, because I was human and I was scared, because I remembered Cara’s screams. But then I stepped back from the pyre, drew the torch to my chest, and called upon its fire.
White-hot flames exploded around me—only me. No one could force me to make others burn. My clothes and skin and hair all caught, yet hot as the fire was, there was time enough for pain.
Through that pain, I saw a vision: a man made of white fire and crowned in white flame. He reached for me, and I knew that when I took his hand, the pain would end.
I didn’t take it. Instead I cried out to Vkandis, Lord of Sun, of Light, of Fire: “What took you so long?”
And my God spoke to me at last. “Have you not read your writ, Tamar? I cannot interfere with the free will of my people, not until the fate of the very world is at stake.”
Why should it take a whole world to move Him? Cara had died. Wasn’t that enough? “Aren’t our lives enough?” I knew that if Vkandis withdrew his hand, I would burn forever, but still I cried out, “What kind of God are you?”
“Indeed,” Vkandis said, and his smile was terribly sad. “So what are you going to do about it? What choice will you make now?”

Other books

Funeral Games by Cameron, Christian Cameron
The Family Men by Catherine Harris
Where Light Meets Shadow by Shawna Reppert
Fire in the Mist by Holly Lisle
Set in Darkness by Ian Rankin
Corrigan Rage by Helen Harper
El puente de los asesinos by Arturo Pérez-Reverte