Mr. Hollywood (Celebrity #1) (8 page)

“
You
didn
’
t even try, Zane!
”
I snapped, all my anger coming to
the surface.
“
You never even gave me the
opportunity to see if we could work it out!
”

“
Neither
did you,
”
he responded, and the
realization struck me hard. Had I been standing, I would
’
ve staggered with the blow.

I needed to get out of here before I lost it right in
front of him.
“
You
’
re
right. I guess it wasn
’
t meant to be then, was it?
”
Woodenly, I moved to the scattered
papers on the floor and began gathering them.
“
Don
’
t worry. I
’
ll make sure to have Angie in
staffing assign you a new nurse. You won
’
t have to deal with me again and
you can get back to your life as soon as you leave here. I won
’
t give you any interference.
”

“
No!
”
The word was spoken so forcefully
that it caused me to pause and look up at him. He was crazy if he thought I was
sticking around.
“
You don
’
t understand. I came here because
you were here. You were assigned to me because I asked for you.
”

How had he even known I worked here? Had he been
keeping tabs on me, and if he had, why not come forward sooner?
“
Why? Why would you do something
like that? It
’
s totally against the rules for me
to treat you. It
’
s unethical.
”
I stood, determined
to leave.

Moving swiftly, he grabbed me by the shoulders
tightly, his eyes blazing.
“
I need you, Aubrey. I
’
m messed up. I know you probably
hate me and I
’
ve fucked up in the worst way
possible when it comes to you, but I
’
m just asking you to give me the
benefit of the doubt. Can you just hear me out?
”

I shook my head vehemently.
“
I .
 
.
 
. I can
’
t. I
’
ve
worked too hard to leave you in my past. I need to keep you there.
”

His fingers tightened on me.
“
Please. Isn
’
t this therapy thing about healing?
You
’
re crucial to my healing. I even
told everyone I
’
d only agree to this forced rehab
if you were my nurse.
”
Abruptly, he released me.
“
So, if you leave, so do I.
”

“
It
doesn
’
t work that way.
”
I stubbornly clenched my jaw,
irritation continuing to eat at me.

“
I
don
’
t care how it works. I
’
m asking you to stay and give me a
chance.
”

Eyes widening, I stared incredulously at him.
“
Give you a chance at what? You can
’
t have a relationship while you
’
re doing the program. Relationships
are strictly forbidden. Patients are encouraged to not even date for a year
while they concentrate on becoming stronger in their recovery.
”

Rolling his eyes, he shook his head.
“
I don
’
t
give a shit about all that.
”

“
Well,
I do! This is my job and I
’
ve seen lots of people get better
by successfully working the program. I
’
d never knowingly jeopardize that
for a patient. Even if that patient is you!
”

Growling, he turned and walked back toward the window,
rubbing his hands over his face. I took the opportunity to finish gathering my
papers, and carried them to the table so I could sort through them.  Taking my
time reorganizing them, I tried to gather some composure before facing him
again. When I finally did, it was to find he was simply standing there,
watching me.

“
You
really hate me, don
’
t you?
”
he asked, sounding stunned.

For the life of me, I couldn
’
t figure out why he seemed
surprised. I chose to ignore his question, using my job as a shield against
him.
“
Since I
’
m already here, I need to get your
vitals and do my evaluation with you. Can you have a seat so I can check your
pulse and blood pressure?
”

He shook his head.
“
You
won
’
t get an accurate reading.
”

“
And
why is that?
”
My patience with him was
running thin.

Moving, he stood in front of me, so close we were but
a hair's breadth apart, but wisely, he didn
’
t
touch me.
“
Because my heart is racing like the
wind. Having you in the same room with me tends to do that. I swear it
’
s like we
’
ve never even been separated. I
think that says a lot about us. Don
’
t you?
”

My breath caught for a moment, his words finding their
way into the soft spot in my heart. Immediately, I reinforced my barriers to
Level Impenetrable.
“
I
’
m
not falling for your sweet talk ever again, Zane McCartney. You hear me? That
ship has long sailed, so you can just forget it.
”

An uncomfortable silence stretched between us as we eyed
one another.

“
Fine,
”
he finally relented.
“
Then if there is nothing between us
anymore, then there
’
s no reason you can
’
t be my nurse, is there?
”
Sitting on the bed, he held his arm
out so I could check him.
“
Do whatever you need.
”

Relief and sorrow both flowed through me. While I was
thankful he wasn
’
t going to press me any further, I
was sad that he seemed to give up so easily. It only served to reinforce my
earlier conclusions of him. Yes, Zane McCartney was more handsome than sin, and
he could talk any girl right into his sheets, but he was cold hearted. I couldn
’
t let him get to me again.

Searching for his pulse, the heat from his skin seeped
into me as my fingers brushed lightly against him. He was right about one
thing. It was slightly elevated, but that could easily be from withdrawal
symptoms.

“
Can
you tell me what kinds of substances you
’
ve been using?
”
I asked, jotting his pulse rate
down. His drug use history was already written in his chart, but as part of my
assessment I had to ask again and look for any discrepancies with what he told
the doctor during his evaluation last night.

“
You
name it, I
’
ve probably tried it at one time or
another.
”
His voice almost sounded dead
and uncaring, totally blas
é.

I placed the blood pressure cuff on his arm and
started inflating it, taking a slightly perverse pleasure at cranking it up so
tight that it caused him to wince. Feeling guilty for doing so, I immediately
released it, listening for the rhythm.

“
130
over 90,
”
I said aloud as I noted it in
the chart.

“
That
’
s high for me.
”

“
It
’
s to be expected with what your
body is going through. How are you feeling this morning otherwise?
”
It was taking everything I had to
keep this semi-civil conversation going.

He shrugged.
“
I
’
ll
be fine.
”

Sighing, I stared at him.
“
I
’
m
not asking for the macho, I
’
m-a-tough-guy answer. I
’
m asking for in depth explanations
as one of your healthcare providers.
”

“
Sorry.
It
’
s hard for me to show you my
weaknesses.
”
His eyes locked with mine and
I saw he was telling the truth. Even after all these years, I was surprised at
how easily I could read him.

Bitterness crept back into my voice.
“
I
’
ve
seen all your weaknesses splattered on the front of every tabloid magazine on
every newsstand in town for the last ten years.
”
Honestly,
standing in line at the grocery store was almost unbearable. Pictures of Zane
were constantly in my face, and he was usually on the arm of some stunning
starlet. It was enough to drive an ex-girlfriend mad.

“
Touch
é,”
he replied, his eyes drifting over me from head to toe
and I didn
’
t miss the spark of desire in them.
“
That couldn
’
t have been easy on you.
”

“
It
’
s been pretty awful.
”

His eyes filled with wonder now.
“
I can
’
t
believe you
’
ve been in LA all this time.
”

“
I
didn
’
t have anywhere else to go.
”
That was more than I wanted to say.
I needed to get out of this room as fast as possible.

“
What
do you mean?
”
he asked, concern written on
his features.
“
Was something wrong?
”

I couldn
’
t help my wry laughter.
“
It
’
s
okay, Zane. It happened ten years ago. I obviously survived and I didn
’
t need you to do it.
”

A small grunt escaped him.
“
You never needed me, Aubrey. I was
the one who needed you.
”

His words pierced like an arrow through my armor,
sinking deep into my soft, tender heart, wounding me to the core. Tears
immediately flooded my eyes and I suddenly felt light headed. I struggled to
lift my barriers against him, wanting to continue lashing out at him. I was so
angry with him for throwing everything we
’
d had together away. It was more
than I could bear.
“
Then you should
’
ve done a better job of showing it.
”

Gathering his chart and the cuff, I headed for the
door, placing my hand on the knob.

“
Please
don
’
t leave me,
”
he said, his voice raw and full of
emotion and I faltered for a mere moment before stepping out and shutting the
door firmly behind me.

“Are the Rumors True? Is Mr. Hollywood in Rehab?”

 
~
Celebrity
Times
~

Chapter Five

Z

“
It
’
s nice to meet you, Zane. I
’
m Dr. Wilson, the head therapist
for Sunnybrook Haven. Come in and take a seat.
”
Gesturing
to a nice leather couch seated beside a matching chair against one wall of his
office, he held the door open for me.

“
Thanks,
”
I replied, not wanting to seem
rude, even though I wasn
’
t looking forward to this session
at all. I wasn
’
t one who liked to sit around
discussing my problems. I was more of a sweep it under the rug and forget about
it kind of guy. But then again, that could be why I ended up here. And really,
how much actual forgetting had happened doing things this way? I was pretty
sure I wasn
’
t forgetting one damn thing.

As far as first impressions went, I thought Dr. Wilson
seemed the perfect therapist. An older gentleman with silver hair, his smile
was warm and friendly and there was a kindness in his eyes that made him look
like someone trustworthy. I could easily see why he was picked for this job. He
immediately made people feel at ease.

Moving to the couch, I plopped down, sagging into a
comfortable position. The medication Aubrey had given me earlier was helping a
lot with the tremors, but I still felt jittery and out of sorts about
everything.

My encounter with Aubrey hadn
’
t helped my nerves any. I knew she
’
d be angry with me
—
hell, I was angry with me
—
but I hadn
’
t expected her to be quite so
bitter about it or willing to shut me out of her life completely.

Now that I
’
d seen her again, I was sure of
only one thing. I had to fix things between us somehow. There was no way I
could leave things like they were; only I had no idea of where to even start.
It wasn
’
t like I could make up cheating on
her. There was no way to take that back.

Dr. Wilson spoke, dragging my attention away from the
situation with Aubrey.
“
Before we get started, I just want
you to know that everything you say to me in here is confidential. Nothing will
be shared with anyone else unless you sign off on it. You
’
ll only be asked to sign a release
if something you say during our sessions is pertinent to the rest of your care
and needs to be shared with another physician. Is that good for you?
”
Picking up a clipboard and a pen
off his desk, he joined me in the seating area, sitting in the leather chair.

“
Works
for me.
”
I
’
d
do whatever they wanted me to do, just so I could get on with my life.

“
Great.
So basically, we can talk about anything you
’
d
like. Our focus is to bring to light any underlying issues that may contribute
to your need to use substances. We want to teach you how to handle stress in a
healthier manner, so you don
’
t feel the need to rely on anything
outside of yourself for relief. Does that sound good to you?
”

I shrugged, still feeling a bit obstinate. I knew what
my triggers were, but I sure didn
’
t plan on sharing
all
of them. Some things were better
left unsaid.
“
Sure. Whatever.
”

He smiled, in a friendly manner, not patronizingly.
“
I get the impression that you don
’
t want to be here.
”

A wry chuckle escaped me.
“
You
’
re
good, Doc.
”

“
Lester.
My first name is Lester. Feel free to call me that. We want you to feel like
you
’
re part of the family here.
”

“
Well,
no offense, but it wasn
’
t my idea to come here. I was kind
of forced to do it by the studio who is producing my next picture.
”

“
And
you feel their assessment of the situation is wrong?
”

Sighing, I shrugged again.
“
I don
’
t
know. I mean, I get that using hardcore drugs isn
’
t
really a great thing, but it
’
s not like I was actively seeking to
get strung out all the time
—
a lot of the time, yes. But I
’
ve still been working and being
productive, so why does anyone else care if I use drugs or alcohol to party and
take the edge off? As long as I
’
m getting stuff done, shouldn
’
t my private life be just that
—
private?
”

“
Is
your private life private?
”
Dr. Wilson asked, making some
notes on his clipboard and I was tempted to lean forward and try to read it.
“
I
’
m
pretty sure I
’
ve seen your private life plastered
all over the media the last few days.
”

Damn.
“
There is that.
”

“
Would
you call your recent behavior
—
speaking specifically of the night
club incident
—
normal for you?
”

Scowling, I pondered his question for a moment.
“
If you mean am I with a lot of
women, the answer is yes.
”

He shifted a bit in his chair.
“
I
’
m
actually getting a little more personal. Is it common for you to have sex in
public places?
”

I laughed.
“
Well, I
’
ve had lots of sex in public places
where we could
’
ve been caught, but no, I wasn
’
t ever trying to get on camera, if
that
’
s what you mean. It
’
s just kind of exciting to do it
somewhere that someone might see.
”

“
So
would you say you
’
re seeking the thrill?
”

“
Sure,
I guess so.
”
What did this have to do with
anything?

He made more notes on his chart.

“
Is
that bad?
”
I asked, feeling nervous about
what he might be writing.

“
Not
at all. But it tells me a lot about you. If you are seeking the thrill when you
act out, there may be other ways you can fulfill that need without resorting to
substances.
”

“
Hmm.
I never considered that.
”
I was impressed. He really
was good, and actually made sense. This was something I
’
d never thought of before.

“
My
job is to help you identify things that might be a trigger for you and offer up
suggestions which could be a healthy replacement. For instance, if you
’
re using substances to relax
yourself after a hard day at work, I
’
d suggest you try meditation,
massage, or a soothing hot bath
—
anything designed as a way to
naturally reduce your stress levels. In your case, though, you may be seeking
adrenaline. You could fulfill those needs with extreme sports like skydiving,
rappelling, riding recreational vehicles, or anything like that which mimics
the high you get from substances.
”

If only it were that easy, I
’
d be booking my next extreme sport
right now.
“
I
’
d
love to do any of that stuff, but I can
’
t. I
’
m
often under contract to not do anything dangerous that could result in injury
or death. Producers don
’
t want me doing activities that
could hurt me and leave their picture hanging in the balance.
”

He pondered this for a moment.
“
Hmm. That does make things
considerably more difficult. Are you prepared to choose your health over your
job, if necessary?
”

“
Not
a chance.
”
I planned to keep acting
until no one would hire me anymore, or they carried my body out on a stretcher.
I might hate it sometimes, but it was in my blood now. Plus, it funded the rest
of my lifestyle and regardless of whether or not I successfully quit using, I
wanted the rest of my life.

Damn it, he was jotting more stuff down.

“
Is
there anything else you like to do that gives you that same kind of thrill?
”

Immediately an image of Aubrey popped into my head,
her luxurious brown hair was spread out over a blanket, and the moans she was
making filled my ears. Closing my eyes, I savored those sounds
—
sounds I
’
d replayed in my head over and over
so many times since the last time I
’
d seen her.

We
’
d only been together, in the
physical sense, for one day. She
’
d given me her virginity before I
’
d left for my first big modeling
shoot with Zombie Gothic Apparel after I
’
d won their online model search.

I couldn
’
t help my smile.
“
My ex-girlfriend.
”
I knew that wasn
’
t what he meant when he asked me
what I liked to do. This was the truth, no matter how crass it might sound.

“
Ex?
”
His interest perked up.
“
Let
’
s
talk about her. Are you able to stay in committed relationships for very long?
”

“
She
’
s the only truly committed
relationship I
’
ve had,
”
I replied honestly. I
’
d had other girlfriends, one I
’
d been fairly close to since
Aubrey, and while I loved her, I
’
d never been
“
in love
”
with her. It didn
’
t matter anyway, since it had ended
very badly.

“
How
long were the two of you together?
”

“
A
year.
”

“
And
you were sexually active with her the whole time?
”

I laughed.
“
Not even close. We fooled around a
lot
—
heavy petting and whatnot. But as
far as actual sex, we had one amazing day together, right before we broke up.
She was worth the wait though.
”

Holy hell, she
’
d been worth every frustrated blue
balls moment I
’
d spent with her. I
’
d never wanted anyone in my life as
badly as I wanted her. Just thinking about it was causing something to awaken
in my pants.