Much Ado About Muffin (25 page)

“You did?”

“Yes, Virgil, I did.” I realized I was talking too loud, glanced down the street, and lowered my tone. “I'm not an idiot. I spoke to Esposito and recommended that they have someone there tonight.”

“So there's going to be an agent there tonight?”

“You've met Esposito; does he seem particularly forthcoming to you? I don't know.”

He sighed, uncrossed his arms, and tried to pull me to him, but I pulled back. “Wait a minute, mister, not so fast. You haven't told me one thing about what went down this weekend. How did it go?”

He looked off into the distance. “I'd prefer to talk about this when we have more time,” he said.

“Certainly. And I'd prefer to
kiss
you when I have more time. Right now I have to go.”

Not a man to be put off lightly, he pulled me to him and moved me into the shadows and kissed me until all rational thought had fled.

“Nice job, Sheriff,” I said, breathless, squashed against
his chest, his hand firmly on my butt. “Now I won't be able to think logically for half an hour.”

“We could solve that by taking you home right now,” he said in my ear, with a growl in his voice.

I pulled away and settled my clothes, hoisting my heavy shoulder bag more securely. “I'd rather wait until you can tell me what went down with Kelly,” I said, my voice tremulous. “I need to know before we get . . . before anything else.”

“Okay.”

“And I
am
doing this,” I said, waving my hand toward the street. “I protected myself by having Dewayne there. You trust him, don't you?”

“With my life.”

“And with mine?”

He was quiet for a minute. I could hardly see him in the shadows, but his jaw was working. “I guess,” he said reluctantly.

That told me that my life was more important to him than his own. “I'll be careful, Virgil, and I promise I'll rely on Dewayne. We've talked this through, and he knows what to expect.”

“I know. He told me everything after he spoke to you.”

I sighed. “I suppose I should have assumed he would. I'll talk to you later, Virgil. I promise.”

“I won't be far.”

I walked away from him aware of his gaze on me. Once I got to the main street, where there was more light, I turned the corner and stopped, catching my breath. That man! He sure did know how to rattle me. Taking a deep breath, I sauntered down the street to Emerald's shop, ablaze with light that spilled out of the naked window to the walk below. A chilly wind swept down the sidewalk, and with it a few early leaves.

It was time.

I entered, the bells jingling merrily over the door. Crystal looked up from her clipboard of attendees, her expression
darkening as she gazed at me. She wasn't quick enough to hide it, and Emerald saw the look, glanced toward me, and half smiled. She waved, then caught Crystal's disapproving look and stopped.

The room was full. Dewayne and Patricia had already signed in, it seemed. Patricia waved at me cheerily, but Dewayne didn't indicate by any sign that he recognized me. Gordy and Zeke were huddled in a corner, chatting with Karl and Logan, while Crystal and Emerald examined the clipboard. Brianna, her eyes bright, was bouncing around setting up the table with snacks and coffee at the back, her energy effervescent. Occasionally she would race to the front of the room and whisper to Crystal and Emerald, then dash away again.

A young couple entered, a slim blonde woman and crew-cut man, neither of whom I had ever seen before. FBI? I hoped so. A couple of others folks wandered in, but certainly
not
FBI. One was a scruffy-looking motorcycle-type dude, and the other was a woman in mom jeans and a stained T-shirt. She was clearly exhausted, rings under her eyes, her hair in a messy ponytail that looked like it had been tugged at by children with sticky fingers. More suckers for Crystal's you-can-have-it-all message.

I sat down in the middle of the middle row, the best place for my purposes. Crystal whispered something to Emerald; my friend nodded and approached, perching on the edge of chair next to me.

“So, Merry, why are you here tonight?” she asked, with a searching gaze.

I turned and looked her right in the eyes, crossed my fingers, and lied, though it hurt to do it. “I don't think I gave this whole thing a proper chance last time, Em.”

“Good,” she said, with a nod. “Crystal was worried you were here to disrupt things, but I told her you would never do anything to hurt me!”

I felt a pang in my heart. “I hope you know that I truly . . . I
truly
have only your best interests at heart always,” I said, even as I was hoping Crystal would be in police custody by the end of the evening, if all went according to plan. Emerald gave me a hug and scooted back up to the front, whispering reassurances to her business partner. My swiftly approaching betrayal stung in my eyes.

Crystal started the meeting by welcoming newcomers. She then gave a stern warning that those who were skeptics were welcome to stay, but
not
welcome to disrupt the experience for the others. I suppose that was aimed at me. We did those “contexts” again, though why they were called that, I'll never know. We chanted, “I deserve love, I deserve wealth, I deserve happiness.”

Then Crystal beckoned Brianna to the front and put her arm over the girls' shoulders. “Everyone, in case you didn't know, this is Brianna, and she's new to Autumn Vale.” The girl waved and gave a little hop of excitement, her eyes glittering. “Brianna has some news for us. It has something to do with Consciousness Calling, so pay attention!” She put her hand on the girl's shoulder, looking like she was holding down a balloon about to float away. “Brianna, what happened to you this week?”

The girl skipped forward. “Well, I got the surprise of my life, is what happened,” she said, her voice vibrating with excitement. “I've been coming to these meetings a few weeks now, and chanting the contexts, making it a part of my daily life, you know? And all of a sudden I got called in by a lawyer to come see him in his office. I was scared. I've never met a lawyer before.”

She glanced over her shoulder to Crystal, who nodded. “So anyway, I go to see him, and he up and tells me that I've inherited money, and a house, and life insurance. Just out of the blue like that! I got wealth, so I've got happiness, and that's from chanting the contexts for a few weeks!”

Crystal stepped forward. “Now,
here
is proof that when you stay positive and practice chanting the contexts, which align your energy and your intent toward positivity, you get what you
need
in life, as well as what you want.”

Emerald was watching Crystal with a tiny frown, as if she couldn't quite believe what her leader and business partner was spouting. At least Em didn't appear to be in on the con.

I hadn't intended to, but I spoke up. “Are you saying, Crystal, that positive thinking and chanting killed Minnie Urquhart?” Someone snorted in a half laugh, but I ignored it, watching Crystal, who paused and eyed me with disfavor. “I kind of thought there was a human at work, considering that Minnie was murdered. That's where the inheritance came from, Brianna, right? Minnie Urquhart's
murder
?”

“I wasn't saying that, Merry, as you well know,” Crystal snapped. “I was simply referring to Brianna's little bit of good luck.”

Good luck
, she called it. Emerald's expression now was one of
extreme
disbelief. She tugged at Crystal's sleeve, and whispered, “Crys, that's not exactly . . . maybe we ought—”

Crystal yanked her sleeve away from Emerald. “Brianna, why don't you tell us how it happened?” she said, putting her arm over the girl's shoulders again. “I know you've had a tough life. Tell us your story, and how Consciousness Calling has turned things around.”

“I never had family,” she began, and spoke of the foster care system, out of which she was ejected at eighteen. “I was living in a shelter and got a message to call this lady Minnie Urquhart, who said she could get me a job and had a place for me to live. I didn't have anything else to do, so I agreed.”

“And then?” Crystal asked. “You found
us
, didn't you?”

Brianna looked faintly startled at her story being channeled like that. “Uh, yeah.”

“Go on.”

“Minnie was really, uh, kind to me, and to Logan.”

Karl snorted and muttered something under his breath.

“And she, like, started to take an interest in what I was doing, and got me a job at the old-age home, and was like the mom I never had. Anyway, turns out, I didn't know it, but all along, she was my birth grandmother!”

There was a chorus of surprised exclamations and an outburst of applause. I waited for that to die down.

“And you didn't know until you were told about the inheritance?” I asked.

Brianna nodded, but regarded me suspiciously through narrowed eyes.

I reached in my purse, clicked the tape recorder on. I had the sound set as high as it would go, so out of my purse came Minnie's scratchy voice, from beyond the grave it seemed. “I was trying to keep it a secret, but there were all these fights, and then the kid was threatening to leave. Straight back into the drug world? I didn't see as I had a choice. I said,
Don't go, I'm your grandma.
” Deep sigh. “But now the twerp figures I'm going to hand over money, and whatever. I'm not so sure now about the changes I made to my will. I might need to change it back so my meth-head grandkid doesn't snort or shoot whatever I leave.”

Stunned silence followed. Crystal looked as bewildered as the rest. I clicked the tape off. “So I'm thinking your tale of the inheritance coming as a big fat surprise doesn't hold much water now, from Minnie's own lips. You knew, Brianna; you knew
exactly
what you were getting. But she threatened that she was going to go back and rewrite the will to strike you out if you didn't give up drugs.”

Brianna had stiffened and looked poised to flee. “I . . . It doesn't matter. So what if I knew? It doesn't change anything. I didn't do
nothing
to her.”

“You didn't?” I turned my head and looked over at her boyfriend. “Maybe Logan did something, then? Since you two were each other's alibi for the time of the murder?”

Brianna had gone still, her lips pressed together. I had blown my chance, I thought, unless the FBI had physical evidence. But Logan erupted from his seat and headed toward me. He reached out and grabbed my purse, hollering, “It's a trick! You're lying.”

Dewayne, of course, launched himself across the space, knocking over a chair in his way as he grabbed the kid in a half nelson hold.

“Logan, shut up!” Brianna said. “She's trying to get you to admit something. Just shut the f—”

“It was all
her
idea,” Logan yelped, struggling against Dewayne's firm grasp, his long-fingered hands clawing at my friend's beefy arms. “Brianna set it up,” he squawked, his voice choked from Dewayne's hold. He beat at the man with his fists. “Let me go, you . . .” He let loose a string of filth toward Dewayne I won't repeat.

The young couple I assumed were FBI cowered together in horror, while the motorcycle dude and woman in mom jeans moved forward in sync. As the place descended into chaos the male agent removed Logan from Dewayne's grasp and the female FBI agent caught up to Brianna, who had pushed Crystal out of the way and was headed toward the back of the shop.

The fuss was all over in minutes, quite the anticlimax compared to my expectations. As the two culprits were ushered out together, Karl Mencken, shaking, clenched his fists and muttered, his face turning red.

“It's over, man; it's okay,” Gordy said to him, hand on his shoulder.

“Now I get it!
That's
why she made that fight happen!
That's
why Brianna egged me on!”

I turned and saw Emerald in a heated conversation with Crystal.

“How could you
say
something like that?” Emerald asked, hands on her hips, looking very much like Lizzie in
that moment. “How could
positive
energy lead to someone getting murdered so Brianna could inherit? That's just
awful
, Crystal.”

“It's not like that,” Crystal muttered, flicking a glance toward me. “Merry is trying to get me in trouble. Can't you see that?”

“It has nothing to do with Merry; it's what you said,” Emerald declared. “I've been ignoring a lot of crap, Crystal, but I'm going to have to think things over.”

I stepped forward. “Em, I think you need to know some stuff about Crystal and her true connection—or lack of connection—to Consciousness Calling. Have you been giving her money to put toward her franchise?”

Emerald nodded.

“Well, she hasn't been paying anything to them. Nothing. She has absolutely no connection to CC; I know, because I've talked to them. So she's been pocketing every cent you gave her. Come out to the castle and we'll talk. Will you do that for me?” She looked uncertain, but as she glanced over at Crystal then back to me, she nodded.

I
invited my
favorite people to come out to the castle the next day for kind of a postmortem on the fallout from Minnie's murder and Brianna and Logan's arrest.
And
Crystal's arrest. Apparently, federal prosecutors, who had been reviewing information submitted by me, with supporting documentation from Aimee and the CC connection in San Diego, and through more digging of their own, had enough dirt to charge Crystal with all kinds of fraud.

She had been accepting fees from trusting locals, which wasn't a crime. If people are willing to hand you money because you made them believe they should, I suppose it's on them. But there was much more; besides using the Consciousness Calling brand without a franchise or permission, Crystal had also developed a number of online personas and was running both a fortune-telling enterprise
and
some mail frauds, using a post office box that was cleared when everything was moved out of the post office in the wake of Minnie's murder. That's where she was sneaking out to most
mornings, including the morning of Minnie's murder; she was making some calls to do with her separate enterprises and using Emerald's car to go to Ridley Ridge, to her more recent post office box there.

And then there was the little matter of attempted murder. Dewayne and Virgil had tracked down, with Ford Hayes's help, the guy who was doing body work on Emerald's car. Crystal had indeed used it to try to run me off the road. I didn't think it was a serious murder attempt, just something to keep me off balance and preoccupied enough that I wouldn't interfere in her little scheme until she had milked Emerald and Autumn Vale dry. But if Virgil, who was coldly furious at her crime against me, wanted to charge her with attempted murder, I wouldn't protest.

So Crystal was under arrest, but Lizzie, the morning after the drama, was
still
not willing to move home. Determined to reunite her with Emerald and see if they could resolve their differences, I had Lizzie take the day off school. Gogi was picking her up and bringing her to the castle.

As I baked scones and muffins in the kitchen in advance of my guests arriving, the phone rang. It was Shilo. They were in South Carolina, and she was delirious at seeing her grandmother, sisters, nieces, and nephews, getting to know the little ones. She hadn't seen her father yet, and didn't know if she would. I caught her up to date with everything that had happened in Autumn Vale.

“I can't believe I missed the fun!” she said. “Why didn't that Crystal woman try to reel
me
in? I'm the perfect mark.”

I laughed. “Shilo, honey, you would have seen through her in two seconds. She has a fake kind of pretend charisma used on the unwary, but you have more spirituality in your little fingernail than she has or ever will have.” I waited a beat. “So have you taken a pregnancy test yet?”

“Nuh-uh. I'm scared. What if I'm not?”

“Then you won't have lost anything by finding out for sure.”

“I'm . . . Oh, this will sound
silly
! Merry, I'm afraid of so much happiness. I'm gonna talk to Granny about it today.”

“She'll sort you out, Shi. Just don't wait too long. And start taking the right vitamins—folic acid!”

Pish, carrying a sheaf of papers and looking elegant in a smoking jacket—honestly, he can carry it off!—entered the kitchen as I hung up. I told him about Shilo. He then took a seat at the table and donned his reading glasses as I finished my baked goods.

“So, the party.”

“Yes, the party,” I said.

“October first, a fall celebration, everyone invited. Janice tells me that the Brotherhood of the Falcon has what they call a hillbilly band? And they play a washboard, a jug, and a bass made out of a washtub.” He looked up over his glasses. “Is that even
possible
?”

I hugged him, being careful not to get my floury hands on his elegant satin, then went back to work. “What a sheltered life you lead, Pish,” I said over my shoulder. “While you're relaxing with Bartok and Dvorak, many others are enjoying country music and bluegrass. Not that that has anything to do with a hillbilly band, but it
is
all part of American folk music tradition.”

“If you say so.”

“There's more to American music than Copland. Aren't you going a bit far with this harvest theme, though? A hillbilly band? Really?”

Doubt heavy in his voice, he said, “Janice seems to think it will endear us to the people of Autumn Vale to include the Brotherhood.”

I let him go on, and saw a theme emerge that went beyond his harvest idea. It was all about Autumn Vale, the people, the groups, the interests of those we knew, and those we didn't know. But he wasn't shying away from his interests, either.

“I've decided not to make the others do
Much Ado About
Nothing
, the opera,” he said, with a regretful sigh. “Roma and I will do the duet from it at the open house, and I'll have her sing ‘
Sola, Perdutta, Abandonatta
.' But she is actually a very good vocalist for jazz as well, so I'm brushing up on some Sarah Vaughan.” He was silent for a moment, and then said, “She's afraid to come down and speak to you, you know. She thinks you hate her.”

Emotional manipulation—the woman couldn't help herself. “I don't
hate
her, Pish, though I don't like her much. But she's got nothing to be afraid of from me.”

“Her agent called. She has received some offers from the video being online and will be heading back to New York after the party.”

“Excellent.”

I heard the heavy thud of the knocker on the oak door, and soon the kitchen was full of my friends, chattering, laughing, and talking. Gogi had brought Lizzie along, as I'd asked. Binny, Emerald, Gordy, and Zeke (both took the morning off) rode together—leaving Patricia to take care of the bakery—Janice, as a kindness, had insisted Isadore come on her only day free from the coffee shop, and Hannah's parents dropped her off, though they didn't want to stay. Instead they headed off to visit Mrs. Moore's mother, who was in a nursing home in Ridley Ridge. They were going to stay there and have lunch, then come and pick Hannah up midafternoon.

Dewayne arrived and was greeted with enthusiastic claps on the back and hugs from the ladies. Everyone had heard of his swift action in grabbing Logan at the meeting, related with breathless inaccuracy by Zeke and Gordy. Virgil, extremely handsome in his uniform, arrived, but there was so much bustle I couldn't do much but get a hasty kiss, which was watched and whooped over by the less mature members of our group. Lizzie. And Hannah, too. I could feel my cheeks blaze with color, and I don't normally blush.

“Come into the breakfast room, everyone,” I said. “I thought it would be easier to dissect the outcome with everyone, rather than using the gossip chain, which, in Autumn Vale, is notoriously unreliable.”

Lizzie and Hannah both wanted to sit with Dewayne, intent on quizzing him about being a private detective, so I placed him between them at the big, round table and served coffee, tea, and all kinds of goodies, kind of a midmorning brunch. I had made individual quiches, because real men do eat quiche. Isadore silently filled a plate and listened in, but many of the others peppered me with questions and comments.

“Hold on!” I said, hands up. “Listen to Gogi for a minute.”

Gogi related a spare accounting of Minnie's murder. My thoughts organized, I then said, “Worried that this was going to affect my household, I knew we needed the murder solved quickly.”

Virgil chuckled, and I shot him a look. “It's not that I didn't trust the FBI, but I know this town: they don't. We actually covered much of the same ground. I considered several people as suspects.” Glancing over at Emerald, I said, “I had to consider Crystal as a possibility. She was absent at the right times, and there was real animosity between her and Minnie. Also, Em, she had taken your car the evening I was run off the road, and it then disappeared afterward for suspiciously timed engine troubles.”

Lizzie snorted, spraying quiche crust crumbs across the table. Emerald censured her with a look, and Lizzie rolled her eyes. Pretty normal teenager-parent exchange—an encouraging sign. Better than frigid silence.

I looked over to Pish. “I seriously considered Roma as a suspect.” Roma was still up in her room, consulting with her agent on the phone. “She, too, had an open hostility toward Minnie, and had even publicly attacked her. She also had access to a car, which was then dinged in the right spot, and was absent at the correct times.”

“My darling, I don't mean to interrupt,” Pish said. “But I can assure you, Roma is not a good enough driver to make the maneuvers you described happening to you. I have been in a car with her driving and it is a terrifying experience. Not because of anything she purposely does, simply because she seems to have no awareness of where her car ends and others begin.”

“We know now what she was up to,” I said, without elaborating. Enough said on that topic. I was not going to expose her to the censure of Autumn Vale folks by revealing her plot to discredit Minnie. I gathered the others in my gaze. “One of the mistakes I made was tying in being run off the road with my investigation into who killed Minnie. I mistook correlation for causation. They weren't the same person.”

“Who did do it, then?” Hannah asked.

I turned to Dewayne. “Your turn to explain.”

“When I was asked to look into it I took lots of samples. I even snuck around town a bit taking samples from any car with a dinged-in front bumper. Like yours, Gordy.”

Gordy looked wide-eyed and fearful. “I'd never . . . I mean, I didn't—”

“We knew that,” I assured Gordy. “But I established that Karl had access to your keys, and when I was thinking of suspects, Karl was definitely in the mix, from what Zeke told me.”

Zeke hunched one shoulder. “I told Gordy about Karl not being on the couch the morning Minnie was killed. I guess he really was out on the fire escape smoking.”

“I eliminated all those cars,” Dewayne continued. “Then Merry told me about Emerald's car being in the shop. We discovered it was not with her normal mechanic. That was certainly suspicious.”

Emerald was red-faced and her eyes watery. I reached over and patted her arm. “You couldn't know what she was up to, Em.”

“I should have.”

“Ford Hayes knows every single person who works on car for a five-county surround. With his help I tracked Emerald's car to a back-road body shop guy, one who does work under the table. He was cooperative enough,” Dewayne said, one corner of his mouth quirking up in a tight smile. “And I took paint samples. It was a match.”

“So the person who ran me off the road was, indeed, Crystal.”

“I
knew
she was a crook from the beginning!” Lizzie said.

“But she wasn't a murderer,” I said. “I
think
she was trying to distract and rattle me. She wanted me to forget about her and worry about some crazy killer on the loose, trying to get me.”

“But she wasn't home that morning Ms. Urquhart was killed,” Lizzie said. “And she
lied
about it, pretending to be me in a text message!”

Pish said, “Good con artists know to stick to the truth as often as possible; less to remember, fewer things to trip you up.”

“She
isn't
a good one,” I said. “Crystal's instinct is to lie at the slightest hint of suspicion. She'll lie even when the truth won't hurt her. The FBI had already established that the morning of the murder she was seen in Ridley Ridge, clearing her post office box. She had begun diverting her mail to it, since Minnie was getting snoopy and suspicious. It was just a matter of time before Minnie, who was angry at Crystal for ‘brainwashing' Brianna, as she thought of it, looked into it and figured out the fraud Crystal was perpetrating.”

“What is it with this town and fraud?” Binny asked plaintively. Her father had become accidentally entangled the year before, and the repercussions were still affecting the bank and Isadore.

“But one thing I kept coming back to was the fight that got Karl kicked out of the house. It seemed so convenient
that only Brianna and Logan were in the house, and then Minnie was murdered the very next morning.” I went over, briefly, the clues that led me to the pair, and then said, “Ultimately, what tripped Brianna up was her senseless lies about what went on with Minnie in private, her claim that Minnie had never told her she was her grandmother. Logan didn't know much but that Brianna was going to inherit what they thought of as a lot of money. I have a feeling Brianna intended, in the end, to cut him out of her windfall. We had that tape, though, the one I played at the meeting.” I explained briefly, about Minnie being on the phone with a man who she thought was a new love interest, but who was actually an actor (hired by Roma, though I didn't exactly say that) catfishing her. “You all heard; Minnie said her grandchild was trying to milk her for money for drugs. We were able to prove Brianna lied.”