Murder Unleashed

Table of Contents

“Elaine Viets is fabulous. I fell in love with her dead-on funny Dead-End Job mysteries, and so will you.”

—Jerrilyn Farmer, author of
Desperately Seeking Sushi

“Laugh-out-loud comedy with enough twists and turns to make it to the top of the mystery bestseller charts.”

—
Florida Today

“Fans of Janet Evanovich and Parnell Hall will appreciate Viets’s humor.”

—
South Florida Sun-Sentinel

“Elaine Viets knows how to turn minimum wage into maximum hilarity.”

—Nancy Martin, author of
A Crazy Little Thing Called Death

“Wit, murder, and sunshine . . . it must be Florida. I love this new series.”

—Nancy Pickard, author of
The Virgin of Small Plains

“A heroine with a sense of humor and a gift for snappy dialogue.”

—Jane Heller, author of
Some Nerve

“A stubborn and intelligent heroine, a wonderful South Florida setting, and a cast of more-or-less lethal bimbos. . . . I loved this book.”

—Charlaine Harris, author of
Definitely Dead
and
Grave Surprise

“Fresh, funny, and fiendishly constructed.”

—Parnell Hall, author of The Puzzle Lady Mysteries

Dead-End Job Mystery Series

Josie Marcus, Mystery Shopper Series

SIGNET

Published by New American Library, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.)

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Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

First Signet Printing, May

Copyright © Elaine Viets, 2006

All rights reserved

REGISTERED TRADEMARK—MARCA REGISTRADA

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

PUBLISHER’S NOTE

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or their content.

The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.

eISBN : 978-1-101-16681-9

I want to thank the Bone Appetít Dog Boutique and Posh Paws Grooming Salon in Fort Lauderdale. Keith Starling and Mark Tews were patient with my endless questions. Davi Souza makes the best doggie bone birthday cakes in South Florida.

But this is a work of fiction. The groomers Jonathon and Todd are figments of my imagination, along with Lucinda, Betty, and all the other customers in my novel. The real customers of Bone Appetít are law-abiding citizens and true animal lovers.

Only Lulu the dog is real. She is the store’s super-model. She has a bigger wardrobe than I do, she gets more massages and manicures, and men adore her big brown eyes. She also runs off to the Briny Irish Pub for seasoned fries and bacon cheeseburgers. For this novel, I’ve moved the Briny (now called The Wayward Sailor) from its real location at Oakland Park Boulevard and Federal Highway to Helen’s neighborhood. That’s the magic of fiction. I can move a whole bar and restaurant with the flick of a pen.

It takes more than a year to write and produce a novel. During that time, South Florida was slammed with some eight hurricanes, and I was without power for weeks. The hurricane depicted in this book is a minor one. I was able to work in the aftermath of the ferocious Katrina and Wilma with help from my friends. Thanks to mystery author Barbara “Suspicion of Rage” Parker, who generously let me write at her home when my electricity was out. I’m grateful to Sibling’s Coffee and Tea Store, who plied me with Dragon Well tea and sandwiches, and to Phyllis Littmann, who overnighted a big box of delicacies so I didn’t have to live on those hurricane staples, canned tuna and peanut butter. I couldn’t have made my deadlines without you.

This is my first hardcover mystery. Lots of bookstores helped take my series to the next step. I owe special thanks to Joanne Sinchuk, John Spera and the booksellers at Murder on the Beach, Mary Alice Gorman and Richard Goldman at Mystery Lovers Bookshop, Barbara Peters at Poisoned Pen, and Bonnie Claeson and Joe Guglielmelli at Black Orchid. My former boss at the Hollywood Barnes & Noble, Pam Marshall, has been a big supporter, and so has Susan Boyd in Plantation and Helen LaForge in Fort Lauderdale. Thanks also to Kim, Jamey, Jim, and the gang at Waldenbooks in Pompano Beach. Last but not least, there’s Carole Wantz at the Barnes & Noble in Ladue, Missouri, who can sell tofu burgers at a cattlemen’s convention. I know I’ve left many other names off this list, but I’d need another book to list you all.

Once again, I want to thank my husband, Don Crinklaw, who believes for better or worse includes answering questions about subjunctive clauses.

Thanks to my agent, David Hendin, who always has an answer.

Special thanks to Kara Cesare, who takes time she doesn’t have to edit my books, and to her assistant, Rose Hilliard, and to the Signet copy editor and production staff.

Many people helped with this book. I hope I didn’t leave anyone out.

Particular thanks to Detective RC White, Fort Lauderdale Police Department (retired), to Rick McMahan, ATF Special Agent, and to Anthony-award winning author and former police detective Robin Bur-cell. Any mistakes are mine, not theirs.

Thanks also to Susan Carlson, Valerie Cannata, Colby Cox, Jinny Gender, Karen Grace, Kay Gordy, Jack Klobnak, and Janet Smith. Bob Levine literally gave me the coat off his back when I was researching on a cold October day.

A tip of the hat to the librarians at the Broward County Library and the St. Louis Public Library who researched my questions. You can find a lot of information on the Internet, but only a good librarian knows if it is valid.

Special thanks to Librarian Anne Watts, who let me borrow her six-toed cat, Thumbs, for this series. Check out his picture on my Web site at
www.elaineviets.com
.

“
I
want this party to be perfect,” Tammie Grimsby said. “But I can’t take any stress. No stress at all.” Oh, brother, Helen Hawthorne thought. The only stress in this woman’s life was on her spandex.

Tammie’s teeny white shorts showed the divide in her peachlike posterior. Her sports bra revealed considerable cleavage. Tammie’s stupendous diaphragm development produced a disappointing little-girl voice. The effect was outrageously, ridiculously sexy.

Why do I always get the weird customers? Helen wondered. But she knew the answer to that question. She was working in a weird business.

“This is a birthday party, right?” Helen said. She took the party orders at Jeff and Ray’s shop.

“For twenty guests.” Tammie sighed, and her implants heaved like ships in a storm-tossed sea. “My little boy must be the star.”

“What about a birthday cake?” Helen said. “Customers love our peanut-butter cakes.”

“Peanut butter makes my baby boy sick,” Tammie said.

“How about a nice garlic-chicken cake with yogurt icing?” Helen said.

“No cake, period,” Tammie said. “With twenty guests, there will be fights. Besides, they’re all on diets. I don’t know why I did this to myself. It’s too much stress.”

Tammie had invited twenty tiny dogs to her Yorkie’s birthday party. Helen guessed they would all be white fluff muffins, except the birthday boy. Malteses, bichon frises, and shih tzus, all yipping, yapping, sniffing, and shedding. Dust-mop dogs. The whole party wouldn’t weigh as much as the well-toned Tammie.

Helen repeated the party line. “The Barker Brothers Pampered Pet Boutique in Fort Lauderdale prides itself on perfect pet parties,” she said solemnly. “Your Prince will have the best birthday money can buy.” If I can get his airhead owner to concentrate long enough, she thought.