Murder with a Twist (12 page)

twenty-six

It started snowing early
that afternoon. By nightfall, the city was covered with a shimmery white powder that made driving a nightmare. However, despite the inclement weather, Audrey’s guests, who no doubt had also seen
the
Post
, were not going to miss this event. When Nigel and I made our way downstairs to the Olmsted ballroom, the party was in full swing and full attendance. A white-tuxedoed band was serenading a crowded dance floor. Waiters assigned with the Sisyphean task of serving champagne busily circled the room carrying silver trays loaded with crystal flutes. Men were laughing. Women were gossiping. Small children were at home with their nannies as Olive—in the spirit of the holidays—had deemed them
persona non grata
. Select members of various publications were in attendance as well. Olive had insisted that “the elite press” cover the event. I didn’t comment on that decision. It was her oxymoron, not mine.

On the back wall, above a multi-tiered birthday cake, a projector flashed enormous images of Audrey culled from over the years—from her lolling about in a diaper to her lolling about on a yacht. Nigel and I paused in the doorway and took in the raucous scene before us. “Well, this was fun, don’t you think, Mrs. Martini?” Nigel said to me.

“Oodles, Mr. Martini,” I agreed.

“But I think—sadly—that it’s time to leave.”

“I quite agree. We don’t want to overstay our welcome,” I said.

“I’ll get our coats.”

“We’re not wearing any,” I pointed out. “We came from upstairs.”

“Excellent. One less step to worry about.”

We each took a cautious step backward when a voice called out our names. “Nigel! Nicole!”

I turned to see Olive, resplendent in a red satin ball gown, bearing down on us, her expression dire.

“Dear God,” said Nigel. “As I live and breath, it’s the Red Queen.”

I pasted a polite smile on my face and prepared for the worst. Her displeasure, however, was not aimed at me. “Absolutely not! No. I forbid it. Nigel Martini, you are not bringing that dog into this party!” she said.

Nigel glanced down at Skippy. “Why ever not?” he asked.

“You know exactly why not,” Olive fumed.

Nigel affected a look of understanding. “Oh, right. The invitation. Black tie only. But never fear, Auntie dear, Skippy is dressed appropriately.” He lifted up Skippy’s massive head to reveal the black on black silk paisley tie that was neatly knotted around his neck. “I think he looks rather dapper, actually,” Nigel added in a confidential whisper. Skippy barked and wagged his tail.

“Nigel …” Olive said through clenched teeth.

I raised my hand. “I completely understand, Olive,” I said. “Perhaps this isn’t an appropriate place for Skippy. We’ll be happy to take him back to our room.”

Olive’s mouth turned up in a relieved smile. “Thank you, Nicole. I just don’t think … wait,” she paused, giving me a searching look. “You are coming back though, right?”

“I don’t think so,” said Nigel. “It’ll be impossible to get a sitter at this late date, especially as most of the eligible ones are already busy tonight. But don’t worry. We’ll just say a quick hello and good-bye to Audrey and then be on our way.”

Olive grabbed Nigel’s arm as he moved to turn away. “You’ll do no such thing.” With a reluctant sigh, she said, “Fine. He can stay. But please try to keep an eye on him. He can be a bit … startling.”

“You won’t even notice he’s here,” Nigel promised.

Olive raised her eyebrow. “Yes, well. As long as I notice that
you’re
here, that’s fine. Now go say hello to Audrey. She’s over there,” Olive said, indicating a large table in the center of the room.

We dutifully made our way over to where Audrey stood with Leo talking to a few guests. She was wearing a long silver gown with a deep, narrow neckline. Her hair was slicked back. Her makeup was more elaborate than usual, but it still didn’t hide the fact that she was pale and there were faint blue circles under her eyes. Leo stood next to her giving every appearance of the devoted husband. He wore the required black tux, which normally elevates any man’s appearance. On Leo it just looked like he sold a better brand of used cars. I noticed that he was sporting a new bruise on his face thanks to Nigel’s parting shot last night. As we approached, Audrey and Leo saw us and smiled. Only one was genuine.

“Nic! Nigel!” Audrey said, after excusing herself from her other guests. “I’m so glad you could be here.” Turning back to Leo, she said, “Leo, I don’t think you’ve ever met my cousin Nigel’s wife. Nic, this is Leo. Leo, meet Nic.”

Around us, all the guests surreptitiously watched Leo and Nigel while pretending to do otherwise. Leo rolled his eyes. “We’ve met, Audrey. The whole room knows that we’ve met. There is a lovely photo on the front page of today’s
Post
documenting that meeting. So, let’s not pretend otherwise, shall we?”

“Please, Leo,” Audrey pleaded through a fake smile. “Everyone is watching.”

Leo, obliging, pasted on his own fake smile. “Fine. It was great to see you last night, Nigel. I look forward to suing you for assault. An assault that was happily captured on camera.”

Nigel smiled as well. “Nothing gave me greater pleasure! In fact, I look forward to doing it again. And the only thing a jury would convict me of would be not hitting you harder.”

Audrey winced, but said nothing. “That’s enough,” I said. “You’re making Audrey uncomfortable. Happy birthday, Audrey. You look lovely, by the way.”

“As do you, Leo,” added Nigel. “By the way, how do you get your tux so shiny?”

Audrey pretended not to hear Nigel. To me she said, “Thank you, Nic. I love your dress. You should wear pink more often.”

“Why, thank you,” I said. “But you know, the zipper isn’t latching right. Would you please be a dear and help me with it? I asked Nigel, but he’s all thumbs.”

“Um … sure, of course,” Audrey stammered, taking a tentative step toward me.

“Oh, thanks,” I said. “Not here, though. Where are the restrooms?”

“Over there …” Audrey began.

Leo interrupted her. “I don’t think you should leave your guests, Audrey,” he said. “I’m sure someone else can help Nic with her problem.”

“Oh, but we’ll only be a minute,” I said as I pulled Audrey away. Nigel quickly stepped between Leo and us and said, “Do you mind watching Skippy for me for a minute, Leo? I’m going to get a drink. Just be careful what you say around him. He’s been trained to attack when he hears a common everyday phrase.”

Leo’s eyes grew wide, and he stared cautiously at Skippy. “What is it?” he asked.

“No, but you’re close,” said Nigel. “I’ll be right back.”

I dragged Audrey across the room and out of the ballroom. Finding a quiet corner, I turned to her. “What is going on? Why are you behaving like a scared rabbit?”

Audrey stared back at me, her brown eyes deceptively wide. “Nothing’s going on. Leo came home and told me everything. He’s very sorry. He said he just needed to blow off a little steam.”

“Blow off a little steam? He disappeared for several days!”

“I know,” Audrey said quickly, her cheeks flushing a dark red. “But he’s sorry. I’m sure he’ll never do it again.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” I asked.

Audrey nodded her head. “I do. I told him that I knew he owed people money and that I would take care of it only if he promised to go to Gamblers Anonymous.”

“And he agreed?”

She nodded. “He had to. How else is he going to pay it?”

I didn’t say anything. Leo certainly had had money last night and made it sound as if he’d already paid Frank back. If that were true, then he hadn’t gotten it from Audrey. So, who had he gotten it from?

I changed the subject. “What about Lizzy Marks? Did you tell him that you knew about the two of them?”

She looked down, suddenly fascinated with the carpet. “He … he told me about her. They
…
were just friends. They were more than that once, but it’s over now.”

“Well, it would have to be, Audrey. The poor woman’s dead.”

Audrey flinched as if I slapped her. “I’m sorry, Audrey. I don’t mean to tell you your business.” I paused. “No, that’s not true. I don’t
want
to tell you your business, but clearly someone needs to shove some sense into your head. Leo is a slime bag who is only interested in your money. He is using you. Tomorrow you will turn twenty-five and will gain control over your trust. There will be no Aunt Olive and Uncle Leo to protect you from yourself. It seems to me that if you’re old enough to be deemed responsible to manage that size fortune then you should be responsible period.”

Audrey’s face bunched, and her eyes welled with tears. As a rule,
I don’t kick puppies.
However, watching Audrey now, I felt that I had an inkling as to what it must feel like.

Audrey slowly raised her head. “Please don’t hate me,” she said in a small voice, “but
…
”

“Audrey! There you are! Whatever are you doing out here? You have guests to attend to!” I turned to see Olive marching across the lobby, her red dress trailing out behind her, her expression grim.

Audrey gave me an agonized look and then turned away. “I was just helping Nic with her zipper,” she called out in a practiced cheerful voice.

Olive shot me a doubtful glance. “Well, this is more important than a zipper,” she said, extending her hand to Audrey. “Mrs. Otterson is asking for you.”

I remained standing where I was. It was clear that Mrs. Otterson’s interest did not extend to me. Which was fine. I wanted to think.

twenty-seven

After about twenty minutes,
Nigel came out into the lobby carrying two glasses of champagne. “Here you are,” he said as he crossed to where I was sitting. Taking a seat next to me on the leather settee, he said, “I was wondering where you went.” There was a smudge of red lipstick on his right cheek. I reached over and rubbed it off with my thumb.

“I don’t think this is your shade, by the way,” I said as I took one of the glasses. I took a sip and asked, “Where’s Skippy?”

“With the owner of the lipstick, a delightful woman named Rose. Apparently, she once had a Vaudeville act that included a dog and a monkey. She’s trying to teach Skippy the basics.”

“Which part? The dog’s or the monkey’s?”

“Does it really matter?” he asked.

“Probably not,” I admitted.

“How’s Audrey?” Nigel asked.

“Well, that’s an interesting question. She seems nervous. And unstable. And about ten other anxiety-induced traits. Why don’t we just go with ‘A Hot Mess’ and leave it at that.”

“A hot mess who is about to inherit an enormous fortune,” Nigel corrected.

“Right. A hot mess who is about to inherit an enormous fortune and who is married to a gold-digging louse.”

Nigel leaned back. “I really wish this weekend was over,” he said.

I clinked my glass against his. “Me too.”

As we came back into the ballroom, we bumped into Nigel’s parents. Paul was handsome in a fitted tux. Doris looked lovely as always. She was wearing a strapless gown of midnight blue that fell in graceful folds to the floor. Her face was bright with laughter. “Can I just tell you how much I love your dog?” she said.

Paul wrapped his arm around Doris’s waist and grinned at us. “Your mother is quite enamored with Skippy. She was rewarding him with the bacon and scallop hors d’oeuvres.”

Doris nodded. “He seemed to prefer those over the crab puffs.”

“Well, don’t we all?” mused Nigel.

“Can he visit us sometime?” Doris asked. “I’d love to introduce him to Chloe.”

“The alpaca?” I asked.

Doris nodded. “She’s very gentle, and she needs a friend closer to her own size. Our poodle, Muffin, scares the crap out of her.”

“Muffin scares the crap out of everyone, Mother. Including me,” said Nigel.

“Speaking of crap, I guess you saw that Leo is back,” said a thick voice behind my shoulder. I turned to see Toby. His eyes were glassy and, despite the excellent fit of his custom-made tux, he appeared disheveled. “I really hoped he was gone for good this time,” he said, glaring to where Leo sat alone at his table.

“So did everyone,” said Nigel.

Toby shook his head. “He’s a rat son-of-a-bitch. Why couldn’t he have just stayed gone? He only makes her miserable.”

Daphne appeared at my side. She was wearing a deep sapphire gown that hugged and dipped in all the right places. Her hair was arranged in one of those casual upsweeps that are anything but. “What are we talking about?” she asked.

“The doomed love affair of our very own Romeo and Juliet,” Nigel answered. “Audrey and Leo.”

Daphne rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t compare them to Romeo and Juliet. For one thing, you were sad when they died. No one would shed a tear if Leo dropped dead.”

“Why is it that everyone can see what a louse he is, except for Audrey?” Toby asked.

“I don’t know,” said Nigel. We all turned to stare at Leo. “Unfortunately, Audrey seems to be the only one who hasn’t been able to grasp that point yet.”

“Someday she will, but by then it’ll be too late,” Toby said.

“Unfortunately, I think you are correct,” said Nigel. “But there’s not much we can do about it.”

“There has to be
something
,” Toby protested.

“And yet, there is not,” said Nigel.

“Are you here alone, Toby?” I asked, hoping to appear as if I were merely changing the subject when in fact I was being nosey.

Toby looked at me blankly. “Am I what?”

“Did you bring a date?” I asked.

Daphne turned on him. “That’s right!” she exclaimed. “Since
when did you start dating Susan Henkley? Are you out of your mind?
She’s poison!”

“What? I … how … who said I was dating her?” Toby stammered.

“You practically had your tongue down her throat the other night at Baxter’s!” Daphne said.

Toby seemed to lose control of this muscle now and regarded Daphne wide-eyed. “Well, that certainly is an image I didn’t want shoved into my head,” said Nigel.

“Is she here?” Daphne continued.

“I don’t think so,” Toby answered finally. “At least I didn’t bring her.”

“Are you dating her?” Daphne pressed.

“What? No. No!” said Toby, his voice agitated.

“Well, then you really should keep your tongue out of her throat,” advised Nigel. “That’s what’s known as serving the hors d’oeuvre no one ordered.”

Olive suddenly joined our group. “What are you talking about?” she asked.

“Hors d’oeuvres,” Nigel answered.

Olive smiled. “They are good, aren’t they? The caterer I hired is the best in the city.”

Nigel nodded. “That’s what Toby was just saying.”

Two women now came up to our group. They appeared to be in their early sixties. One was tall and fleshy, with large brown eyes and a full mouth. Her hair was blonde but her eyebrows were black. She wore an elaborately detailed velvet gown that was a shade somewhere between olive and avocado. Around her neck was a choker of sparkling emeralds. Stones of the same style and cut hung from her plump earlobes. The second woman was built on a smaller scale. From her mouth to her frame, she was all sharp edges and hard lines. Her ensemble was a simple dress of black silk. The only jewelry she wore was a gold wedding band on her left hand. Her gray hair was styled into a short, faintly androgynous bob.

Seeing them, Olive adopted the wide smile she reserved for those acquaintances she didn’t actually like. It was one I was very familiar with.

“Marcia! Janet!” Olive cried as she leaned in to give each their allotted air-kiss. “How are you, darlings? You both look lovely! It’s so good to see you! Are you having a nice time?”

The larger of the two women spoke first. “Everything is just perfect, Olive. I don’t know how you managed all this—and over Christmas as well!”

“Yes,” said the smaller woman, “Marcia and I were just saying what an amazing party this is. And Audrey looks so lovely! She and that husband of hers certainly make quite the couple! He’s a handsome devil. I bet he keeps her on her toes.”

Olive’s smile dimmed slightly. “Yes, well, I’m glad you are enjoying yourselves. Marcia, Janet, I don’t think you’ve met Nigel’s wife.” Turning to me, she continued. “This is Nicole.”

I smiled and said a polite hello while Marcia (the flamboyant one) and Janet (the conservative one) eyed me with interest. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Nicole,” said Marcia.

“Please, call me Nic,” I said.

“Yes,” said Nigel. “Nicole’s just her stage name. We thought it gave the act some class.”

Marcia and Janet’s eyes opened very wide. “Nigel’s just kidding, of course,” Olive hissed through a smile.

“I am?” Nigel responded, his forehead crinkled in confusion.

“Nigel!” Olive barked.

Nigel smiled and turned to Janet. “So, Mrs. Harris. I understand my aunt has you to thank for her new butler.”

A sly look crept into Janet’s gray eyes. “Oh, is he working out?” she asked Olive. “I’m so glad. Joe certainly is a find.” Next to her, Marcia began to busy herself with something in her purse.

“
Joseph
has been very helpful,” Olive said. “I’m very much in your debt, Janet. You were a darling to suggest him for me.”

“Don’t be silly, Olive dear,” Janet replied with a smile. “It was the
least
I could do. But speaking of staff, dear, I do think you might need to speak with your head of catering.”

Olive sensed an attack. She stiffened her spine. “Yes?”

“Well, I just thought you should know that one of your waiters was very rude to us,” Janet continued. Her tone held just the right amount of sympathetic distress.

“Is that so?” Olive said. “How?”

“Well,” Janet paused as if embarrassed to have to relay such unfortunate information. “Marcia and I tried to order a drink from him, and he quite ignored us! I know that he heard me too. He looked right at us, but he walked away without saying a word.”

Olive adopted a stoic expression. “Thank you for letting me know. I will certainly look into it. Do you remember what he looked like?”

Janet wrinkled her beak of a nose and nodded. “Not very attractive, I must say. Big. Short dark hair. And he had a tattoo! Now you know, I’m not one to judge, especially on appearances. But I do think those things ought to be covered up when one is working. It’s unseemly.” She smiled sweetly at Olive. “Don’t you agree, dear?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll look into it immediately. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Oh, please, don’t worry a thing about it.
We’re
fine. I just thought
you’d
want to know. Now. Where is that handsome husband of yours? He promised me a dance.” Spying Max a few feet away, Janet added with an innocent air, “And, of course, I need to speak with him about the upcoming charity ball.” Turning to me, she added, “It was lovely to meet you, Nicole.”

“Likewise,” I said.

The two women moved toward Max, but not before I heard them start to giggle. I turned to Olive and, with as much sincerity as I could, said, “They seem nice.”