My Blue River (33 page)

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m not much for parties and I don’t really drink.” I wrinkled my nose like it was a revolting idea.

“Well, you don’t need to drink to have fun so if you change your mind, it’s tonight at the Kappa Beta Sigma house.” He pointed to his t-shirt. “It starts at nine o’clock.” He handed me a flier with directions. “Nice to meet you Adelaide. Hope to see you there.” He winked at me. I waited for him to turn his back to me then I rolled my eyes. I had a feeling I was about to meet a whole lot of “
Bransons”
this year.

Branson returned to his buddies at the fraternity’s table. Sheridan glanced in my direction and winked at me.
Winking is becoming an epidemic!
I summoned her to me with my index finger. She rolled her eyes while she reluctantly sauntered over to me.

Pointing back at the frat table Sheridan asked, “Are these guys hot or what?” It sounded less like a question and more like a statement of fact.

“Yeah, whatever,” I mumbled.

Sheridan threw her hands on her hips and declared, “Addy, you need to move on with life.”

I muttered, “Jack is my life.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Remember, Jack and I didn’t break up so there’s no need to
move on
. I just get a little bummed.”

“Then just…perk up, okay? You’re a total downer and if you’re going to be a buzz kill tonight I’m going to be pissed.”

I rolled my eyes but she was right. I didn’t need to mope. Besides, I was thinking of flying to Montana for my birthday and I would go back for winter break. Jack and I had already discussed a ski trip or two. I smiled at that thought. But I was right, too. We hadn’t broken up so there was no reason to be so incredibly sad. My mood lifted and I even agreed to go to the Kappa Beta Sigma party with her. Sheridan offered the entire table of boys a flamboyant goodbye, calling out in a sing-song voice, “We’ll see you guys tonight!”

********

“Is this too skimpy?” asked Sheridan as she pointed to her dress and twirled around.

“Do you care?” I asked.

“Good point.” She preened in the mirror.

My cell phone rang. Once again, my heart leaped with excitement because this time, the ringtone told me it was coming from the Cooper residence. I scrambled over the bed to reach my desk where the phone lay.

“Hello?” I breathlessly answered.

“Hey! Miss me yet?” asked Jack. My heart fluttered as fast as a hummingbird’s wings.

“You know I do,” I practically panted. My stomach flip-flopped from the mere sound of his voice.

I turned around to find Sheridan giving me a disgusted look. She pointed to her watch to indicate we needed to leave for the party soon and she was keeping track of time. I could not have cared less about the party. She could leave without me for all I cared. I knew her though and she would stand and irritate me until I hung up and met her demands. I had wondered when she would begin the games of pushing me into choosing her over Jack. Apparently, the games were about to begin, starting tonight.

I held up one finger and mouthed, “One minute” then turned my back to her.

“I miss you a lot, actually,” I added in a near whisper.

“I’m miserable. Can you come home?” Jack jokingly pleaded.

I whispered, “I am home. Why don’t you come here?”
Why am I whispering?

“Well, if home is where your heart is, then your home must be in Montana.”

“I could say the same thing, right?”

“Touché’. Seriously though, I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” I continued to whisper.

“So what are you up to and why are you whispering? Is Sheridan already sleeping off a bender?”

I let out a hearty laugh.

“No, but we are about to go to a party.” I stopped whispering and there was no sense trying to hide what I felt about Jack from Sheridan or downplay going to a party to Jack. I needed him to know he shouldn’t worry about me but I also knew deep down if the tables were turned, I would be flipping out right about now, especially about the girls who would be trying to seduce him. I trusted Jack but not any other girls.

“A party, huh?” He tried to sound like a confident, secure, and understanding boyfriend, but there was a near audible quickening of his pulse.

“Yeah, it’s no big deal. I’m just going to keep Sheridan in line,” I said it loudly and turned to face her. She pulled a face then pointed to her watch again. “She’s getting impatient with me, by the way. She’s literally tapping her foot.”

“Too bad. She can wait.”

I laughed because the dark side of me would actually find it fun to see how far I could push Sheridan’s level of patience.

“I guess I should go anyway, but I called for another reason other than returning the call. You couldn’t reach me earlier because I went to the hospital,” said Jack.

“Hospital! Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I went to see Claire. She thought she was in labor but she wasn’t. I went to see her anyway.”

“I bet she was freaked. She isn’t due for like, four weeks.”

“Yeah, I know. She also couldn’t find her mom.”

“Ah, crap! I feel bad I wasn’t there for her.”

A silence fell between us because we both knew that the birth of Claire’s daughter was just one of the many moments I would be missing and that if I hadn’t left, I would have been able to be there for her. Even though this was just a false start for Claire, eventually, I would still miss the real deal.

“Well, I guess I should let you relieve Sheridan’s pain. She must be about to pass out from frustration,” he snickered.

I turned to face her. “Yeah, she’s been turning about three different shades of red.”

Sheridan pulled another face and pointed to her watch again. She must have anticipated my conversation had come to an end because she moved over to the mirror and began her final preen.

“Well, it’s ten o’clock here and I still have a song I want to work on.”

“You’re working on a song? That’s great!”

“Well, since somebody got me this cool computer program it’s making writing music pretty easy.”

I laughed. Only Jack would think that writing music and poetry was easy. “I can’t wait to hear it.”

“You’ll be the first.”

“I love you,” I said.

“I love you, too. Bye,” he replied.

I ended the call and looked down at it for a long time. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears. I recomposed myself then turned to face Sheridan, whose mouth was hanging wide open. Her lip gloss applicator was hanging in her hand, nowhere near her lips.

“What?” I asked.

“What do you mean
what?
I love you?
Are you freakin’ kidding me? I’ve never heard you say those words before…to
anyone
, not even your parents!” she exclaimed.

“Well, now you have.” I pushed passed her to get to the mirror. I began applying my lip gloss, trying to ignore her gaping stare.

She snapped her jaw shut then briskly announced, “Well, this complicates things a bit.”

“What do you mean? How does this affect YOU at all?” I moved to my cheeks with the blush applicator.
I look pale and distraught
.

I stopped in mid-application when she said, “That guy you met today, Branson. He was going to try and hook up with you tonight or at least that’s what his friend told me.”

I tried to act casual, but I felt irritated. She had probably encouraged the entire event. I finished blushing my cheeks and began putting my makeup away. “I hardly think so. I just met the guy and besides, you just heard me. I love Jack.”

“Yeah, and it’s
… shocking
. You weren’t supposed to even date while you were in Montana and now you’re
in love
? You’ve ruined everything, Addy!” she spat.

“Excuse me?”

“We have
dreamed
about this moment—Sheridan and Addy, college co-eds—parties—hot guys—you’ve ruined it!” She folded her arms across her chest like a little, spoiled brat who hadn’t gotten her way.

“Hey, we can still have fun. Why do
I
have to hook up with some guy I don’t know for
you
to have fun?” I found it unbelievable Sheridan perceived happiness could happen this way.

She unfolded her arms. I must have touched on some fragment of truth and her body language gave her away. Even her voice softened.

“It just feels like all you’re going to do while you’re here is worry about your precious little Jack.”

“Sheridan, he
is
my precious Jack. I know I said I wouldn’t even date while I lived in Montana, but everything changed the minute I met Jack. When fate gives you true love, you take it.” I moved closer and hugged her. I didn’t understand why I cared about her happiness so much, but I did. Maybe it was how much time I had invested in this relationship. Maybe I didn’t want our time together to be uncomfortable or maybe Jack had taught me how to bend with the wind in order to keep from breaking.

“I promise. You and I will have fun and I’ll still have Jack. I can have it both ways, I’m sure of it.”

She flatly replied, “I give it a month.”

I pray she’s wrong
.

********

Jack’s Journal

Saturday, August 20

Wow! Two journal entries in one day. That’s quite the record for me but this is where I vent, express myself, whatever it is I don’t do through music or poetry, I guess.

I am miserable without Addy. Today Claire thought she was in labor. Going to the hospital, anticipating seeing her becoming a new mom was something I would want to do with Addy, but no—she isn’t here.

When I was finally able to call her, she was off to a party with creepy, freaky, Sheridan. Talk about night and day. I give their relationship a month. Addy is smart and she will realize that she is a completely different person who no longer needs the type of friendship Sheridan has to offer.

Addy is coming home for her birthday and I’m going to give her that promise ring—the one I should have put on her finger before she ever left Blue River. I pray she accepts it.

28. Bleak

I groaned at the sound of the telephone. It was a Saturday and sleeping in was such a luxury that it had become the one thing I looked forward to each week. “Hello?” My voice was tired and groggy.

“Well, hello there, college girl,” said Claire.

I sat straight up, immediately awakening. If Claire was calling, she must have baby news. She was due to have Samantha any day now so this must be the call about her birth.

“Claire! What’s going on?”

“I had the baby last night.” She sounded tired but excited.

“Oh, wow! Congratulations, Claire!”

“Thanks, Addy.”

“Everything go okay?”

“Um, yeah…yeah.”

“But…it sounds like there’s a “but” in there somewhere. What’s wrong?”

“No, nothing is wrong…not really…it’s just weird and sort of…depressing.”

“What are you talking about? Are you okay?”

She let out a heavy sigh. “Ethan showed up at the hospital.”

“What? I didn’t even think he was around. I thought he was in Kansas or Arkansas or somewhere like that.”

“I did, too, but he was here and somehow found out I was in labor.”

“So are you guys back on or what?”

“Actually, I guess that’s what’s so sad. He came to tell me that he hated the way he left things and wanted to apologize.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“Well, yeah. That part is good, but it gets better.” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm. “He said he came back because he wanted to do the right thing and tell me in person that he had a girlfriend who was pregnant and that they were getting married.”

My heart almost stopped beating. The news shocked me so much that I couldn’t even imagine what Claire was feeling.

“Like, while you’re in labor he tells you this?” I was seething on her behalf.

“No, actually, the baby was a few hours old. He asked if he could hold her. I said, yeah. He handed her back to me then dropped his bomb.”

“Oh, Claire. I’m so sorry.”

“Ya know, for half a second I thought he was back because he loved me and wanted us to be a family and for just a few minutes, I felt really happy.”

I sounded like a broken record. All I could say, over and over again, was—
I’m sorry
.

“You know what the good news is?” asked Claire.

“What’s that?”

“The good news is I will never, ever wonder if he should be a part of our lives. I know with absolute certainty that I deserve better and I really think I can do this, Addy. I don’t need him.”

“You don’t, Claire. You know what else?”

“What’s that?”

“You’re a strong, smart, beautiful woman. Someday you’ll meet the right guy and he’ll be good to both you and Samantha.”

“I hope so. I really do. But for now, things look pretty bleak.”

I said
“I’m sorry
” several more times until Claire changed the subject. When the nurse arrived to help her learn how to breast feed Samantha, I knew my time was up.

I also knew we may grow apart, leading such completely different lives. In the midst of her joy, I felt sadness. I congratulated her one last time and said goodbye. I couldn’t help but say a prayer for her. She needed a special angel just for her because she was about to embark upon a really difficult journey, all by herself.

********

I flew into Jack’s arms. Good thing he was built to catch me.

“Thank God the last month and a half flew by!” I hugged him tight.

“Flew? I thought it dragged on forever,” said Jack.

For me, sitting through classes and studying made it feel like time had flown by and before long, I was boarding an airplane headed to Montana to celebrate my nineteenth birthday with Jack and my family.

As we walked to get my luggage I said, “I’m amazed my mom is allowing you to pick me up solo.”

“Honestly, I am too, but I think she’s coming around when it comes to me.” He was beaming. I really didn’t care whether she liked him or not, but it seemed to matter to him.

“You know, maybe she’s changing. I told her I wasn’t interested in her sorority—or any sorority for that matter—and she handled it with complete grace. It was shocking,” I said.

I talked nonstop until we went outside and my lungs received brisk Montana air.

“Wow!” I declared, stopping dead in my tracks.

“Wow?”

“Yeah, wow! I forgot what it felt like to be here in autumn. I have to admit, it’s pretty awesome and nothing compares to the smell of football season.”

Jack laughed out loud because I’m sure he remembered how exactly a year ago I had no clue what people meant by “smells like football season.” Then he smirked as if he thought our game of keeping points was back on and that he was now in the lead.

I talked his ears off about California and college on the ride from Middleburg to Blue River. He laughed when I filled him in on Sheridan’s antics, but added, “You’d better keep an eye on her. Somebody might slip a date rape drug in her drink.”

He was serious, too. Jack hated it when people got sloppy drunk and although he wasn’t Sheridan’s number one fan, he had a genuine concern for her safety. It wasn’t in his nature to hate anyone or anything. He had expressed over and over that he believed she was bad news for me and I knew she was, but it was hard to wrap my mind around how my old friend couldn’t fit in my new life.

I had arrived late enough that before long, it was time for my birthday dinner. Shocking me yet again was my mom’s invite to Jack.
Maybe she really was having a change of heart about me and Jack.
I smiled as I watched them engage in a conversation about the new senior class of Blue River High School. Growing up in Blue River, Jack knew a lot of the students who remained at BRHS.

While Jack and Mom visited, I got a few minutes with Aaron. I gave him a big hug and thanked him for the sketch pad full of drawings. He tried to downplay his talent and feigned disgust with my affection and when I tried to give him a peck on the cheek he pushed me away exclaiming, “Dude! Incest is NOT best—back off!” He couldn’t resist smiling though. I could tell he appreciated how much I loved his talent.

Since turning sixteen and cleaning up his act, he was dating a lot but he was yet to ask out the girl he really wanted—Misty. He shared his latest drawing of her with me. I encouraged him to pursue dating her. He just rolled his eyes and shook his head saying, “
she’d never say yes
.” He was either doing really well with his addiction or using his flawless skills to hide it. It was the same thought I had about him before I left for college.

After dinner, Jack and I went to The Barn. We assumed we wouldn’t find very many people there since it wasn’t any traditional school break like winter or spring. We did find Brooke, however, who I found to be excessively friendly with Jack. In fact, she seemed downright
familiar
with him and I didn’t like what I was feeling about the whole situation. I feigned an interest in what she had to say until thankfully, Jack excused us and we took a seat near a pool table.

It was a good night for playing pool until Brooke summoned Jack over to her at a nearby pool table. He excused himself, saying he’d be right back.
Well, that’s got my attention. What the hell?
I walked closer to overhear their conversation.

“…and then I hit it like you said to, but it didn’t go in the pocket.” She giggled as if her failure to shoot pool was adorable and funny. “Can you show me again so I do it right this time?”

“Oh, sure. Here’s what you do.” He grabbed a pool stick and demonstrated how to make a trick corner pocket shot.

“Oh, that’s right.” She was playing dumb and I really wanted to smack her. “You are so awesome, Jack.” She rubbed his arm as she mooned over him. They had clearly been here together at some point in time playing pool and I wanted to find out how and why.

When we returned to our table I didn’t waste any time. “So what’s up with that?” I asked.

I stood with my arms folded but he wasn’t fazed by my actions. He took his seat and asked, “What’s up with what?”

“Yeah, right.” I sarcastically snickered. “Like you don’t know what I mean.” I plunked hard in my chair.

“I
don’t
know what you mean, Addy,” he insisted.

“Hot Brooke—just when was it that you and Brooke were in the same place at the same time that led to you giving her pointers on playing pool?” I knew my voice sounded like a jealous lover’s but the truth is—
I am a jealous lover
.

“Oh, that,” Jack waved his hand through the air as if swatting away a pesky bug. “That’s nothing. I was here a few weeks ago shooting pool, she came in and challenged me to a game. We just shot pool together for a while. That’s it. No big deal.”

“Oh, so…like, it turned into a date?”

“NO! That’s ridiculous!”

“Is it?”

“Yes, it is. And you know what? If you would just come home you wouldn’t have these jealous episodes.”

“Episodes?” By now I was really pissed. “Enough with the
come home
comments by the way.”

“Well, it’s true, if you would just come back to Montana, we could live happily ever after.”
 

“The way things are going tonight, it doesn’t seem like there would be a happily ever after anyway.”

“Addy, you’re being silly.” He leaned closer to me. “You know I love you and only you!”

“I love you, too, Jack, but maybe it’s just not enough.” I had to look away because making eye contact would make me melt and lose focus of logic.

He sat back and folded his arms across his chest. Now he was becoming angry. “Seriously, you’re being ridiculous. You’re starting an argument with me over something as ridiculous as innocently playing pool with Brooke. I thought you were more confident than that.”

I shook my head and muttered, “This is such an uphill battle.”
 

“It’s not a
battle
. What the hell are you talking about?” he snapped.

“I’m so sick of you telling me to come back when you should be coming to California.”

“Ah! That’s what’s unreasonable.”

“Is it? You’re not really doing anything here anyway.”

“Ah!”

“Ah? Is that all you can say, Jack?”

“Who pissed on your Cheerios today?”

“Ah!”

“What? Is that all you can say—
Ah!
” He mimicked.

“You started this, Jack Cooper.”

“No, my dear. You did.” He stood up. Brooke wasn’t missing a beat since our voices had continued to rise throughout the conversation.

I felt my face flush with embarrassment. I pursed my lips and stood. “You need to take me home,” I demanded.

“With pleasure,” his words were short and abrasive.

********