My Dearest Naomi (19 page)

There was someone assigned to read a short story, a poem, and ten people to sing together. The singing was a big risk, but they had enough good singers so the sound wasn’t too unpleasant. By the way, I was in the group, but I’m not taking any credit. After that, a work crew washed the dishes, and the rest of us sang until 9:30. Don said on the way home that he didn’t like any of the evening. He prefers order and certainty, but I enjoyed it. I thought it broke the routine.

Earlier this evening I was sitting at the kitchen table playing Monopoly with Mom and Dad. Dad beat us, like really badly, but that was to be expected. He usually does.

I am so lonely for you I can’t put my heart into letter writing, so we’ll blame that if you think this is boring. Your card arrived today, and I can’t thank you enough. It was beautiful.

I wish you could have been here,

Naomi

November 27

Some night next week the boys plan more sparrow hunting, and I’m scheduled to go with them. I’m going along for the sport because every little thing helps to make the time go faster. There will be no more sparrows kept at the school though. I have not forgotten my vow.

I’ve been thinking about all the rumors you said were floating around the community. I can see where you would be afraid of getting into trouble for what you said, but maybe it’s not as serious as it may look at first glance. It sounds to me like people are reacting instead of thinking. Your remark really shouldn’t have gotten blown so out of proportion, so hopefully it’s taken care of by now as Katie passes the word around. You have your own charms. Use them, smile, and you’ll be okay.

So do you think Jonathon and Mary will start dating again? My guess would be they will, but if Jonathon really has an issue and can hold out for a while, he might get over her. I know very little about the situation, but I imagine there are other pressures, perhaps from the parents. We’ll have to see, I guess.

So you didn’t like the piece I wrote about letting you out of our engagement. Well, I shouldn’t have, but I was blue, and so it went in.

On Friday evening the youth had their box social. Each girl brought a decorated lunch box with a packed lunch inside for two. It’s to raise money for charity, and each boy had to buy a girl’s box for five dollars. Inside the box is not only the lunch but a number that tells the boy which girl he will eat the lunch with. The girls chose numbers and matched them with the boys’ lunch. I guess that kept certain girls from getting lots of bids and others from getting almost no bids. Too bad you weren’t here, but you could just as likely have drawn someone else’s number.

After eating we played all kinds of games. None of them too bad except the last one, which I refused to play. They didn’t object as the evening was almost over, and there were too many boys anyway. This game had them putting chairs in a circle and the girls sat on the chairs. The boys then stood behind the chairs, with one boy having an empty chair in front of him. He’d wink at a girl, and she was supposed to make a mad dash toward his chair. The boy behind the chair was supposed to keep her from getting away.

So much for getting me involved in
that
game.

Anyway, we’re planning to visit the Apostolic church tonight where they have the monthly singings. An event which ought to be enjoyable.

I love you,

Eugene

November 28

It’s a Sunday afternoon and “woe to me,” I feel like shouting. Why? Because it’s so boring here.

I guess there was a little excitement a bit ago. Don came walking down the road with three of his friends. They marched right into the house and straight to the bookshelf without a word to me. All of them must be bookworms. Well, I hope they found something interesting to read. I, at least, have a good book at the moment, which is something to be thankful for. I have started reading
A Man Called Peter
by Catherine Marshall, which I think you have already read. I’m about halfway through.

The weather is rainy and gray, and I’m laughing right now. Just think. I found some humor, but not from the weather. Those three boys went up the stairs a while ago, and the thought just occurred to me. I wonder if they fainted when they walked past my room. Things are pretty messy in there, and I think the door is open. But from the amount of noise they’re making, maybe they didn’t notice.

Mom and Dad are out somewhere for the evening. I’ve had a long day and still have a long evening ahead of me.

I have to babysit tomorrow for Lee and Chris’s little girl. She’s the only one at home for the day as they put Zack in a school/home for special children. They can teach him a lot of things he’s not learning at home, and the people there are very devoted. At first I wasn’t sure what to think about that, but when Chris explained what a nice place it was and how devoted the sisters are to their charges, I was sure it would be okay. I guess I’ve grown close to Zack. Another thing Chris said was that they had decided to look for a sign from God. The sign being that if the home accepted him, then this was the way it was supposed to be. They really do miss him though, and so do I.

The boys have left now, and I let our dog inside so I don’t feel so alone. He’s sitting on the living room floor looking guilty. I’ll probably put him out soon, as he doesn’t help much anyway.

My cousin Joy wrote a few days ago. She hasn’t been married that long and is having a hard time. Yesterday she was home and had time for thinking. In those moments, her heart gets heavy over her responsibilities as a mother and wife, especially caring for the new baby. She enjoys being a wife and mother, but I think I understand what she means, with everything that’s going on in the world.

Her husband, Darryl, is often gone evenings till dark. He goes hunting and really enjoys it, but she thinks it has about caught up with her. She thinks it’s fair he should get to do some things he likes, but when the baby is fussy, she wants him home. I can understand what she’s saying, and I feel sorry for her. Regardless of how much she thinks Darryl should get to do what he likes, she must feel pretty alone sometimes. She probably wants to be brave and doesn’t tell Darryl how she feels so that he won’t feel bad. If I know her, she’d rather sacrifice than tell him. I think, though, it’s a mistake for women not to tell their husbands how they feel. Because if she’d tell him, he’d very likely not go—or at least not as often. But I would also find it hard to say something.

Richard stopped in while we were eating supper tonight and asked if Dad could come over this evening for an hour and help nail down his pig barn floor. When we arrived, some of the other men from the community were already there. I’d decided to ride along and visit with Joan. I had thought earlier we haven’t been neighborly enough since their recent marriage and move, so this gave me a good opportunity. We had a nice visit, and I really enjoyed the drive over with Dad.

Joan told me that Jonathon and Mary had a date again Sunday night. She said that Jonathon visited Mary on Saturday night, asking if she would take him back because he couldn’t stand being away from her. I’m so glad for them, as I could imagine how I would feel if you broke off our relationship. I don’t think I’d even want to go on living, even if I knew there was a chance of starting again.

I have to think my troubles are pretty minor compared to some other people’s. James Yoder has now decided permanently to attend the
Englisha
church, and Millie wants nothing to do with the decision. It must be simply awful to have a family so torn up. It’s one thing when you are in
rumspringa,
and you taste of the
Englisha
ways
,
but it’s quite something else once you’re married.

Junior Yoder’s back is not improving at all, and they think he will need another operation. He is in such pain all the time, and here I complain and feel sorry for myself with my little aches and pains. I think I often get my mind too wrapped up in my own troubles, and I don’t think of other people and their problems often enough.

I babysat today for Chris again, and I also agreed to take on another babysitting job she referred me for. This couple wants me mostly in the evenings. I’m quite glad for the job, which will help keep my mind occupied.

Harvey is going to buy or has bought the place where the Stan Yoders are living. They say Adam and Harvey are going into partnership on a large pig project.

Joan asked me what you were planning to do when we get married. I didn’t give her a satisfactory answer. Then she asked where we’re going to live. I mumbled around, not giving her any information, and she laughed.

With all my love,

Naomi

November 29

I received two of your letters today, and finished reading them with great joy. Here’s a little poem for you.

Your Love for Me

Loving you is so complete,

Like healing waters when we meet.

Your tender touch brings back the life,

That living steals with sorrow’s knife.

Winter winds may freeze my brow,

And bend with ice the strongest bough.

This world will rend and tear the soul,

It leaves, it bleeds, it breaks the whole.

Yet through it all, I have one hope,

One anchor fast, which holds the rope.

A comfort sweet which knows no storm,

The voice that speaks with clearest form.

My heart is full and overflows,

Each time it thinks and fully knows.

That you will true and faithful be,

To God, to love, to me.

There’s a school board meeting at the schoolhouse tonight, and I hope it goes as well as the others have.

I’ve noticed lately the children don’t seem as enthused about school as they used to be. A lot of it might have to do with the fact that it’s cold outside, and we have to stay inside for recesses. This morning I asked them if they would be ready for school again after Thanksgiving vacation. The eighth graders both vigorously shook their heads no.

In class nobody acted as if they had the blues too badly until I got to the eighth-grade arithmetic class. The two girls were as sour as lemons. I might as well have been talking to the fence posts outside. It would have done as much good.

I counted your letters and cards tonight. There were thirty-six, so you
are doing as well as I am. I have one more sheet to go in this tablet, which will mean that I have written 100 pages—most of them used in letters to you.

The singing last night went well. Everyone sang for fifteen minutes, followed by a group of fifth and sixth graders. They weren’t all that great. Six young people—three boys and three girls—sang next, doing very well, I thought, making up for the schoolchildren.

How wonderful it would be to have you around here. I miss you much.

The sunset was beautiful tonight, with the moon on the other horizon full and rising. To see such things increases my loneliness, but I wouldn’t miss it. God’s creation has such deep and rich beauty.

I’m having an awful time getting through my daily schedule at school, but I managed today. I’m getting good at cutting minutes here and there.

By the way, everyone is asking if they are receiving wedding invitations. I said “Most certainly. Once it happens.”

Love you,

Eugene

November 30

I received your letter today that was written on Sunday. In my selfishness, I’m glad you say you’re lonely. You’re sharing my pain. I go through my worst lonely spells over the weekend when there’s little to do and more time to think. I try to stay busy because I feel better when I’m working. I’m hoping after Christmas things will improve. At least everyone claims so around here. They say things go faster downhill, so hopefully time will fly after Christmas.

I received a Thanksgiving card today from my relatives in Ohio. My unmarried aunt Martha is also teaching school this year. She wrote a full page of local news, so that now means I have more letters to write in return.

The children have started coloring the decorations for Christmas. Today we made double bells; tomorrow will be single bells and wreaths. All this will end up hanging from the ceiling. The name sheets in the windows get changed soon, and perhaps manger scenes made and colored. That is if the children have the time. I don’t color, but it falls on me to hang everything from the ceiling.

I don’t know why it bothers me, as this is winter after all, but it sure gets dark early around here.

I was surprised to find a letter from you when I arrived home. I’m not surprised to hear that Jonathon and Mary are dating again. That’s kind of how those things go.

Sharon had her last day of school today until sometime in the spring. She’s leaving with her parents for sunny Florida. They make the trip every winter, which means all her schoolwork has to be sent back for checking. This, of course, will make extra work for me. But so it goes. I can’t say I wasn’t warned. The school board told me from the beginning that some of the students do this every year.