My Demon (30 page)

“No Mummy, you are dying. I’m so sorry.” Alex held Lily’s hands to her cheeks, smelling her mother’s hand cream as the palms warmed her skin.

“I don’t understand…” Lily tried to focus on Alex, searching her daughter’s face for knowledge about what was happening. “Everything feels so thick and heavy …even the air.” She paused a moment and said, “Did you turn the lights down?”

“No, no I didn’t.” Alex fought against her tears. “It’s okay though, I’m here.” She put one of Lily’s hands down and ran her fingers through her mother’s frizzy hair. “Can I fix your hair Mummy?”

“Why do you keep calling me
Mummy
?”

Alex didn’t answer and got up to fetch the hairbrush and some clips from a drawer in the kitchen. “I’m going to make you so pretty.” Alex sobbed as she worked methodically through her mother’s tangled locks.

“You’re crying Alexandra, what’s wrong?”

Alex removed the knots and brushed slowly, thoroughly. “I’m sad, Mummy. Everything has been so hard recently.” She pursed her lips as her emotions bubbled around inside her head.

A silence followed as Alex methodically worked out the knots and arranged her mother’s hair, Lily’s breathing deepening steadily.

“I’m so tired Alexandra, so tired.” Two tears formed in her eyes, languid drops that perched on her cheeks and glistened like jewels.

“Sleep, you’ll be better in the morning. You just need sleep.” Happy with Lily’s hair, Alex ran upstairs, returning with her makeup bag.

“Alexandra, please tell me what you’ve done.” Lily struggled to sit up. She looked like she had to force her eyes open, as she fixed them on her daughter.

“I had to. Clive made me see everything so clearly. I understand more of what is going on, and what I have to do.” Alex wrapped her arms around her body as she stood in front of the television. “It took a sleep to figure everything out.”

“Alexandra, you’ve done something to me. I’m not well. You need to call the ambulance.” Lily slumped back on the sofa. She looked terrified.

“I didn’t want to do it. He kept telling me to. I said I couldn’t.” Her breath hitched.

“What did he want you to do?” Lily asked desperately.

“I refused. Jeremy was so hard to do. Clive had to show me his
other
face to make me go through with it.” Alex clung harder to herself. The makeup bag dropped to her feet, the insides clattering as the bag hit the floor.

“Alexandra, what did you do to Jeremy?” Lily seemed to be fading, her skin paling to china white. With her hair arranged with clips and ribbons, she resembled an old-fashioned doll.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to. Clive turned into a demon, screaming, shouting, Jeremy was stood there yelling next to him … I had to!” Unsure of what to do, Alex paced the room restlessly.

“Call the police,” Lily said, her voice stronger for a moment, but edged with fear.

Alex slowed her pacing, biting her nails as she watched her mother pushing her legs off the sofa. They landed as lead weights and pulled the rest of her body with them until she toppled off the cushions and fell in a crumpled heap on the floor.

“You can’t do this, Alexandra. We need to get you into the hospital, what you’re doing is not right.” She flopped onto her front and started dragging herself across the carpet.

“No, I can’t let you do that!” Alex shrieked, and ran for the phone. She grabbed the handset from the cradle and threw it into the hallway then slammed the living room door with a thud. “You don’t understand. I have to do this.
I know what you are
!”

Lily stopped lurching forward and rolled onto her back. “Whatever you think I am, I’m still your mother, and nothing else. I would do nothing to hurt you, ever. I promise. Just … get the phone. Please … call 999.” She whispered the words. Suddenly her mother seemed so fragile. Lily raised her hands and reached for her daughter, infant-like and helpless.

“I can’t. I can’t.” Alex backed away towards the door. What if she ran? Left her mother on the floor? She grabbed the handle.

“Don’t leave me, Alexandra!”

Alex’s hand turned the handle, her legs filled with pent up energy as she tried to decide what to do.

“Please don’t go … please,” Lily begged, unable to move any longer. “I can’t see you. Everything’s so dark now. It’s scaring me!” She let out a long moan. “Please Alex. Please don’t leave me.”

Alex released her grip on the doorknob, her hand falling down at her side. She looked at her mother, seeing the fear in her face. “I’m so confused Mummy.” She let out a loud sob. “I didn’t know what to do. Clive seemed to know everything. He said I’d die if I didn’t do what he wanted… I’m so sorry.”

“I know baby. Come help me back onto the sofa. We’ll get through this together.”

Alex nodded and helped her mother up off the carpet. The springs creaked under Lily’s weight, and Alex held her head gently as she plumped up the cushions. Carefully, she positioned her mother, checking to make sure she was comfy.

“Sit beside me,” Lily said and patted the space at her side. Her motions were sluggish, as if her hand had grown heavy and unresponsive. Alex chose to kneel on the floor and looked deeply into her mother’s eyes. Unable to maintain the eye contact, she glanced away and fretfully scanned the room. Would he appear now, the demon? To scoff and make things worse?

“What did you do to me Alex?” A new strength crept into Lily’s voice, the type that insisted she was still in control, that Alex was her daughter and would do as she was told.

Alex grabbed a clump of hair and began twirling the strands around her fingers. “I dissolved your sleeping tablets in the wine.”

After a long silence, Alex dragged her eyes up from the carpet where she’d been staring to find out if Lily was still awake. Fear began to fill Alex. What had she done?

“I suppose you could be certain that I’d drink it.” Lily laughed, a moist deep smokers laugh. The smile faded from her face. “I might very well die unless you go get the phone. I want you to dial 999. I want you to say your mother has overdosed on sleeping tablets and wine. Tell them that I tried to commit suicide.” She took a deep breath, her voice soft and tired. “Tell them you found me like this.”

Alex stared for a moment, unsure, confused, sad, a jumble of emotions pinning her to the ground beside her dying mother.

“Now, Alex.”

Alex surprised herself by jumping up, and without thinking further, she ran into the hall, crashing into the wall in her haste to retrieve the phone. She pressed the emergency number into the keypad even before she’d re-entered the room. She put the handset to her ear and hurried back to her mother.

“Ambulance,” she said after a pause.

Lily reached out and grabbed Alex’s free hand. She squeezed and smiled weakly at her daughter.

“It’s my mother…” Alex choked with unexpected emotion and struggled to find her voice. “…sorry, I’m so sorry, I found her. She’s taken sleeping pills, lots of them…” Tears flowed freely. “She’s dying…” There was a pause as Alex listened. “Lily Walker, 35 Birlington Drive … yes, that’s my phone number. How long … thanks … she’s close to unconsciousness … yes I found her this way … the pills …? Yes, I’ll make sure the paramedics get the bottle … she’s hardly awake, please hurry!” Alex hung up, crying hard, hiccupping gulps of pain and confusion.

“It’s okay, I forgive you.”

“You’re not going to die, please tell me you’re not going to die!” Alex said, voice high-pitched with emotion. “I’ve got to make you vomit!” she all but screamed the words. Alex jumped up off the floor and ran into the kitchen and grabbed the bucket from under the sink. She raced back. “Can you force yourself?” Alex positioned the rim under her mother’s mouth. “If you can’t I will.”

Lily struggled to roll over slightly and put two fingers deep into her throat. She made a gagging noise and threw up the wine into the bucket. Lily repeated the action and vomited again, much less came up.

“I think that’s all,” she said weakly and rolled over.

Alex took the bucket to the kitchen and ran back to her mother with a tea towel. She dabbed Lily’s mouth clean.

“Tell me what’s been going on Alexandra,” Lily asked, her eyes half lidded and unfocused.

“A man raped me yesterday,” Alex said. Pain coursed through her, and Alex held onto her stomach.

Lily’s eyes fluttered wide for a moment as she considered her daughter’s words, and how to respond.

“A man … a man attacked me yesterday, Mummy. He raped me. He grabbed me in the park and raped me, and I hurt so much.”

Alex collapsed on her mother’s lap. Sleepy arms wrapped around her and stroked her hair.

“I was in the woods, with Clive and he came out of nowhere. He was so strong, I couldn’t fight him. He stripped me and … raped me. He’s all I can see each time I close my eyes. He’s running at me, a faceless black creature, ready to attack me again.”

Lily moved a hand to her daughter’s face and wiped away some of the tears.

“Clive told me you were part of it, that you needed to be killed. I kept saying no, I didn’t want to! Then I found Harry’s letter and you said he was delusional and I was so glad. It meant I needed to go to a hospital and they’d sort me out. But Clive had to prove he was right, so he took me to the woods and I was attacked. There was nothing I could do, I couldn’t get away!”

“Clive didn’t arrange that. The man was waiting for whoever passed. It just happened to be you. Shouldn’t have happened to anyone.” Lily wheezed with each word. Even speaking seemed to tire her. She stopped talking. Her lids shut bit by bit until they closed firmly.

“Mum, Mum, wake up, the ambulance will be here soon. Stay awake. That’s what they told me.”

“Alex, promise me you’ll tell them that I committed suicide.” As she whispered the words, her hands stilled.

“No, I won’t have to tell them, you’re not going to die!” Alex burst into tears. “No!” She jiggled her mother to wake her. Lily let out a sigh as her body relaxed further. Alex thought maybe that was it, and looked frantically around the room, not sure what to do. She got up in a daze and ran to the window. Almost pulling the curtains off the rails, she yanked them open. Where was the ambulance? She peered out into the night and searched for the flashing lights of the emergency vehicle.

“Mum, they’ll be here soon, don’t sleep.” She kneeled beside her mother and gave her a gentle shake.

“Alexandra, I want you to know I forgive you.”

Alex leaned close, her mother’s voice was faint, barely audible.

“Please remember…” she faded out for a moment, “…that I love you…” She tried to open her eyes, fluttering ice blue at Alex. “I know I wasn’t always the best mother…”

“You were fine. There were hard times. You did the best you could. Don’t die on me! I’ll take the pills they give me, I promise. I’m so sorry Mummy, don’t die!”

“I’m going to sleep now, I love you.” Lily’s eyes closed.

“Mummy, wake up!” Alex shook her again, but Lily just let out a shuddery breath. “I love you too,” Alex said and held her mother’s hands as the strength of her grasp started to slip away. “I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to make things right.”

In the distance, the sound of a siren grew and Alex held on tight to her mother.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, leaned over and kissed Lily’s forehead. “I thought I was the grownup, now look at me.” Alex straightened Lily’s hair again and smoothed out her clothing. As the ambulance screeched to a stop, she caressed the side of her mother’s face. Someone started knocking furiously. A louder bang sounded on the door, and for a few seconds, Alex ignored the noise. What was the point, she’d left calling them too late.

“Hello, anyone in there, we’re looking for Lily Walker,” a muffled male voice shouted through the letterbox.