My Holiday in North Korea

MY HOLIDAY IN NORTH KOREA

THE FUNNIEST/WORST PLACE ON EARTH

WENDY E. SIMMONS

Contents

Copyright

Advance Praise for My Holiday in North Korea

Photography Note

Author’s Note

For

Introduction

Prologue

1.
Arrival

2.
Curiouser and Curiouser

3.
The Koryo Hotel

4.
James Franco Could Have Killed Me

5.
Shit I Think Might Be Real

6.
And then There Were Two

7.
The Simulation Cinema

8.
Next Stop: Normal People

9.
It Takes a Hero

10.
Hot Doctor, Dimly Lit

11.
The Kids Are Alright

12.
The Grand People’s Study House

13.
Go Green Go

14.
“Say Cheese”

15.
The Day I Hit the Wall

16.
My Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Waste

17.
The Older One

18.
And the Earth Goes ’round the Sun

19.
Clam Bake and a Hot Spa

20.
Friends for Life

21.
Driver

22.
The Gynecologist

23.
They’re only Human

Postscript

Author’s Note: Seeing Is not Believing

The “Shit I Think Might Be Real” List

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Copyright © 2016 by Wendy E. Simmons, Vendeloo, Inc.

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form without written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For information address at:
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.

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.

WENDYSIMMONS.COM
|
MYHOLIDAYINNORTHKOREA.COM

COVER PHOTO BY WENDY E. SIMMONS

All photos are trademarked, and exclusive property of Wendy E. Simmons

DESIGN BY ERIN TYLER

Printed in the United States of America. This paper meets the requirements of ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992 (Permanence of Paper).

EPUB: 978-0-7953-4722-1

MOBI: 978-0-7953-4747-4

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR MY HOLIDAY IN NORTH KOREA

A death-defying adventure, filled with despair and tiny pieces of hope, and beautiful—I wish I was as brave as Wendy.

JAMES ALTUCHER, BESTSELLING AUTHOR, ENTREPRENEUR, PODCASTER

Writer and photographer Wendy Simmons shares a personal account of her vacation to one of the most reclusive nations on the planet, North Korea. During her journey she finds herself caught between an international crisis sparked by the release of the Sony Pictures film
The Interview
and accidentally crashing the “wedding” of a North Korean bride to be.

BUZZFEED’S GABRIEL SANCHEZ

Wendy Simmons gives a glimpse into NoKo in this humorous and entertaining book. Through her eyes we see the sometimes absurd, yet always aching existence of a country under the thumb of oppressive rule.

MYLES KENNEDY, SINGER/SONGWRITER ALTER BRIDGE/SLASH & THE CONSPIRATORS

My Holiday In North Korea
by the very funny Wendy Simmons is a must-read for anyone who wants to lift the veil and spy on the real North Korea. Ms. Simmons happened to be there during the whole debacle surrounding Seth Rogen and James Franco’s dumb movie, The Interview, which gives us, the reader, unusual insight into what was actually going on over there during that particularly absurd stand-off. But more than that, it is Ms. Simmons ease at being a traveler to distant and strange lands that gives this book its unusual insight into what people behind a real iron curtain think, and yes, feel.

MARIA T. LENNON, NOVELIST, SCREENWRITER, AND THE AUTHOR OF
CONFESSIONS OF A SO-CALLED MIDDLE CHILD
, AND
MAKING IT UP AS I GO ALONG (RANDOM HOUSE)

Wendy Simmons traveled to a place few of us will ever go and found herself in the ultimate Potemkin Village. Her intrepid desire to discover the reality behind the stagecraft escorts the reader through
My Holiday in North Korea
with words and pictures that render this mysterious country both knowable and unknowable, and always fascinating. Simmons’ insightful and funny storytelling evocatively captures the deception, corruption, humor and, ultimately, anguished humanity of a bizarre nation. It’s a wild trip.

JON REINER, JAMES BEARD AWARD-WINNING AUTHOR OF
THE MAN WHO COULDN’T EAT

All photos in this book were taken by and remain the copyright of Wendy E. Simmons. All rights are reserved.

Full-size versions some photographs featured in
My Holiday in North Korea: The Funniest/Worst Place on Earth
can be viewed at
MyHolidayInNorthKorea.com
.

I have used the names North Korea, Korea, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, DPRK, the Hermit Kingdom, and NoKo—a moniker I believe I may have coined—interchangeably throughout this book.

I have also used the word
Party
(as in, the Workers’ Party of Korea, the ruling political party of the DPRK) when I may mean the
Regime
, because I don’t know if, or what, the difference may be. Apologies to both.