My Life: The Musical

CONTENTS

Cover Page

Title Page

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Overture

1. Rock Island

2. Sur La Plage

3. Don’t Rain On My Parade

4. Goodnight

5. The Telephone Hour

6. Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend

7. Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina

8. Jellicle Songs For Jellicle Cats

9. Sixteen Going on Seventeen

10. Don’t Tell Mama

11. Soon It’s Gonna Rain

12. A Book Report on Peter Rabbit

13. And I am Telling You

14. I Believe in You

15. Keep it Gay

16. Rose’s Turn

17. Anyone can Whistle

18. The Oldest Established Permanent Floating Crap Game in New York

19. How are Things in Glocca Morra?

20. A Trip to the Library

21. Climb Every Mountain

22. Who am I?

23. It’s A Helluva Fix We’re In

24. Emily’s Bat Mitzvah (Flashback Sequence)

25. Miracle of Miracles

26. There’s No Business Like Show Business

27. Never be Enough

Stevie Stephenson and Delacorte Press Present

Author’s Note

About the Author

Copyright

To members of the drama club, everywhere

*  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS  *

Thanks go, first, to editor Jodi Keller, for her patient and probing guidance, and to Beverly Horowitz, for her passion and encouragement to get it right. A special spotlight shines on Marissa Walsh, at whose suggestion this book was begun. I clap my hands madly for Colleen Fellingham, for her careful copyediting, Jason Zamajtuk, for the eye-catching cover design, and everyone at Delacorte.

This year and every other year, the Tony for Best Agent goes to Elizabeth Kaplan. Stellar reviews are garnered by my loyal posse of early readers, for their support and invaluable feedback: Andrew Gerle, E. Lockhart, Kate Herzlin, and Mana Allen. The eleven o’clock number of gratitude goes to Dave Shine, for decades of friendship and countless enjoyable postshow discussions over dumplings!

If I were to stand center stage and name all the mentors who have taught and inspired me personally and professionally over the years, the curtain would never come down. Instead, I offer a most inadequate, all-encompassing thanks to my many talented colleagues in the world of the theatre: actors, directors, musicians, designers, teachers, collaborators, my brave fellow writers (especially my pals in the BMI Musical Theater Workshop), and the few, the happy few, who persist in producing and nurturing new writing for the stage—you know who you are, and I hand each of you a large and expensive bouquet.

For all the Broadway composers, lyricists, and book writers mentioned on these pages, whose work will eternally delight, I leap to my feet in a standing ovation. Of these, I would like to warmly thank Stephen Sondheim and Sheldon Harnick, and also Richard Maltby, Jr., all of whom have been generously supportive of my own writing for the theatre.

A solo curtain call goes to Sal Allocco, who taught me so much: how to listen to Puccini, why Agnes is flaming, how to sing very fast while making a meat pie, and what to do when I’m “Losing My Mind.” (The answer: stand in the light and belt!)

The final, company bow is for all my brothers and sisters from the original cast of
Merrily We Roll Along
, the most unforgettable entrée to Broadway a kid from Long Island could hope to have. Here’s to us!

Overture

“ANOTHER OP’NIN’, ANOTHER SHOW”

Kiss Me, Kate
1948. Music and lyrics by Cole Porter,
book by Samuel and Bella Spewack

BwayPhil
: And it’s . . . five minutes! The call is five minutes!

AURORAROX
: 7:55! I didn’t even start homework yet! Trigonometry evil, hate trig soooooo much . . . after the overture can you IM me some answers, pweeeeze???

BwayPhil
: Emily, if you don’t learn how to do it yourself, you will crash and burn on the final.

AURORAROX
: *pleading expression on face*

“When a friend calls,
a friend must answer,
When the music starts,
become the dancer”

AURORAROX
: so send me the answers I BEG of you

BwayPhil
: Sheesh, if you’re going to **sing** about it . . . ok but just this once.

AURORAROX
: once will “never be enough,” ha!

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: Shouldn’t that be “danswer”?

BwayPhil
: Can it be? The Aurorafans of Rockville Centre chat room gains a new member!

AURORAROX
: “danswer”?

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: To rhyme with answer. Danswer. Get it?

AURORAROX
: got it

AURORAROX
: it’s just sort of

AURORAROX
: you know

AURORAROX
: STUPID

AURORAROX:
no offense

BwayPhil
: Don’t be rude, Emily! She means “welcome, new person.”

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: No stupider than Aurora.

BwayPhil
: Ouch, taking back the welcome . . .

AURORAROX
: I don’t like the tone

AURORAROX
: of your tone

AURORAROX
: new person

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: You’re right. Stupid is the wrong word. How about banal, sophomoric, clichéd—

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: Loud. I forgot loud.

BwayPhil
: Are you lost? This is the Aurorafans of Rockville Centre chat room,
planetbroadway.com
?

AURORAROX
: FANS

AURORAROX
: get it?

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: “Aurora” is no “Guys and Dolls,” is all I’m saying.

BwayPhil
: “Sit down, SAVEME, you’re rocking the boat,” is all I’m saying.

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: Cute! Score one for Phil.

AURORAROX
: maybe you should see Aurora

AURORAROX
: a few more times

AURORAROX
: with an ***open heart***

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: I’ve seen Aurora plenty, thanks.

AURORAROX
: so have we,

AURORAROX
: but plenty will “never be enough”

AURORAROX
: (that’s a song from the show, just so ya know)

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: And just how many times have “ya” seen it, Miz Rox?

AURORAROX
: 
 would you care

AURORAROX
: to take this one, BwayPhil?

BwayPhil
: We’re definitely approaching three figures.

BwayPhil
: For an exact count I’ll have to open my spreadsheets, it’ll just take a minute . . .

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: turning blue—grabbing heart medication—

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: Kids—you are kids, right?—Please, get a life, okay?

AURORAROX
: now that we’ve chatted

AURORAROX
: & gotten to know each other

AURORAROX
: i feel i can say this to you, SAVEME

AURORAROX
: GO AWAY

SAVEMEFROMAURORA
: I’m serious. Don’t waste your time and money. I know what I’m talking about.

BwayPhil
: Adios, SAVEME. Crappy screenname, BTW.

AURORAROX
: LOL! {{{{philip}}}}